Episode #13 – How To Deal With Your Trauma?

Transcript

hi everybody! Welcome back to another podcast. This is your girl Glennavelle Manarang, welcome to Soulish Femme-Real Talk. In today’s topic is something to do with dealing with our traumas or deep wounds. As we all know, wounds or trauma, it depends on the kind of trauma it is. There are different kinds of traumas. Some are major and some are not too major which are minor. When it comes to trauma, it all starts with acknowledgment and the ability to be honest with yourself because the more you run away from your trauma, that’s what you called avoidant. Avoiding, running from your pain because nobody really loves to look at their pain because change is hard. Especially, when it comes to our behavior and triggers occur, when someone pushes our button and this has always been my dilemma for so many years. The reason why you’re being triggered is because there’s a root cause of it. You’re not just going to explode or become irritated for no apparent reason. The reason for you why you’re triggered is because there is a deep rooted problem that you have been avoiding, okay.

A person who avoids, they will numb their pain with so many addictions. I know, I’ve been there. This is why I can speak freely about this because I have learned for many years that the more you run away from your pain, you’re just going to band-aid and patch it up with something either alcoholism, gambling, gaming, shopaholic, you name it. This is why when you are dealing with a person who has been traumatized from the past and they’re trying to avoid it. They’re going to numb their pain with all sorts of vices and therefore when I have to deal with my pain, one of the things that God had to deal with me was the truth will set you free. Unfortunately, not a lot of people want to face the truth because the truth hurts.

Let’s be honest, when you say to someone that you have to look at this pain and you have to be truthful to yourself. Nobody wants to tell the truth and nobody want to address this issue because it is painful to look at. Majority of us, as a society, we have been taught how to numb, run, avoid at all costs. This is why we don’t grow up and this is why you’re going to carry your baggage wherever you go. You’re going to come into a new relationship because you’re hoping that the next partner is going to fix you up, only to find out that the same problem you had with the last relationship is the same problem you’re going to deal with that person. Because the problem is that you are the common denominator and so the moment you’re going to stop running away from your trauma, from your pain is the day of course, not the first day that you’re going to just be free altogether. But it’s the first step.

I’m not saying that just because you tell the truth that you’ve been traumatized when you were a child, sexually abused, perhaps. Or, you’ve been neglected, abandoned, betrayed by people, it doesn’t mean you’re going to get fixed up in one nigh. However, that’s the first step, at least, you have acknowledged it. At least, you are strong enough and brave enough to say, “You know, what I think, I have a deeper issue here.” Instead of running away from the truth that’s what I said, “I wish I have taken all these things to really deal with the trauma. These are the things that I have suggested about how to deal with this trauma.

#1. Non-judgmental Approach

First of all, when you’re dealing with your trauma, you have to be non-judgmental approach. Do not judge yourself from a place of guilt or shame because if you’re going to tell yourself, I deserve it. Maybe I brought this upon myself you’re judging yourself and you are not coming from a loving space. You cannot tell yourself that you deserve it that you have been mistreated that way or people have done you wrong. You must approach it with non-judgmental because you have to really understand that the things that was done to you by people are demonic. People are not thinking properly and there is no one in this world who has thinking the right mind that will hurt other people. People that are hurt other people because they’ve also been hurt in the past. Yes, I know, it’s sometimes very hard to succumb to this idea that why do other people hurt other people? It’s because they have also been hurt in the past and this is how generational curse continues on. Until one day somebody is going to say enough is enough, I am no longer going to continue this generational cycle or this pattern.

#2. Listen To Your Body – Connect With Your Mind

Secondly, when you’re dealing with your trauma, you have to listen to what your body is telling you. The problem with traumatized people, you have a disconnect between your nervous system and what your brain is saying to you. There is going to be this transition of trying to connect with your brain what you tell your head sometimes is a lie. Especially when you have been believing those words of negative thoughts, I’ve been I did a podcast about how to manage your thoughts. When you are trying to heal from your trauma, you need to replace negative to positive thoughts. Because if you listen to those negative thoughts. There is going to be this nervous that’s going to make you even more apprehensive and you’re going to be apathetic about life and you are not really connected with yourself that’s why you are outrage of anger. You become so irritable because you’re not connected with your mind and your heart and soul.

