Episode #15 – How To Cultivate & Nurture Your Femininity?

Transcript:

hi everybody! Welcome back to another podcast, welcome to Soulish Femme. This is Glennavelle Manarang. Soulish femme is of course to those women who want to heal and prosper in their body soul and spirit. Oh my! I just want to really talk to you about. This past few days have been really a trials for my faith and this is why this podcast title today is very on point and I’m going to title it, “How to cultivate and nurture our femininity?” When you are not exuding from your femininity essence, you are going to come on very fragmented and wounded but this is why I would like to share to you the things you can do to cultivate to help you exude this feminine essence. All of us as a woman, we do have a feminine essence, however; we usually do not function fully because of our wounds because of our trauma and that’s exactly why I always talk to my channel about dealing with your traumas and without further ado. Because I’ve been through a lot of stuff this past weekend. I don’t want to go through the detail because it doesn’t really: probably it’s going to bore you. But today I would like to give you some practical advice of how to cultivate your femininity and nurture them.

#1. Heal Your Wounds

And number one is of course heal from your wounded femininity. As I always like to talk to my channel, your wounded femininity. You become very defensive. You become very angry and bitter because of the wounds from the past. As I said from my last podcast, there is a root cause. There is the source of why you are being triggered, why you snap, and why you have this outburst of anger, rage. Because perhaps when you were a child you were mistreated. You were probably had a mother wounds, a father wounds issue like myself, sexually abused. I was also had an abortion, physically, mentally, verbally abused. So, this will going to take a toll. As a feminine woman and that’s why you’re going to function, as a woman, that is very defensive or very aloof or have a wall that you’re going to build up over time. Because people have actually harm you or have ruined the trust that you probably want to develop that when you were a child. But actually when people took advantage of you that trust is going to crumble.

#2. Cultivate Quietness

And secondly in cultivating and nurturing your femininity is to cultivate quietness. You must learn how to be quiet within your soul and usually in our generation today, we are constantly being entertained. We like noise. We don’t really want this idea of tranquility and serenity because for us, it is awkward to sit silent and to listen to your thoughts and it’s necessary that you have to be comfortable of being uncomfortable in quietness. This is why I love as I always like to say, journaling and reading. It quiets your mind it. It gives you some focus. You have to train your mind to remain silent when necessary. When you’re always too occupied with noise. There too much stimulation. You are not going to focus. You are going to lose sight of what your body is telling you. But the moment you embrace and cultivate silence and quietness is a time that you’re going to learn about your body. What your body needs and what your mind is telling you because today we are constantly entertaining ourselves with social media, television. There’s constant noise around us especially when you live in the city. There’s going to be this traffic, all the cars and all the things that we hear around us that we sometimes forget what it feels like to be quiet within ourselves.

#3. Pencil in Self-care

And thirdly is also pencil in or schedule self-care incultivating and nurturing your femininity. You must not forget self-care. Self-care is not being selfish. It is about showing yourself more care because as a mother. As a woman, we tend to do a lot of things for people. We have so much going on in our plate. We juggle a lot of responsibilities. We’re multitaskers, generally, but somehow if you do not care for yourself you’re going to feel exhausted and you will be depleting so much of your energy. Because here you are taking care of everyone around you and one of the things that I really love to do. Especially, these past few days that I’ve been dealing with so much drama in my own household. I had to make sure to give myself a little bit of treatment. I would go to grab some coffee, get wine and dessert. It is something that you acknowledge to yourself that you have done, you know a lot of things for people. The milestones, you are going to celebrate them because as I said, no one is going to celebrate you. No one is going to say congratulations. Thank you for taking care of me. Of course, people probably in your life are more admirable or they are more appreciative of you but some people are not. So, instead of waiting for peopleto congratulate your milestone or celebrate your sacrifices. You have to do this for yourself especially for mothers sometimes we are overlooked and overworked and we’re waiting for people to tell you how we appreciate your work. But as we all know it some people in our lives are self-absorbed. They’re selfish that they don’t really care about thanking you so you have to do this for yourself so that you don’t have to feel resentful and bitter.

Maybe buy yourself a flower, lit up a candle that can really ignite the senses of yourself, a half bath, whatever it is that really help you to make sure that you go back to yourself, as a mother, and as a woman. Self-care is learning about what needs to be done in the moment. If you have been doing things for everybody and here you are running around and you don’t have time for yourself. So, always look after yourself because when a mother gets sick, who’s going to take care of you? Usually no one is going to step in and take care of for your children. This is why you have to not feel guilty when you’re caring for yourself. You care yourself the as much as you would care for your other people in your family or your loved ones. Because as I said, when a mother or a woman gets sick usually, we still have to get up and do the things that we have to do because nobody else can do it better.

