Episode #24 – The Pursuit of Happiness

Transcript

hi everyone! Welcome back on another podcast! Welcome to Soulish femme, my name is Glennavelle. Today is another topic and today’s episode is titled “Is it possible to be happy again?” For many of us who have been burnt and betrayed by people you have been traumatized betrayed by someone that you have expected to love you and to defend you and as it turns out they’re actually the ones who have hurt you do the most. Is it possible to be happy again?

Happiness is a state of being as they say. It is not so much about the doing. It’s funny because I just watched this movie called Hector and His pursuit of happiness. It is a movie. I don’t want to give too much of the movie, if you want to watch it. It’s a very old movie that I was scrolling a few days ago while trying to see to what kind of a movie I have watched and I somehow stumbled upon this. He’s a psychiatrist in that movie . I don’t know the name of the actor per se but he was also unhappy. He was going through the motion about his life and he’s counseling different kinds of people and have different kinds of problem. They have challenges that they are facing in their life and he actually had found himself on a crossroad and asking himself the question if he can do something differently about his life.

Happiness is a mindset

Many of us think that happiness is something that we chase. Something that we pursue. We think that if I could travel more, if I could buy more stuff. If I could probably have the right relationship because this man had everything. He was making good money. He was professional. He had a good career and his life was very predictable. He wakes up in the morning, he has a wonderful girlfriend that he was living with at that time and she was also very thoughtful. She was very caring but for some odd reason this psychiatrist, this man who was a therapist was still felt like something was missing in the puzzle of his life. Most people are always asking the question, “What makes me happy? How do you define happiness isn’t it the true that most people when we live in this world.

We always think that happiness is the greatest pursuit of life. When in fact it’s actually not the truth. When you just want to be happy all the time. There’s so many things that you can be happy about. You think that making more money is going to make you happy and then eventually you make the money and after you have achieved that goal of making money. Then you’re up to something different and you’re going to chase another trinket and if you have chased that trinket or that goal. Then you move on to the next one and the next one until the next thing you know, you are never satisfied. You’re never content.

So how do you really define happiness?

Is it by marrying someone that you love because it comes with challenges too. So you been praying to God, “I want to be able to find the Mr. perfect, Mr. right and when you found the one. You married, the person and as it turns out, there’s also another problem. Then your happiness is now completely gone. You don’t feel happy anymore when challenges arise and then you wish to have a house and that also comes with responsibility. The bigger the house, you have, the bigger mortgage payment is and the bigger of a house you’re going to clean out. This nonstop chasing and pursuing and achieving. As if this is truly what happiness is, always chasing, always wanting more and always striving harder and harder. Because I don’t think that’s how the definition of happiness.

So in his pursuit of happiness. In this movie, he ended up coming across different people with different backgrounds and walks of life and ethnicity. At one point, he encountered a woman that was also very lost and she was being pimped out but he thought that he could find happiness by having two people at the same time. Or having a casual affair with another woman. As it turns out, it was becoming more complicated than he wanted it to become. Then of course, he also encountered another man who had lots of money but he was all alone in a hotel. All he did was travel places and he said people who think that money can’t buy happiness are stupid or dumb. Yet when you look at this man’s lifestyle he was also living lonely. Most of the time between airplanes and airports and always living in the hotel by himself but that too did not encompass or define what happiness is.

Happiness is subjective

So I think happiness is subjective. It is not based on one sizefits all. This is my definition of happiness and everybody should do what I say or follow what I say here because happiness is truly is a state of mind. It’s a being. It’s you embodying happiness. No matter what is happening in your life. No matter if you’re going through a hard time right now in your relationship. If you’re having financial struggles or you have health issues or maybe you have not achieved your goals and dreams in life. You can still be happy. Happiness is a longlasting effect in the midst of trials even if you are going through some hardships in life. That’s why the Bible is clear, “Be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.” Jesus said, “Rejoice in this world even if you’re going through tribulation because trials and tribulation is guaranteed in life.” If you are living in this world and if you have been here for a long time, you know that you are going to encounter lots of trials. You will going to have challenges whether you like it or not.

