Transcript
hi everyone! Welcome back to another podcast, Soulish Femme. This is your host Glennavelle Manarang. Today’s topic is about how to deal with difficult people. Probably, you’re one of them, you’re a difficult person to deal with. I’ve actually been with that person before. I’ve always been confrontational until God will try to teach me about how to become wiser and if you have not really changed your ways from the age of 20 and in your 40s or 50s or 60s. Then, perhaps something is wrong and so we are told in 2 Timothy 2:23:26 “To avoid foolish and ignorant disputes knowing that they generate strife. Yes, we are not immune to the strife in this world today as you have seen. We are not immune to division. So much division that is happening around us. Maybe different ideas, opinions especially in politics or whatever kind of cause that you’retrying to defend.
We are not short of strife, however; when you are a servant of the Lord. We are told to not quarrel and do not engage in pettiness, in the strife of this kind of the world that are trying to fight. But we are told to be gentle, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition. Yes, I know that as a child of God, if you claim to be a follower of Christ, we are going to take the high road. Even though it is hard because we live in a world where there are a lot of toxic people. Narcissists, especially when you live in a family where they poke. They will try to push your buttons. They will trigger you. They will try to set you up and then if you react to their disrespect and the manipulative tactics that they’ve been doing. Of course, they’re going to accuse you of being difficult and crazy. Or, whatever kinds of label that they’re going to label you. But we are told that as a servant of Christ, we must take the high road.
And you might be asking me how can we possibly do that and the reason why God asked us to be gentle and to be patient with these people and to have humility?
Answer:
It is because, if God perhaps will grant them repentance. So, yes there are people in our lives that we might always try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that they will repent and that they will turn away from their wickedness. That they will see their actions that are actually wrong and so we give them many chances. And I know that this cancel culture that we like to cancel people, if they don’t think like us. Or, if we don’t have the same opinion that we should give up on people easily. But Jesus never condoned it because when Jesus was asked by Peter, how many times should we forgive people when they offend us? Jesus didn’t say one time or two times. He actually said 70×7, If you do the math it’s 490 times. So, 490 times, it’s a lot. Because Jesus can know and he knows. He felt what it feels like to being human. He knows that people are sometimes going to disappoint you. They’re going to provoke you. They’re going to say things that are going to be mean and cruel and that’s what he said that they may know the truth.
So, four things, this is why as a Christian, as a servant of the Lord.
- We are told that we will give people a chance to forgive them because hopefully that you’re going to take the high road of humility and gentleness and be able to teach them is that they will repent, turn away from their wicked ways.
- Secondly that they may know the truth. So people who love to argue, who likes to be always in the right, who always like to trouble makers are troublemakers. They don’t know the truth. They are blind leading the blind, everybody goes to a ditch. But you on the other hand, God has already told you that the truth will set you free. And so the second reason why we must be the servant of the Lord that prevent from quarreling and dispute is that because we know the truth. We know better than they are.
- And thirdly that they may come to their senses. Because most people that are foolish who loves to argue.They have no sense. They just want to ramble on and argue with you. Even though they know that they’re in the wrong but they will never take accountability, So, how are you going to win with a person who doesn’t want to listen, who likes to argue? Because they want to hear themselves speak. They don’t want to listen to your wisdom because they have no sense.
- So, it is pointless to talk with a difficult person that you’re trying to prove your point and they’re unwilling to listen. You are just wasting your breath.
So, when I have come into this kind of problem in my life, it is a personal problem. It’s a testimony, I’ve been asking God, praying about it, Lord teach me how to deal with difficult people. How can I preserve my energy? How can I avoid conflict and this is exactly what God said, I mean these people have no sense. It’s foolish for you to talk with a person who doesn’t want to listen to what you have to say because they don’t have common sense and they don’t want to listen to you to understand. They want to talk because they want to prove their point that you are wrong and they are right. It’s never about understanding you. But most people that are foolish are lack of understanding, they only want to provoke you and they only want to make a point so that you could be in the wrong and they’re in the right.
A Snare From The Enemy
And another thing that we must take the high road is because they so that they may escape the snare of the devil. There it is. It is the snare of the devil. These people are being used by Satan for you to go down to their level, to provoke you, to piss you off, to make you irate. To make you mad because it’s a snare. It’s a trap whether you admit it or not. People are being used by Satan every day of their lives. The moment you become a born again Christian, you are a target by Satan. Satan wants to put you down. He wants to trap you. He wants to trip you up because he wants to accuse you of saying “See this person claims to be a Christian and yet here she is getting provoked again.” It is a snare of the devil having been taken captive by him, to do his will. So these people are blind. They’re not only blind they have no sense and they have no truth and they have no repentance and they are used by Satan being taken captive by him to do his will.
