Episode #17: The Evolution of Womanhood

Transcript:

hi everybody! Welcome back on another podcast! Welcome to Soulish Real Talk with Glennavelle Manarang. Today’s topic is about understanding the evolution of womanhood and how motherhood changes everything. I will be going into my personal stories. I’m not sure where this is going and how long this podcast will be today. However, it’s important that when we go through changes in our lives especially when we become a mother, we have to acknowledge the fact that we are not the same anymore. There’s going to be a lot of changes in how we deal with life’s situation and motherhood is actually one of those things that is bittersweet. It is something that can challenge you in many many ways. It can also teach you about yourself and there’s going to be problems with your trauma. When I became a mother, when my son was born back in 2013, of course; we were not handed a manual of how to become a mother. I just somehow learned it by experience. I was always living in prayer asking God to guide me and give me wisdom on how to raise a son.

I grew up of course with siblings, but of course, I was not aware of how my mother raised us when she was being a mother because you don’t really pay attention to that until you become a mother yourself. And so, part of the problem that I had to go through was that patience and really have the grace to live your life day by day, trying to feed this baby and not dying. And you know, trying to survive being a mother with sleep deprivation. You know exactly the struggle of motherhood is changing diapers, waking up every two hours to feed this child and reading some books. Of course and how to really delve into motherhood but other than that when it comes to practicality and actuality when you’re doing it yourself, it’s really hard. And there were so many sleepless nights that I had to ask for divine intervention and to give me grace to wake up in the middle of the night. So, I don’t have you know squish my baby next to me because I just let my son sleep next to me while he was still breastfeeding. I breastfeed my son until he was almost one year old.

My son’s eczema

And one of the challenges of course, I had to go through with motherhood and the evolution of being a mother was that he had to have a diagnosis of eczema. So I had to deal with my son’s eczema. He was very sensitive child. When it comes to the skin rashes, he had so many food allergies: tree nuts, seafood and when I was breastfeeding I had to cut out some of those food. I couldn’t eat certain food because he’s going to have that problem when he’s going to you know breast feed from my milk and so these were the changes that I have to really be aware of myself and nobody really understood the struggle as a mother. Especially, when you’re dealing with a person or a son who has struggled with eczema. We’ve been through to so many doctors and dermatologists and had him to help us to with his itchiness. The creams we have bought. So many creams, you name it. We have tried every creams and lotions off the counter. Some were prescribed by the doctors and nothing really helped and the itchiness and the struggle of a mother.

A choice a woman has to make

This is why I could not really work full-time. I had to also give up my career or my job. It was something that my husband and I. Of course, it was something that he didn’t understand then. The kind of struggle that I had to go through you know I was thinking to myself. I don’t care if I have to put my career on hold or he’s the only one who’s going to make money but with God’s grace. He was able to provide everything. Even though it was a struggle, we had to live really tight and based our money on just credit card bills. We just had to do what we have to do buying diapers. It adds up. Buying milk especially for our son. He didn’t have any regular milk because he had eczema. So we had to buy him this very special milk for sensitive tummies or anything that has a collic and anything that’s to do with any eczema. And then later on we also had to give him goats milk and rice milk. He cannot have any milk that is from a cow because it also makes him have inflammatory. He will have break out and rashes.

Accepting the changes of your body

So the things that I would share to you today is because it is important that when you’re going through such hardship especially when you’re becoming a mother and there’s a body changes in you. And you are very hard on yourself because you think to yourself maybe I should lose weight in after having the baby. Who said those things and it’s not even true my son is already 11 years old right now and I could careless if I would go back to my old weight really. I think it’s about embracing your own journey right now and not being pressured by the standard of the world. Some of course people are going to say you know, you must go back to your old weight of 105 lbs or 100 lbs. I mean you can if you want to but to each has its own. You cannot be pressured into believing this type of ideology that says I have to look certain way or I have to go back to my weight. Because for some people it’s probably not realistic and so many of us really go through evolution of a womanhood.

Rebirth of a woman

A wonderful thing about being a mother too that really raises the bar for me is that’s the time when I really had to focus on what I want in my life. They say that you when you become a mother, you are experiencing a rebirth of being a woman, a rebirth of knowing who you really are, what you stand for because before my son arrived prior to being a mother, I wasn’t really sure of the kind of things I love and the the idea of having a business. After I have my son that’s when the time when I really had to think about myself what do I really want to achieve in life and if my son would look look up to me and he would remember me someday, what kind of legacy I would want him to remember me by and what kind of how can I discipline him in areas.

So, I was very aware of those kinds of questions and I was very privileged and I’m so blessed that God had allowed me to become a full-time mother to my son where I had to really raise him. The moment he was born until 11 years old. I have you know taught him potty training. I have taught him the alphabet to write his name and to teach him about arithmetic. I was his first teacher and so when he went to first grade or kinder garten rather his teacher was very impressed of how he was way ahead of his you know classmates because I really was that kind of a mother, a hands-on mother and very strict at that too.

