Episode #51 – She Used To Be Mine

Transcript:

Hi everyone, welcome back to another podcast and today’s topic is a song from Sarah Bareilles. I don’t know if I’m pronouncing her last name right, but the title is “She Used to Be Mine.” I’m going to read the first one, verse two, and three. It’s kind of long. It says in verse one, it’s not simple to say that most days I don’t recognize me. That this shoes and this apron that plays and its patrons have taken more than I gave them. It’s not easy to know. I’m not anything like I used to be. Although it’s true. I was never attention sweet center. I still remember that girl. And then the chorus says, “She’s imperfect, but she tries. She is good, but she lies. She is hard on herself. She’s broken and won’t ask for help. She is messy, but she’s kind. She is lonely most of the time and baked in a beautiful pie. And she’s gone, but she used to be mine.”

And then the verse three says, “It’s not what I asked for. Sometimes life just slips in through a back door and carbs out a person who makes you believe it’s all true and now I’ve got you.” If you have not listened to the song, I will try to link the song down below. And actually, I’m re-recording this because I did not like how it sounded last night. I was very tired. And today, it’s a different morning. It’s a different day. So hopefully my voice is much better. In every journey, in every age, grief is coming. Aging has its way of creeping in without our permission. But it’s part of life and growth. A girl who used to be mine, who got me through life by her feistiness. Her courage to never give up on herself. She used to be mine where she would not allow life to make her bitter and refuses to give up on her dreams.

Despite of all her challenges she faces, she was the girl who never stopped even if her heart was aching. She was always think that life is beautiful when she least expect it. She used to be the girl who was let down, bruised and taken advantage because they know she has a kind of a heart who will not allow it to be black and blue but pure. I grieved her. I thank her every day for getting me through, especially on tough days when it was hard. Even if she attempted to give up on herself, but refuses to do so.

She always believed that there’s always hope. It was something she held on to tightly. A girl who smiled, even if her heart was broken, and you will never know, for she will not allow to show you her weaknesses. She swallowed her tears only cry in her privacy. She wears her scar as a badge of honor. She used to be mine. She acted tough, but it is her way of protecting her weary heart. For she recognizes that no one, not everyone, will love her for who she is. So, she learned to pretend and show you her bright side even if she wants to scream and who just want to let go, but she won’t.

She learned to depend on herself because she realized that no one was there who truly cared for her needs and who can love her for who she is. Most her of her life she tried to serve and please other people and only to find out that she did not receive the same treatment from others. But you would not hear her complain or ask you to pay back. But she will give more of herself even if she is being neglected. But she always thinks heaven will repay her someday and her rewards are awaiting at the end of her life. And no one is far from perfect. And no, she is far from perfect rather. But she tries God.

She tries every day to amend her sins and reprimand herself when she messes up. Her standard is so high that others might perceive it as trying to be perfect, but she prefers excellence and she set the same standard in every aspect of her life. She loves books and she has a habit of rereading and revisiting the same books to make sure she understood what she reads. She does not pretend like she knows everything because she loves to learn. She realized that life is her teacher. Music is her outlet most of the time. She finds comfort in it. In every season of her life, a certain music appears as if it knows what she is currently going through.

Just like the specific music I’m listening on repeat, she used to be mine. This song is a reminder to a girl who was broken and so hurt that she thought she could no longer love again. But despite of her brokenness, she gives love a chance. She realizes that love is never perfect nor people. She tried to change others but only found herself frustrated for she knows that she can only control herself and no one else. The day I listened to the song she used to be mine. The lyrics captivated my heart and it summed up how I felt. A girl who is messy who has not figured everything out.

She is kind but she also loves to pretend like everything is okay. Others set her up intentionally to just provoke her. And so this is why I want you to listen to the song When You Have a Chance. They lied about her and broke her since she was a little girl, but she refused to retaliate and turn out to be just like them. She knows that she doesn’t have to play the same tricks on others as others play tricks on her. Their fake smiles and fake friendliness fooled her, but deep down she recognizes that some were only after her because they know what she can give.

Some might label her cold and distant, but in actuality, she was disappointed by others who never chose her or showed up for her. Other times, she learned to put up a wall that is unreachable, for her heart was too broken, and she learned to protect herself because no one did come to protect her. She relied on herself fully. And she shed many tears that only her pillow know. And spent many sleepless nights talking to herself that everything will be okay. and that this too shall pass whatever she is going through until one day when she mustered a courage.