And on this channel, l will talk about prospering in body, spirit, and soul because you cannot actually separate those three things. You might be asking, what is the body. The body is your physical so, you can see, you have five senses, you can touch, you can hear. When it comes to your soul, it is your intellect and your emotion. Your soul is your personality and the things that happened to you in the past that makes you become who you’re. In development because of your upbringing. Your development because of your culture, your development because of your experiences that is your soul. So, this is why your personality, perhaps. But the spirit is something that is in the realm of God’s spirit. When I talk about the spirit, it is the Holy Spirit that governs your emotion but if you’re a wounded person, your spirit is going to expose you. So, people that are wounded, they’re going to function based on anger, rage, bitterness, and they have no self-regulation, outbursts of anger because they’re coming from a wounded spirit.

But the moment the Holy Spirit envelops you with the spirit of God because you have done the work. Because Jesus said the thief comes in to steal and kill but Jesus said, “I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly.” However, you must face the truth but for some reason people try so hard to run away from their pain. Let’s go back to Adam and Eve, what did God say to Adam? Where are you Adam? What have you done? The first thing that God asked Adam to do is to do what confessionand to acknowledge. I have sinned against you, God. I have violated the very first thing you said to me to do not touch the tree of the good and evil god is not asking Adam because he’s not aware of what he has done. He wants him to confess with his mouth.

There is power when you confess it with your mouth. This is why we have overcome by the power of the lamb and the power of our testimony. By the blood of the lamb and the power of testimony, rather. So, you see why it’s important to confess with your mouth when you have been traumatized. This is what I said, when you are going to deal with your trauma, you must face yourself in the mirror. It might be awkward at first. When you tell yourself, “I love you. I’m sorry for not protecting you when I should have. I’m sorry for allowing that person to have hurt you for so many years and never standing up against that person.” There is power with that kind of exercise, when you’re when you are willing enough to face yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that “I’m so proud of you for not giving up. I’m so proud of you for now speaking your truth.”

Because there is some kind of magic or you want to you want to call it. It’s like a breaking of that curse. You know that Satan wants you to become quiet. He doesn’t want you to speak about what happened when you are victimized by that person, he would tell you, never tell a soul. It’s a secret between me and you it’s a form of manipulation when you have been hurt by other people. The first thing that they would tell you is to be quiet. It’s between you and me, nobody has to know. But Jesus would do the difference, he would do the opposite. Jesus would say, “Speak the truth in love.” You must expose the darkness so, this is why it’s the first step for you to deal with your trauma is to not run away from it, acknowledge it, and confess it.

#3. Let Go

And of course, another thing that I want you to understand is that you have to let go of control. When you want to become healed from your trauma. You want to fix everything. You want to make sense of it all. You want to understand why God why me? Why did this happen cuz I used to ask all those questions but then God would always say just deny yourself and carry your cross. We have crosses in this world that we might not like it. There are many things that we wish we never had to endure but then again God would always say you got to just let go of making sense of it all. Because according to Romans 8:28, “All things work together for good to those whom God called for His purpose and for His glory.” Even though we may want to understand and want God to make us understand and give us an explanation of why did you allow for these things to happen? He just allowed things to happen because there’s a purpose for everything. There’s always a reason behind it. We may not like it but then looking back, after you have endured those pain and trauma now you understand why because now you become a better person. You become resilient. You become stronger than you used to and this is why, we must not try to make sense of it all. We have to just let go and trust God that eventually when time comes. It will make sense why he allows this to happen.

#4. Forgive

Another thing that you can overcome when you’re being traumatized or you are trying to deal with your trauma is to let go of bitterness and resentment. One of the exercises that God told me to do is close your eyes, go to a room and you’re just going to name every person that has done you wrong and you said, Father in the name of Jesus, I let go, and you name those people. I let go any bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness that I have harbored throughout the years for these people and I release them to you that you’re just going to take care of these people. I will no longer going to hold grudges about these people so that you’re going to set yourself free from the poison of bitterness and anger that you’re not going to be able to become asour patch person jesus said “Father forgive them for they do not know what they’re doing.”

