Episode #19 -Evolution of a Woman: Accepting Yourself

Transcript:

hi everyone! Welcome back to another podcast. This is Glennavelle Manarang, welcome to Soulish Femme. Let’s have a real talk. Today is another episode, I would like to title this as “The evolution of womanhood in accepting ourselves.” So it’s about accepting of your oneself. The opposite of acceptance is rejection. We all know it’s very hard to accept ourselves today. When we are always glued on our cellphone and there are so many social media who portrays a perfect lifestyle. A body image that is so divine that have no flaws. The face that looks like a model and their life as if they’re always have it all together. That’s why acceptance is one of the things that we must embrace and learn. One of the things why we don’t accept ourselves is because it all started when we have fallen into sin. Rejection or being shameful of ourselves and being guilty of ourselves is from the garden of Eden.

As we all know, they have fallen into sin by disobeying God. So, it all started from there. This is why majority of us we do not like what we see in the mirror and God doesn’t really see you the way that people see you. The world will have many standards for you to live up to or follow but God usually look at you differently. Let’s give you an example. I’ll give you an example one is Gideon. If you don’t know your Bible. Of course probably you should start reading your Bible. Well Gideon was the man who was preparing for war but he was hiding somewhere on the threshing place and there was an angel of the Lord that told him “Hey valor man a valiant warrior, what are you doing here hiding you’re supposed to be leading troops.” But because Gideon had a very self insecurity. He had was very insecure and low self-esteem that he didn’t see himself the way that God sees him. Another one was Moses was also called out from being a shepherd. He was shepherding his father-in-law’s sheep for 40 years until God said, “It’s about time for you to go back to Egypt and I want you to set my people free. I want you to be a spokes person on my behalf and tell Pharaoh to let my people go,” and so Moses also thought that he was not a speaker and he could not talk because he stuttered. But God also saw him that you can use your mouth. Who actually created the mouth it’s actually me so you don’t have excuse for not opening your mouth. Another one of course is we can see Jeremiah. He also said, I’m too young why would you ask me to dosomething that is prophetic. Or use me as a prophet to prophesy something i’m very young God blah blah blah. So every one of us will eventually have the same problem like these people of old in the Bible, rejection.

Accept yourself

We don’t accept ourselves fully especially today as a young generation. We have a hard time accepting ourselves. Acceptance is something to do with self-awareness. I did not accept myself fully and I still have struggled with that idea of fully accepting yourself. Because as I said, I’m a human being and you’re always going to fall trap into this wanting to look like someone else, having the kind of body that a woman. When you look at them especially in the magazines or Instagram or Facebook, you wish that you could look like them. Have the same thighs as at them. Have the same kind of genetics as them. All of the list that we can go on by not accepting ourselves right. So, one of the things, I would like for you to think about is pay attention to how you see yourself in the mirror, how you reflect yourself, how you internalize every dialogue about yourself. Because subconsciously, you might have a lot of lies that you have been believing. Maybe because somebody in your family, your parents probably told you a lie that you’re not beautiful enough, you’re not tall enough, you’re too fat, you’re too ugly. You are just plain Jane or whateverkinds of label that they have given you.

So, when you become an adult especially if you’re not careful, you are going to replay those recording. Unbeknownst to you that is going to make you either build your self-esteem or it’s going to deteriorate and you’re going to just crumble and be insecure and next thing you know you’re just going to copy everybody else. As I always like to emphasize on my channel to always embrace yourself prospering in body, spirit, and soul whether you are embarking on a new journey or not . You must be aware of how you treat yourself and how you speak to yourself. Our words matter. This is why you have to be careful of how you speak to yourself. I also catch myself very negative and I would berate myself for telling myself, how stupid I am, how ugly I am sometimes. I may not say it out loud but you’ll be surprised that this actually can trigger something inside of us that our subconscious mind is going to believe it. As I always like to remind you our subconscious mind doesn’t know any better whether it’s present or it is in the past.

What you say to yourself matter

It doesn’t have any present moment. There’s no timetable when it comes to subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind whatever you feed it. It’s always present so if you tell yourself, “I am so beautiful. I am the most beautiful woman in the room and I’m so capable.” It will just going to believe that so over time when you keep telling yourself that you are capable. You are so lovely. You are very intelligent then that’s exactly what you’re going to believe. On the other hand, if you’re going to keep telling yourself that you’re too fat. You’re too ugly especially that you see yourself as that then you’re going to show up just the way that it is. So, be careful what you say to yourself because as I said, it becomes who you are. Accepting yourself also means forgiving yourself. We have been falling short for the glory of God. We are never perfect and this is why forgiveness is something also that’s very hard for us to do. Especially when you have been falling short of so many things that you promised yourself that I’m going to do and you ended up not doing it.

