Transcript:

Welcome to Soulish Femme. Soulish Femme is a channel solely dedicated for you where I help focus in prospering body, spirit and soul. Life is a journey and I am glad that you can be a part of mine. As you explore my vlogs and my real talk episodes, I hope you will find inspirations and motivation you are looking for. Remember that life is not going to wait around for you. Therefore, live a life with intentionality and curate the life you’ve always dreamed of. As much as I love to share about my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, I also would like to showcase my passions in life such as food, travel, fashion, beauty, and many more. To truly be free from the shackles of the systems limitation, you must decide once and for all to live unapologetically and live a life that makes you feel alive and rejuvenated every single day. Perhaps I am a hopelessly romantic person, but I truly believe we are meant to enjoy the wonders and the magnificent beauty the world has to offer. If you are ready to embark on your healing journey from traumatic experiences, feel free to check the link below to enroll in this course through Udemy. I will see you there. Thank you. [Music]

Everyone, welcome back to another podcast. My name is Glennavelle Manarang. To those of you who are tuning in for the first time, welcome to Soulish Femme. Today’s topic is about socially awkward and how to navigate. We as introverts, you want to call it, introverts or loners or whatever kind of label you want to call yourself, we are addicted to our own time. We love solitude more than ever. We do love our own company. Nonetheless, when it comes to having socially invited or not actually invited, attended a birthday party to an event, whether it’s a family gathering and you seldomly occasionally show up and here you are smack in the middle of it with so many strangers. Some are familiar faces and some are actually not.

So, as we navigate through it, what are the things that you must do as a socially awkward introverts? And I think probably that would be the exact title of this podcast. Well, to throw on top of it as traum traumatiz or anxious social butterfly, I’m not really sure if you can put it in the same sentence. How can you socially anxious? Actually, some people socially anxious. Maybe you’re not going to be able to see it see it. But for some of us who are actually not aware and these are the things that I would like for you to look at yourself from observation and I think the number one rule is be yourself. If you are just like me who loves her own company more than anything, you learn to just show up for who you are. Do not try to be there to be someone else and to try to validate yourself to be liked, to be loved, to be accepted. You are not there to impress. That’s why it’s important to look out and be interested about other people when you’re having a conversation with them, especially when you haven’t talked to them in a long time.

And especially when there are people in your life that can trigger you, that will do something that you know that they’re going to go out of their way to provoke you, poke you, and do kinds of cha-cha to just annoy you. Because let’s face it, not everyone is going to like you being there. And not everybody is going to love seeing you. some family members or perhaps people that you actually thought that are good friends of yours you thought that they’re actually for you. However, if you just observe people, which my other point, observe and pause and let them be who they are and really pay attention the energy and the vibration. The way they talk to you because you can perceive when you stop talking and you just observe and how they talk to you. You can feel it from their emotions. Whether these people are performative or trying to portray that they like you, but behind their back they actually cannot stand you. You can feel the authenticity. You can also feel the falsehood that they actually portray in themselves.

And this is why if you learn to just observe people and pause and take a deep breath because let’s face it, these are people that sometimes you avoid at all costs because sometimes maybe in the past they did not do you well and actually they did something or said something behind your back even though you may not want to cancel them because I am not for cancelling people because in the Bible Jesus never canceled people. This is where we participate in loving people who does not love you. This is where your character is going to be built. Even though you’re in the smack in the midst of people who cannot stand you or like you, you are composed. You are still have this poise, the ability to become the most elegant person in the room. Even though you can see that some of them are probably envious, they have this kind of energy that really resonate negativity

And another point that I would like to make is that you have to be prepared of what kind of clothing dress to feel confident and to look confident. You’re not there to impress. As I said, occasionally there are certain clothes that you must wear in appropriate occasion. You have to be able to of course find out as much as you can what is the event about. Is it really formal, semi-formal? You don’t want to be out of place either. You don’t want to either stand out as if it’s too much where if it’s not a bold gown or it’s not something that you have to dress with black and white tie or maybe you should just have to be in the middle not too dressy or not too dressed down because it’s important that when you walk into a socially awkward event when you are feeling as though you are so not good anymore at this kind of event you also have to understand that is this kind of clothing if I put it on would I feel good or confident about it?

