Transcript:
Hi everyone, welcome back to another podcast. Welcome to Soulish Femme, my name is Glennavelle Manarang. To those of you who are tuning in for the first time, welcome. And today’s topic is titled how to develop a godly communication in front of a fool. Let’s face it, communication is very challenging at times for we were not taught how to communicate effectively. In school, we were taught how to add, subtract, memorize some facts, learn about history and grammar. However, when it comes to communication, there are things that we are lacking.
So, let me just read you from James. the nature of our tongue that’s why for many of us controlling our tongue is very difficult according to James 3 and verse let’s read start from six and the tongue is a fire a word of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of nature and it is set on fire by hell. No man can tame the tongue according to James 3:8. It is unruly evil full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and father and with it we curse men who have been made in the multitude or similitude rather of God.
Ways In Developing Godly Communication:
Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. So, this is why the nature of our tongue is unruly. It is poisonous. And in this on this episode I would like to talk to you the ways on how to develop communication. Let me preface by saying I do not have this under control like any one of us and I including myself have struggled with cursing and slandering people, judging, gossiping to name a few. These are what the Bible calls the abundance of the heart. The mouth speaks whatever you have been contemplating. It also plays an integral role what you say.
1. Know the difference between right and wrong speech
So number one in developing a godly communication especially in front of a fool is to know the difference between wrong speech which is ill illbeing and right speech well-being. Proverbs 10:11 that says the mouth of the righteous is a well of life. So right speech or well-being is that you are righteous and when you are righteous in speech you will have the well of life. It’s very deep. Your words are not something that you just casually throw out for the swine. When you speak it is intentional because you are a very deep person.
However, the difference between the righteous and the person that is wicked, it says, “But the violence covers the mouth of the wicked.” They’re tactless. Wicked people do not have sins. They actually do not care how you feel. They don’t understand that their words are impactful and they are full of violence. It says that when they speak the mouth of the wicked, it’s about attacking your character.
It’s about insulting you and therefore we must know the difference that when people are ill will wicked you cannot really take it personally. I know it’s easier said than done but we have to understand that that’s exactly what the Bible calls this people. They will speak something that is insolent or condescending perhaps and there’s really nothing you can do about it because that’s their nature. Although there is always a chance for them to change if they are willing to repent of that sin.
2. Uplift Others
And of course, number two, developing a godly communication is also learning to uplift and edify people. So uplifting people, edification, we have to understand that sometimes maybe one of our love languages is giving affirmation. the book the five different languages that I have read many years ago. It depends on really what you resonate with. For me, affirmation and giving people a compliment, it’s very hard. I can’t really say something to you unless I mean it. I need to make sure that what I say is something that coming from my heart, not just saying it because I’m trying to please you. And so it says in Proverbs 12:18, “But the tongue of the wise promotes health.” If you really want to understand that.
And so, the tongue of the wise promotes health. As much as I want to pause it, but the show must go on. The tongue of the wise promotes health because when we edify people, it’s promoting health. It is not something to destroy people. It is something that we’re going to uplift them based on not lie but with the truth. We have to speak the truth in love. Because if you want to only give people what they want to hear, they are never going to learn from their lesson.
So if you are a person that is wise, you are trying to tell them what is going on inside of them. And that’s why it says that your tongue must promote health to make be able to understand that you are just not going to please other people based on lies.
So thankfully that card just went out of that system. I don’t know who’s trying to steal it. Anyhow, so when you try to identify people, you’re not going to just try to sugarcoat it. I know it’s very hard to say, “Oh, you look beautiful even though deep down in your heart you don’t look beautiful. Oh, you look good in your dress.” And even though you know that the dress doesn’t look good on them or doesn’t fit it right. So when you say that you have to promote health to edify people, it’s about giving them the motivation to say I know you can do it. I know you have it in you.
Something like that. When I try to motivate my son, especially when he’s not really doing well in school with his grades, I will try to make him understand that you are a smart kid. I know you have it in you. When you put your heart and mind into something, when you concentrate, I know that you can do great things. So that’s the example that I can give you. When you’re trying to promote people of edification and uplifting them, it is about sometimes hard to magnify the strengths of people. It is hard to look at the positive because as I said before, our default system is very negative.
3. Restraint & Self-Control
And then of course, another part is that restraint and to have self-control in communicating in front of a fool. Proverbs 13:2 said, “A man shall eat well by the fruit of his mouth. He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.” If you don’t have self-control in front of a fool and you argue with them constantly, incessantly, you’re actually just going to be humiliated and you’re just going to be gaslighted. Okay? So, this is why it says you are going to preserve your life. But when you open your mouth and you’re constantly talking, you’re going to give something out of you. People, and I’ve learned this the hard way, that if you don’t have self-control and you don’t restrain your tongue and you just you are governed by your emotion and you just speak without thinking and you are very callous of your speech, it says that you will eat by the fruit of your mouth.
