Episode #46 – Outsmarting Narcissists

Transcript:

Hi everyone, welcome back to another podcast and today’s topic is about outsmarting a narcissist. This topic is something to do with the ongoing theme in my life where I have encountered a narcissist way back when I was single and you thought that you have escaped from it. I never really thought the term narcissist because it was something that was so new to me until I was digging into it doing some research and I realized that there’s a term with toxic individual who are self-absorbed. It it is what the Bible call the prideful spirit which is Satan Lucifer who loves himself more than anybody else. Narcissist, as I always like to emphasize, it is a spirit. You cannot medicate it. You can only pray about that person. We do not wrestle against blood and flesh. We do not fight against things that we see.

Observe Patterns

According to St. Paul, Apostle Paul said, “Our enemy is waging constantly against us in the spiritual realm.” These are the prince of darkness who have always been here along this for a longest time. The ancient foe as Jesus would call him the father of all lies. He loves to lie. And when you deal with a narcissist and this is how you outsmart them is you observe. You pay attention so that by the time you are going to interact with these people there’s going to be contradictions with the story. When you’re a student of life especially with the narcissist they have patterns. They know exactly that whatever that comes next is the same pattern – love bombing. They will give you the attention the love that you probably is seeking and so once they wrapped you in their little fingers you’re going to at least for the meantime. Maybe it’s going to last for a day or maybe 5 days and then it’s going to go back to their toxic proclivity. Narcissists are actually broken and wounded people.

These are people that Satan have used because of their trauma. Our trauma is being feed on by Satan. As I said, if you’re not willing to heal from your brokenness and your wounded childhood trauma, maybe your mother wounds issue, abandonment, neglect, father wounds issue. Also the same thing with absentees with your dad, maybe he’s there physically or maybe he’s not there when you are growing up. You’re going to be able to be used by Satan. We are nothing but pawns. We are nothing but by ambassadors of the darkness or ambassadors of the light. There are only two camps. And this is why I want you to understand that outsmarting a narcissist number one you have to understand their pattern. They are predictable. And when you know that after the love bombing, they want you to gain this trust again. They want to be able to get back to your good side after they have simmered from outbursts of anger.

They Love Control

Another thing with narcissists is they love control. And how to outsmart a narcissist with control? You have to have your own autonomy. You cannot allow people to think for you, to choose for you. You have to be really grounded and know your standard. And these are non-negotiables because if you’re going to stoop down on their level and you’re going to allow them to control how you think and how you should act and how you should behave, then they’re going to lure you in and then you’re going to lose sight of who you are. That’s what I said. Your identity has to be solid enough that it is not contingent upon people’s behavior or whatever they say about you.

If people in your life, especially the narcissist, because they will do this to you, they’re going to question your worth. They’re going to make fun of your dreams. They will belittle you, to throw you off, to make you feel insecure and feel insignificant about yourself, about your life. And so majority of narcissists that I have encountered, especially when you’re doing something that is out of ordinary, they’re going to make sure to criticize that hoping that based on their opinion, you’re going to crumble and you’re going to chagrin to their manipulation. It is a manipulative tactic. Nothing more, nothing less. So they’re going to say, “Who are you to start this YouTube channel? Who are you to write a book? That screams insecurity. Outsmarting a narcissist, they are going to project their own insecurity in you. This is why they don’t want you to outshine them.

And so if you have a solid foundation of who you are, no matter what they say, whether they belittle your dreams, whether they make fun of your dreams, or whether they ask you, “Who do you think you are for doing this?” It’s just going to roll back. Because why? Their opinion does not matter. They don’t really have the kind of blow. Because why? You are so solid of who you are. You know exactly what you’re about. You know exactly the kinds of dreams you’re following and you are going to stand your ground and you’re not going to compromise. Outsmarting a narcissist is another thing is that you have to be open-minded.

Immature Still

As I said, narcissists are children who have not yet matured in the head. They are still little kids on the inside, fragile ego, immature. Okay? They don’t have a thick skin. They may roar so loudly on the outside, but they are very fragile. If you’re going to trigger a narcissist because of what you say and they have no backbone to stand because as I said they have no strength. Their strength is based on flawed ideology or flawed identity that they have makeup in their head. They thought to themselves that they are so wonderful and very confident. But the moment you trigger them and you pull that kind of button, you push the button in the wrong way, you’re going to see that whatever it is that’s going on on the inside is nothing but facade. It’s all just a show. Because if a person who’s truly have the strength and the ability to have this maturity level, you they can talk to them without blowing up.