So, the same example that we’ve seen in Jesus is. The same thing that He wants us to do to those people who have hurt us. He wants us to let go of any bitterness and resentment. Not to say that you should forget about what they have done but you should be able to let go because God doesn’t want you to vindicate yourself and to take matters into your own hands and to live in bitterness. And you’re really punishing yourself more than anybody else. The more and more you think about it, when you’re angry and bitter and triggered, it’s because you’re punishing yourself really and you’re not doing anything harm to other people. But you’re actually doing harm to yourself. So, this is why when you want to be healed from your trauma. You must deal with your trauma too. You must ask yourself the question, why am I triggered where did this come from maybe. Because I was sexually abused . Maybe that’s why you’re triggered. You have all this rage and anger because it’s the response of your body.

Because you have been unjustly violated by someone. Of course, it is natural for you to feel angry towards the person because you have been violated. You have been disrespected and therefore; you have this rage but you could no longer afford to continually punish yourself for the things of what the person did. So, you have to learn to let it go. Release it to God. Pray for that person and hopefully, God is going to show them mercy with repentance and that you can move on with your life.

#5. Seek The Right Therapist

Another thing, that you must do when you’re trying to heal from your trauma is to of course you have to really, if possible you can seek counseling. As I said, many years ago when I was dealing with my trauma I sought counselors. I went to therapists, I talked to them. I talked to my pastors, I went to women’s retreat. I went to church. I did everything I could under the sun so that I could be healed and whole as a person. Because, guess what? No one, will do that foryou. You cannot be fixed. You cannot be whole unless you’re willing to ask someone’s for help. But be careful, however; of who you ask for help. You must be discerning. You must ask God to reveal to you the right kind of people to help you because some people are not always the best people. They might say “I’m going to help you.” But actually as it turns out that they’re not helping you for the best. They’re just going to make things matter worst.

So, when it comes to seeking professional help or spiritual help, you must ask God to reveal to you the best people. The best therapists that can help you get through your pain or trauma without patching it. The only thing that I cannot stand with other therapists is they just want to diagnose you and label you but they haven’t really fixed the problem. That is one thing that I did not like when I went into therapy before. Because they thought well you did this because you’re just, you have a bipolar or schizophrenia that’s the one thing that they don’t understand about human psychology. When a person is wounded and deeply been hurt, it’s not because they have this personality disorder. It’s because they really need some kind of help. They havea disregulation. They need how to manage and how to become whole again but instead of listening to you instead of going to the root cause.

What do they do? They will give you drugs. They will give you anti-depressant. They will give you some kind of a quick fix instead of trying to understand and making you as a whole person. They want something, a different route so that’s the thing that I do not like that’s what I said, be careful who you ask for an advice. Thankfully, God was generous enough for me to find the right kind of people in the church. I was given these women who was really helping me spiritually who was willing to listen to my trauma, my story. They prayed over me. They invited me to church. They prayed for me many many times before and they would always say “If you need someone to call or to talk to just call us anytime.” I was attending women’s retreat where they were hovering over me and I would cry and I would just because God was breaking my spirit at that time. I was willing to be broken and so because one of the things that God would always want for you to deal with this the truth and he would always say”Don’t run away from your pain.”

Because that’s the last thing in your mind. The more you run away from your pain, the longer it takes for you to be healed . This is why you think people in their 60s and 70s, they think they have no trauma and that they have not dealt with. They cannot be mature because they’ve been running away from their pain and they’re so immature of handling a situation. They’re either going to yell or they become avoidant. They run away from their pain and they go through different sorts of numbing. Their pain because they’re not willing to face the truth and then you wonder to yourself how come these people, you look at them, you thought they’re wise actually. They’re not wise because they have all this amount of trauma that been hiding within themselves.

