Transcript:
Welcome to Soulish Femme. Soulish Femme is a channel solely dedicated for you where I help focus in prospering body, spirit and soul. Life is a journey and I am glad that you can be a part of mine. As you explore my vlogs and my real talk episodes, I hope you will find inspirations and motivation you are looking for. Remember that life is not going to wait around for you. Therefore, live a life with intentionality and curate the life you’ve always dreamed of. If you’re ready to embark on your healing journey from traumatic experiences, feel free to check the link below to enroll in this course through Udemy. I will see you there. Thank you. [Music]
Hi everyone, welcome back to another podcast. If you are here for the very first time, I would like to welcome you. My name is Glennavelle Manarang. In today’s topic is about the harsh truth about growth. I usually talk about prospering body, spirit, and soul on my channel. If you are here, probably you’re not familiar with my topic. It’s all about healing from your traumatic experiences and dealing with your childhood wounds either it’s mother wounds, father wounds, all the issues that you have been harboring or harbored from the very beginning since you were born in this life. And so no wonder why many people are not capable of growing because they’re not willing to do so. They are not willing to grow up because they rather want to be static and stay put in their own pubescence or they just don’t want to do the hard work.
According to 1 Corinthians 10:23, it says, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful.” All things are lawful for me, but not all things are edify.” Lawful, but it doesn’t help you.
Environment
So, this talks about environment. Let’s start about your environment. Does it help you to live in a place where there’s too much clutter, too much distraction? I like to have my environment. I am an accidentally minimalist. I am not an extreme minimalist. However, there are people out there who are actually extreme. I am more like a moderate. But I do not like clutter. If it doesn’t serve me, I will usually give it away or toss it in the garbage. Not everything is lawful and not all things are helpful rather, but not all things are helpful or edification. Environment really matters and I actually talk about this many times on my channel because our environment dictates how we feel about ourselves. I really believe in this concept that if you are in your environment is full of clutter. It just shows you what’s going on in your head. You have a disability of letting go of junk and hoard stuff. Especially in this world of consumerism and over consumption, the key is to differentiate between necessities and wants.
The things that we need or the things that we want because we have a lot of option which is many options are good. Many choices are good. However, when it comes to down to it, we also become debilitated of choosing. For instance, your clothing and what kind of clothes to wear. And the older I get, the more I realized that it is better to have few items that you truly love wearing over and over again. Instead of buying things that actually just going to sit in your closet with tags on that you have not really worn. You’re waiting for a big event or important occasion to wear that beautiful dress of yours. Because I don’t know, what are you waiting for anyway until the day you die? Perhaps. So, we have this misconception in our head that perhaps maybe someday I’m going to wear this particular set of clothing when it’s the right time.
So environment not only in your living room, not only the way you clean your kitchen or your bedroom or your closet. It is exactly the kind of things that you let in. The things that you allow. For me, I really think that you have to have a specific place for every item. You have to put it back to where it belongs. For instance, your keys and if you put back the books, you put it back on the shelves, not just leave it hanging around or laying on the floor or on the sofa. Because if that’s your habit, then most likely you’re going to misplace things and forget about things. So, not all things are edification, not all things are helpful.
Relationship
Another key is your relationship. Not everyone is going to be invited around your circle. Not everybody is helpful. Not everybody are going to lift you up. Not everyone has a good intentions at heart. Yes, we want to give people the benefit of the doubt. However, we cannot force people to change or hoping that they’re going to understand us. I talk mostly on my channel about do not wait for people to validate you or approve of your worth and value because you might be waiting around. Majority of people are not yet ready to grow up. Some of our family members and maybe you have married to one person who is not really ready yet to grow up and who’s not have the potential to take accountability. Every one of us has a different kind of maturity level. It takes a lot of deliberate choices.
And so when it comes to relationship, you also have to learn to navigate and to choose wisely the kind of friends that you have to allow in your circle. And just because you have probably been with these people for a longest time, it doesn’t mean that you actually have the same kind of mindset. Unfortunately, you have learned that in reality, not a lot of people are going to celebrate you. Majority of people that you probably called family members or so-called friends are the ones who are going to put you down or going to drag you back down to where you belong. Many people are not comfortable for you to grow up. They’re not really prepared to see you grow because we have been indoctrinated especially in our society that growth is just hard. Why can’t you just be like everybody else, stay stagnant or complacent and do not level up because majority of people would rather want to stay in that kind of immaturity level because they’re comfortable. They don’t want to push themselves harder because growth is hard.
And that's what also it talks about in Malachi 3 that says in verse three, "He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver. He will purify the sons of Levi and purge them as a gold and silver that they may offer to the Lord an offering in righteousness."