They can communicate without wallowing in self-pity. Another tactic of narcissists, they wallow in self-pity. They always like to be the victim of the circumstance. They always like to project the idea that it’s your fault. You made me feel this way. It is because of your behavior that I am the way that I am. They will never take accountability. So outsmarting a narcissist is that you do never take all the blame because you tell them it takes two people to argue. It takes two people to tango. I am not only the problem here. But the problem with narcissists is that they will want you to feel sorry about their bad behavior because why? They are immature. They have no honesty because most of them are dishonest. They will never have integrity that is lacking in their life.

Unwilling To Heal

Not only they’re so good at twisting your words and blaming you for the behavior and the toxicity that they brought upon your life. That is why you out outsmart a narcissist by not getting fooled and get allured by that charm because it’s not going to last. So outsmarting a narcissist, as I said, you have to learn their patterns. You have to be open-minded. You have to know that nothing is going to last. It’s going to come back to the same thing over and over again. And of course, another thing that I want you to understand is that narcissists are actually people that are unwilling to heal. That’s why majority of narcissist, if you have one in your life, they have addictions. They’re addicted to something because they want to distract themselves. They’re uncomfortable of looking within themselves. They don’t want to sit alone in their pain. They don’t want to think about it.

They have no remorse of what they did to you. They have no conscience because they have seared their conscience. These people that’s why they don’t take accountability and you don’t see any changes in them because why? They will justify their bad behavior. So narcissistic people usually when you are going to fight with them they have no remorse. They have they’re not going to say I’m sorry I apologize for my bad behavior because they will say I am good. I am not doing anything wrong. It’s what the Bible called in somewhere in Proverbs wicked people they eat with the legacies and they wipe their mouth and they say I have done nothing wrong. But even though they know that they have done something wrong but because they have seared their conscience a person that their conscience has been seared according to what Paul wrote is they’re no longer going to listen to the conscience because you have tuned it out for a longest time.

When your conscience is supposed to be your compass, it’s supposed to be your ignition light saying, “Hey, there’s something’s wrong about here. You must not do this anymore.” Take for instance as lying. If you’ve been lying all your life repeatedly, the first lie maybe feels a little off like maybe I shouldn’t lie the first time. But the more and more you do it, it becomes easier to you. It becomes a habit. So the same thing with narcissists, the more and more they guilt you up, the more and more they abuse you, you know, usually with verbal abuse, the more and more they gaslight you, which is called gaslighting, they don’t feel sorry anymore because why they practice doing it repeatedly, it becomes their habit.

And so narcissistic people that have seared their conscience, their depraved mind, their mind has been compromised. That’s why they have no logic. They’re irrational. That’s what the Bible is saying that avoid confrontation with foolish people. You must not engage with foolish people. I know sometimes it’s easier said than done because you want to make your point, but it’s getting exhausting because even though you want to make a point to a narcissist, they are stupid. They are foolish. They are illogical. They’re actually have no capacity of understanding. Their capacity is so low that they are not willing to listen to you. That’s why to outsmart a narcissist, you let them talk and talk and talk and talk and then you can say your point when they’re actually exhausted of talking because they will get exhausted because narcissists are going to feed off of your own uh what do you call this reaction.

They are want for you to get reaction like a reactive you know you’re becoming so out of whack very emotionally triggered they want to the same thing that way they want you to be charge up and crumble because of their own it’s actually just a tactic of making sure you’re going to fold all right it’s like a playing a poker I’m going to bluff and see if you are going to fold. I am going to keep on saying all these things to just blurt about whatever it is such as gaslighting about your past. They will, if they can’t control you anymore and you make a point and they’re easily triggered, don’t be surprised that narcissists are going to bring up the past because they have nothing anymore. So, that’s the lowest point that they can pull out of their wazoo.