A man shall eat well by the fruit of his mouth. This is why it’s important that what we say to ourselves and what we say to other people are impactful. It is not just bunch of words. Words have meaning. And so when you keep eating fruit of your mouth that is destructive, that is critical, that are very harsh or negative, you will eat it and you are going to make sure that it’s going to come back to you. So I have actually learned the hard way that when I keep telling myself that I am not good enough or people are better than I am. I was trying to compare myself with other people. I was constantly being negative. It actually does not make me feel good. However, you can flip the switch and you can always tell yourself that I am capable. I am going to figure this out. I am going to be healed or I am healed. I am redeemed. I am forgiven.
So these are just the examples that you can tell yourself about restraining and then of course communicating in front of a fool or how to develop a godly communication.
Cont. Ways In A Godly Communication
1. How To Convey Your Message
It also takes learning how to convey your message. It is how you deliver your message perhaps is one of the things that I have a hard time knowing. It’s not what you say but most of the time it’s how you say it.
According to Proverbs 15:1, it says, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Majority of our argument in life or disagreement with people, it’s because of how we deliver the message. We’re harsh with our tone. We do not usually take the time to construct a positive word. We just say something because it is automatic or sometimes we are very condescending. We are sarcastic. One of the things that people will irritate you are being harsh, sarcastic. They are tactless of their words.
They don’t think first before speaking whether or not that tone of voice or maybe the message is something worth saying if it’s not uplifting especially on YouTube channel the comments area it’s a lot easier to say something and comment something about people’s channel because you don’t see them face to face it’s a lot easier to say something and type away whatever you feel about that person because you’re not going to deal with them in a personal basis. or you’re not. You don’t have the audacity to talk to them in front of them.
Open communication helps build strong relationships.
However, when you’re dealing with people again in your own home, maybe you are married to one or maybe you have a difficult family that sometimes they’re very sarcastic and they’re very condescending.
And so sometimes you are very upset when they are talking to you in a way that is disrespectful. But we are told that in order for you not to stir anger, we have to be able to softly answer them or perhaps not answer them at all.
As I have done many things on my podcast, one of the things that God showed me before that avoid foolish argument and avoid argument that will not go anywhere.
Because if you constantly are trying to repeat yourself to someone who is unwilling to listen, there is really no point of repeating yourself in front of a fool because at that time they’re just not going to listen to you.
They’re not going to understand what you’re saying and you’re just going to go in circles and your conversation is futile at that point and it will be a waste of your time. Might as well when you are in the heated of the moment when your both of you are arguing back and forth and there is no resolution. There is really no understanding.
Might as well give it space. Give it time and come back again once you both have calmed down. And how to communicate in godly way is learning to communicate. Of course, learning to communicate is learning what we say and how we say it. To learn to communicate.
Proverbs 15:28, it says, "The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil."
So when we talk about learning to communicate, we have to understand that when you are righteous. When you are wise, you study how to answer.
Communication is not something that we are born with. It is not something that we’re talented or gifted with. It’s a skill like anything else in life. Driving a car, you have to learn it. Cooking, you have to learn it. Anything that we have to learn in this world, we have to really study. You cannot be a student if you don’t study something. So in communication, it says that when you are righteous, if you are wise, you teach your heart how to answer. Many of us answer based on our impulses, based on our belief system, based on the narrative that we have been believing.
That’s why Jesus said, “The abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Whatever you have been contemplating, whatever you have been thinking about yourself or about other people, it will only going to come forth out of your mouth. That’s why when you want to be conveyed or viewed as a wise person, you have to teach your lips on what to say. The righteous studies how to answer. How should I answer this question? How should I deal with this person?
Observe people. observe their pattern. Especially with a narcissist, they have patterns. You’ll know that when they’re being triggered and when they don’t like what you say, sometimes saying to them that I don’t mean it. I don’t mean to trigger you helps to escalate down how they feel. Or sometimes you can just say, I don’t want to talk to you right now because you are actually erratic. You are not calm. We will discuss about this later. when you have figured out to calm yourself down or you have decided to be on the same level as I am.
Because as I said, when you are trying to communicate with someone that is very erratic, impulsive, out of control, they don’t have the capacity to come down and they’re yelling and screaming, then at that point you’re just going to exhaust yourself. And I have discussed so many times in my on my podcast that before I used to be one of those people. I like to argue. I like to make my point across. I like to just argue with you until the cows come home.