#4. Be Fluid and Adaptable

Number four is to of course, you have to correlate with your being fluid or being adaptable. Part of cultivating and nurturing our femininity, you have to learn how to be adaptable and fluid in your circumstances. I know I am guilty because I love to control things, however; when you constantly learn to control things, maneuver things. This is where people and women usually get frustrated. We as a woman. We love to maneuver. We like to control. We like to nag. We like to manipulate and hoping that the people around us are going to act, think, and behave like us eventually. The more and more we love to control people and they don’t acquiese or they do not really accept our leading. We get so disheartened. We feel angry and this is where I am such a person that God is trying to tell me to let go. Just let go of the control of having it perfectly done. Let go of the control of letting you know your husband do this or do that but allowing them to be free and and do whatever.

They want to do because as I said, I’m a person who usually like to control things. I’m a perfectionist and being a perfectionist, this is one of the things that I have struggled because I want them to say the right things or do the right things. Or, maybe they should do it this way and if they don’t do it this way, I get really frazzled. But one of the things that is hard to do is letting go and just letting people be and this is where fluidity and being adaptable is necessary when you want to cultivate with a femininity. I look at her as when Jesus mother Mary, she was asked if she wants to be the mother of Jesus. She didn’t say no, she just said let your will be done in my life God whatever it is, you know. Let it be do unto me so because we are daughters of Eve. Eve is the usurper. She was a manipulative. She was the controller. This is why as a woman, our tendency is to control, to manipulate, to nag and to run the show because we are daughters of Eve.

On the other hand, we also can learn from Mary, the Virgin Mary the mother of Jesus who accepted her role without questioning and this is why when you’re a woman especially a wife, we are told to submit and to be gentle and to be able to learn to adapt to whatever it is that God has given us. Because there’s going to be two persona of you that’s going to like to argue which is the Eve part and there’s Mary who is very submissive. Mary is a humble woman. She was able to submit to God’s law and order when God said “I want you to be the mother of my son.” She’s just accepted it fully and also Sarah, Abraham’s wife. When the Bible is also clear, you are going to be the daughter of Sarah when she called her husband, you know. She just followed her husband even to the point of putting her life at risk. If you don’t know the story of Sarah when Abraham and Sarah was traveling going across to the Pharaoh, life in Egypt.

Sarah was actually asked by her husband to lie for him and pretend like she is his sister and not husband and wife because instead of Abraham protecting the wife. He was a coward and he was trying to protect himself from being killed and so he actually said, just forget about me being your husband and you being my wife. You can pretend for one day or one two days that you are you are my sister. So, what happens was that Sarah was taken to the king’s chamber. Perhaps but then God interceded because God is good. When you allow God to do for you and to really deal with your circumstances. Because she just followed her husband leading eventhough it was wrong when you think about it maybe if today that happens. We will be you know rejecting that idea of how could you not protect me but Sarah did not open her mouth and she just allowed her husband to rule over her and she followed it. Even though it was wrong but God said do not touch that woman because that woman is that man’s husband and if you have not known the story, it is a story that allowing God to really vindicate you. I know we like to take matters into our own hands. We like to really avenge ourselves because some people have done us wrong. But at the same time, when you just have faith and allow God to do the dirty work because I believe in whatever you sow, you will reap law and then we are going to just sit back and watch what God does.

#5. Movement

Of course, another thing that you can do and cultivate as a woman and to cultivate and nurture your feminine side is to have of course movement. We have to learn how to move our bodies if you cannot go to the gym. Maybe dancing and stretching for 15 to 20 minutes a day or scrubbing your toilet. Another way of really moving your body is mopping the floor and vacuuming, whatever it is that you are not just being stagnant or sedentary that’s important that if you want to cultivate your femininity. You have to open up your body stretching. I love to just put on the music sometimes I would just do the cha cha or anything that can make me loosen up in my body because as a woman we carry so much stress on our shoulders.

