Episode #10: Living A Facade

Transcript:

hi everyone! Welcome back to another podcast. This is your hostess Glennavelle Manarang, today’s topic is about living a facade. An example of a facade is the front part or exterior of a building. Often the most important part is a design engineering stand point. (Synonyms: Show, False display). So, facade is false. It is not real. How many of us have been living a facade? For many of us, we have been conditioned to do everything right and perfect. Not to say that these qualities are not important in creating a beautiful life that is based on a perfect picture. Well, for the outsiders to see, it look perfect. But what if we’re missing one simple ingredient and that is doing things with quality and excellence with a dash of not being in a place well, not in a place of facade or falsehood. But of integrity and that is not performative or trying to impress others. You might be wondering what made me title this episode, living up a facade? Thanks to my monthly Vogue subscription that I happened to read, a short story about a woman who wrote a book called Twisted Up. Her name is Amy Griffin and by just reading a snippet of her life and how she did everything perfectly well. As it turns out, her own children questioned her authenticity and being real as a mom or being a human. Perhaps, we have been subconsciously conditioned to do more and to get things done robotically but with no emotions attached.

Don’t get me wrong, at some point in my life, I was also raised this way and done things right. I was effortless and flawles. I was taught how to walk right, speak right, behave properly and say the right things, etiquette and all. Just like Amy herself who was a high achiever who had her life perfectly curated for the outsiders to see but her children was not to be fooled by her performance. This is why when we live a facade because we want people to think that we got it all figured out and that our lives are something to be admired but not not necessarily coming from a place of genuinity. Then something is obviously wrong. Going back to my old story before that I too fell into the same trap of trying to be perfect and my way of escape instead of dealing with my trauma. I had to appear perfect: dress well, speak right, the right tone. Have this je nais se quoi for people to look at me as the perfect little girl, I dressed up my wounds. I covered up my blemishes with too much make up, running around like a maniac, going to school at night, working in the mornings, trying to lose weight, grabbing lunch and meeting up with my friends at the coffee shop so that I could avoid my pain altogether. My life in my early years was nothing short of fun and excitement. I was living the la vida loca. It was a facade that I was so good at doing that on the out the outlookers my life was wonderful and nothing short of thrills.

However, behind closed doors, I was dealing with suicidal thoughts and wanting to escape from the pain I was feeling on the inside. I had depression. Little did my closest friends knew that I would drink a shot of vodka that I was hiding in my bedroom at night so that I could sleep and turn off the noise in my head that constantly tortured me. Sometimes, we think that keeping our lives busy and checking up of a bucket list. And perhaps people could take us seriously that we are deemed successful. But then if we are not careful, we can get so caught up in the performative instead of the immersion of truly experiencing and living a more peaceful and joyful life. I love what this quote from the Pinterest that states, “Stop being fooled by the illusion of wealth big houses, expensive cars designers and a fancy lifestyle is not wealth. It is debt. Wealth is time freedom options and health one thing is certain.” We overachieved, overcommit and overly exhaust ourselves just so we could prove our worth to others that our life is so much better than theirs but at what cost?”

As what Amy Griffin quoted, “As the years ticked forward my body kept telling me how need to slow down.” Again let me say that again because I misread it, “As the years ticked forward, my body kept telling me to slow down but I just couldn’t.” I had two gears fast and faster, and she went on further that giving up was not an option but what it’s not giving up on your goals and dreams and creating the kind of perfect life you want to achieve. But rather slowing down and embracing the pace of doing things with ease and intentionality that you’re not functioning as a machine. But as a human being we must be reminded that no matter how much you achieved in this life no one really cares that much because the rest are also too occupied, trying to attain anything in their lives. We somehow have been programmed to participate in a system that constantly put this idea in our head that we must have all this all figured out a life curated and snap a picture of it and post it on Instagram so that people might think that we have it all together. Because we want others admiration, appreciation, and we lose touch with our inner self, our inner peace, and our inner glow that truly resonates with our soul if living a facade cost you being genuine.

Then you are not truly in touch with yourself. It is rather easy to run away from the person that is living inside of you who is screaming for your attention which is to get to know her again. In the past few days, I talked to myself out of guilting myself by not doing the things I’m not supposed to do. Sometimes I would intentionally do nothing and decide to grab my coloring book and start tapping into my childlike spirit instead of listening to my inner critic that constantly tells me that I got to do more and be more. Because living like this in a performative method or lifestyle is exhausting. It depletes your energy and it robs you of your peace and your worth. Life is more than just doing and hustling and grinding it all comes downto doing things with grace and coming from a place that matters to you the most and not based on society’s standards or false expectation. Because at the end of the day, it is your life to live and not theirs and that is my friend that I want you to think about. Maybe, because we have been conditioned as a society to just do things more perfectly and that we actually do it not based of love and not based on being connected with ourselves.

We become so disconnected with the business of life that if we could just check off more to-do list then perhaps people will take me seriously. But here’s the thing it is actually the paradox. You would have thought that your family, your husband, your children will appreciate you more, if you do things for them actually. It’s not the case because we as a woman we think that if we could just show up for our husbands. Then they can love us more even in my own experience that is not the truth. No matter how much sex or how much availability you give to your husband. If he’s going to cheat on you, he will. If he’s going to have a wandering eyes and look with other women. He will. So, it’s not about how much you can give to a person. It’s not what you get out of it. They’re not going to appreciate. You more sometimes absence and your lack of availability that’s when you will be able to get your, perhaps; worth validated becausepeople usually will not appreciate moreif you’re too available .