So these people that are constantly want to lie to your face, gaslight you, manipulate you. Narcissist who likes to provoke you and he will never take accountability, have been taken captive by Satan and used them to do his bidding. So, therefore as a child of God we are told to make the right decision. This is why I cannot expect the unbelievers, the unrepentant heart to do the right thing. You cannot expect people that who does not know the truth, who doesn’t know the gospel, who doesn’t follow Jesus Christ to do the right thing. Because that’s what Jesus said unless I open the eyes of the blind. Then they will see unless I open their ears to the truth. They will hear.
Remember what happened to Paul. He was Saul before he became Paul. He actually killed a lot of Christians. He persecuted a lot of Christians. He actually asked a letter from Rome to give him the whatever you call this the thing to arrest a lot of Christians and then Jesus actually said, Saul why why are you persecuting me? And Jesus actually made him blinded for three days and after the three days, his eyes were opened. If you don’t know the story go back to the book of Acts. So, this is why Jesus said he had scales. His eyes were opened and there were scales that came out of his eyes because Jesus finally made him see that what he was doing was actually sinful and wicked.
Their Mind Is Futile
Therefore Ephesians 4:17 it says, “Their mind is futile. Their understanding is darkened because they are alienated from God because of their ignorance. So, not only are they blind and darkened and they’re alienated from God. As I said, unless you are born again. Unless, you have repented of your sin, you ask the Lord Jesus Christ to come into your heart, you confess with your mouth that Jesus is the Lord and you’re willing to make him the Lord of your life and then you let him change your hearts and your ways and you dedicate your life to him until then you cannot change yourself. I mean you could do the self-will but that’s just a superficial. That’s just the surface level.
But God will do another kind of surgery when he walks into your life and when he comes in into your heart. Jesus is going to trample every lies, every deception, every bad habits, every sin dormant that has been sitting in your heart. God is going to expose all of that and this is why when you don’t know the truth because you are ignorant and your eyes will been darkened. Because you have no understanding because you don’t want to understand because of the blindness of their heart who being past feeling have given themselves over to lewdness to work all uncleanness with greediness.
And so here we go that when we are going to deal with difficult people in our lives and you are going to be in a high road and you want to be a levelheaded. You cannot stoop down to their level and if you claim to be a Christian and you claim that you are a child of God. We are told that you must be a new woman and a new man in Ephesians 4:22-24. Put off concerning former conduct. The old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lust. Be renewed in the spirit of your mind. Put on the new man which was created according to God in truth righteousness and holiness So, if you are going to be a child of God who wants to be known as a child of God in this world we are told to put off the lustful ways the deceitful tongue that this people are doing You cannot be like them.
Renew Your Mind
You have to renew your mind in the spirit. Romans 12:2 said “You cannot conform to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” You cannot act like they do. You cannot think like they do. You cannot do the things that they do because they’re wicked. They’re vile. Their heart is darkened. They have not yet opened their eyes to the truth. They are not willing to turn away from their wicked ways and therefore they love their sin more than they love God. They make evil good and good evil and this is why we cannot possibly you know pretend like well they’re actually a good people. When the brothers of Joseph sold him to the slavery of Potiphar’s house into the Egyptian Joseph did not sugarcoat it saying “Yeah well you didn’t mean that you have sold me to the the Egyptian.” He said “You meant evil for me. But God turned it around for good.”
So, we cannot really just say people do not know what they’re doing. They’re evil people today who refuses to repent of their sins who refuses to do what’s right because they’re of the devil himself. As Cain was the devil who was told that you always like to do your father’s bidding. He is the father of all lies the murderer from the beginning and therefore; if we want to really make a difference delight the city on the hill to not be like the world and to really avoid conflict at all cost. Then we must take the high road and we are told that we have to renew the mind of the spirit.
We have to put on the man which was created according to God in true righteousness and holiness. And righteousness is actually is peaceful. The reap of the righteousness somewhere in Isaiah that says the righteousness the fruit of the righteousness is peaceful. You’re a peacemaker and it actually coincide with what the Timothy said the servant of the Lord must not quarrel, must not fight, must avoid conflict. I know it’s easier said than done especially when you’re being triggered. When words are spoken to you that are harsh. I know that sometimes you want to fight back but there are moments that it’s rather to just keep silent, walk away and ignore it because it’s not really worth your time and energy.
