Transcript:
Hi everyone! Welcome back to another podcast. This is your hostess Glennavelle Manarang, welcome back to Soulish Femme. In today’s topic is titled, “Attitudes that Stunt Your Growth.” I am repurposing this, of course, I’ve probably done this already last year, if I’m not mistaken. But because I am actually restructuring my podcast on YouTube, I’m not sure if I have deleted this episode already. Nonetheless, if somehow I have reproduced this, well, it’s just to refresh your memory. So, there are things in life that we’re doing unconsciously or habitually that we are not really aware of that can stunt your growth.
#1. Worrisome or Being Anxious
Number one with no further ado is being anxious or worrisome. Yes, we live in a world with uncertainty especially to what’s happening right now in our world if you live in United States of America, there are a lot of talk about economy crisis, inflation what not but we’re reminded in Philippians 4:67, “Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving. Let your requests be made known to God and He gives you peace that surpasses all understanding.” And therefore; we are reminded to be anxious about nothing.
I know that it’s easier said than done. If you are going to live in this world, there’s going to be a lot of things to worry about. As I said, things that you cannot control. Somehow these are the things that we usually worry often. Although we are told everything must be done in prayer, supplication and thanksgiving and allow God to really give you that peace of mind. Unburden your load and tell him exactly what you’re going through right now. I’m not really sure what you’re going through right now. Each one of us have a lot of problems, it might be financial problems, spiritual problems, health problems, marital problems, relational problems. As long as you live in this world, we are not immune to problems. Problems come in different shapes and forms.
#2 Complaining
And number two attitude that will stunt your growth is complaining. Yes, I myself sometimes catch myself complaining. There’s a lot of things to complain about in this world, especially when you don’t get what you wanted and you have planned something in your life and you’ve been praying about it. And of course, it’s easier to complain than being grateful. The antidote of complaining and the opposite of it is of course, is being grateful. There’s a lot of things to be complaining about. Maybe you have not yet received the prayers that you’ve been asking God or maybe you have not yet seen the fruition of your labor. You tried so hard to make it in life and somehow as much as you’re trying to do so, somebody is always ahead of you.
James 5:9, "Do not complain brethren against one another that you ourselves may not be judged behold the judge is standing right of the door."
So, complaining is actually a sin, if you don’t want to be judged, complaining. Because God hates complainers. He does not like people that are always grumbling. As I said, there’s a lot of things to complain about in this world, the weather, traffic, your family you know, things that are not going well in your life. The choices that you’re making. You’re complaining but actually, you’re the one who contributed to that problem. The choices that you probably should have never done in your life but, somehow you’re paying the consequences right now of the poor choices that you have made.
So, you started complaining and then you actually lost sight of who’s the accountability here. It’s you, if you are going to complain, might as well ask yourself the question, “What am I complaining about?” Is it really going to solve anything? Or do you have a choice to make any decisions? Instead of complaining, maybe you should ask yourself, how can I solve the problem? Because by complaining about it, you’re not going to go anywhere and you know exactly today that we live in a world where we have been given a platform to complain tickTockers and there’s Facebook and there is Instagram where people come in and they just complain about their lives of how bad their lives are.
But actually when you think about it, it doesn’t matter how much you say to the world. They’re not going to come and help you, they’re not going to knock at your door, you’re just want people to what sympathize. Or empathize with you but actually none one of them is going to knock at your door and going to help you with your problem.
So, what’s the point of complaining because you just want some, what? You’re desperate for attention. Perhaps, seeking of attention and validation from the world that’s not going to fix your problem. So, instead of complaining, maybe you should ask yourself the question, “What are the choices that I’m going to make today that’s going to make my life better?” Let’s not linger.
#3 Victimhood Mindset?
Number three, another attitude that stunt your growth is victimhood mindset. Victimhood mindset is something that I’ve talked about on my channel before. It’s about woe is me. It is about poor me mindset. It’s about, “I’m always the victim of my circumstance and I don’t have a choice with the matter and something always goes disarray in my life. Life is unfair.” Of course, you can say that a lot of bad things happened to you and a lot of things that have happened to me too in the past. However; if you want to progress you cannot stay in that kind of mindset. You either want to be pitiful or powerful and being a victim is actually unattractive.
