Transcript:
My name is Glennavelle Manarang, welcome to Soulish Femme, Real Talk with me is another episode. I am so glad that you’re here today listening to my advice or ranting perhaps or social stories or personal stories that I may have had. I mean, these past days have been really crazy for me. Not only I was dealing with people that are still immature and emotionally dysfunctional and this episode is nothing short of saying slowing down by “Creating balance in a demanding world.”
Have you not seen that so many people are still toddlers in their head? They just emotionally dysregulated whether someone is trying to tell you or asking questions or you’re trying to differently from your opinion, they will just blow up and they will point the finger at you as if you’re controlling their emotions, as if you’re the puppeteer.
Ways To Do In A Demanding World
And this is exactly why as holiday season is right around the corner and we live in the demanding world and people especially in the western culture we talk so much about gift wrapping, what do we give to our family members, to decorating Christmas trees and having guests over, this becomes overwhelming. So, I just want to remind you that we don’t win a prize.
Nobody’s gonna hand you a reward or you’re not going to be on the stage being rewarded for being the most productive person in the world. – Glennavelle
1. Create A Morning Routine
So, the number one thing I would like for you to be reminded of is have a morning routine. Many people are dysregulated. I think it’s because they’re frantically starting their day off. Not like they day off. They’re starting their day in the morning with no direction. They wake up and they probably hit the snooze button five times because they’re so dysregulated. Their body wants them to go back to sleep because why? They do not have enough sleep. They probably go to bed at 1:00 in the morning instead of going to bed routinely at 10:00.
Our body usually expect us to have 7 to 8 hours of sleep. Unfortunately for me because of the sleeping pattern that was convoluted due to my son’s birth cuz he was dealing with eczema. So before that I also had insomnia. So, besides the point. What I’m saying is that majority of people are not organized waking up. So what do they do? They will rush out the window or rush out of their door. Hopefully, nobody got gets out of the window. They rush out of their door and they haven’t even got a chance to eat breakfast or getting themselves ready because they are not prepared the night before.
Morning routine for me, I like to slow down. I like to have at least 30 to an hour to myself if I have to. I want to be able to sip my coffee, journal a little bit, talk to God in my head sometimes if I’m not talking to him in my closet. It’s about carpe diem. Seizing the moment. And so many people do not understand the value of learning to wake up slowly like the sunlight. The sun has its time to wake up. People do not understand that we have to go with the flow. And because we live in the most progressively demanding, overworked, hustle culture that actually we’re just chicken without the head. And you wonder why you are so dysregulated. You wonder why you’re so frantically going nuts because that’s exactly the reason why.
2. Focus
Another thing is that we lack focus. We have so many distractions in the world today. When was the last time that you have opted out from being on your cell phone for at least one week or maybe one day? I cannot do one week. For me, I have to be very intentional to get off my cell phone at least once a week. Usually on Sunday, preferably. I sometimes do it and I sometimes cannot do it as if the phone has this possession like we are being possessed by the cell phone calling your name. So I have to make sure to sometimes put it in my other bedroom or put it in the closet where I cannot see it so I can focus so I can put whatever intentions that I have for that day.
I have noticed that if I am not focused on what I’m doing I am scattered brain. I have so many things that is popping in my brain like oh my gosh I have to do this I can’t really finish this because I’m always constantly checking my phone on who’s texting me that’s why I try to not put the notification on my cell phone because I have a family group chat and they keep on chatting they keep on thing and I have to make sure to opt out from notification because if I do not turn off the notification I’ll be constantly getting distracted and if you are not putting your mind on focus, you are not going to aim at anything.
I mean, there are things that you can do together. For instance, if you’re cleaning, you can listen to a podcast where you don’t have to watch. This is why I love to listen to podcast while I’m cooking or I’m cleaning or while I’m doing the laundry. There are things that you can combine doing together without for you to be constantly there. Unlike of course that I’m recording a podcast, I have to make sure that my phone is in silent that I am not distracted and it’s out of my sight temporarily so that I can focus on what I have to say. In the same manner, the next point that I would like for you to do to really create a balance in a demanding world is you must learn to delegate your task. That’s the third point.
3. Delegating Task
Delegating your task as a control freak is very hard. I had to really learn to have my family involved with task at home like household chores. I am trying to teach my son now at the age of 12 how to make rice, how to wash his own dishes, how to put the laundry in the laundry washing machine, how to put away his socks. I mean there are things that we can teach our child or children if you have more than one to really help us around the house. I think many mothers usually we are very overwhelmed and overworked and exhausted is because we try to do things with us on our own. We are control freaks. We don’t want to say I need your help here. I want you to help out in the kitchen.