God usually wants us to be purified to purge us as gold and silver. The purification of our souls. It is about purging of our negative things are actually coming from the spiritual realm. It is what God wants us to become. He wants us to be mature, spiritually, maturely, not just physical. As I said, many people are walking around adults in the body, but spiritually discerned. They are not spiritually mature. They’re actually actually still drinking what Paul said, a milk. They’re still not able to chew the kind of meat that is solid or able to understand depth. They don’t understand life and what life is all about. They don’t want to do the hard work. They would rather want to pretend like they are grown-ups. They go to school. They pay the bills. They have the kind of money that they have. They drive the kind of cars that they want. But when it comes to responsibility, they are not really wise enough to look at where their money is going.
So when it comes to relationship, we also have people in our lives that are still toxic. They are narcissistic. They will bring you down. These are the kinds of people that will never take accountability, who perpetually play the victim. You know exactly the kind of people that you have in your life who will never apologize sincerely and they will always expect you to respect them yet they cannot even respect you on the other hand. So these individuals are one-sided. They expect you to trust them when in fact they have not earned their trust. When it comes to maturity level, they cannot communicate effectively without yelling and screaming and throwing a tantrum like a toddler. And here they are demanding something out of you when they have not yet worked in themselves. You cannot give something out when you have nothing to give to other people.
Do unto others. As the golden rule says, if you want others, do unto you. First of all, before you demand something from people, you must first of all invest in yourself in growth and maturity. You must be able to take accountability and must be able to respect people with dignity. You cannot demand something from people and you yourself are the most disrespectful, belligerent, unkind, selfish person in the world. And here you are demanding as if you have done the work. And this is what majority of entitled people that I would call that they demand you to treat me a certain way and yet they themselves are not really capable of treating you with kindness and with respect. And this is the kind of people that I said you must have boundaries. You must not allow people to dictate of your behavior. You cannot stoop down to their level.
Sometimes you have to really just assess from afar and really step out from their proximity. This is how you can have sense of your own ability to think away from this kind of individuals. As I said, you have to have a red velvet rope. It is the kind of idea that it’s okay to encase yourself with diamonds. You are not everybody’s cup of tea. You are not everybody’s victim. You’re not everybody’s what is it called? a a doormat that you can just be trampled. It’s okay that sometimes when people especially in your life who doesn’t see your worth and value, you just have to distance yourself and you really have to take your time to have self- introspection. You need to have self-care about yourself and really do the things that you want to do with your life.
Unfortunately for many women, we have learned this the hard way. We think that our life should revolve around our husbands or our partners and eventually sometimes it is not always conducive. They don’t usually see your worth when when you’re always available. It is sad truth but it’s reality that some men will not even going to value you until you are gone out of their life until you are not always available. It is what people always think of this paradoxical idea that the more you’re available to people, the lesser you have more value because you’re always there. And sometimes when you remove yourself and you assess the things that you would like to do for yourself, the hobbies that you would like to do for yourself.
Sometimes people might always think that you’re always going to be around. that sometimes when they realize that you’re not going to be the person that you were always available, maybe that’s a time they’re going to wake up and understand that not everything is permanent. People will get tired of the kind of treatment that they will get from their partners or their spouse especially. So this is a time that you just have to really evaluate your hobbies. Maybe you have left off who you are before and now you have completely dropped everything you have because now you have a you have children and now you become a wife and then of course when we become a mother a wife we think that our life must revolve everything around our children.
Hobbies
As I did a talk on my past talk about the depth of love. Love is not just overly exerting yourself. Love is patience. Love is kind. Love does not easily provoke. It’s not easily getting worked out. However, how can you not be easily not easily provoked? How can you be patient when you’re here always giving and oversharing or over committing yourself to people who are not even have this reciprocity in them. And so when it comes to relationships, environment as I just mentioned that everything in our lives are not helpful. Also when it comes to the hobbies. What we do and our lifestyle comes down to with our daily habits. Not everything is helpful but you not everything is going to make you be a better version of yourself. Lately I’ve been trying so hard to get back to working out which is something that I used to do since college. I used to be so in tuned with my body and going to the gym and investing in my time.
However, when we come when we become an adult and we become a mother or a wife, we have forgotten that we also have to take care of ourselves. Especially for women, we are struggling so much with so much hormonal issues or imbalance with her hormones. We go through perimenopause. We go through menopause. And these are the things that men will not understand of course but these are the things that we have to be unapologetic when it comes to taking care of ourselves. When taking care of our body. What does edify mean? It it uplifts you. It makes you feel better about yourselves. Working out maybe 20 to 30 minutes a day. Walking outside in the park or in nature. Something to do with movement.