So, when a narcissist can no longer disagree with you and they’re in the losing battle, they’re going to come up with this arsenal. They’re going to use your story against you. So, when I was sexually abused, they will use that against me. Okay? So, that’s a typical narcissistic attack, which is very low. That is the most the lowest thing that you can ever endure with your life. A man who usually use that against you, shaming you of the bad things that happened to you, that’s what you call so demonic. Because a person who has a decency, who has a mature head, who is really a loving soul, they’re not going to use that. But because these people are broken, they are used by the devil himself. And that’s why they don’t care to shame you and to insult you and to add fuel to the fire. So they love to gaslight you.

So this is why it’s so important that when they use your story, of course you get triggered because why would you use that against me? The things that already happened is already bad enough and you’re going to use it against me. I used to get so really charged up and triggered. This is why you must healed because when the narcissistic is going to trigger you and bring up your past, it’s not going to affect you anymore. You’re not going to uh lower down your standard. not going to crumble and die because that’s exactly the tactic of the narcissist is going to use whatever tools that they have under their sleeve to make sure to put you in your place in the wrong way. And another thing that I want you to understand with narcissists is that they wish that you can just follow and obey them. They want control. They want to lead.

Mind Games

So they have this idea in their head that I must be a leader in your life. You must obey me. The problem with that kind of blind leadership or a blind follower is that how can you lead when you are not emotionally intelligent? How can you possibly have a follower when you yourself do not know how to communicate? You are playing mind games. Another thing of narcissist, they like to play mind games. they will project this uh mirroring. They will mirror you because they’re divisive people. They’re vindictive. So, if you say no to them and they’re going to put that back in their head, okay, she said no to me sometimes right now. I’m going to get back to her. I’m going to play the same game. So, they have this ping-pong match back and forth like a tennis ball. I put the ball in your court. I’m going to make sure because they’re divisive.

As I said, Satan is so vindictive that if they don’t like the kind of manipulative tactic, if they can’t control you, they’re going to play a mind game. For them, it’s always a game. For them, it’s like a child’s game. Children are the only ones who play the stupid game. Unfortunately, some adults do, and that’s what you call narcissistic game. But if they can’t control you, and if you don’t acquiesced to their request, this is exactly why they will play the mind tricks on you. This is why they sometimes love you and they pull back. They’re there for you and they pull back. They’re actually divisive. This is what Paul said, be careful of divisive people. You have to really watch them. Sometimes you have to put boundaries. This is where boundaries comes along. That when you know your standard and your boundaries, you’re not going to be lured in to their kinds of tactics.

As I said, I have played this game many times before because there are so many times in my life that I have encountered narcissist. The problem with narcissistic people have the they have this enablers in them. They have what you call the term is flying monkeys. These are blind followers. These are blind people who have not really questioned whether this person that they’re dealing with is authentic or they’re just putting a show or like wearing a mask and the rest of the people are fooled enough. They’re like the uh chameleon. They’re so good at charming people, especially on the outside when no one’s looking. And on behind closed doors, they will take off the mask. And this is why there are charmers. They’re actually talkative. They they want to be the center of the attention because that’s exactly what they gravitate upon.

Narcissistic people, majority of them, they want to be the star of the show. And so when they go outside and you hang out with them, you thought that they are the most wonderful individuals. They are very friendly. They’re very smart people and they’re cocky. Usually they think highly of themselves, but these are just full of show. These are the things that they love. They’re like bunch of actors. They want to role play. They want to convince people that they’re the greatest and the latest inventions in Sputnik. So when people like you and me who can see right through their BS and you call them out and says that’s exactly that’s not who he is. That’s why so many people that are abused by narcissists, they’re like, I don’t believe you because the story doesn’t line up. Because based on what you’re saying is that he is so wonderful.

Double Lives

He is the most friendliest person I’ve encountered. He’s actually so smart. But little did you know that he is living double lives. Narcissistic people have no authentic in them. They are not authentic. They are not credible. Okay? They have no integrity. How can you believe someone when they’re living two lives? One on the outside for the world to see and the one on the hidden part. You know what authentic people are? They will behave the same way inside and outside. They have no mask. You can sense when a person is is authentic because they will show you who they are outside world and also in the inside. They’re not going to take off a mask. But these people, they will put on the mask for the world to see, for their co-workers to see, for their friendships to see. And this is why when we tell the story about no, that’s not exactly who he is. He’s actually abusive. He is manipulative. He is a gas-lighter. You are be you’re you’re considered like a liar. You become the problem.