And sometimes I would also ask my husband to do the same thing to contribute or to participate with cooking and we are not superwoman and I have really have to understand the fact that I don’t need to be a superwoman. As I said earlier, you are not being rewarded being a superwoman. you are not being honored to do everything because apparently when you’re constantly managing and micromanaging every little thing, you are going to drive yourself crazy. This is why you need to teach your child in the way that he should go or she should go so that he will not depart from it. You have to teach them right now to pick up after yourself because you don’t have a maid at the in in your house. I am not your maid. I’m not being paid for it. You have to clean after yourself. You have to wash your dishes if you can. You have to contribute something in the house.
And so there are little things that we can actually teach the people that we live with to participate in the in the household chores because managing a house is like managing your business. If you cannot even manage your household, how can you possibly manage your business?
And if you don’t know how to delegate and you don’t know how to teach other people, then you’re going to really be stressed out. And so the next point is do not do it all.
4. Don’t Try To Do It All.
Don’t try to do it all. Especially for women, we like to take care of our kids. We drive them around to soccer, piano lessons, drop off, pickup, and then we also take care of our husbands. And we also manage our own time, self-care.
We also do the laundry, cook, clean, and we have a hide side hustle. And so, as a woman in this generation especially, I think it’s very hard right now being a mother slash being a woman because we don’t have help anymore. Like before in my in my younger years, I remembered we live with my grandmother and you have your aunts and uncles nearby that can babysit your kids and relatives that are there to supervise your children. Right now, especially in the western culture, we don’t have that luxury.
My parents or my mom lives so far away. My sisters and brothers live so far away from me. And so, when I was raising my child, my son with my husband, it was between me and him. We have to really just balance or try to find ways to have our maybe time off together, which most of the time we didn’t have a time off together because we have to raise our child with the eczema.
So, we cannot really trust him with a babysitter. And that is why I couldn’t get a job before because I had to make sure that my son was taken care of and not have any problem with the food that the person is making and I’m not going to be there. I’m like, it’s not worth the money and the peace of mind that I’m working 9 to5 and here I am always checking if my son is okay because the babysitter, God forbid, gave him a peanut or a tree accidentally.
So that’s the reason why I have really learned that I told myself there are things that you can do today and if you cannot finish them all you can actually do them the next day. So you need to have at least three to five priorities in your day. That’s is why I said before you need to have a daily or weekly routine. You have to assess your day-to-day task which is the first priority in your life. For me, recording a podcast is like eating a kale. It’s hard. And sometimes my brain says, “I just don’t want to do it because I don’t know. Maybe we should just do the laundry first.”
And maybe we should just clean your closet because cleaning and doing the laundry for me. And vacuuming, those are the things that are easy for me to do because they comes to me naturally. I like to organize and I like to tidy up. For me, it doesn’t take an arm and a leg to do those things because I just love doing them. However, recording a podcast, uh making short videos for my YouTube, converting my podcast into blog, these are an arduous process that if I don’t prioritize them, I will just say I will do it later.
And then later comes in and I have another pile of laundry waiting for me to do. and then next thing you know it’s the end of the day and I haven’t get a chance to do my podcast or I haven’t get a chance to upgrade my blog and so you see that you need to have time management and prioritize your task. What is the most important task in your day? And then what’s this? What’s the least? And if you cannot do everything, maybe because your car didn’t start like yesterday, my car didn’t start because for God no reason. It’s a very old Honda 2003.
So what happened? My day was spent walking my son to school and coming back.
I had to walk back to home anyway and then spent my time with a Capital One because they told me that if I was a Quicksilver holder card that I will have the perks of having a roadside assistance that they’re going to jump my car. Apparently, it was a bogus claim because when I called them, they passed me with seven different people and they couldn’t help me.
And it ended up like they’re going to charge me with $96. I’m like, “I’m sorry. I’m not paying you $96 because I thought you said in your uh online that it is part of being your customer.”
So, I had to deal with different people. They sent me to different customer service from the Philippines to India to Africa to America. I’m like, how many people could I possibly talk in one day? I’m not trying to rant here, but this is exactly why sometimes we cannot control life and life happens sometimes. And that is my last point is let go and let it flow. Creating a balance in a demanding world is sometimes we just have to learn to be fluid.
As much as you want to be frustrated, you want to get angry. And yesterday I was getting frustrated when somebody was asking me how are you doing? I’m like I’m getting frustrated right now.
Developing Communication Skills
I was very direct to the point and very honest of how I felt because I was getting frustrated by not getting my questions answered by not being told because three different people told me three different things. One person said it was free that I don’t have to pay anything. The second one said actually we’re not part of the capital one and the third one says you have to pay $76 and then the fourth person says you have to pay $96.
So four different answers with four different people and this is exactly what I said that sometimes in life they will going to just trigger you and if people are not regulated you are going to lose your temper.
You’re going to ruined your day is because it doesn’t really plan out to be.
In the world where many are still trying to heal, we must learn to keep our composure.