Also edification is helpful to your body. Drinking lots of water. It doesn’t take a nutritionist for you to really know that you need to have lots of water because our body is composed of more water than food. It is 70% of our body is purely water. So when you’re dehydrated it will show in your skin. You will also have headaches and being lethargic. When it comes to edification about your own hobbies. Of course, the food that we eat usually in our country today, we are bombarded with so much junk food advertisements everywhere. So, it’s all about your being aware of the kind of influence that you’re listening. Of course, burgers and French fries are good once in a while. But too much of anything is actually bad. It’s always about moderation. Too much soda is also bad.
So it all comes down to really learning about your own needs at the moment. When your body tells you that this food is not really helping you and it’s actually creating more inflammation and you have more acid reflux, maybe you should avoid those kind of food that is going to make you sick instead of healthy. And we gravitate towards usually foods and that are full of nutrients and vitamins. Of course, it’s easier said than done. Most of us are not really that disciplined but we have to really figure out and ask ourselves the questions is the kind of food that I’m eating is it helpful or is it not helpful? Is it educate edifying me or it’s not. So these are of course the things that are not per se sinful. These are what that’s not what the Bible calls sinful but these are the things what Paul said are these are these habits. Or are these lifestyle of yours are their edification. Do they make you feel better about yourselves or do they not?
Your Circle of Influence
Many people of course are going to perpetually going to pretend like everything is okay because as I always like to say growth is not easy. Growth takes a lot of accountability. It takes a lot of self introspection and we have been encountered so many monsters in our world today. Monsters in our world today also are the ones who pretend to be victims even though they have not yet suffered greatly as you have. So these are the people that we have to look out for. They do not edify you. They do not support you when it comes to your growth. These are the people that you have to watch out for or the kinds of people that you watch on TV, influencers, maybe podcast, the books that you read, shows that you watch. You have to ask the question, does this edify me? Are these helpful? There are so much noise today in the world that is designed. That’s by default.
It is not by coincidence that the world or the media is perpetually propagating falsehood sometimes or they want to have division because fear sells and we cannot be bought into this lie of them generating noise. Yes, there’s always going to be bad news around us. It’s part of the world. The world has always been set up this way. But when you are a person who truly have critical thinking, you have to ask yourself the question, if I constantly watch this news over and over again, how does this affect me? If I’m going to constantly watch violence or anything that doesn’t add value in my life, how is it going to affect me mentally, emotionally, physically? Because the things that you watch, especially when they’re not helpful, when they’re not edification, when they’re full of negativity, it’s going to take a toll in you mentally. There’s too much division right now. There’s too much chaos that we see and hear everywhere online.
And that’s exactly what Jesus said, “The thief comes in to steal, to kill, and destroy.” He wants to kill your joy. He wants to destroy your peace of mind. He wants to rob you of your ability to just enjoy life. That’s what Jesus said. He has come that you may have life and have it abundantly. He doesn’t want us to worry. But when you constantly watch things and entertain things that does not uplift you and it doesn’t help you grow, then that is why sometimes many people are going to just live in fear. They don’t want to do anything aside from living their lives. And we must live by faith and not by sight. We as a follower of Christ, of course, we are told to be bold as a lion, harmless like a dove, and wise as a serpent. We must be able to always have the ability to discern between deception of the world and what God wants us to do in this life.
Words
We are not told to just hide our light in the basket, but to actually shine it onto the world. However, there’s always going to have this fear that’s going to say, well, might as well don’t do anything because of what’s happening in the world. But that is contrary to what Jesus wants us to live by. He asks us to live in this world so that we can influence not just by talk but with our actions. So not all things are also helpful when it comes to other things such as the things that we say and the words that are coming out of our mouth. And communication is one of the things that I still have a hard time even to this day. Majority of us have a hard time communicating effectively because it is not something that we’re taught. However, we also have to be mindful of what we say and how we say it. Edification.
It talks about in Ephesians, let your words always be edification. Let your words be uplifting. Your words not only going to impact those who hear you, but it’s actually going to influence them and how they feel about you and what make you them, how they how you make them feel. So when it comes to our words especially the choices of words that we say we also have to ask ourselves the question are these words that are coming of my mouth are there are these helpful do they lift people up or do they tear them apart? As what proverbs says the tongue has the power to give life or death to bring blessings or cursing. These are the choices that we can do daily. Of course, when you’re frustrated with people in your life, especially when people do not listen to you, you are going to just say things that you don’t mean because maybe in the heat of the moment, you are frustrated or you are just getting provoked because people have pushed your buttons long enough and you are really just had it with them and sometimes you just have to give yourself grace.
But, you also must be humble enough and apologize. I don’t know why some parents have a hard time apologizing to their kids when they raise their voices or they are actually angry at their kids or maybe they have cursed at their kids like me sometimes. You got to be able to have accountability and say I’m sorry for yelling or cursing at you or I have lost my temper. So that your children are aware that you too are only a human being. You are not a perfect individual. And many students of course not students parents have lost this idea that they have painted this maybe a facade in their head that you know I must be perfect and I will not going to apologize for the misbehavior or the mistreatment I have done to my kids because I’m the parent. It’s not that you’re just a parent but also you need to teach your kids that you are the example of take accountability. How else are you gonna kids going to learn about accountability when you yourself cannot even apologize when you make mistakes?
