Build Your Home By Recreating Yourself

Hello beautiful people! So, good morning! It is Monday morning ladies and gentlemen. And today is another day. You know what just occurred to my beautiful mind this morning is that people becomes hardened in life because of other people, toxic, narcissistic and manipulative. If you’re new on my channel, welcome. Well I delved into so many things in life, a healing journey. Then there’s a food journey, then there’s a travel journey. And of course there’s fashion and style. I think that you cannot really just disconnect and disregard all of these things because they’re all connected to each other. I am a multifaceted person. I’m multi-passionate. So, therefore; I cannot niche down.

As people would always say niche down. You must be the person of that kind of whatever you call this the Guru. So, that’s exactly the kind of thing that I do not like. So, today I was of course as I woke up and thought to myself that women usually stop believing in themselves and pursuing the things that they love because we were told by society that we should just cater to everybody. The moment you are married and you have children. Therefore, you just have to look haggard which I refuse to do and just be chubby and gain 10 lbs., and wear pajamas all day and joggers all day long. Because you’re so fabulous in it, honey.

What you wear matters.

 Let me tell you if you’re not taking care of yourself, it’s actually a reflection of how you feel on the inside. Why must you allow people to make you stop believing and to stop pursuing and to make you such a haggard and a pathetic woman? Let that sink in. Because as I said, we somehow have this idea in our head that now I’m a mother and I’m raising children, there are vomit over all over me and I have no time to just wash my hair and to do some makeup and let alone have a pretty clothes. Then manage your time.  I understand it must be so hard for other women to have three children and trying to tackle and take a shower. Maybe you should just ask for help. If you have a sister around,  maybe you have some kind of mother-in-law, father-in-law or Mom that lives around you. Just ask for help. I believe that as a woman today we are so exhausted. Because we try to juggle everything and try to be the heroine for everybody. 

The effects of neglecting yourself

Taking care of everyone else and then I just realized that we become so bitter and resentful. And that somehow we become such that we are so lethargic and here we are snapping at everybody and we are not always showing up for the best version of ourselves am I right ladies? Because we have been sold a lie that women in our society especially in the 21st century to do 50/50. You do this and you do that but actually it’s not 50/50 for us ladies. We are more likely 60/40 or 70/30 in a relationship. Because there are some men today are so incapable of showing up. But they expect you to do everything for them and on top of that to bring home the bacon, take care of their children, do the laundry for them, cook for them like a nanny or a maid.

No Such Thing as 50/50

Perhaps. And then you also are obliged to contribute financially so is that 50/50 or is it more like 70/30? And then they expect you to come into the bed and make them arouse with your beauty? How are you supposed to do all of that when the man in your life is barely giving you anything? They just giving you breadcrumbs, okay a left over. So, take back your power ladies I’m not saying to be defiant about it. Because I am here for empowering men to step up, to be like a man, to really show leadership. Because here’s the thing, when a man does not know how to lead the woman is going to do is to repel him, resist him. Because you are now dealing with a clown in a crown. He wants to be the king but he doesn’t know how to act like a king. So, there’s a difference between being a clown in a crown compared to being a king. How does the distinction Glenna? What are the distinction between a clown and a leadership that is a king? 

A clown or a king?

Let me tell you something, a true leadership doesn’t force. A true leadership as a king, he knows how to guide not to lead by force. When you force someone to do something that they’re not willing to do they’re going to resist you. It is human nature, people rebel when you force them to do something that is contrary to what they believe. I know it’s easier said than done. When you live in a society especially you come from a family members who are controlling freaks. Like they control every move, you make the hair, you know the clothes you wear and you come out of that kind of dynamics.

I know it’s very hard especially for women. We like to control everyone. It is so hard to practice. But if you are actually always looking around for people and you’re not looking within. That is when you take back your power. Look within you. Ask yourself the question, “What makes me happy today?”

A part of healing journey as a woman is you look within yourself. Remember what Jesus said God is not the author of confusion. There God is not up in the sky all the time, watching you. He’s within you. The kingdom of God is where within you. Look within you, if you are created in the the image of God. You are the bearer of the God image, a woman, a man. Therefore, you can actually tap into this inner power which is God himself. The kingdom of God lives inside of you. So, what does the kingdom of God look like? If you’re not a Christian of course you probably are like what is she talking about? Perhaps, it’s time for you to get to know your Creator. As I always say you will never find your true identity unless you’re aligned with God vertically and everything we just going to follow with your relationship first and your relationship to other people. If you don’t really know how God loves you and how he treats you and how he thinks of you.