Start Now

You made a promise to yourself that maybe this year I’m going to lose weight and you ended up not keeping that promise to yourself. You have probably fell off the wagon also you promised yourself that this time I’m going to eat healthier and you did not or you promised yourself that I’m going to budget more or save more money. And then you did not do ended up doing it. So, we have so many things as we see as a failure. This is why we do not accept ourselves fully because we berate ourselves and beat ourselves up for not achieving the things that we would like to achieve. So, you must be able to have grace and mercy and just tell yourself that you can try again. As long as you’re living and as long as you are waking up in the morning. And God is still giving you breath and life of the gift, of life. He’s not done with you yet and so you can always start again and refresh again and restart a brand new day. If you have not yet done it this year. Maybe you have promised early on January 2025 that you’re going to lose 10 lbs and you have still haven’t done so like many of us. Then there’s no way, there’s really nothing for you to do is to start now. Instead of wasting your time berating yourself and beating yourself up. Maybe you should just get up and start already.

Stop comparing yourself

And then of course in order for you to accept yourself is to make sure to stop comparing yourself. Comparison is a thief of joy. It is by Eleanor Roosevelt that said that. Comparing yourself is a waste of your time. You cannot compare oranges and apples. They are the same category. They’re fruit, but they also provide different nutrients and vitamins. The same thing with us, when you compare yourself with people of your body type, the color of your skin, you ended up changing of who you’re not. The person that who wants to be white because they want to have a tanner skin. The person that is so tan. They want to be bleach and the person who has acurly hair wants to have a straight hair and the person that has straight hair wants to have a curly hair. I’m not saying that you couldn’t change all of that as long as you don’t get to obsess by trying to imitate somebody else’s that you’re not. So the kind of pressure as a woman that we face is so insurmountable that we also lose sight of who we really are because we’re so bombarded with too much advertisement out there of what a standard beauty looks like which is actually a lie. I believe that there’s no such thing as one size-fits-all.

Everybody's beautiful in the eyes of God because that's what God said my creation is beautiful. All things are good in my eyes. The only problem is people usually have a set of standard that said. This is what beautiful looks like and this is how a model should look like and this is what a size you know a figure of a model should be. Or whatever it is that people are going to call today. 

This is why when you go onto your Instagram on social media, when you see a very curated body type and it doesn’t look like you. You crumble and you start feeling depressed and you feel sad for yourself. Because why are you so fat and this person is so skinny or why is your life not fully aesthetic like their life. Maybe you are such a loser. So, if you are going to stop for a while and really assess yourself and be honest of how you can improve yourself. You cannot really change your circumstance unless you are honest and be truthful about where you’re at. If you want to look like a model then maybe perhaps, you should learn from them and figure out how does a model eat and what do they do on a daily basis. Instead of wallowing in self-pity then maybe you should work on your insecurities and the self-doubt that probably you have accumulated throughout the years. Because of the self-belief that you have been saying to yourself. Everything actually is figurable. You can figure it out as long as you’re willing enough to face the truth instead of comparing yourself. So if you’re not happy of your current life right now. Maybe you should ask yourself the question, what makes me happy and what kind of activities should I do? Which is my next point is invest in yourself.

Invest in yourself

As I always like to say on my channel is investing in yourself is something to do with learning every single time about yourself. Learning about your triggers, your wounds and I will always going to emphasize that on my channel because this channel is all about that healing your wounded feminine. It’s about healing your trauma from your mother wounds and from your father wounds and whatever abuse that you have been through in life. Investing in yourself is also going back to school if you have to. It is an on going process. Maybe you have to invest in your self-image. It’s how you see yourself the way that God sees you and reading God’s word. Investing yourself is knowing who your Creator is. It’s aligning your truth with God’s truth. I have also talked on my channel before that if you do not know who God is and how he sees you. Then you’re going to just look around the world and going to search for people’s approval and validation. You must be vertically aligned with the one who Created you so that you can horizontally be aligned with people around you. You cannot love people and yourself without having the love of God in you. The only transformation that really took place in my life that was tremendous was when I have realized that I must go back to the Creator. That’s what Jesus says you must attach with the vine for He is the vine, you are the branches a part from Him. You cannot do anything, you cannot bear fruit because the world is actually not your friend. I’m not saying that the people in the world are bad but the world’s standard and God’s standard when it comes to beauty. When it comes to accepting yourself is contrary to what the world does.