So you have to learn that if you have truly made a mistake that you should have never yelled or scream at your kids or you should have at least never cursed at your kids even though you are frustrated. You must at least allow yourself to apologize to your kids gracefully because that’s when they find out that my mom is actually just a human being like me. She will make mistakes and she is not a perfect human being. And so that when it comes to our communication about listening skills also edification when it comes to listen more than we speak. Does it really help that you talk a lot more than you listen? Many people like to talk. They like to brag about things. They like to prove their point to a point where they don’t they don’t really have conception or perception of what they say. They just say things without connecting with their mind and with their heart and with their mouth. Have you not encounter people especially when they’re angry? They constantly just talk and talk and talk until you drown them out because you only hear their loudness but you do not hear the substance or the words that they have spoken because you are so distracted with a noise of their volume of their voice.
And sometimes you as the listener you just stand there or you listen to this person and that’s exactly what the Bible says. You cannot answer a fool because a fool will always be a fool. In order for you to become wise, you have to be selective of what you say to a fool because the more and more you talk to a fool, he’s not going to listen. He will not have the ability to understand you because a fool’s idea is not to understand you. So, not everything is edification. Not everything is helpful. There are times that you have to remove yourself from a fool. And less is more. The lesser you speak, the better it is. Because we are also constantly told that you must refrain from constant argument or conflict because this will generate strife.
In the Bible, in the word of God, if you have been reading your Bible, Jesus wants us to be a peacemaker. He wants us to have the ability to have peace with everyone as much as possible. He wants us to really be the peacemaker because Jesus said He is the Prince of peace. He came into this world to also bring peace to those who are willing to accept the peace.
However, he’s also the person who will ignite the kind of division especially when it comes to ideology that things are not of this not out of his teaching. And that’s why he said maybe you could ask the question it’s a contradiction of what Jesus said. First of all, He said I’m the Prince of peace and he also said on the other word, “I bring a sword to divide.” He’s specifically talking about the people who are unwilling to accept him and to believe him. When you are a person who are saved in the family and you’re the only one who see the things such as a deception and you’re the scapegoat and you’re the one who has been chosen to cut the generational curse. Of course, you are going to be single-handedly disrespected and you’re going to be the ones who’s going to be outcasted because they do not have the spirit of God. That’s exactly what Jesus said. I have come to bring sword in the family because you are the only one who are the truth teller. You are the one who speak the truth but the rest of them are blind leading the blind who are unwilling to accept the truth. And this is what exactly that means.
However, we are also told to just be humble and pray for the enemies that cannot stand us and not retaliate evil for evil. Not everything is edification and not everything is helpful. You cannot do the things that are wrong. If people mistreat you, it’s because their own demons are actually rising in front of them. It’s the manifestations of the being that is residing in them. But if you have the spirit of God, you must be the version that is what Jesus would call. You have to be above everybody else. You’re in this world, but you’re not of this world. According to Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” You cannot be just like them. You cannot act or talk or do things like them because they are depraved mind. Their mind has not yet matured. They are conformed to the darkness of this world, beguiling of Satan.
And so, you cannot expect people to do what’s right when they are demonic in their spirit. And this is what God has been revealing to me time and time again. You get upset by people who are not really aware that they are sinning because they are so blind. And that’s what Jonah had to go through when Jonah was so upset with God and says, “Do you see what happened? I I thought that you would exterminate this land of uh the wickedness of this people.” And yet here you are. You give them mercy and loving kindness. and you have given them many chances and and Jonah was upset with God and God said why are you upset with me because these people do not know what’s right from wrong they are blind leading the blind and everybody goes to a ditch and so we as a better version which is the people of God we also have to really understand that God is the only one who can transform people and God is the only one who can change them inside and out.
We cannot really be their own compass or conductor because that is not our job. That’s why God said leave it onto me and pray for the enemies. Do not avenge yourself. You have to just stand your position and give it to God and lay it down at the altar because he is the one who sees. He hears. He knows. He’s omniscient. He’s omnipotent. He’s omnipresent God. So that is why as much as we want to grow in this world, the harsh truth is not everybody wants to grow up with us. Not everybody wants to rise above everything else. Not everybody is in our in our journey. Not everybody wants to accompany us when we’re willing to go up and above and really just go beyond immaturity. Not everybody are going to want to be around you. Not everybody are willing to actually admit that they have some issues in their lives because they are not ready yet or the sad truth is that they are just plainly in denial.
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