Stop people pleasing

This is why as a woman, you’re always serving everybody. You’re always catering to everybody’s needs. You’re always trying to seek for approval and validation. Because you are. What you’re missing the point you are here wanting people to love you, to like you, to fill up your tank. When in fact no one can fill up the tank, for you only Jesus said, “I will satisfy the longing of your heart.” Remember the woman at the well which is one of my favorite stories in the Bible. One of them when Jesus said, “The water that you’re drinking from the well you will always thirst because this water H2O is never going to satisfy you. This is why she was married five times and living with a man that she was not married to the sixth time. So, Jesus saw that she was exhausted like everybody else. She was depleted of always tryingto search for love from people, from different kinds of men. Hoping that one day this person is going to make her complete.

No man will make you complete

But it’s the lie of the world. We have been lied to. No man in this world is going to make you happy. No man in this world is going to make you complete. You know why because that’s how God created it to be. Because if God would not have made a man a flawed man to make you complete you would not even look up. You wouldn’t even consider who God is. You wouldn’t even have to search and to find this Creator that created you as the masterpiece, okay. Because you are here. I don’t need God. I don’t need the Creator of the universe to actually make me complete and make me whole to have relationship with him. Because I already have a man which is a dust coming from a dust and flawed, he already complete me. That is the misconception of the world. This why so many women, we are so ragged and we think that if I could just do more for a man and serve more and pour out more love, surely he will love me more.

No, honey that’s not how they function okay. Men, the more you become selfish and look after yourself, the more they’ll respect you. Men are visuals. If you do not know that by now learn from your mama or your sister, your friend whatever you uh think of me or a mentor perhaps. If you’d like to book a call the link is down below. So, when a man sees your value and worth based on how you take care of yourself because they’re visuals. Men are visuals. Remember that men are good at visuals. Why do you think men are like dogs, looking around when women are just they have bigger boobs and their butt is sticking out? Why are men naturally drawn to this type of women? Because we know that men are visuals. So, if you neglect yourself and you expect men to love you and take care of you and to take you seriously that’s not going to happen. And the more you’re available for men, they’re less likely to think that you’re valuable okay.

So, if you learn this concept sooner, your life be a lot easier. I know they’re going to say you’re wasting too much money, you’re spending this. But actually deep down inside they rather want you to have your life. They rather want you to live your life instead of being a nagger to them. They might not admit that that you’re always you know and you’re always like not available and you’re living your life. And some men are insecure that they’re going to say that she’s always you know going out there and she’s actually living her life. But deep down inside they rather want that instead of a woman like a helicopter, always like breathing down their throat saying, “What are you doing? Why don’t you do? This why don’t you do that why can’t you do this for me? They rather don’t want that they want a woman actually a man that is mature in the head and who is a leader. 

They would rather want a woman that can stand up on their own live their lives, create their life and the dreams that they want. Instead of another woman always looking after him nagging him, berating him and controlling him. Because that will make a man go away. That it’s going to drive them insane. I know because in the first three, fourth year marriage that’s what I did. I’m married for 13 years now, hopefully it’s going to last longer. But this is why we think that when we come into a relationship that you just drop everything for your life, right? You just drop everything for this person, that you have married to you just drop everything for your children and then after that you wake up one day and you have nothing left for yourself. And you completely disregard your well-being, you completely neglected your overall health, mentally physically, emotionally. Because you are now like a truck, running here and there, accommodating everybody’s need, what would you like? What would you want? Do you want me to do this? You want to do that?

And then suddenly you just get so tired and so fed up and you become such a cranky old lady haggard. No time for self-care. No time to decompress. No time for self- introspection because you become a what someone that is available for everybody, like a hotline, 24 hours, 7 days a week. How may help you? You are not one of those people honey. You have limitations. As a woman we do go through a cycle. We have imbalances hormonal. Sometimes when you’re aging, your body doesn’t function as it used to. Your brain doesn’t function as it used to and especially our libido all of that things go down the drain. Because when you’re so tired of catering to everybody except your own well-being and then that’s what happens to so many women right now.

Learn to love yourself.

They must learn to love themselves by first of all keeping your relationship intact with the one who Created you. Remember what Jesus said, “I in me and I in you, apart from me you can’t do anything. He is the vine, you are the branches. The only way for a woman, to be resilient and to bear fruit of patience, love, self-control, gentleness and and uh godliness. In Galatians 5:22 somewhere is because God gives us the strength. When you think that as a woman you have peace in mind and heart by what just doing nothing and you’re snappy all the time. And you’re just exhausted and always triggered because you don’t take the time for yourself. Then this is why you cannot be at peace with yourself. You cannot just be have joy.

Therefore, take yourself out to dinner by yourself, who cares? I always do this all the time. People look at me like, “she’s probably such a loner, she has no one around. I don’t care, okay. Because here’s the thing, what’s the point of taking your husband or someone else at the restaurant, where not where when they’re not even connected with you. Doesn’t it irk you or it makes you so uh appalled? The fact that you think that you take a person to dinner or lunch and they’re always on their cell phone, disconnected, disengaged, unwilling to have conversation with you. And here you are, you put your phone for them. You put away your cell phone for them because you want a connection. But we live in a time where people are more consumed, connected to their cell phones, glued on their cell phones instead of connecting with you one-on-one. So might as well eat by myself at the restaurant right?