Connect with Nature

We have so much uh this what do you call this, we feel lethargic and when I feel this heaviness in my body, it’s a time for me to move and to stretch. I love stretching in the morning, sometimes for 5 to 10 minutes. There are so many ways you can do. Maybe walk outside in nature, it is something that I would like to also say that you have to connect with the nature. That’s my next point is to maybe if you love planting or flowers or you go outside and just look at the birds. I think that when our body is connected to the nature where we were naturally was been born because. Men were created from of course the earth and women from the rib of a man. But there’s something about going outside and just looking outside and being in nature that helps me relieves my stress and makes me focus and think clearly.

I don’t know if you have done. This if you’re not a if you’re a city girl of course. You cannot relate but there’s something about just sitting by, you know. Looking outside and looking at the trees and observing the birds sometimes. It really makes me aware that these things really matter the the animals and the birds and the trees that. We see they are actually not stressing out about life. When you learn to connect with the nature. It teaches you about how to not worry about your life. It teaches you how to have faith and this is where it comes in faith and knowing that who you are in God is important, your identity. You cannot cultivate your femininity unless you know who you are which is your identity is important. You cannot be identified by the world. You cannot allow to be identified by your past because if you are functioning in a wounded femininity. Then possibly, you are not going to show the world of who you really are. As I have done a podcast before about your identity is not about what you do. It’s about who you are.

Your Identity In God

It is becoming who God wants you to become. It is your calling. It is your purpose. It is the very essence that you have an intrinsic value because you are created in the image of God and it’s important to know that when you don’t know who you are, you’re going to look around the world and always looking for people’s approval. You’re always going to look for people’s validation because you’re so lost. You’re so caught up in people’s likes and subscribers because you want people so much to love you. However, people can always taint. They can also taint your idea of who you are and when I was a child of course. When I was a teenager, I was occupied by looking around, celebrities usually. We look up to celebrities. We look up to some kind of role model in our lives that actually not us. It’s not who we are and if you keep on looking around and trying to imitate and you try to copy everybody else except tapping into your essence, then you’re going to lose sight of who you are and how God created you to become. Because you cannot be your cousin. You cannot be just like your sister. Because God created you differently, uniquely, separated from whatever idea you have in your head.

So, this is why we have a lot of clones. We don’t know the kind of things that we like. We don’t know the kinds of things that we dislike because we are so occupied of copying everyone else, trying to be like everybody else and next thing you know, you lose touch and you lose sight of who you really are and how God wants you to become and showing up for who you are. And this why it’s important that when you tap into that identity, you’re going to fully embrace the way that God created you to become.

#6. Create An Environment

And of course, the last thing is you have to always learn how to create an environment that is relaxing, a well-kept, a tidy ambiance. As I said, your environment matters when you have an environment that is full of trash, full of clutter and your environment is chaotic. You cannot possibly embrace and cultivate a feminine essence. I don’t care what you say, if you live in a place where there’s too much chaos, too much noise, there’s too much disorganization. There’s too much clutter. There’s too much trash around you, how can you possibly live in that kind of environment? You can’t. I don’t know about you but every time when I am looking at my place I try to really minimize all the noises because these are also can create a lot of stress in your life. When you have too much going on in your space.

When there’s too much clutter, I cannot think clearly. My brain usually is sometimes occupied to that one spot that is full of junk. That’s why I go through my closet and I go through my wardrobe once once in a while, actually most of the time. I assess of the things that I truly love to wear. I also go through you know the kitchen cabinets or anything in my living room and I would just ask myself the question if this thing really resonate with me. I don’t know about you, I usually go through this season of I look at some item, maybe it’s a painting in my house and I would look at it and if it doesn’t speak to me and bring me joy. I usually just give it away. I’m not sure if you have the same problem. It’s not really a problem. The same proclivity that I used to do. Most often, I was not even aware of it until, recently, I was thinking to myself why is it that everytime I would look at the a picture or a frame or a painting or even a piece of clothing when I don’t feel good in it. I usually give it away or I toss it out because what’s the point of keeping something that no longer going to bring you joy or happiness. So it’s something that is correlated to what Marie Condo is saying that if it doesn’t spark joy, maybe you should learn to just let it go and maybe, other people is going to enjoy it.

So, there were times in my life that I have to look at one painting and it just feels like it’s dropped. It feels like it’s not giving me any more of this essence of joy and I had to just let it go and when I bought a new piece of an art that is in expensive. You don’t even have to spend too much money. I usually get my art from Good will like a you know thrift store and Ross. Anything that you can find a nice piece of painting that can spark any joy, I would bring it home. I don’t know how you choose something in your life but somehow you can feel it within your spirit when you want something. But if it doesn’t really ignite anything out of my spirit. Then I would just let it go and give it away of course you cannot possibly do that everytime. Because it’s going to be expensive but I go through this transition of my life when something around me feels off.