They’re not going to appreciate you if you do things more for them. This is why I am trying to teach my son also to do things around the home, I delegate task. Because I don’t want to constantly tell him do this and do that because we think that if we could just do things for everybody. Then perhaps they could take us seriously, respect us more and love us more but that is actually contrary to our belief system. The more we show up to people that are ungrateful, the more we are undervalued and unappreciated. And we know this that as a functioning performative person like I used to. I used to be always doing things for everybody but then at the end of life, you’re actually going to deplete yourself and then you become too bitter and resentful. Because here you are. trying to do things for everybody showing up for everybody being available at everybody and then you cost yourself with rest and sleep and peace of mind and you wonder why you are so depleted of energy exhausted, angry, cranky. Because you have lost touch of your inner self by sitting with your pain. Sometimes when your body is telling you to rest instead of resting then you are so occupied by doing God knows what.

Because as I said, we are actually lacking of genuinity and being authentic coming from within. It resonates from within. Beauty is not something that we can perform. It’s something that is coming from the inside out and perhaps as a woman me too will sometimes fall into this perfectionist ideology or falsehood that I got to look a certain way so that people can love me more. Or people can see me in a different light. But in reality, when you really look at yourself in the mirror. If you love what you’re doing and you love who you are. Then that is all that matters, no matter what people might think or say about you. It’s not about what you can achieve in this life. It’s about your embodiment. It’s about your being. It’s your essence that matters the most and we have to not forget that it’s all important to be present and your essence, the energy, the vibration that you bring to the table and how you show up in the room that that is all that matters. Because no matter how well you curated your life based on the I said society standard but then deep down inside. You know it’s just based on facade then you’re only lying to yourself and in the long term or in the long run it is detrimental to your well-being. It doesn’t really contribute peace and joy. So, what’s the point? If you’re not enjoying what you’re doing.

Because you’re just doing it for the sake of doing it. Because you want people to see you as this fabulous woman and you’re not really happy of what you’re doing because you’re just performing. Because the world has been saying. You got to hustle more and do more and glow up more, I don’t know this kind of era that they said you got to be this person that is now trending on social media. This girl facade that I do not participate in because. You try so hard to wake up in the morning and have your glass of chai tea and latte and you got to exercise more and 20 minutes here and there. Maybe you go to the gym and then you snap a picture of that and then post in the video and then of course at the same time you got to journal and then on top of that you have to have aesthetic, right. Then you have to have your life together drive perhaps, a nice car live in a mansion. These are the kind of trending right now. As an it girl era you got to be successful and you have to be your own boss and blahblah blah. This chick that it can achieve everything.

She doesn’t need a man so we’re constantly bombarded of this propaganda or grandiose, trying to tell the world or women especially that if you’re not doing all these things, perhaps you are not that important honey, So, then we were sold and we got caught up in the cycle of competing with each other, trying to keep up with the trend but then when we look at our own lives at the season of our life. We think something is wrong with me because then I cannot catch up with these women whatever their lifestyle. You cannot really compete with other people and try to see whether your life is going well or not based on the snap shot that they post on Instagram. You have to really come to a place of asking yourself assessing your own life of where you’re at in the season of your life. If you’re a mother and juggling with three kids and you cannot exercise or you cannot even do things that are right. It’s because you need to raise your children. It’s because at this season of your life, you have to focus on your family, you cannot really just do everything at every at any cost.

Because it’s going to well something is going to bite you back in your buttocks and it’s costly not to listen to your body. It is costly to become burned out because you rather want to be hospitalized instead of spending time your life with people. Especially in our country today, we are caught up in driving your kids here piano lessons, football games or soccer team. I don’t know what you’re doing with your kids but we don’t really take the time to stop sometimes and to just be bored and do absolutely nothing and come home to yourself. And maybe listen to what your body really needs right now, in the moment. As I said, sometimes if my brain will tell me you got to do more have more of this sometimes I go against it. I sometimes rebel against my ownself-critic. When it tells me that what are you doing instead of maybe just decompressing and I have time for myself. I would sometimes go against my own brain because sometimes your brain is because of your upbringing. It’s the culture’s expectations that this is why you have an inner critic that constantly tells you to do more. To be more to perform more and if you’re not going to shut those noises, you’re going to get sucked into this false ideology that maybe if I do more, maybe if I can show up for people more.

Then perhaps I can be more valuable and then they can take me seriously but as I said that is contrary to the belief system and that is not always the truth. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have goals and ambition. I am all about high achieving things. I’m all about orient goal orientation or goal oriented person. I’ve always been that kind of a woman who like who loves to achieve things but you got to prioritize things. It’s all about your priority. What is your current priority in your life today? If something does not spark joy which is a concept that I have taken from Marie Condo. Then maybe you should just not follow through it. Maybe in this season of your life. It’s not really convenient to achieve your goals maybe your focus is only being a mother or being a housewife and being there for your family. If that’s all that you can provide for this season of your life. Then just accept it and just grow it if this season of your life will give you the room.

Perhaps, someday to do everything that you can when your children are grown up and you have all the time in the world and perhaps you can focus more in yourself and in yourself-growth. Or, maybe in your business that’s why you have to assess your current situation in your life. You cannot just be forced and to buy into this aesthetic that people are trying to sell you. If you’re not really honest with your current season of your life. Then you’re gonna copy everybody and try to be like everybody else and then here you are trying to figure out why you’re so miserable, unhappy. Most of the time stressed out that is all that I would like you to think about in this on this podcast. As I always, I leave you with be bold, be brave, and courageous and keep your faith I will see you on my nextpodcast!