Because I don’t want to be aggravated, reminding this person to put away your phone.  I want you to talk to to me because life is too short. If a person in your life doesn’t give you the the same treatment and they don’t give you the same respect or the same kind of the to treat you the way that you want to be treated. Then might as well eat by yourself and be good with that and be okay with that. Because at the end of the day you’re stuck with yourself anyway. No one is going to be there for you.

When life gets hard,  no one is going to be there for you. To cheer you on when you become so sad and depressed. This is why be comfortable of being uncomfortable. Be comfortable of being uncomfortable. To sit with yourself and to get to know yourself, honey. Because that’s all you have in this life. Your mama and papa may not always be there. Your sisters and brothers may not always be your friends, your spouse, your children. They will grow out and they will grow up and then next thing you know they’re just going to leave you anyway, So, what’s the point? 

Invest in yourself

Get to know yourself, invest in yourself. Education. As I always say, educate yourself, read books, listen to audiobooks that are educational. Go back to school if you have to. Whatever it is. But do not wait for people to fix you. Because no one is going to fix you. Do not wait for people to say, “Here I am to cheer you on and to make your life happy and let’s do this together.” I have waited, as I said way back in college for my rich uncle to show up to pay all of my debt. No one came. I had to pay every penny of it. I had to work so hard to pay every debt, credit card’s debt for about 20,000 plus on my own. Nobody helped me. I mean a little bit of help from here and there from God uh with through people okay. 

Have an outlet

But besides the point. It was because I decided to do something with my life. I know it’s hard to get out of your rut. It’s hard to just be like how am I supposed to get out now and I’m barely can move. Well, the only antidote that I can give you of lethargic and being apathetic is just do it. Just do it. Resist the urge to just sit back and feel sorry for yourself. The longer you are going to analyze your problem and to just woe is me. Why is this happening? The longer it’s going to be just become insurmountable. Then you become so lethargic and next thing you know, you’re just going to sit there and do nothing. Just don’t think about it. Just probably process it in a moment. Cry about it if you have to, scream out loud. If you have to write it down or vent it somewhere.  Healthy way not venting like a destructive way okay. But try to vent it in a way that it can release. Go to the gym or work out or dance or walk outside or whatever it is. Eat out, get some ice cream, watch a movie, do some bowling, whatever it is that you want to do as long as you have an outlet that is going to make you better not worse as a human being that is going to get out of that frustration.

Self-care is not selfish.

So, this is why as a woman you always have to be a little bit of selfish. It’s not selfishness when you take care of yourself. Because you’re the only one who is going to look after you. Because no one else does. When a mom or a wife gets sick, nobody really cares about us, right. But when everybody gets sick around us. We’re always like oh my gosh I have to cook. I have to make some soup. I have to make sure that they’re eating, right? I have to make sure that you know they’re taking their vitamin C. But when you’re sick and I’m sick and mama’s sick, everybody is like “Whatever she can handle herself.” Because they always think because we paint this picture in their heads that she’s a strong woman. She doesn’t need everybody else because it’s exactly how society made us feel. They think that I was a woman we’re just going to just you know take everything on and we don’t need help. We don’t need assistance.

Let go of control

Because we don’t actually allow people to help us. Right now gradually I’m trying to let go of that grip. Of trying to control everybody. Because I as said, “It’s very hard when you come from that kind of environment. When all your life, you’ve been controlling everyone around you. As a type A personality, I like order. I like you have this structured that’s just how I was created by God. Take it on him. It’s not really me but sometimes you just have to like. Whatever a little bit of mess here and there a little bit disorganization. I’m fine with that. So, this is why we have to be flexible as a woman. We have to learn how to bend. Because if you’re always trying to constantly take care of everybody. Trust me when I say, “You are going to be so depleted of energy and next thing you know, you’re just going to be done with life.” 

Building a home starts with yourself

And when I say done, there will be a time when you just just going to say I’m going to walk away and I’m going to just leave all of this behind. Because remember what the Bible says, “A woman has a power to build her house and she also has a power to what destroy it.” That’s how powerful a woman is. She built her house and also she can destroy it. Yes so are you want to do you want to be a builder or do you want to be a destroyer of the house of family that God has given you? You take your pick. As a woman, we do have the ability to build something from scratch because God gave us that power. How do you build your life in something that you want? First of all, look at yourself. You cannot build out of an empty cup. You cannot function when you are not functioning healthily. As a woman if you’re not a whole, as a woman you are still actually in your wounded feminine. If you’re still looking for people to validate you, to love you, to make you uh come this better version of yourself.