#6. Have A Vision – Dream Again

And of course, when you want to deal with trauma is that do not forget to have your visions again the the one thing that God had asked me after dealing with the trauma, after going to a therapist, going to church dealing with my pain and issues is that you have to have a vision. A man without a vision he or she will perish. You got to learn how to live again. Dream again because you can start your life again. You have to always have to be onward, forward as you go. You cannot let your pain or your trauma dictate your future. And one thing that God truly had to show me is that you must to have a something to live for. You cannot just constantly thinking about your past. You cannot constantly be pondering about what happened to you or what people did to you. Or feel sorry for yourself. The victimhood mindset. The woe is me mindset that is one thing that God would want you to say, pick up your mat and walk. When Jesus asked the man to pick up your mat and walk. Because he wants him to live his life. He wants him to make his dream come true, perhaps; instead of just laying around, feeling sorry for himself. There’s no vision because if you don’t have something to live for guess what, you’re just like a dead man sitting on the sideline waiting for life to happen to you. Instead of making it to happen. Instead of making your life to happen to you and one of the things that truly had helped me is to keep myself always trying to achieve great things in life and I’m very good at that. I have no problem of making goals in my life.

I was telling myself, my goal was this and I had different things that I would like to accomplish and thankfully I was able to accomplish them. So, this is why you must always aim for something. You must always strive to do something with your life or pick up a hobby, perhaps. Or maybe, you should go back to school or maybe pick up a book you must learn something. Something to do with growth. Anything that is related to self-development or self-growth that you cannot just be stagnant or stuck in the same mindset. Because if you’re just going to always thinking and ruminating about the past of maybe I deserve this. Maybe this shouldn’t happen to me that’s just a waste of your time. When you’re constantly thinking about the past and you’re not thinking about the future. You’re going to be stuck in that loop and next thing you know, you’re going to be depressed and you just don’t want to live your life.

So, hopefully these are the things that can help you when it comes to dealing with your trauma. I said let’s recap. I said something to do about confession, you got to acknowledge them. Don’t run away from your pain. Affirmation is important. As I said, looking yourself in the mirror and really apologizing to yourself, saying to yourself “I love you. Seeking help if possible. Talking to the right people that can help you with your trauma. And do not avoid it. You have to be able to journal probably and really just freewrite of how you feel. The things that you need to do with yourself. And then finally, bonus: write a letter to yourself and I used to do this too. I write a letter to that person who have hurt me and I throw it away, of course, I had to burn it. Because I don’t want someone to look at that letter but I had to write down. I had to express how I truly feel about that person and so there are so many things that you can do to really help yourself.

And these are tools that are free that you don’t even have to pay anyone , really if you think about it. But the beautiful thing about healing is that there’s a expiration date. But the more you run away from it, the more it’s going to linger and it’s going to prolong the healing process. So, the sooner you deal with your pain, the sooner you look at it is ,the sooner you become free from this kind of trauma and triggers. People are triggered for a reason because there is a person who hurt them in the past. People are avoiding for a reason because they’re trying to numb their pain and they don’t want to look at it because it’s too painful to look at it. But you cannot shove your pain under a rug or brush under a rug. Because eventually you’re going to just end up with the same problem over and over again. It’s you and you’re going to end up dealing with the same trauma. No matter how many times you numb your pain. Guess what? It’s always going to be there and you cannot run away or escape from it. You just have to deal with it even though it’s hurtful because as I said, until the day you die, unless you deal with that issue, no one can help you except yourself.

And of course, if you ask God for intervention, He is faithful enough to help you to get through it. So, it’s between me and myself and God. Many sleepless nights. I cried myself so many times under the bed you know covers, in the dark room in my closet and prayingto God and helping me understand my problem of how can I get over my trauma. So, it is going to be painful in the beginning. It’s going to be uncomfortable. It’s going to be awkward but it’s worth it. It’s so worth it because after you have dealt with your trauma. You’ll be surprised of how much ease and how much unburden, you felt on the inside. You felt as though you are a different person. So, please if you are enjoying this message, I hope that you are going to support this channel. As always, I would leave you with be bold, be brave and be courageous and keep your faith. I will see you in my next podcast.