Not so much about trying to impress people because as I said, we’re not trying to ask for people’s validation or try to impress them. We have to be able to show up for who we are genuinely and loving our own skin and loving what we wear. However, we must also be respectable and appropriate and showing up for people. That’s why when you feel confident in your own clothing, you feel good of what you wear. I really think that you can just exude confidence not by trying, not by trying to gain people’s likes or validation. However, you can actually just be who you are having fun and talk to other people that I haven’t talked to.

And another point that I would like to make is that you got to be able to have allowance to other people. As I said, give them grace and let them who they are. Very interested, be very interested about other people. So when you talk to people, I usually talk to just one-on-one and try to ask them more about who they are because people love to talk about themselves and when you give them that kind of allowance to allow them to genuinely ask questions of who you who they are, what do they like, the kinds of job that they do, and you’re very passionate about connecting with people, engaging with people, not because you’re trying to gain their networking, some kind of uh idea in your head that maybe in the future they can back you up. Or maybe because this is just for the sake of me trying to have some kind of like a pyramid scheme, you know, people just trying to be on top of each other who wants to be the best of the best.

When I actually connect with people, I genuinely love to get to know you. I genuinely want to know who is this person that I’m talking to? What is this person about? What are her what are her qualities? The kind of things that she likes? Because if you really have this idea in your head when you talk to people, eye contact, uh the kind of confidence that you should, not because you’re just too self-absorbed and caught up in your own agenda or idea. When you’re too caught up with your own agenda and your idea and you’re always in your head, you’re losing sight of what matters the most. You’re you’re losing sight of the person that is in front of you. The person that is in front of you is actually wanting a deeper conversation and which is lacking in our generation today.

Most of our conversation right now are shallow and some people usually avoid you sometimes because they don’t have depth in them. They have no substance. But for some people who truly want to get to know you, who have this substance, they can have conversation that is really good and it’s influential as well as inspiring. And these are the people that you should invest your time well with. You have to be able to engage with people with different kinds of walks in life. Wherever they were at in life, maybe they’re CEO you didn’t even know. Maybe they’re just janitors. Maybe they’re just a plain Jane. At least you treat people the same way. you do not have favoritism because I think when you’re going to favor other people based on their status or based on their ranking, you actually are biased. You’re prejudiced. But we don’t want to act or behave that way because you are not really genuine. when you also need some kind of retreat when in this socially awkward event.

If you need to just remove yourself, if you get overwhelmed sometimes with a crowd like us introverts when there’s too much noise around us, so many things going on left and right and we just somehow want to fade away in the background and get lost and be invisible. However, there are times that you need to retreat, which I al also do. And you must not feel guilty or feel bad about it. If you have to just go somewhere where you can just sit and absorb everything and come back again and be able to participate in whatever is going on, then you must probably at least allow yourself to take a deep breath and go back. And if the hostess is asking why are you here, you know, what’s going on? And just you’re sitting here by yourself, you just say, I’m going to be I’m going to go back there. Just give me some time. I’m just trying to finish something. explain yourself as much as you can because you don’t really have to explain to them that that I am an introvert and so and so that I must have time but at least you give a little bit of grace for yourself because as I said when we have this kind of too much stimulation and we’re not used to it.

Especially when we have been spending so much alone time with with ourselves on top of that you’re navigating your emotions and their triggers and they’re they are uh something that will invoke emotions out of you out of spite of what people are doing or saying and you’re becoming so restless and that is a time to just take a deep breath and retreat and then come back again and once you gain momentum and gain the kind of confidence back again you can interact again with so many people and you can participate again in the conversation and I really think that when you push yourself to that kind of environment and you’re not used to it anymore it really forces you to get out of your comfort zone as much as you feel awkward because for some of us who are socially awkward, we don’t really fit in. We don’t know which mold we fit in. We don’t know what kind of people that we fit in. The beautiful thing about introverts are we are just being able to connect with everybody. You know why?