Be anxious for nothing according to Philippians 4:6. Be anxious for nothing but in everything that you do, you have to learn how to rejoice and be prayerful and thanksgiving and gratitude. So I think one of the happiest people to accumulate happiness is to learn how to be grateful and to practice gratitude. Count your blessing and to really not look out for something that you do not have and fix yourself of what’s in front of you. I really think and this is my theory and humor me here for a second, maybe the reason why Eve and Adam fell into sin of disobeying God because they were focusing on the things that they didn’t have. They were focusing on the lack. Remember what God said to them of all the fruits and of all the trees in this garden, you must not touch this one, the forbidden one. But they had everything else available for them. They have every resources and food that they needed. For God said to them you can eat everything around here, but do not focus on this lack.

Stop comparing yourself

The problem with us as people is that when we focus on what we don’t have, we’re going to feel miserable. We’re going to feel unhappy about our own lives because now we’re looking around of what Jonas is doing and what Kim Kardashian is doing, trying to keep up with a Jonases trying to keep up with a Kim Kardashian’s lifestyle. If we don’t have that we compare ourselves and we then instantly say that our life is no good because I don’t drive the same things that they drive. I don’t have the same house that they have. I don’t earn the same money. So this constant comparing yourself and the inability to count your blessings, I think are the contributors of being unhappy. People who are complaining all the time and they play the victim and they just want other people to fix their problem or to hand them something for free because they’re not willing to help themselves. They are becoming miserable when you are always playing the victim and you don’t want to take accountability. Because you point the finger. You’re miserable.

You cannot expect people to fix you when something in your heart needs to be fixed. It’s only you have that autonomy and that choice to do, however; you need to do it. Maybe seek some counseling, you know. Talk to a pastor in church or a priest or maybe journal about it or maybe talk to yourself in the mirror. There are so many things that you can really be happy about. It’s not only I think that you can just be happy when you’re buying something because happiness sometimes could make you feel good in the moment but then that will dissipate right away. Like buying new shoes, it makes me happy when I have new shoes. It makes me happy when I just purchase a new bag a few days ago but then that feeling and the sensation of that adrenaline rush will eventually going to quickly disappears as fast as a lightning. Once the purchase is here, the next minute, you’re trying to chase another thing again and chase another thing. Maybe you’re going to purchase another bag and then after that you still have not found happiness.

Happiness is in your control

So happiness is counting your blessing, as I said. And also trying to not grumble and compare yourself and stop wanting to have what others have but learning to be content of what you have right now in the moment and working simultaneously to a life that you want to achieve. So if you want to have a better job then look for another job. Prepare yourself for interviews, update your resume and maybe learn different skills. If you want to look thinner and you want to be healthy then maybe you should start changing the abilities or the habits and the lifestyle the food that you’re eating. Maybe that makes you happy. There are a lot of things that you can actually contribute to happiness into yourself. I think it all starts with your mindset and how you approach life even if you have been abused by people and victimized by people and have done you wrong in the past. You can still turn it around and make it usable for your future. You can use your story to inspire some people. You can use your story to motivate some people. You can also use a story to maybe write a book. Learn some podcasting and how you can podcast like myself. I’m trying to use my story to inspire people and hopefully with my story they can learn from my mistakes and also being able to motivate themselves that says if she was able to go through those painful memories and painful experiences in her life and she is here today and she’s able to make it through. I too can do the same thing like her.