So, there are so many things that I had to be able to serve this human and is something that God has given me this ability of motherhood. Because motherhood is a ministry whether you see it that way or not. Our children are not ours actually. It is something that God had provided for us so we can teach them to equip them of becoming a better human someday and to equip them into this world that we’re living in. And another thing that also I had to really delve into is becoming more aware of how God can incorporate into my motherhood to discipline him in a way that he should go. Because I really didn’t see so much of what my mother did. Because my mother was always busy working and providing for us especially when she was the only one putting food on the table. Because my dad was not around, my dad left us when we were so little so my mom had to juggle everything.

So, when I had the privilege of being a mother. One of the things that I told God is that I want to be able to be there for my son. To really hone in my skills of motherhood of what it’s like and how to become a mother and to break the cycle of absence. You know by not being around with your son and being able to be there all the time and to really teach him what’s right from wrong and to teach him how to maybe boil some water and boil some eggs. The simple things that I got the chance to do.

Change of your perspective

And another thing of course, as a mother is that we forget that we must also have our life’s perspective. My life perspective has truly changed the things that I used to glorify or put on the pedesta when you’re younger was because make up it was all about you know the body image. It was all about looking good a certain way. It was all about me myself and I but when you become a mother. You have now become at least selfless and you are not so consumed at least in my case I was not too consumed about how I looked or to look a certain way. As I said, I didn’t care about losing 5 lbs or 10 pounds right away. I just focused so much on what my son need and it’s really one of the things that Jesus would say, much is given much is required. It is about the servant hood when Jesus was able to wash the feet of his disciples. It is one of the humbling experience of being a mother. When you feel as though you are helpless. When you see your son struggling with eczema and you have you cannot do anything about it .

Struggles of motherhood

There were sleepless nights that I would go into my car when my son is asleep and I would just scream at the top of my lungs inside of the car and screaming to God and asking him, why would you allow this child to suffer with this kind of pain where he could itch and itch and I couldn’t really do anything about it and so he would cry for hours and I just have to soothe him by carrying him with me and applying lotions and rubbing his back so he could fall back to sleep. So but then again God would tell me that remember the time when you asked for patience and you remembered when you said, Lord help me to develop patience and the only way for you to have patience is through suffering. We may not really understand why God allows us to suffer and why he lead us into this kind of challenges in life. It’s because he wants us to mature and he wants us to really just base our trust in him and rely upon him when. We are really in our weakest moment of our lives. It is something that God truly had to test my faith in those times when my son was really young and he was still a baby. It was something that God truly had asked me to just trust in me and let go of control. And be patient with the process because when you are going through hardships especially when you see your son, your baby is struggling and you’re very helpless you.

You seem as though you are not. You’re doing everything that you could but you really cannot help him alleviate the pain. Because you don’t know what he’s going through and he cannot speak at that time. He wouldn’t be able to tell you that I am going through this until such time that my husband and I were able to understand why he was itching until a doctor said well your son has eczema and he has collic too and all of the things that being a mother has to go through. Nobody really understands the hardship and the sacrifices what a mother does until you become one yourself. It is now one of those cliche when your mother used to tell you, you’ll never understand how much I love you until. You become a mother. My mother used to say those words you’ll never understand. This is why I was very protected of you because I want to control you not because you know I’m preventing you from achieving things or doing things. But because I want to protect you because I don’t want you to fall into this harm you. Do not understand those statement until you yourself become a mother because ofcourse way back then you tell your mother. You’re just being dramatic you know nothing’s going to happen to me. You’re just overly protective but then again once you become a mother now you fully understand what your mother meant.

And this is why it’s important that when your perspective in life has shifted because you now experience full on what it means to being a mother. Your life is now no longer revolved around you. But it’s now about your son’s welfare or your daughter’s welfare if you have a daughter. It is now about how can you teach them to become better humans and how you can educate them better. It’s also being afraid of them you know venturing into this place of you know having the wrong kind of friends. Especially when your child is now going through adulthood or being a teenager. I’m not really ready for that but he’s going there whether I like it or not.

Your role as a wife and a mom

So, there are so many things also can change about your marriage and how you navigate your relationship being a mother and being a wife that also will lead to a different kind of problem. My husband and I had argued so much too when it comes to disciplining our son. When it comes to how we teach our son with different things about letting him play for how long and watching TV or the kind of things that we used to argue about his academics and whether we allow him to play certain sports.

Different stages of womanhood

So, once again we go through so much evolution as a woman and this is something that people are not really aware of that as a woman. It seems as though we have died a thousand death. I feel like I have been changing so much about my persona and when people probably have followed me around they can say, you have really changed you are not the same person way back when you were 16 up to 20 because that’s just how life is. If you’re not changing and if you’re not evolving, you’re practically dead as a woman. I know for sure that I am not the same woman as I was when I was in my 20s or30s. I am now in my 40s and I can tell you that the things that I used to love and I used to tolerate are no longer going to tolerate them today. The things that I used to magnify. I don’t usually magnify them. The things that used to trigger me before are no longer going to trigger me right now.