But then it’s very exhausting. It makes you so tired and depleted of your energy. And God had truly had to show me to sometimes picking every battle and trying to prove your point across people that are deaf or unwilling to listen are just wasting your breath. And so another thing of course is to conclude this message. There are words our words rather have consequences. And this is the one of the things that God have constantly have to remind me every single time. And this is from my old journal back in 2023.
Because as I said, whatever I’m giving you on my podcast are something lessons. These are lessons that God has been showing me time and time again. These are my weaknesses. These are my struggles about sin. I am not perfect. Although I am a working progress like anything else in life, if we keep working at it over time, we’ll be better at something. And the problem with our words, we think that it’s just words. We think that words have no consequences. We think that words have no impact.
But listen to what Proverbs 16:24 says, "Pleasant words are like a honeycomb. Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones."
And so when we think about your words have power, it says in Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”
So let’s break it down one by one. When you say that words are like honeycomb, isn’t it amazing. Not amazing but isn’t it more admirable to listen to people who speak with eloquence and when they speak with rhythm and love? When I listen to Audrey Hepburn, she’s one of my favorite star of old days. When I used to listen to her interviews and how she delivers the message, she has a way of delivering the message.
This exactly what the Bible is clear saying. When you speak words with pleasantness, it is like a honeycomb. It’s soothing to your soul. It is pleasant to your ears. It is sweetness to the soul. And it actually heals the bones.
Glennavelle
These are the characteristics that I’m still learning because I am not the sweetest person there is. As I said, when I say something, there’s no sugar coating. I am not trying to insult you, but it’s sometimes I’m very straightforward. Let’s just say that. So, when people are very straightforward and they don’t sugarcoat things, perhaps they are perceived of being mean or rude or crude, whatever negative adjective you would like to add. However, sometimes we have to discipline our kids and we have to use a certain tone of our voice and when we deal with difficult people also.
Nevertheless, other times it is important that when we try to uplift people and help them. We try to understand that our words if they are soothing? Are they lifting people up? Are they helpful? Are they encouraging people? Because if they’re not, might as well not say something. And sometimes it takes a lot of self-awareness and self-mastery. When you understand that what you’re saying is not helpful to other people, it’s going to hurt them and they’re not really ready to accept your criticism because the Bible says, “Do not correct a scoffer or a fool, for they will hate you for it.”
Moreover on communication:
Communication is skill
Sometimes even though you have tried so hard to correct a person and you tried to make them understand that this way is not the way or you’ve been doing this wrong if they’re not ready to accept the reality of their stupidity then you really cannot correct a fool because a fool as I said they’re are blind deaf and they’re unwilling to understand what you’re saying. A wise person, however, when you correct them and you are very constructive, perhaps maybe straightforward to a point where it’s too honest. Wise people have the ability to accept your criticism and they’re going to use that criticism to make themselves better.
There are two kinds of people in this world. One is that they know everything. Have you heard those people? I already know that. You don’t have to tell me that. I already figured out. They are unteachable people. They are the ones that are foolish enough to understand or accept constructive criticism. People who are wise, they are keep on learning and you correct them and they will accept it. They will analyze it. And if they think that your objective is true and it’s going to help them improve, they’re not going to shut you down.
They’re going to take it as a grain of salt and then they’re going to understand, okay, she has a point or he has a point. this criticism maybe it’s for my betterment because let’s face it you’re not always going to have positive affirmations or positive construct con constructions or constructive criticisms from people you also need the negative one otherwise you’re not going to be able to understand your weaknesses if people are just have the ability to have an open mind and understand that maybe this person sees something in me that I don’t see in myself maybe this person is telling me this because I am too blinded with my own ego because our ego sometimes is going to make us blind to what our weaknesses is.
And then when people are pointing out the obvious and we don’t see it in ourselves, that’s a time to reflect and take that advice and say to yourself, okay, maybe I need to implement something or maybe I should pivot into something because this person sees something in me. Like before when somebody pointed out, it’s not really your delivery, it’s the tone of your voice. It’s how you deliver your message. I think it was my husband like you’re seems as though you’re always agitated or you’re always angry when you are talking to someone and before of course I thought it was normal because that was my way of speaking. I didn’t realize that I was speaking that way because it was a pent up anger. It was something that I was at the tipping point where I was going to erupt like a volcano because I used to bottle everything in. I used to suppress my emotion before.
So what would happen is that I would just give you the benefit of the doubt every time. I would just let it go. Let it go. I would not discuss about it. I will ignore my emotions and not going to acknowledge it. And over time when I did that I will just erupt. I will just explode and then they will say what just happened because all this time I was very patient and now one day and I snapped and just I would talk too fast and I would got I become erratic and my mood will shift from one extreme to another. I would just have this calm face because at that point when somebody insulted me I would just say I’m just going to let it go let it go and then one minute I would be like exploding and they would be surprised of what in the world just happened is because all of this hidden emotion.