Keeping the Peace
As I said, I was the person who could confront with you, talk with you and argue with you until the cows come home until midnight. I had no problem of doing that. But it takes a lot of energy and effort. It takes a toll in your mind, in your nervous system to fight and argue non-stop. It’s going to take a toll in your mental capacity that’s going to create a lot of tension and it’s a lot of stress to fight with a person. So, sometimes you just have to choose your battles wisely. It takes a lot of discernment and to ask the Holy Spirit to have self-control especially when you want to fight back. Epecially, when you want to say something that is cruel. You want to be you want to be right You want to prove the other person wrong. You want to be just like them. But at the end of the day God always tells you might as well be quiet and do not be angry. I mean be angry but do not sin. We are told that you can be angry. There is a right indignation. But at the same time when you keep on fighting back with your words, sometimes our words can get the best of us and we’re going to say the wrong things and of course words are powerful that you cannot take back. Once you say something to the person, it can cut it like a knife. It is a sword that can really cut the soul and you cannot really take back the words.
Sometimes words destroy things and it will. It will carry on it. It will it will have that kind of seed in your heart. Sometimes that seed of hate. The words that you’ve spoken over that person is going to grow into bitterness and resentment and this is why many of relationships are broken. Because of words that have been spoken to them that you cannot take back. Words that have been replaying in their mind over and over again that they cannot let go and this is majority of us are going to have in conflict. As the Bible says in James that where does the war come from it comes? From your words. It ignited something that you have said something about that person. Now the person is angry with you and now you’ve said something that you have provoked the person and the relationship is ruined. It takes a long time to rebuild that broken relationship because over the words that you have said.
So, in short I know that in this life. As I said, it’s easier to just share what you’re thinking on social media and post anything you’d like because we are now given the freedom to share what you think or what you feel. But sometimes before you say something and before you’re going to attack the person of course. You must ask yourself the question if I’m going to say this, does it really help the other person or not? Because majority of people just love to share something online. They just want to vent something up without thinking the consequences of their behavior and of course that can create a lot of tension too. It creates a lot of strife especially today in our world. We are nothing short of that kind of I said animosity, that that kind of drama. There’s conflict everywhere, if you’re going to see the news.
Sometimes you are just going to make your blood boil because so many people have different opinions and so many people have different take on what’s going on right now. But if you are a person of the Lord and if you follow the Lord Jesus Christ. God said, you must be a peacemaker for he is a peacemaker. You must not quarrel. You must not participate in pettiness. You must not get sucked into their drama and conflict because Satan’s job is to do what? To kill to steal and destroy. Satan is the god of division Jesus said “I am the one who gives you life but the devil comes in to steal, to kill, and destroy.” He is the devil who likes to create tension when there is division. You know that Satan lives in that place. When I was praying so hard in my home where is a lot of tension and conflict because Jesus said, you have invited a foothold of Satan.
Taking Accountability
When there’s bitterness and resentment and sometimes the problem starts with me as a Christian, Of course, I always look around of why where does it start God. When God said you’re supposed to shut your mouth and do not say anymore than you should say something. It also says in Psalm 4 that meditate on your heart and do not say things that you shouldn’t say, these are biblical principle that sometimes of course it’s easier said than done. It’s a lot harder to do this on your own without the spirit working in your heart. So, when we’re dealing with difficult people in our lives especially our family because our family members are the one that triggers us. They’re the one who say something that can provoke us. They’re the one who say something that can makes us really pissed off. This is the kind of thing that we must do. It takes a lot of practice. It takes a lot of self-control which is the working of the Holy Spirit. It takes a lot of supernatural power to help you to control yourself.
I had encounter a few days ago at the store when someone said something that is so repulsive that is very disrespectful. I could have just turned around and asked the question and being a smart ass about it I’m sorry for the word you know. But anyhow, I could have just made a big deal out of it. But I thought to myself, I don’t know the person. I would never see this person probably again in my entire life and if I’m going to say something that is so smart come back and I’m going to insult this man. There is really going to waste of my breath. It’s going to waste of my time.
I don’t know what this man is going to response, if I say something that’s smart because he said something that was not really respectful and I just want to turn around and of course you know say something that is going to cut him through it. But at the same time, I thought to myself you know what you don’t know the man. Just keep going it’s not worth your time and your energy Glenna, especially when you don’t know the person It’s really pointless to stoop down the people’s level. If you probably live with them and you see them on a daily basis like your family, your children who are trying to be a smart pants about it and they say something disrespectful and they give you a remark that is so derogatory. Then yes of course, you should correct your children. You must tell them that’s not acceptable in our home.
This is not how we talk. But if it’s a stranger who would never probably see them again tomorrow. It’s really pointless. As I said, you must learn how to choose your battle wisely. Is it worth fighting with this person? I don’t even know his name. I don’t even have to sleep with this person. Keep on walking and just forget about it. You know of course, there is a exception to the rule as long as not doing it and poking all the time. Perhaps, that’s the time that you should probably call a security guard or whatever. But in the meantime, we do have a choice to be a grown person. We have a choice to take the high road. We have a choice to be spiritually mature especially in this world. They’re looking to what kind of individual you are. Jesus said, you are a city set on a hill. You must be the city of light.