She finally chose herself. She finally understood that she must choose herself and do what’s best for her because no one is going to do that for herself. She found out the hard truth that most people are self-centered and self-absorbed. So what is the moral of the story from this song? To begin with, allow yourself that old version of you from the past who brought you thus far to grieve. She is still there, but now she is living merely in the background. Looking back, I can say that she reminds me once in a while that she will always have my back no matter what. Sure, heartaches and disappointments are part of our lives.

However, we can either use those lessons as our stepping stones or it can deter us from truly becoming the best version of ourselves. Just know that if you are not learning and growing, you are practically extinct. This song is also a reminder that as a young girl, you don’t know much about life and what life is going to show you. The people that you will cross paths with are sometimes temporary. These people either good or bad are your teachers or mentors. As much as we want to say that life is unfair because it is some people only will use us and take advantage of us purely based on their hidden intentions.

But I know that there are good people out there who truly care. Perhaps just like me, your heart has been broken too many times. But you should not let one bad experience to make you not believe or try in loving others again. Another lesson I can take away from this song is that even if you have been abused by an abusive man or maybe you have also contributed to this problems, allow forgiveness to flow out of your heart. Let go of resentment and pray for those who wronged you. And also forgiveness is also asking them to forgive you because I really believe that it takes two people to really hurt each other. You cannot just blame it on all on the other person.

Granted, we come into a relationship. We each carry our own baggage from the past. This is why I always say in my channel to deal with your past childhood traumatic experiences. It is okay not to be perfect and it is okay not to be okay. You’re only human after all. Permit yourself to cry if need me, if need be. Permit yourself to grieve for a while, then get back up again. Recreate, reinvent, and explore new ideas, new locations, new ventures, new hobbies, and new experiences. You will never know what awaits you on the other side.

Life consists of many possibilities and you cannot wallow in the past or ponder on them. You must give yourself permission to acknowledge them and honor them as part of your lessons. Then you can choose to bid that version of your farewell and create a newer version of you. That one that truly resonate who you are. We are all creators of our destiny. As much as I believe we’re co-creators of our destiny. As much as I would believe in free will, but as for me, the right term perhaps is consequential free will. Whatever you sow, you will reap.

Therefore, sew good and beautiful seeds today so that you can harvest abundance in the future. You must never give up on yourself, especially on your dreams. No one can achieve them for you. Only you have the ability to do so if you are willing to put in the effort and the work. God rewards those who are willing to plow. So plow and plow until you can plant something in a fertile ground and one day when you look back you will not live in regret.

How many people live in regret because they have allowed their past and their bad experiences to detract them from living to a life they truly desire. Additionally, you will see many versions of yourself and that is quite understandable. As a human being, we get to experiment. And as a scientist, we get to look at our lives on the microscope and dissect our lives. If something does not fit, we can dismantle them and try once again. It is merely based on trial and error. Don’t get lost in the idea that you will finally arrive because you won’t.

Life is a journey and not a final destination. You will only reach your final destination in eternity once you pass by this life and transition to infinity. Until then, you are not yet done. If you’re still here, you’re not finished creating and recreating. The question is, what kind of legacy would you like to leave? How do you want to be remembered by? It doesn’t have to be too important, but it has to be memorable. It doesn’t have to be grand, but at least can people say that you have left a mark in their lives or their hearts?

Are you someone that made a difference in their lives? We all have a part to play. Life is a game. And unfortunately, we have been handed cards we did not choose. We didn’t have a choice but to play them well. Sometimes you fold, sometimes you bluff, hopefully not too often, and sometimes you lose, and other times you win. If you see life as this, you get to participate by trying to figure out how you should play the game called life. And furthermore, life is also an art. In everything you do, try to interject quality and excellence.

It doesn’t have to be perfect, but do the best you can in everything you do. Whether cooking a meal, dressing up for yourself, in your relationships, your environment. As the part of the song says, it is not what I ask for. Sometimes life just slips in through a back door and carves out a person who makes you believe it’s all true and how and now I’ve got you. In my own interpretation, this song could mean she did not expect to come out to be a better version of herself. You can carve another one like you only better. You can embody another woman that you look the same but not truly the same. That you only wish for only this time.