I’m very secretive. I keep things to myself. I internalize things and I’m not really what do you call this? I’m not the most open person before. It used to take a lot of effort for me to be open up on and to share how I feel cuz I was a child who really kept everything to myself growing up. I was not really open communicating to people. I was very secretive. I told you diary and me were the best friends. The only person or not even a person an object that I keep on saying how I feel was my diary. It was between me and my notebook. I would just write everything down that bothered me in my notebook.
And so what would you expect me to do when I’m facing with someone? I am not really open about it. I’m very secretive because I’m not used to opening myself. So it took a long time for me to become assertive. It takes me a long time to be open up to you. I have to really know who you are. I have to understand that you’re a person that is trustworthy. And of course, when it comes to opening to someone, I have also learned the hard way that not every person is reliable about your secret. I have learned that people are going to use that against you and it’s actually make you less of um loyal or trusting people.
When you have been gaslighted and you have been humiliated and your story has been used against you by other people time and time again, no wonder why you have no longer have the human ability to trust people. So over time you’re going to close up and over time you’re just going to limit your time with them and limit your conversation with people when you know that these people actually in the past have gaslighted you used your story against you and therefore you must watch out for this kind of people and maybe I’m I’m out of tangent but that’s why communication is a very hard understanding because not only you have to communicate based on what you say communication also takes a lot of body language it is about being open. It’s about listening skills. I think the very best way to understand people is to listen effectively.
And many of us do not know how to do that. We as a human being, we listen to someone. When we talk one-on-one, we’re waiting for our next turn. We’re waiting to interrupt. We’re waiting like, “Okay, when are you going to stop talking? It’s my turn now.” Because we are not taught how to listen and absorb what the person is saying. we are very quick to respond and at that point you are not really present. You’re only eager to say something of what you’re saying.
And I have seen many interviews on YouTube where people have a one-on-one discussion the interviewer and the person that is about to answer the interview and the interviewer is so impatient and she doesn’t even have the grace to let the other person speak or finish her sentence. I think that is the most disrespectful thing you can do to someone, especially when you have a guest over.
You’re supposed to let the guest talk and not you talking too much because you’re the interviewer. And it’s very disturbing because this is exactly what we see even in marriages or even in other people’s life, even with your friends perhaps there are people that are just want to talk. They just want to listen to themselves talk. And at that point, I have no patience with you. Because for me, communication is supposed to be a reciprocity. It is a mutual. I say something important and then I take the time to listen to what you have to say.
And then when I have nothing to say, I would just have to listen to you. And then if you stop talking, then I’m going to be talking because that’s how you create rapport. That’s how you create camaraderie in people. Not just talking out of your wazoo because you like to listen to yourself talk. Because people who love to talk too much, they are the most insecure people. They like to be loud. They lacking of attention. So they create one. I know I’ve been with those people before that they constantly talk about themselves and what they what they say is all the same.
They either complain about their life. They either talk about the problem before that already happened or they’re actually just ungrateful people. And so you have to really understand that people love to talk so much about themselves. But if you are the person who is a listener and you know to listen and at one point you’re just going to start tuning them out. And this is why I’m very selective when it comes to friendships. I’m very selective who I allow into my circle because I have learned the hard way that some people are just pure immature and childish in the head and you really have no time to discuss with the same issue.
Just pay attention to your family. When you talk to them, they’re going to talk to you the same problem. They’re going to tell you about the same story. They’re going to complain about their life. They’re going to complain about their job. They’re going to complain about whatever the news or whatever the traffic perhaps. You will be surprised that majority of our discussion in life are just pointless. Might as well read a book. Might as well learn a new language. Might as well learn something and bake a cake other than just constantly talking to someone unwilling to listen and talking to the same nonsense.
That’s why communication is not just talking. It’s about listening. It’s about absorbing the things that matter. I have actually learned to compartmentalize my life right now. If it’s not helping me to become a better version of myself, I don’t listen to you anymore. I’ve learned how to tune people out. And that’s why sometimes when you communicate to people when they’re very restless, it’s because they’re performative. And when they are not at tune with themselves, they are their nervous breakdown is so abrupt and they are not really calming down because they are not healed from the inside. And there are people in my life that when I talk to them, they’re very performative.
They are very showy and loud and obnoxious. And it just shows you that they are not attuned with themselves. This is why keeping in touch with yourself mindfully, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, aligning with your true authentic self is on your way to communicating. You can be uncomfortable sitting there without a word. You can listen to them until they stop talking and you can give them space enough to speak whatever they want to speak. It takes practice. It takes a lot of patience. It takes self-awareness.
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