Shine Bright
You must be the light and not in the darkness. We must be an example to the people that are looking to the Christians especially that today people are lost. They don’t know where to look up to and this is why we are called to be the people who are going to make a difference in this world not to be a conformist. We cannot conform to the crookedness and perversion of this world. We cannot possibly be like the world. We must be set apart. We must not look like the world or do things like the world. I know it is the working of the Holy Spirit. It is the regenerate man that will transform you. Sanctification, it is the glorification of the Holy Spirit that is willing to do whatever it takes for you to have a new heart and a new character. It takes a lot of abiding in the vine which is the Lord Jesus Christ said “I am the vine you are the branches.” If you abide in me then you can bear fruit.” Apart from the Lord we cannot really change ourselves.
So, this is why when we are dealing with difficult people we want to we want to just walk away. What did Jesus do when he was confronted with the Pharisees and the Sadducees with a woman who was caught in adultery. Jesus stooped down and He wrote on the ground and he just ignored them. So, Jesus of course, there He had a time to confront people. He had a time that he would speak up and he would say something. But at at the same time when he know he was being set up because Jesus perceived in his heart that he was being set up by these people. When a woman who was dragged down in front of Jesus he was asked “What are you going to do with this woman, Jesus? According to the Moses of law we would stone her to death?” But instead of Jesus stooping down to their level. He actually stooped down on the ground and wrote something. He ignored them first hoping that they would just go away and be merry and just leave Him alone.
Jesus Exemplifies Emotional Intelligence
But they kept pressing on and they would not leave Jesus alone and he they asked the same question again the second time until Jesus turned around and said to them “If you have not sinned in your heart then let be the first one to cast the stone over this woman.” And then he stood down again and he and then he wrote something on the ground and the people the mob of people from the Sadducees from theyoungest to the oldest from the oldest to the youngest were convicted because they perceive in their hearts. Well, nobody really had no sin in this life.
Everybody have committed sin and they dropped their stones on the ground and they left the woman and that’s why Jesus turned around and said where are your accusers and this is why Jesus was functioning in emotional intelligence. That was the first thing that I can think of when Jesus was activating his emotional intelligence because he thought to himself I’m not going to stoop down to these people’s level because. If I’m going to just say something that is going to be provocative and it’s going to piss them off probably there’s going to be another level of problem. He perceived that these people are really lost. They are blind. They are deceived by Satan. These people are nothing short of wanting to create conflict and division. Therefore he was left with a woman and you know the rest of the story and that is all that I would like for you to think about in this life. It’s easier to get sucked into people’s drama and conflict. We have nothing short of that when you see the news.
Pause Before Commenting
When you see social media there are tons of people who just want to express something because they think they could. But at the end of the day you must pause, ask yourself the question is it worth. It is it helpful does it even make sense, if I say this if I will be spoken like this does it really resonate with me does it does it make me feel good or not because if it doesn’t make you feel better about yourself when you say something that is derogatory or manipulative or whatever disrespecting it is then don’t say it. As I said if you cannot say things that are nice to the strangers that you don’t even know why bother opening your mouth. I know it’s a lot of practice It takes a lot of self-awareness to be kind. You choose your words wisely because the Bible says your words are either going to curse or bless it. They’re either going to lift someone up or it’s going to tear them apart.
So, yes I’m still practicing. I’m not saying that I got this right. Sometimes I’m good at it. Sometimes, I’m not especially when I’m triggered especially when something provokes me I’m very I’m very I know myself I can tell you exactly that it’s going to cut down through your soul that you’re not going to like what I’m going to say. This is why God has always been dealing with my tongue and maybe someday I’m going to do a podcast on the communication the tongue is a fire is unruly that Jesus said you should not everybody should not be a teacher because that you are going to get a greater judgment when you teach because the tongue is our weapon. The tongue is our weapon, if we truly think about it. People truly create tension because of the words that have been spoken over their lives and so that is all that would would like for you to think about is to deal with a conflict that in a manner that is godly that is wise that is not based on impulse and your emotion.
Guarding Our Hearts
That’s why we’re told “Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it comes the issues of life.” And therefore if we’re impulsive and we are triggered our emotions usually gets hijacked. Our amgydala gets hijacked and we cannot really think clearly that we just want to fight but it’s rather to be known as a peacemaker for Jesus said I am the peace maker. Jesus did not come in this world to create more tension. But he said I will give you peace that the world cannot provide for you. So I will leave you with be bold be brave and be courageous and keep your faith. I will see you on my next podcast. Have a blessed day!