Because as I said, if you’re a victim then you don’t have a choice. But as long as you’re living, as long as you’re breathing and as as long as you have a brain that you can think of. You do have a choice to change your lifestyle. Perhaps, if you don’t like your circumstances on what is going on in your life. You do have a choice instead of blaming it on your circumstance and blaming it on your past blaming it on your mom or your dad or whoever you want to blame it to instead of taking accountability. Perhaps, that’s the best way you should do for your life because playing with a victimhood mindset. As I said is going to just stunt your growth, you’re not going to go up. And if you’re going to hear this loud background because my son is playing in the living room. I apologize in advance.
#4. Discontented
And then of course, let’s move on to the next one. It’s the attitude of discontentedness. So, being discontent about life is always trying to achieve a lot of things, and you cannot really achieve and simultaneously trying to be discontent. Or, dissatisfied is another word that I can think of. When you’re not content, you always try to achieve things in life. Isn’t it funny how we always like to achieve things? But we never really sat down and relax and really enjoy and soak in the moment and really consider of the hard work that we have done. Because we just want to jump into another achievement. We want to achieve another thing and somehow when we are always chasing something. We never really had a chance to just sit down and enjoy and celebrate the milestone that we have accomplished. Because we are just accustomed to always want to achieve some things. So, sometimes we are going to end up being discontented. I also catch myself doing this because if I am not satisfied at my work. I’m always moving to the next one, but you’re always chasing something.
And then you’re eventually not going to go achieve something, you’re going to end up throwing something in the air and you think you’re aiming at something when actually you’re aiming at nothing. I don’t know which book this is from but it says “The poet complains or points out the discontent that lies at the heart of men the individual man and how can that be redeemed?”
Well it can be redeemed with food and clothing, we must be content for we will return naked and empty-handed and back to the Creator. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have dreams or goals. Because a man without a vision, she or he will perish but all I’m saying is that perhaps, you just have to wait. Because we want progression right away. We want to see the manifestation of success right away. We think that success or making money or achieving your goal can happen overnight. It is actually, a slow progress. So, anything that you’re planting in this life, it takes a long time to see the fruition. As you can probably see the analogy of being a farmer. You plant a seed on the ground and then later on, it takes maybe months or years in order for you to harvest that fruit. In the same way with whatever businesses you are doing with your life or whatever endeavor you are trying to achieve in this life. Before you can see some results, it’s going to take a long time.
So, the problem is when we become discontented, when we’re waiting patiently. But then we become so impatient because we have waited and waited for the progress and no results and we ended up being discontented. We ended up complaining and therefore we’re just going to end up giving up altogether which is another part of stunting your growth.
#5. Comparison
And then of course, let’s move on another attitude that can stunt your growth is comparison. The problem as far as I can tell is that women spend infinitely more time than men paying attention to competing with worrying about everyone other than themselves. Comparison according to Elenor Roosevelt is a thief of joy. So, we live in a generation, of course that we cannot sometimes avoid comparing because of social media. You look at the world around you or the social media whoever you’re following and you try to compare your life with other people. And of course, as I said, if you have not yet achieved the dreams that you have and then you look at the person and they’re living their life, taking vacations, living in a nice apartment or house and they’re driving a nice car and you thought to yourself, you have probably are missing out. Or maybe you’re a loser. You ended up feeling sorry for yourself and maybe you ask yourself the question, “What am I doing wrong? How come these people, as if their life is all nicely done. But the problem with that is we don’t really know half of the story; everything you see on social media has been curated.