So happiness is in your control. It is in your hand. It is not something that you purchase. It is not something that you get out of education. If educating yourself makes you happy. If reading a book makes you happy. Buying flowers makes you happy. If it invokes some kind of emotion inside of you that you are a very happy person. Maybe dancing or singing or maybe walking or jogging or whatever kind of feeling that you feel. When you see something. Maybe loving someone that you truly love and talking with that person and hugging and kissing and having the kind of conversation that is so deeply rooted and a very profound conversation. That after a while after you have gone out from the conversation you feel so good about yourself. You’re happy. You want more of that kind of conversation. You will know when you’re happy with someone when you have a conversation with that person. You’re a better version of yourself that you’re a better human being instead of worse. Maybe you should spend time with those people more than the ones that are toxic.

Choose your circles wisely

That’s why I said, evil company ruins your reputation. Evil company corrupts good morals because it’s true. It is important that if a person that you deal with always drain your energy, they’re sucking your life out of you and they’re not contributing to your happiness and they’re not contributing to the life that you want. Maybe you should just avoid them. If you can and put boundaries and maybe you should at least try to find different people who can really make you happier and who can help you improve in your well-being. We don’t want to really just waste our time to get involved with someone that are toxic, always negative, complainer and judgmental. You know these kind of people. They always see the glass half full and they just always have something to complain about and they always like to blame others than themselves.

Also when you want to be happy, you also have to be able to admit to yourself that there are going to be days that it’s not going to be perfect. I really don’t think that you can be happy and be perfect at the same time. It’s okay not to have it all figured out. It’s okay that your life is not a magazine that is so well curated that you are not living in a picket fence house. And you’re not living on your best life or you’re missing out on something of you always have to post something on Instagram or Facebook or social media to prove to the world that you have it all together. I think sometimes we just love to put ourselves on the spotlight because we really are insecure. We don’t want to admit that we just want to compete with each other, pretending like my life is better than yours. My life is better than yours and your life is not really that better than mine. So we have this facade that we have bought a lie into a society that if you if I could just post everything I do with my life and if I just post everything that I eat or go then maybe I feel much better with myself. But I think that screaming more as if you’re really are insecure that you have to broadcast to the world of the kinds of food you’re eating or the kinds of places that you’re going to.

Unplug from the noise

I know that we love people nowadays who can do that because the thing is. It’s monetizing now. It’s all about making more money. So happiness is in the palm of your hands .It is something that you are in control. It is your choice. It is something that you choose for yourself. Understanding what makes you tick off and what makes you happy and at peace. For me when I am unplugging from my cell phone. When I take a nap in the afternoon when I’m tired. When I’m not constantly overly stimulated by watching too much of politics or news or whatever noise or going on around the world. I am actually in a happier state. The problem with us today is we’re overly stimulated. We’re constantly entertaining ourselves. We exhaust ourselves to a point where our brain is going to shut down because we have nothing else to give and we are no more capacity of our brain to take every crappy things that we see in the world. That’s why you have to be selective, if you want to be happy. Do not watch bad news as much as you can. Avoid and refrain yourself from watching too much bad news because they are not going to make you happy.

They’re going to make you miserable and cranky and I had this problem before my husband caught me doing this. I was very irrate. I was very easily irritable. I was always argumentative and my husband noticed this about me and he said “What is going on with you?” And because I was watching too much bad news. I was always watching the gloom and doom and the fear-mongering about it’s the end of the world. It was during the time of COVID-19. There was a lot of division happening in this country. There was a lot of debate that was happening between the left and the right between Democrats and Republicans. It’s always been this way and he said to me, you should stop watching those things because it makes your blood boil and you become so erratic.

If I was not aware of what he said and when I was focusing on myself if he said about is right and I thought he’s actually right. I was consuming so much of those negative voices and division. Next thing you know, you’re going to be one of those people and you become very angry for no apparent reason because they cannot agree on pro or whatever they’re trying to argue. At this time of my life. I can’t even talk so they have the same debate over and over again. They have the same problem over and over again. So for me, to really watch and consume those things that I don’t really contribute. I just watch. I consume not that I am contributing. I’m consuming. The more you consume the things that are toxic and the more you consume things that are not good for you and stimulating your brain. It is actually creating more tension in yourself. Maybe you should just unplug and detach from your cell phone. As I said, I make a habit nowadays, I tried my best once a week, I will shut down my phone and put it in the other room or put it in silence where I don’t have to always look at my cell phone or glued my face in front of my cell phone. I’ve been trying so hard and sometimes I can do it but sometimes I couldn’t do it but.