Assess The People In Your Life

Maybe it’s sometimes the people in your life. If you spend too much time with the people that are negative. They are toxic. Maybe you can also minimize your time with them. As I said, you are really who you spend your time with and if you are not really valued in the place. Maybe some of your friendships, you have to learn to minimize and to cultivate friendships that are positive instead of being negative. The same thing with family members, unfortunately, we also have family members that are always negative and toxic and they always do not support your visions and goals. You also have to learn to perhaps, boundaries as I said, place healthy boundaries because as I said, they can either make you or break you. The people that we engage in, the people that we spend our times around, there are sometimes, they’re going to drag you back down to where you were. Or, they can help you elevate to the calling of God where He wants you to go. So, it’s very important that you also have to assess not only your environment but the people in your life. The people that are going to help you grow as a better version of yourself. Because life is as I always say, it’s too short .

You cannot afford to really not follow your goals and your dreams in life, whatever it is that you’re called here to do. You always have to really adjust your environment, adjust your influence because people. The five people in your life according to Jim Rhon are the ones that either going to help you propel or it’s going to repel you back to where you were before. And I think those were just the things I would like for you to think about. These are the qualities or things that you can do rather to help you cultivate and nurture your femininity.

#7. Passion for Learning

Maybe the last but not the least is of course as I always throw it how about the passion for learning. You have to also learn about not only yourself as a feminine. If you want to cultivate and nurture your femininity, you have to learn about yourself first of all. Learning and knowing thy oneself is important. If you know who you are and what you really stand for. If you know your convictions and what your principles are, people cannot just sway you and make you believe, otherwise; of the lies depending on what the culture is going to dictate. Because you are so sure about who you are. Learning also is not only for yourself but also learning, cultivating your mind, trying to read more books, learning podcasts that are educational. Anything that can stimulate your brain so that you can grow. Learning about new language, perhaps. Picking up a new hobby. There are so many ways you can learn today especially we have so many resources that are available in our world today. You can go to the library, to the bookstores, you can Google it. I mean, there are plethora of free resources that you can engage in without even spending too much money. I also learned from Hillsdale College, I used to take their free courses there.

Of course, this is non-sponsored, at the institution and it doesn’t stop when you graduated from elementary and high school and college. Learning for me is an ongoing process. If you do not use your brain, it’s going to deteriorate. Anything that is stationary stays stationary. Anything in motion stays in motion. So, if you are constantly going to feed your mind and cultivate learning and embrace learning. This is why you’re going to help your brain, perhaps with memory and it helps yourbrain to become active. The same thing with your body. Why do we exercise our body physically because it helps us also with our body our physical. It makes us more agile and it makes us stronger. The same thing with our mind, if you do not use your mind, of course you’re going to lose it especially for women that are going through perimenopause. They have a tendency to lose some parts of their memory and this is why when you read a lot, when you are engaging with the kinds of debate on the news.

I love to watch of course politics, sometimes because I love the way people debate and how they show the world of how to talk to each other, to be diplomatic and civilized and there are things that you can learn. Of course, you have to minimize your time of watching the bad news. I’m not saying that you should always engage with those kind of toxic bad news but I’m also learning about so many things, philosophy. You can learn about religion, you can learn about your history so you cannot make an excuse for not for stopping to learn. Because as I said, learning is a lifetime. It is not something that you should stop just because you have graduated already and when you learn you’ll be surprised that you are more adept. You are more knowledgeable and you are also articulate in learning about the little things in life. You don’t have to be a genius to know a lot of things but at least you can contribute to anyone in a conversation that you have with that person.

You’re not just an idiot for the lack of better word or ignorant. I think is the best word is not be ignorant of what is happening around you. It’s important that you also are aware with the current events that is happening around you so that when you get together with someone or you’re invited to someone at the party you are not ignorant of what’s happening around you. Usually I’m very behind of what’s happening around me but you have a little bit of knowledge of the things that you can discuss amongst your peers or among people that you can just have a conversation.

And so, hopefully those are the things that you have learned. You can learn from these things rather and if I have forgotten some things that I did not place here in cultivating your femininity. Maybe you can leave me a comment below and I will see you on my next podcast. As I always like to say and leave you with be bold, be brave, be courageous and keep your faith and I will hopefully see you next week, God willing. Have a wonderful day!