Of course depending on the situation sometimes perhaps there are still triggers that are still going to come up eventually. There are still underlying problems that I have not probably dealt with or maybe dealt with and another thing that truly had helped me to recover from my trauma. As I always say is to really journal and pray more, ask God for intervention and give me grace and strength to deal with the circumstances that I’m dealing in life and when I became a mother too the traumas that came out was my father issues and my mother issues.

Manifestation of past trauma

These were the traumas that really magnified my problem and I had suffered post partum depression. I had you know crying spell sat night. I would have things that would come out out in the open of the kind of isolation and just being lonely because when you become a mother and you’re raising a child, you feel as though you’re alone and nobody can understand how you’re going through. Of course, I could not depend on my husband then because he has to work. He had to provide for the family, for food and so I really had to just you know soldier on and continue being a mother. I had to really just cook, and then clean and be strategic about how to raise my son and thankfully God was gracious enough and it just flew by. And if you have little ones right now learn to enjoy every journey.

Self-care

And maybe if you could ask for help you should. If you need help from your husband. If you need to sleep and some of the things I used to do to help me, recover from isolation is I would go outside or I would walk and bring my son at you know in the park and have a stroller. Or sometimes when my my husband would come home I would ask him to take care of my son. I would just go out for a few hours for myself and that’s important when you are a first time mother. Sometimes you forget and you neglect about your self-care. There are times that of course you cannot take a shower because your son is crying or he is going through some kind of pain especially for my son but I have to make sure that you also have to look after yourself. Because when you have this going on around you, being a mother and raising your family and at the same time, you have to cook and clean it takes alot in your body. So this is why when you are going through this evolution of being a mother and a woman give yourself some grace and congratulate yourself for making this far. Especially, raising three children, I don’t know how some women do it we give so little credit for these women. Sometimes that we over look, the kind of sacrifices mothers, do you know bring to the table.

We sometimes do not really appreciate, the kind of sacrifices some mothers do. I’m not saying that some mothers do this because I know for sure. There are mothers out there that are selfish. I have seen it where mothers are absent from their children’s life. They actually leave it to their nanny or to whatever person. They paid a baby sitter to especially for those who can afford them. I’m not saying to those people who need to have a job and this is why. We as a woman today we must acknowledge the fact that if you are willing enough to really just acknowledge that you’re not going to be perfect and you’re never going to figure it out and if God has given you children, embrace them and enjoy every minute of it because it’s never going to last they’re going to grow up someday and what’simportant is how they remember you by if you were always around or not.

Some people as I said, they could probably remember a little bit of their motherbut most of them is going to say “My mother was never around. She was too busy with herself. She was too occupied.” Some people could say that my mother nevertaught me how to to cook or to write. For some people, they are privileged and honored that they have a mother like that who was a hands-on. So it’s all because of your priorities. As I said, it’s all because of what you really want to stand for and that’s all that I want you to think about that time is so fast when you have children and this is why as much as you can embrace them and enjoy them right now. Because you’ll never know what you have in this life and all I want for myson is someday he’s going to look back and says I remember my mother used to talk on this kitchen table and she taught me how to read the Bible and we prayed here and she talked to me about her life experiences and that is for me is far greater than any money or anything can the world can give you.

And I’m not shaming those mothers who are not able to be a stay home mom. I’m not saying that at all because I know some women have to juggle and have to provide for their family. They are the ones who are the bred winner in the family. I am not saying that you should quit your job if you cannot possibly dothat but right now in my life. This is why I’m able to do my podcast and do my blog because God has been so graceful to me and has given me this privilege to do so right now in my life. Maybe perhaps someday I am going to venture more into I don’t know something else other than podcasting and being an entrepreneur but as at in the meantime, this is where God has planted me and this is where I’m going to bloom.

So as I would like for you to tell you as a woman or as a mother learn to love yourself and to appreciate yourself and celebrate every milestone if you have raised one child or three or five perhaps or more I give you I salute you. A kudos to you. I haven’t really done a mother’s day podcast because that was a rough week for me. I don’t want to get into the detail but this is probably a post happy mother’s day podcast where I would like to just congratulate mothers and acknowledge women. The importance that we bring to the table, the things that we do for people and how we can really make a difference in this world. If you really think about it women are powerful and we have we can make a difference in people’s lives especially in our children’s life because as I said without mothers. It is kind of sad in this world mothers usually are the beacon of hope. We are the light at home. We usually put the people together. We are the glue in the family, if you think about it without mothers usually family falls apart and that’s something for you to think about. And I would leave you as always be bold, be brave and be courageous and have awonderful day ahead of you and keep your faith!