And so this week has always been triggering for me dealing with another person at the parking lot where my son was close by and I had to park there for a few minutes and this lady that says you cannot park here all of a sudden we were not allowed to park there and I said can you just give me a few minutes of my time my son is coming out instead of understanding she was yelling in my face saying you need to move and threatening me to get towed my car is going to get towed so there are things in this life,
Especially for other people that they will try to provoke you and they will try to push your buttons and they actually will do that because as I said there are so many adults in the body but toddler in the head. There are so many people that are still incapable of regulating their emotion.
And you and I as an adult in the room, which is very hard sometimes, you must be the bigger version of yourself. You must be the bigger person in the room.
Glennavelle
We live in the most amazing time. There’s so much going on in the world. If you see the news, there are craziness. There are people that are just out of touch, out of reality. There are people that are totally are dysfunctional. They are still not able to become an adult and I live with one too. When the person is you cannot communicate with them effectively without yelling and screaming, it is very frustrating.
They don’t listen to you. They don’t have the capacity to understand what you’re saying. And they talk over you. As I said, they are kind of what Jesus said, you know them by their fruit. You don’t even have to know whether they’re are Christians or non-Christians. You will just know whether this person are really is delusional. Some people that we see in the world today are delusional or dysfunctional. It’s because one, they refuse to let them be uncomfortable with looking at their trauma and their triggers.
They rather want to be busy. Why do you think that people constantly want to be busy over work because they don’t want to look at their demons? They are trying to avoid it and run away from it. And the faster you run away from your demons and not look at your trauma, it’s going to haunt you for the rest of your life. You wonder why at the age of 60s and 70s, you are still emotionally immature.
I was going to say the other word, but I don’t want to say that. Therefore, if you still does not have the emotional capacity to breathe and function and emotional intelligence. Perhaps, you are fooling yourself. When are you going to grow up? That is the question that I have. Secondly, when it comes to emotional triggers is that stop lying to yourself. You It’s okay to admit that I am not okay. I something’s wrong with me.
Honesty is the surest way for you to deal with your I was going to say the sword but I cannot find the right word right now.
Whatever is this anger root cause of your pain or your past. Jesus said the truth will set you free. If you are not willing to be truthful about your issues like abandonment issues, neglect issues, mother wounds, father wounds, we all have them. It’s not like you’re the only one who’s dealing with them. It’s not like you’re the only one who is the oddball because the whole world probably most of us have issues from our parents, especially when we were abandoned or neglected because our parents were too busy or too selfish to take care of you.
You’re not the only one. But the thing is, you cannot live in denial because if the moment you live in denial, you’re never going to be healed. You’re constantly are going to deal with the same thing over and over again. It’s going to smack right in your face. It’s going to keep on saying to you, “I am still here.” Even though you’re drinking, doing drugs, or playing your video games or shopping or whatever indulgences that you have, whatever crutches that you actually cover up, whatever your trauma, your trauma and your triggers are still going to be there.
Sleeping with you, going with you in your shower, you know, wherever you go, it’s going to be there. Unless you deal with that, honestly, you are never going to get away with it. That’s why many people are angry and they’re triggered easily because they don’t understand that your anger is the result of your trauma. You have bitterness in your heart because you could not let go of the things that happened to you. You’re living in guilt and your shame.
And instead of saying, “God, I can’t do this. I need for you to help me with this whatever it is that you’re carrying.” Because that’s what Jesus said in Matthew 6:28 or 8:28 to come to me all of you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest for my yoke is easy and my burden is light. He said to come to him with our burden. We’re not supposed to carry our burden on our own. And we have to really let go and relinquish which is that is my bonus for today. It relates to let it go let it flow. When Jesus said deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow me. It’s about relinquishing your rights, relinquishing your problem to the world. That’s why he said, “Do not worry about what’s going on today.
Do not worry about tomorrow. Do not worry about your problems because today’s problem is sufficient enough. Look at the bird. Look at the bird that they do not toil nor spin, but yet they’re being provided by the father.” And we have to go against the grain of this culture because this culture is toxic. Whether you have realized that or not, this Culture is always about worrying. How many likes do I have? How many followers do I have? Do I look good? Is my hair fine? Do I fit in?
What do people say or think about me? About my family? We’re always constantly people pleasing. And it’s another problem that we live in the most demanding places because we also love people’s validation and permission to exist in the world. And that is the problem that we also see because we think that just because we get 500 likes from people that makes us happy or that’s going to make us more confidence. Actually, it’s full of baloney. It doesn’t matter if you get a,000 followers or 50,000 views.
It will not last. That feeling I feel good when people congratulate me or say, you know, good job or they have viewed my my content for 10,000 viewers. There’s a lot of eyeballs. But the problem is that feeling is transient. It does not going to last. You’re going to feel happy in the moment, excited or wonderful. But then what’s going to happen if people no longer are going to look at your post on social media? Is your life going to crumble? It’s because people are no longer paying attention to your creation.