Because we can deeply feel people with their essence even though they have not spoken to us. You can there is a way as an introvert. I’m not sure if you can relate but this is exactly the kind of essence or the kind of um observation that I have felt for some people just by looking at them. I can sense when someone is truly grounded and they’re worth your time with the conversation and some people I just not going to even bother talking to you because I can perceive that our conversation is going to be waste of my time. You have to be selective of course when talking to people, but of course you have to also be respectful and introduce yourself as much as you can and maybe your conversation is not going to be going to the length and being too friendly. But some on some other instances there are people that you can truly engage and really talk about who you are and exchange ideas and really understand that you have something in common.

I believe that when you go into a party, everybody is really afraid. They’re not really that confident. They just somehow pretend like they are. We can always pretend like we’re confident. But at the same time, you just have to show up for the best version of who you are. You have to be able to behave decently and respectable and be considerate of other people. And you have to be able to have cues. What are the things that you must avoid? and you know courtesy and politeness and being uh agreeable I think are those are the characteristics that you must enveloped and exude when you attend these kinds of party especially when there’s so many so much going on and so much stimuli and here you are trying to understand your own emotions and people are talking here and people are saying something or people are having a good time there’s so much going on at one time that your brain sometimes it’s like I don’t even know which one to process.

But at the same time, as I said, you just have to really take a deep breath and being aware of how you feel in the moment and acknowledge that awareness of your emotions. And then as much as you can, you have to show up and be able to be comfortable of being uncomfortable. Uh, I think one of the reasons why I always like to say that I’m introvert because I was not good at this because growing up when we were children, we were never really exposed to this kind of event because we were told to just separate from the adult, go upstairs, you know, you’re not here to mingle with the adults. So maybe that’s the reason why as much as I love to get to know people or have this kind of parties every time. But because of the upbringing that I had, maybe one of the reasons why I become introverted and learn to just process things on my own because I also think that too much of social socializing or too much of people around you, we become too exhausted and we are depleting of our energy. And as much as we’d like to socialize all the time, it’s not really realistic.

But when it comes to that kind of an event, when you are invited to this kind of event and you know exactly the standards, you know exactly how to behave and you know how to show up for yourself without even trying to valid to get some validation as I think is the best thing you can do is really prepare mentally and you have to just tell yourself this is going to be okay. This is a good opportunity to meet other people and to be able to get out of your comfort zone and it really stretches you. It is going to be the kind of muscle that stretches your confidence when you when you put yourself in a situation and you talk to other people that you haven’t talked to before and you’re very uh friendly as much as you can. It also stretches your confidence and it will show you that you’re actually capable of more than of more than things that you think you can’t. I mean, I don’t even know how to word.

You’re more capable of doing things that you thought you are not possible for you to do. I think it really shows that when you are going to just be who you are without any flakiness, without any masquerade, people can sense it too. And I think people who are going to show up for who they are, there are more people are more drawn to you because we live in a society where there’s too much superficiality and shallowness and as I said, no substance and no depth anymore. We just like to be loud and always loquacious and overly showy. But at the same time, that’s a party. That’s why there’s going to be a lot of noise. But at the same time, if you think there are socially you’re a socially awkward introvert, then you must be able to just do the best that you can. And this is good for you to be stretching out your confidence.

As I said, and I might be repeating myself here, but so those are just the things that I think when you think about being socially awkward as an introvert, you must also learn to, as I said, mentally prepared of the things that’s going to go. Take a deep breath. Uh visualize it. And you have to tell yourself everything is going to be okay. This is a good opportunity for me to, you know, make new friends or maybe rec reconnect with my my relatives or my family members. Is a good time to reignite that relationship that you haven’t had in a long time. So there are also good things and positive ideas that you can actually tell yourself before the event so that you are going to be prepared. So if you’re socially like me awkward and you feel as though anxiety comes up and like oh my gosh I don’t know what to say or I don’t know what to do when I’m going to you know in interact with this individual that in the past we didn’t really have a good relationship. In the past we had falling out and I don’t know how to you know get back to this kind of relationship or reconnect with that person.