The ability of have the self-control and not really always engage on front of your phone and be addicted to your screen time. It takes a lot of effort and determination because apparently our cell phone is making us so addicted. For some reason, if you don’t have your phone something is wrong and bad things is going to happen but before cell phone we never thought about those things and about emergency right. We never thought about what is going to happen if I don’t have my cell phone nowadays. We’re so afraid of not having our cellphone to a point that it’s controlling all of us and so there are times when I say to myself, I am not going to check my phone today. I am not going to look at my you know YouTube. I’m not going to be obsessed with algorithm because these are just numbers.

So happiness is a state of mind. It is what you embody. It is what you practice on a daily basis. It is what you do. It is a simple habit that you do repeatedly. 

It makes me happy when I also have a wonderful day. If I have no fight with people. I have no argument with people. If my schedule is followed and I followed them strategically. If I’m able to promise something about myself and I showed up. For instance, if I said to myself, I’m going to work out today and I did that and I drank milk or I drink the right you know beverages. I did not drink too much soda or I ate the kind of food that’s good for my body. Those makes me happy. Happiness is something that you also think about the kinds of activities. Not just hobbies but activities that you should do on a daily basis. It’s by repetition. It is by repetition of activities that you do on a daily basis. What makes you happy. When you feel probably good about yourself. If you lose the weight or you have slept good the night before. If you have 7 hours of sleep. Maybe you’re happy when you see yourself beautiful in the reflection but what if you become older? That’s why people that are not happy and their happiness is dependent upon their physical is also not a happy person.

Embody Happiness

As I said, happiness is a mindset. It is your embodiment because what happens if you are old now and you have wrinkles all over the place and you are now in your 70s and you look at yourself in the mirror. You’re not in your 20s anymore and then what you’re going to do? You’re going to end up getting lots of botox and next thing you know, you are going to just do some things in your body that you shouldn’t because you’re already old. This is why I think majority of people are not really happy. They just pretend like they are but they do some things that are very external things so that they will lie to themselves and to the world that they’re happy even though they’re not really happy. Because if you really are happy, why would you pick on yourself of trying to change your face into someone that you are not or trying to make yourself look younger even though you’re in your 60s, 70s, and 80s.

Because let’s be honest, you’re insecure and insecurity does not scream happiness. Happy people will not care so much about the external validation. Happy people are not too consumed whether or not they’re being perceived as likable. Happy people are not concerned about if they gain a little bit of pounds here and there or trying to change their face to suit the needs of their partner or to suit the needs of their culture. That is not happiness is. Happy people are just happy of being who they are. They love themselves. They accepted the color of their skin. They accepted who they are. They have actually made peace with themselves a long time ago that this is who I am. This is what I love. This is what I look like so I’m going to be happy with that.

On on the other hand, unhappy people are always trying to achieve greater lengths to a point where it’s going to compromise their health, their peace of mind and their well-being that they’re always chasing and trying to do new things and trying to pursue things. Because we think that being busy, the hustle culture nonsense that if you don’t sleep at night then you are going to be a millionaire or somebody says if you’re just going to unplug or not work then you’re not going to be successful. Or, the lies that says that if you are just going to watch TV maybe once in a while you’re going to not be a millionaire. Even if perhaps those are true that instead of watching a movie, you can probably read a book but who defines that kind of success is actually as I said it is subjective. Excuse me. I just had some tea right now and a piece of cheesecake that I purchased. (A side note).