So when a person also in the family who are involved with narcissists and you have flying monkeys these are enablers who says she’s lying what her story is like the group of people five of us versus you why is it that you’re painting someone in your life that she’s a narcissist she’s been pulling this string is because they have enablers. That is the reason why many narcissistic are never growing up. They become an adult. They become spoiled brat. They become entitled because they have been enabled. They have been tolerated. No one in the family. When I say no one, no one has the gut because everybody’s a coward. They don’t want to ruffle some feather. No one wants to speak the truth and says, “I do not participate in the kind of mind games you’re playing. I will not tolerate this kind of nonsense that whatever this person is doing.” And if you’re the only person who has the audacity to stand up, that’s why they will singlehandedly pointed you as the problem.

And that’s why the flying monkeys and the narcissist will gang up on you. And that is why they paint you as the problem. Have you not seen this theme play over all all over again in in the Bible? Joseph was actually was part of a narcissistic brothers where he was sold to slavery. They actually were jealous of him because of his vision. Because of what God had given him that says in the future your family is going to bow down to you. And the same thing with David. David also was surrounded with his dad overlooked him. When Samuel was looking for the next king and God said, “Eliab is not the one I’ve chosen. It’s the boy out there in the field.” he was overlooked because he’s also came from a narcissistic family who was overlooking his potential.

And don’t be surprised that when you’re involved with a narcissistic family, they will usually going to diminish your light because they don’t want you to outshine them. And that’s how the narcissists feed on by groups, by enablers, the people that will tolerate their nonsense and because you’re the only one who can see for who they really are. That is why you’re being targeted and that is why the scapegoat name is now being thrown out right there. The scapegoat is the person who can see right through it the kind of dysfunctional that is happening in the family. And if you do not participate because you know it’s wrong because you know it’s egregious for participating in the kind of mind games that people are playing and you said no I will not participate in this and I will not going to worship for this person’s because he is really toxic. He is not real. He is not truthful. He is actually living a lie. And he just have no substance.

Narcissistic people have no substance. They have no depth in them. They are juvenile delinquent. As I said, they are just little children pretending to be an adult. They might have an adult body, but their mind is so childish. You cannot argue with them because they have no reasoning. They have no common sense because their sense is low and your sense is probably top the 10 and your theirs is like two. So arguing with a narcissist is that it’s exhausting. You’re going in circles. You’re not going to have solution for them. It’s about winning. They are not gonna debate or have discussions with you. They want to be able to compete and win and that is their goal because they think that you’re the competition. And this is why to outsmart a narcissist you really have to that there’s a spirit behind it.

Unrepented Hearts

There is Satan who have been pulling the string who has been trying to tell this person like you know you should not bow down and you should not get so sucked into this idea. That’s why only the spirit of God can show you the discernment of the spirit. This is a spirit as I said you cannot cure it by just medication. You cannot diagnose it. I mean I’m pretty sure people is going to diagnose it but you can’t. It is a spirit that were wrestling against a person who is unrepented of the heart. These are people who have not repented. These are people who have not yet have the spirit of God in them. Because if you truly have the spirit of God in you, you are not going to justify your behavior. That’s why the Bible is clear. You have to tell the truth so that the truth will set you free. You have to confess with your mouth and believe that Jesus Christ is the Lord and that your sins will be forgiven. But this people are in denial.

They are not going to acknowledge that they are sinners. They’re not going to admit that they are actually have something’s wrong with them because they are such in this facade phase of believing to themselves that nothing is wrong that I’m doing that everything is what I’m doing is perfect. Everything that I’m doing is right. So why would I admit for them it’s a weakness. When a narcissist is going to admit that they have something’s wrong with them, they cannot accept it and they cannot admit it because in their eyes they’re weak and their eyes they are not perfect because guess what narcissistic want to paint this picture of perfection that I am holier than thou that I am such a person who is not going to make mistakes. I’m a person of intelligence. They overly estimate themselves.