They have probably captured only 5 seconds of their life, but the rest, you have no clue what these people are going through behind closed doors. You probably wish that you want their life, but actually you don’t know exactly what they’re going through in the moment. So, you just have to really enjoy the journey because each one has its own struggles in life. Perhaps, you might be fooled by these people trying to snap a picture and make it so beautifully created for you to think that their life is all worthwhile. You’re probably not doing much. So, comparison is something that you have to watch out, for if you want to grow in this life. I always like to say that the person that you must compete against is yourself. You cannot compete or compare yourself from anyone else because it will be a losing battle. The person that you should compete and compare is the person that is looking back at you in the mirror on what have you done 5 years ago. Are you progressing right now? Are you the same person 10 years ago or not?
Self-Reflection
If you’re the same person 5 years ago, perhaps; that is somewhere you should start. You should start within yourself. As I always like to share on my channel, self- introspection and journaling. You have to ask yourself, the question, have I achieved a lot of things prior to turning 20s or 30s? Maybe you are in your 40s like myself, I like to look back in my life and I like to assess of what kind of achievements I have accumulated. And that’s exactly how I can gauge my success. I can tell you that the goals in my life, most of them have been achieved. Thank God. Because as I said, you’ll write it down and then you put the action. You cannot just have a goal and you’re not going to have a strategic plan of how you’re going to achieve it. It will be foolish for you to just wish on something and you’re not going to put an action. So, comparison is something that what you would like to become maybe in the next year, embodying that person. Practicing about that person. Because that’s the only way for you to change is to change your mindset. To transform the way you think and to always invest in yourself through education. And that’s the one thing that you must not forget is investing in yourself because as I said, when you invest in yourself in education is wise.
Acquiring Wisdom Through Knowledge
According to the Bible, acquire knowledge and in all you’re getting, get wisdom and get understanding. Because these are far greater and above than rubies. This is something that people cannot take away from you. When you know something, you know that people cannot, maybe they can steal your idea. But whatever is in your mind, whatever is intact in your head, whatever you have penetrated and you have learned from the past. These people cannot steal that from you because you have embedded those ideas in your mind. Even though perhaps they’re going to borrow some ideas from your head but eventually those are yours and even if you’re going to start from scratch again. You are able to do so because you have the acumen and the wherewithal to have done it before. So, therefore; you must invest in yourself and stop comparing. Because as I said, oranges and apples are not the same. So, your life with Susy is not the same, your life with your neighbor is not the same. The people that you see on social media. They’re not in the same trajectory as you.You don’t have the same journey as them. So, it will be a disservice to yourself for comparing your progress. Because you’re just going to end up getting frustrated.
#6. Perfectionism
And of course, if you’re counting with number six. Another attitude that stunt your growth is afraid of failure or perfectionism. One of the things that can also stunt your growth is being a perfectionist. I used to had this problem with perfectionism because I thought to myself if I’m not going to be perfect right now, if I fail you. What will people say? It’s about fear of taking a risk. As a perfectionist, people usually are afraid of doing something because they’re afraid of failure. The problem as far as I can tell with that mentality is that if you’re not going to take a risk. You’re never going to find out whether you are capable of doing something. You cannot be stagnant in this life. You must always evolve. You must always thrive to do something different than what you have done before. That’s why people usually have no passion. They have no zeal in life because they have given up on their passion. They have given up on their visions, perhaps, and this is why because of perfectionism.
Because of this mentality that I’m afraid. Because of what if I fail? Fear is something that you have to tackle. Because when you are perfectionist, it’s associated with fear and fear is something that is false evidence appearing real. It’s a spirit. We are told that we are not given the spirit of fear and timidity, but a power, of love, and a sound mind. Do you want to be fearful or you want to be powerful in a way that you can take a risk? And perhaps, people might question you in your family, who the hell do you think you are for doing this? Who are you for taking a chance, on this you know? Why can’t you just be like everybody else?
Those criticisms are going to come up. Probably, maybe your own mind is going to question you, why do you do this? What are you trying to prove? So, fear is something that you have to deal with. You have to find out the root cause of the fear, why do I feel afraid? Is it my own fear or this fear has been imposed upon me? Some of our fears as a child has been imposed on us. It’s something that we have not really thought about but it’s actually have been given to us based on our upbringing. If you were brought up in a family where there’s a lot of you can’t do this because what if you fail, you must not do this. Because no one in the family has done this before. If you have heard those dialogue before and narrative before, most likely those are not your ideas. Those are not your belief system and that’s why you have to change them and you have to prove yourself that you can do whatever you put your heart and mind into it. For we are told that “I can do all things through Christ that gives you strength.”