The little things matter

But see making coffee in the morning. I always look forward to it. It makes me happy and journaling makes me happy and drinking a cup of tea with my slice of cake it makes me happy, eating chocolates makes me happy. Buying me flowers makes me happy. If I also let my son brush his teeth and I don’t have to argue with my son and he listens right away. It makes me happy when there are days and weeks that I don’t argue with my husband it also makes me happy. A simple phone call from my loved ones or a simple text saying “I’m thinking of you. I love you. I’m here for you.” That also makes me happy. I mean there’s so many little things that adds up that really when you think about it, these are simple things that sometimes beig overlooked and they’re not really expensive to provide for you. But when you get them they actually make you happy. For instance, I was giving this person something because she was homeless and I was driving and getting a gasoline . I happened to stumble upon this woman and I felt bad for her so I grabbed something to eat from the gas station and I give her something to eat. Even though she was very high on drugs maybe.

She was very out of it but because there was something inside my heart that says you just have to give her whatever you can give and that made me happy. As I said, happiness is something that accumulates over time with the little things that you do and over time it all adds up. They become a habit and it’s something that can encompass the happiness and a well-being of your life. I mean it can make you better when you are not going to look around for problems of how people made you feel this way and how you can get back to them and how you can be vindictive.

Learn to let go

When you’re being vindictive and you’re bittered and angry, you’re not happy. When you’re resentment you’re resentful and you are very going to be a hard person to get along with. I think people that are unhappy are insecure. They’re going to point the bad things about you. They’re going to point the finger at you of what’s wrong with you because I’ve encountered this in my own life. When you are insecure because you’re not happy with your life, you’re going to tear a person apart. You’re going to judge them and you’re going to question like, why do you do these things and why do you start a video on YouTube? Who the hell do you think you are for writing a book? Who the hell do you think you are for creating a podcast? Because unhappy people are going to be miserable. Misery loves company. So they want to drag people with them as much as they can and they want you to be on the same level as them.

If you are a person who’s happy, you’re not going to allow this voices to to deter your dreams and allow you to alter all of your goals in life because you’re so focused on your life and you’re so happy of what you’re doing. So no matter what negative people are saying, the judgmental ones. The ones who doesn’t really have nothing to prove to themselves but because you’re so secure about yourself, you don’t have time to go around judging people and pointing the finger. You have no time going around to ask them or to tear their dreams apart because you’re so happy. Unhappy people on the other hand are insecure people. To remain in the same level as they do. They don’t want you to see you succeed. They don’t want you to see be happy. So they’re going to shut it down. If they’ll see you happy. It’s like, they are become threatened every time they see you happy. They don’t like to see you happy. So if you are a person who’s happy, you’re also happy for other people.

Maybe this podcast is all over the place but we’re talking about happiness anyway. It’s all related so it’s okay. Just bear with me for a second. So this is why happiness starts with you. It is your daily habit. Your mindset. It is what you do on a daily basis. It is the small little things that can contribute happiness to you. It is also the choices that you’re making and the things that you’re doing with yourself so that you can also love other people. Because you cannot be happy for someone if you’re not happy with your own self. It starts with you. You cannot create happiness with yourself and you cannot pretend like you’re happy. Even though you are not really secure about yourself. The happiest people I think are children. That’s why Jesus said, “You have to learn from these kids. You know why kids are the happiest people?

Because they don’t hold any grudges. Kids are always want to play along. They just want to play around. They have no bitterness in their hearts. They actually are very curious and creative. I look at my son and even if I already yelled at him and scream at him and he just learned to let go and he’s laughing again and he’s smiling with his friends and talking and he doesn’t think about what I said that was wrong or you know holding the grudges. Because they can just let go of this bitterness. This is why, I think it’s important that when we become an adult so we don’t forget to be like a little children who actually are learning to let go of our bitterness and resentment and anger. We should not hold on with grudges and we become so embittered with life and we’re not going to do anything with ourselves. So these are just my opinion about what happiness really is. I hope you have learned from this message. I will see you next time.