Braggarts

So another thing that narcissistic do they will overly estimate themselves and so they will brag about their achievements. They’re actually going to portray this I am this person that everybody adores and idolize and you’re the only one who says really and when it comes to shove these are just bunch of a smoke in the mirror. There’s really nothing to it because they have no substance. You cannot debate them. A true wise person, a person who has truly have been developed immature a maturity level. A person who have healed in their wounds. They have open discussion. They’re open-minded. They take accountability. They don’t blame people every time for their wrong behavior. They actually want to grow up. They are willing to change time after time, year after year. They are not going to crumble in woe is me, self-pettiness, victimhood mindset.

You know the difference between those who have truly grown up into those who have not. Narcissistic people are still in what you call pubescence’s. They have not matured. They have not healed yet. And this is a tactic actually. This is why for so many of us we are not aware of this dynamics before because nobody really talk about it. It’s a stigma. But now people people are now being awakened and more aware because of the social media. We’re being educated that this dynamic is nothing new. This dynamic is always been happening ever since the beginning of time. We just don’t know the term of it. Even the Bible have so many stories like Jesus even was in the midst of you know a lot of narcissistic like he he dealt with the Sadducees and the high priest. They were what Jesus called hypocrites, brood of vipers. They will portray one way on another to people for the world to see.

Remember what Jesus called them? You love to wear this wonderful garment. You like to portray a certain persona on the outside, but deep down inside your bones, you are nothing but a dead bones man walking. You are nothing but bunch of wickedness. You clean up on the outside cup, but you forgotten to look within yourself. And that’s exactly why this term of narcissist is nothing new. It is in the Bible. It’s biblical. Jesus dealt with narcissistic all the time. These are the so-called high priests, the so-called religious leaders in his time, the so-called holier than thou. I’m better than you and you are nobody. So these kinds of individuals, narcissistic people, flying monkeys. So they’re in the Bible. They’re just not labeled as that.

Nowadays, we have more term. We have a better term now because we are now more educated people and more sophisticated than the Bible. But the kind of toxic, dysfunctional people have always been around ever since the beginning of time. Jesus also dealt with the narcissistic men, the sexist men who hate women. Remember what Jesus did with a woman who are caught in adultery when this woman was dragged in the midst of Jesus and all these toxic men, the sexist drag this woman in front of him saying, “Look at this woman. We have caught her in adultery.” According to the law of Moses, we should stone her to death. But my question is, where’s the man? What happened to the man? It takes two people to commit adultery. It’s only not one person. But because of the kind of problem we still have today there there are men today who hates women and that’s just a sad truth.

These are men who actually have mother wounds issue that they don’t want to deal with. These are men who have not been loved properly who were not cared for properly by their own mothers. Maybe they were neglected as a child and now they cannot stand women because it goes back to their mother wounds issue. Maybe their mother was absent. She was busy with her job and work and now he turns into this boy that he wants to constantly craving for attention. And if you don’t give them the attention and the energy, they’re going to crumble and die. And so what happens is that narcissistic people are unwilling to be healed.

And you cannot really heal people who are not willing to be healed themselves. You can support them. You can pray for them. You can ask God to give you strength. You you can ask God to give you grace. But at the end of the day, you cannot fix people. You cannot be their own conductor. You cannot be God in their life because do not pretend like these people are actually willing to be healed if they’re not willing to do the work. The only person that is really going to help them is the spirit of God. It is only by his miracle. It’s only by his intervention that these individuals are going to be healed. But if they’re not willing to acknowledge, confess, and admit that they have a problem, I mean, you can’t really do anything about it. That’s why Jesus said, “You must look within you.

Lost Souls

The kingdom of God is within you. It’s not somewhere out there. It is not something out in the sky. It is the moment you look within yourself. It’s about the moment you take inventory of your life and really assess of what’s happening in your own soul. That’s why Jesus said, “What good is a man to gain the whole world but loses your soul?” Many people are lost. These are lost souls. These people love money more than God. They love prestige. They love popularity more than their own inner working. They love reputation but they’re not willing to do the work. As I said, these people have no depth. They have no substance. They only want this fakeness in the world to see. But when you look closer closer, they have nothing. They are just empty tomb. They have nothing underneath. It is just bunch of fake gold and they are not real ones. And if you have studied long enough and you have encountered with narcissistic long enough, you’ll understand.