#7. Taking No Accountability
And last but not the least, another attitude that can stunt your growth is taking no accountability and this quote is from I think Mahatma Gandhi that says, “It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one’s acts let me repeat that again because I think it’s worth repeating it is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one’s acts. So, one of the things that people stop growing because they don’t want to take accountability or responsibility of the things that they’ve been doing wrong. Yes, some people have contributed to your pain. I get that. Some people are the cause of your problem. Some people are the reason why you feel the way that you do. These are reasonable of course you cannot neglect that, however; after you have mourned and after you have really forgiven those people and released all those kind of bitterness, the question is, what are you going to do after the pain?
What are you going to do moving forward after they have hurt you or betrayed you? Because people will betray you and some people have disappointed you in the past perhaps. But you cannot really not take accountability. You cannot not change your ways. You cannot just make an excuse for staying the way that you are because of whoever done you wrong. Maybe you were abused as a child like I was. Maybe you were neglected as a child like I was. Maybe you were mistreated as a child like I was but these are not the reasons for you not to take accountability or change something about your life. Because as I said you only have one life to live and it will be such a waste for living your life a mediocre and never really knowing that you have a potential.
Because as I said, God had given us a purpose and a reason why we are here. And actually a few days ago, I was sharing this to my son, I was reading the book of Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes is a book that was written by King Solomon, one of the wisest kings who ever lived. He was the son of David that was Bathsheba and David’s second son. If you have not known the story maybe you should go back to Samuel, but just to give you the story. At the end of it all when Solomon had tried everything, he actually hired a lot of singers to occupy himself, to entertain himself and he also tried to expand his kingdom and he also tried to do a lot of things about his life. He went to get some education. He became one of the wisest kings as I said but at the end of it all, he said the only thing that you have to do is to fear God.
The conclusion was to fear God and to do the things that are good in this life because everything that you are doing in this life whether in secret or in the public, will be judged accordingly and that’s what he said, whatever you have done in this life, whether you eat or you drink that is Paul saying that you’re going to be accountable. Every work that we have done, we’ll be accountable in the eyes of God. We are just a steward in this life. We’re given the talents and the skills And maybe you have two talents, maybe you have more than two, you cannot really buried the talents. Of course is equivalent to some kind of money. And there’s a parable that Jesus gave if you have not known the story it is about really giving back to God whatever He has given you.
So as I said, there’s five talents, there were three talents and there’s one talent who buried it underneath the ground and he never really used it because he doesn’t want to take responsibility of what God has given him and that would be something that we will be accountable for in the future. So those are just the attitudes that can stunt your growth. Perhaps, if you have any other suggestions that I’ve missed out on this thing. Maybe let me know about it or perhaps I can say gossiping. Maybe is another thing that we also as a woman that we are guilty as such we like to gossip and slander people especially when we’re bored. We have nothing else to do so, we just like to gossip and watch nonsense things on TV but actually they’re actually a waste of our time and energy. Instead of gossiping maybe you should do something better with your life, minding your own business.
Minding Your Business
We are told that mind your business, work with your hands, and stop looking around for people’s businesses especially as women. We become busy bodies and we have forgotten to really look at within ourselves and ask ourselves the questions, how can I do something with my time and what can I do to create something with my life? Instead of gossiping, instead of having a busy body, always looking around of what other women are doing or other people are doing, maybe you should start asking yourself the question, how can I do something with my life that is going to help me in the future and going to make my life better or my children’s life better? Because as I know we live in our world that we are constantly bombarded with so much entertainment and we are nothing short of that in this world. So, those are just the attitudes that I would like for you to think about and when you have the time I hope that you are inspired by this message. Be bold, be brave and be courageous. I will see you on my next podcast. Have a wonderful day!