We have three enemies one is your flesh. It is your inner self that is very critical. It’s all about the downfall of Adam and Eve. It is the inner man that is flawed and broken and of course the world and Satan of course is going to deceive you. This is why so many people are deceived today because we actually fallen short by believing the lies of the world which means to say instead of really working in our soul. We always like to work on external. Have you not noticed it? People will always like to say, you know eat this kind of fruit and go to the gym and you’re going to feel better about yourself and you know buy more stuff and it’s all about band-aid and patching things up. But they never talk about your soul. It is the broken one that’s why Jesus said “What good is the man to gain the whole world but loses your soul?” Your soul is what is more important to God than your external beauties instead of looking beautiful and always obsessed with your looks and your figure but you have forgotten to take care of your soul which is investing in yourself: education, reading good books instead of mindlessly scrolling on Facebook.

Unplug once in a while

I’ve actually caught myself many times this week that I have not done anything so much because I catch myself just getting caught up in the short stories on YouTube or whatever it is that is happening around the world. But at the same time if we really are aware of our time, I ask myself this question, what did we do be fore cell phones and all the social media. I actually have to be mindful right now and I have to tell myself, okay you can have at least one hour in the morning to just pay close attention to what’s happening around the world and then you can browse and watch an influencer on YouTube or whatever it is that you want to watch. And then the rest of the day you have to really focus on your business or you have to stick to your schedule because we are so distracted. Our attention span today is getting so short and it’s not even funny. I also have to tell myself that at least once a day 30 minutes of reading or journaling because these actually can improve your mental health. It can improve how you feel when you assess how you feel every morning. I usually like to go back to what happened yesterday especially when something triggered me and I would like to ask myself the question, how could I have done it differently? What were the steps that I should have done differently at this time? What were the triggers and what kind of situation that made me felt so sad or bad?So sometimes, it all comes back to people’s words or maybe their actions that made me so upset that I have to go back again and analyze and reassess of how I could improve in those situation.

Self-acceptance

And then of course when you want to accept yourself is to do with your self-acceptance right accept yourself is to embrace who you are quirkiness and flaws. I’m not saying that you should tolerate the bad behavior. You must always improve yourself and learn to evolve as a woman. Self-acceptance doesn’t mean tolerating any bad and negative characteristics that you have enveloped and embodied. When I say self-acceptance, it’s about your physical body. So I used to hate my body so much before because I felt like I am too short and I’m too whatever chubby when I was in high school when I over ate. But mind you, I was actually very skinny when I came from the Philippines but when I migratedto the United States of America because my diet have changed I ate too much junk food and I had so much chocolate. So I gained so much pounds. So when you actually self-accepting yourself, it’s not just about how you look in the mirror but actually about your flaws. It’s about your personality so embracing yourself and accepting yourself is really being okay to be weird and unique. Or if that’s your super power my super power sometimes is I guess I am very paradox person. I’m not always happy. If I’m happy I will show it to you. If I’m sad I’m very sad. If I’m mad. I’m mad. It’s the same thing that people have to realize that we have been categorized in this world but we cannot just be categorized.

Embrace who you are

You cannot just be one one way or the other person. For me, I always go with the people that I deal with that’s how I change my mood rapidly. If I also like to accept myself is to do something to do with your mistakes that you have made. You have to accept your past. You cannot change your past. You just have to accept it. You must learn to let go of the past that had happened to you. Accepting yourself is also being able to just embrace that you are who you are the way that God created you. You are not your best friend, cousin and you are not your sister. They’re not the same. As I have done a podcast, the last time of embracing your uniqueness. Your quirkiness, whatever it is that you thinkt hat is so flawed. You’ll be surprised that the people who made a difference in this world are the ones who actually embrace who they were. So if you have a buck tooth or a crooked teeth. Maybe something that you have really don’t like about yourself or maybe you just don’t like your freckles or whatever it is about yourself that you dread. Maybe those are the times that you must learn to accept yourself and generally before I used to wear a stilettos and a high pump, those Spice Girls I think Sketchers. Because I wanted to be taller and then eventually when you become a mother, over time; you just have to to learn to love flats and to embrace that well I cannot really change my stature. This is how God created me. I’m only you know short so I cannot really dread about that so over time, the little things that used to bother me are no longer bothering me right now because I just fully accepted who I am especially with the stature.

And of course, these were just the things that I want you to think about especially when you’re still learning of accepting yourself. Acceptance is really a on going journey. It is always trying to pivot and change your direction. As we are evolving as a woman, you are never going to be the same when you’re in your teens and your 20s and 30s and 40s. You always have to embrace of whichever season you’re in. I am in my season of trying to navigate perimenopause and I’m trying to navigate what 40 woman looks like and what does she like and what she doesn’t the things that I used to like before in my 20s and 30s, they were no longer really something that I obsess about I used to get so obsessed about my looks and and how I was being perceived. Nowadays, I’m more into: am I feeling better do I feel good right now. Am I tired? How is my hormones? Am I am I sleeping well? Am I eating right? So it’s all about now the internal. I’m more focused now about the holistic approach of how to have a healthy lifestyle. So that my family are better so that I can become a better mom and a wife in my own my family.