She’s not like she used to. And the greatest lesson you can ever learn is that life is constantly moving with time. And therefore, she used to be mine is someone that I think this song is grieving of her past version of herself. Because we all have different kinds of levels from being a teenager, young adult. We were still trying to figure out who do you want to become in this world. As a teenager, the phase is trying to fit in. This is where you are going to blend in with your friends and your students, your classmates rather.

This is the time where you actually experiment on your style. What kind of style do I like? Most of this era in the face of your life as a teenager, you are still very ignorant of what life is all about. And then in your 20s and in the early 30s is actually is trying to figure out what kind of career jobs maybe you should get into creative venues or maybe you are just going to follow whatever your parent told you to become. So we all have different stages that we have to really grieve.

I am in my 40s right now and I’m actually trying to grieve in my ways of a single woman. When I was in my early 20s and late 30s, I had a chance to live on my own and that was a very hard transition from being a single for so long and living my life on my own and finally becoming a wife and a mother. That too was a very hard transition for me. I had to really adjust because all my seven years of my life living on my own in my apartment, I was very lucky that I was able to get a chance to do things that I wanted. That’s why I always like to say to my son, when you’re younger, enjoy your life so that you’re not going to do it backwards.

Because some people are married now. they’re going to rebel and they’re going to have this experience and say, “Well, I didn’t get a chance to enjoy my life of partying and clubbing and they’re doing it backwards.” You should at least enjoy your life while you’re single, without responsibilities, without being a parent or a mother or being a wife. That should be supposed to be your chance to explore the world and go clubbing, dancing, and party all night long because you have no responsibilities. Because once you become a mother and a wife, you have a different responsibility.

Now your goal is now to become a better wife and a better mother to serve your family. And so I think this song is a reminder that it is okay to really carry with you the lessons you have learned from the past. And hopefully you are going to make better decisions and learn from your mistakes. And hopefully that you are not going to be stagnant but always moving forward and onward as you go. Because if you’re not growing, you’re basically is stagnant and complacent. We don’t want that. In my channel, I always like to emphasize prospering in body, spirit, and soul.

And it takes a lot of deliberate decisions, unlearning patterns. It takes a lot of awareness to really learn from your mistakes. Many people unfortunately are stuck because they do not allow themselves to really think about what their life is about and what do they want to achieve in this life. I’m always wanting to push myself further. Maybe I’m a person who are never done creating in my brain. Maybe that’s why I don’t really like to sleep sometimes because I cannot sleep because this exactly where my brain will always give me ideas of what I can create.

I’m a very creative person generally and so if you like to create something I really think that we all have a chance to channel it out and to really share whatever is going on in our brain. For me, writing and podcasting, this is my outlet. Or maybe I like to also sometimes color things and rearrange my furniture and rearrange my closet. Those are the ways that I can release all of my inertia of creativity. And so for me, when this song truly popped up, I don’t know why I was given this. Maybe it’s the universe, God, who suggested this song on my YouTube channel. Somehow I click on it and I was very curious because my curiosity leads me to the song and the moment I’ve listened to it, I was sobbing.

I didn’t understand why, but I was listening to the lyrics intently and the song just struck a chord in my being that for how many days now that I keep listening to the same song and I was really pondering about what the song means and the lyrics and it’s just hit it so hard that I was reminded that I was just a person who was always busy but never allowed myself to be sad. sad or depressed or not depressed but I was depressed but not allowed myself to stay there for too long because I believe that you must be able to get up as quickly as you can and have an expiration date.

You can cry for many months and years and then you just have to pick up yourself again and says, “Okay, it’s done. Let’s get up and brush your hair or brush your teeth and take a shower and do something with your life.” And it’s okay to just allow yourself to be there for a while, but not stay there for a long time. Because if you’re going to stay apathetic for a long time, it is hard to get up. It’s actually so hard to motivate yourself. It’s a lot easier to stay down, but it’s a lot harder to get up because it’s easier to just stay in bed and feel sorry for yourself and really, you know, ponder on your past of maybe if I should have done this better or maybe I should have never done this and it it is going to be wasteful of your time, your energy and life is too short to ponder.

So why not try to do something new every day? Why not try to challenge yourself and why not try to tell yourself that today is a new beginning? The fact that you’re still here, God is not yet done with you. And so that is all that I would like for you to be reminded of. As always, I would like to tell you to be always be brave, be bold, and be courageous. I will see you on my next podcast. Have a wonderful day ahead of you.