And that’s what I said. We need to really validate ourselves not based on what people say, think or feel about you. It has to come from your intrinsic value that God is the only one who can truly validate you and who can truly make you lovable. Because people are flawed. They cannot love you the way that God can love you. God’s love is agape. It is the highest form of love. And if you’re constantly looking around for people to love you, make you feel a special based on their approval and their ratings and then at the end of the day you feel lost and you feel empty, it’s because you are constantly looking outside to fill up your tank.
First of all, you cannot fill up your tank unless you are filled up with the vine which is attaching your spirit with God himself. And that’s exactly what Jesus said. You are trying to love the world. And if you love the world, you’re going to lose your life. And if you try to hang on to this life, you will lose it. But if you hang on to his life, you will find it. It is the dichotomy of life. It is a juxtaposition. If you try so hard to hang on to this life trying to be liked, loved, I don’t know, being adored, or approved by people, you’re just going to constantly be disappointed because one minute people are going to put you on the pedestal and the next minute they’re going to drag you back down.
The same people that Jesus hailed holy, holy, holy were the same people who said crucify him and crucify him. Isn’t it funny how people are? People are fickle-minded. Mind you, people is going to love you today and tomorrow they might hate you. People might congratulate today and put you on the pedestal. The next day they might pull you down because it’s exactly what we see in the Bible.
Remember what Jesus said? He was being hailed as the what? The king of the Jews. He was hailed. There were pompoms. There was a palm tree hailing at him. They were worshiping Jesus. And then the following day, they said, “Crucify the man.” Because people, as I said, are not mostly loyal. They are not the most trustworthy because people are always vacillating between yes and no. They cannot make up their mind whether they like you or not. one minute if you just say something that you that they do not like they are going to unsubscribe or not follow you anymore.
So that is why you cannot possibly going to depend upon people’s idea, opinions or validation based on what you look, how you look, whatever it is that their standard is. That is the kind of thing that I would like for you to really think about that maybe the best gift that you’ll ever have in this life is to look within you. Take the time to heal from your wounds. Imagine a world where everybody decided to become an adult and decided to take accountability and decided to regulate their emotion and decided to function in emotional intelligence. This world will be much a better place.
This world will be happier, less depressed people and more people that actually just genuinely want you to be better of yourself. But because we live as I see it, dysfunctional, immature people, as Maya Angelou loved to say, we do not grow up in the head. We grow old in the body. And it’s sad because I see it. I have lived with this kind of people. They grow old in the body. They wrinkle, they prune. But when you trigger them, the moment you say something that they do not like, man, you will know exactly that comes out of their mouth. their true colors will show up and they will become self-pity party.
They will play the victim constantly and it’s exhausting. This is why Jesus said you must be the bigger version which is an evil company corrupts good moral and that’s what he said when two people come together in agreement when the light and darkness they clash together and unequally yoked people there there’s something’s wrong with them they are not functioning well these people are truly are being I don’t know used by the devil himself Their eyes have been blinded.
They’re actually their eyes have not been able to open up to the reality of the truth. Which Jesus said the dark of this world is that because the father of all lies, he’s the murderer from the beginning, Satan. When Jesus said that thief comes in to steal, to kill and destroy. And many people do not realize there are walking zombies. They are dead and woman walking. They’re like they have the body, but they’re spiritually discerned. They are spiritually blind. They don’t know what’s right from wrong.
They don’t know whether I should mature. They are stuck being complacent. They don’t want to grow up. They still justify their bad behavior. And then they play the victim and they point the finger and says, “You’re the problem.” No, I cannot control your emotion. I cannot control what you say. You are the only one who’s controlling what you say, how you think, and how you feel. I cannot do that for you. But majority of dysfunctional toxic individuals that are not yet healed because of their wounds, they will constantly play the victim.
And when you constantly play the victim, you are hopeless. As if you don’t have a choice with the matter. When in fact, God has given you the autonomy to choose how to think, how to feel, and what to say. You do have the choice to say, “Okay, you said that, but I’m not going to be triggered. Okay, I do not like what you say, but I am not going to be bent out of shape just because you just said something very insulting.
As I said, this person who was coming up at me the other day while I was waiting for my my son to pick up, she was really on my face yelling and screaming. I just sit there. I’m like, “Okay, lady, you can have your ranting. I don’t have to ruin my day just because you’re going to do that in my face. I don’t have time for your drama. Maybe you’re going through your personal life.
Maybe you’re going through some hardship in your relationship. I don’t know what you’re going going on, but I will not let your bad attitude affect me on how I feel. I will not let your insult or whatever threat that you’re going to say in front of my face ruin my day just because you’re going to just frantic about it. So, it takes a lot of self-awareness. Heat. Heat.