Beautiful from the inside out

So I am more focused now about not just trying to be healthy but also trying to be healthy for my family the reasons. Why we have to be healthy too is because we want to be here longer than our you know children and we have to be we can be able to cater to their needs and when they need us we are going to be there and not tired. Most of the time and so these are the things that when we evolve as awoman. We must learn every stages we are never going to be the same because as I always say if you’re not evolving you’re practically dying. You must be able to change and you must be able to embrace these changes in your life. The saddest thing in life is to not embrace and accepting being old. I don’t want to get politically here and I don’t want to ruffle some feathers but as we all know today. There are those people who are celebrities who still refuses to embrace being old. They don’t like being old so they hang on to that being youthful and they dress hideously and they actually are trying to be provocative now which is sending a wrong message to the this generation.

Now they are you know showing off their private parts on TV which is very immature in my opinion because you have already done with that kind of prime. If you are in your 20s and your 30s, I’m not saying that you should expose your private parts but at the same time, you’re allowed to just show a little bit of skin. But it doesn’t mean that you’re not going to have a little bit of decency and be dignified about it. Because when you are usually just sending this kind of message to the young adult saying, it’s okay to dress up in this way you are lost. You have lost touch and actually you are wounded. I believe that when women are dressing up so provocatively because they have been sexualized before and they have been objectified before and used as a sex toy which is very disturbing. And we should not tolerate that kind of normalizing that kind of behavior in this world today and we have to make sure to be aware and wake some women up saying, “You must be part of the solution and not part of the problem,” because it’s not okay for you to expose the parts of you that shouldn’t be exposed especially when you’re middle-aged woman. Especially when you’re actually heading towards seniority or being a lack of a better word an ancient or an antiquated woman.

There’s a time where you should at least embrace that okay I’m actually in my 50s now and 60s. There’s appropriate way of dressing myself and there’s also a way that I should carry myself in the world because there are people watching especially when you have a platform and especially when children or little girls are looking up to you and you are a public figure. You have a responsibility to share that to these little girls that you should not address a certain way for you to be loved or to be accepted. Because as I said, this is the reason why we have so much abuse right now that’s happening in our world because of some people who are actually not using their platform for good use in a healthy way. But they’re actually trying to send of a different kind of message which is very sad and it’s frightening to normalize these kinds of perverted generation.

That we are that’s why Paul reminded us that you must be the light of this world that is crooked and perverse and we have to be set apart and we have to be careful that the world doesn’t have any sense of righteousness because they are blind leading the blind. And so, if you are truly the one who love God and you want to emulate God’s character and you want to be able to practice what Jesus preached . Then we must be careful that we do not emulate or copy the behavior or tolerate the behavior of the world because that’s why Jesus as I said, they are actually darkened. Their eyes have been darkened. Because of the principalities that has been governing this world because the world is all about you, me, myself and I. It’s about the I in the pride. It’s about the I am more important than you so I can just wear whatever I want, you know I don’t care about how you feel. So as long as you are not offending people and you’re not really just broadcasting something that is very disturbing. Maybe it’s okay to dress however you want but as long as it’s not really below the belt. I could say there’s not really nothing that I could think about right now. So maybe that’s something for you to think about that it’s okay to grow old. It’s part of life. It’s inevitable. Every one of us is going to grow old and die and shriveled so what is so bad about that. Anyway, I mean the problem is we are just so in denial and some people have lost touch and face reality that it’s going to happen to you whether you like it or not. No matter how many times you’re going to run away from the truth but the truth is going to always going to haunt you back in the end. It’s going to drag you back and ask you to face reality and I think the bravest women I believe in this world is embracing who they are by not changing and by not pretending to be somebody else that they’re not.

Let’s just be honest those are the bravest women. I think who are brave enough to embrace their being I don’t know old and you’re not really trying to shriveled and say well you know, I must look like in my 20s because I’m already in my 50s or 60s which is you got to be kidding me. You have to really just embrace that you’re going to grow old like everybody else and you’re going to die eventually that’s just no escaping from that. And the sooner you embrace and accept that the better you will probably feel good about yourself. So that is all I would like for you to think about and I hope you are blessed with this message. As I always like to leave you with be bold, be brave, and be courageous and keep your faith. I will see you on my next podcast. Have a wonderful day!