You have to be able to just let go of bitterness. I think you have to come as a person as a individual who has an open heart and compassionate for the other individual. uh you don’t want to come on as begrudgingly or have resentment attitude when you show up in that kind of environment especially when there are family members in the past that you have been had any good relationships you have to be able to just be gone let let go be by guns that which means to say do not bring the toxicity or whatever resentment or whatever the kind of disagreement that you may had in the past, you probably should just put that aside in the moment and uh hopefully that by talking to that person again and reconnecting with them by trying to understand that you know what happened in the past is the past as much as you can, you just learn to move on depending of course on what kind of hurt or pain that they have caused you.

As I said, you got to have discernment. You have to be able to understand that yes, we want to reconnect and rekindle the old relationship that we had with other people, but at the same time, you don’t want to re-hash any old wounds. But if the person is truly genuine, who really wants to still want to be engaging with you and wants to have the kind of relationship, then you have to reciprocate and it has to have the mutual respect. I think we all want respect, right? We all want to be able to come in a party where we’re respected, we’re being heard, we are being seen, and not just put aside and trying to be singlehandedly disrespected because I think when that really happens and that’s a time that you really have to cancel people out and you need to be able to have wisdom and the foresight to see those kinds of things that people are doing.

So these are just a reminder that you’re a human being. You’re going to feel nervous. you’re going to feel anxious because you’re a human being. It’s okay to, as I said, you know, you have to tell yourself that it’s okay. I am going to just do it. And if also you’re doing it because you love the person, it’s not really about some people. Maybe you’re attending a party for your with your sister or because it’s your sister’s birthday. You have to really focus on what really is the main purpose. You’re not there for people who did not like you or who did not support you for before or who had this uh falling off in your relationship. You are there for that individual that you truly care and that is all that matters. If you focus on that one goal, the rest you can just make it as a noise. So sometimes you probably would say maybe I shouldn’t go because you know there are people out there maybe my cousins or some people that I I did not like or maybe we had falling off.

Maybe one of my aunts, we had a disagreement before and I don’t know how to really talk to these people. But if you really just zone in to really what matters the most, which is, oh, this is my sister’s birthday. This is actually my mom’s birthday. I can just focus on that one big focal point that it’s not about other people, but this is actually the very important person in my life that I’m going to show up no matter what happens because she matters to me or she is one of the most uh important people in my life. And if you can zone into that idea, the rest are just noise. The rest are just going to drown out with the noises in your head, the the chatter in your head because the fear is going to kick in. And the fear is going to say, well, what if this person said this or what are you going to do? Or maybe some kind of drama is or conflict is going to arise because your brain is always going to give you this negative the the devil advocate. Being the devil’s advocate is going to pop up in your head one way or another. It’s going to tell you maybe you shouldn’t go.

Maybe you should probably just hold it off because what if this happens? But at the same time, you also have to reassure yourself that everything is going to be okay because it’s not about the other people. It’s about the person that you truly love and care for. That’s why you’re that’s why you’re there and that’s why you’re showing up. And that is all that I would like for you to really think about that socially awkward introverts sometimes we can bring something that people cannot bring is that your presence and that is all that matters. Be yourself. Be bold. Be brave and be courageous and the rest are just going to land in the palm of your hands. That is all that matters that you can do is to be authentic and be bold because we are lacking now of substance and depth from people that were surrounded with too much superficiality. But at the same time, if you just show up for who you are, then people are just going to gravitate towards you naturally because you’re fabulous. So that is all I would like to just leave with. Have a wonderful day ahead of you.