Transcript:
Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. If you’re listening for the very first time, episode number# 71. Welcome to Soulish Femme !My name is Glennavelle Manarang. To those of you who are here for the very first time, welcome and thank you. So, today is about “The harsh truth about men.” Because this channel is about prospering body spirit and soul and it will not going to be complete without talking about men.
Men are God’s first creation and men are important. That’s why Adam was created first of all before Eve. However, the more and more I have observed, learned and investigated about men, they are not going to be higher than God. And if you are my daughter or my sister younger than I am, I have wished that I have known this as a young adult, but actually I have learned this the hard way. You live and you learn. And that’s why I am your so-called mother or sister to teach you that a man is flawed. A man is not fully your God. Some men of course are going to try to act like your dad or act like they are overly powering God.
And that is why when you see the story about the woman at the well, which I would like to come back time and time again because it is the only story that I found where Jesus pointed out to her that the woman was married five times. Mind you, in her day, there was no such thing as divorce. But somehow she was able to marry five different men. And finally, Jesus said, “Give me your husband.” and she said, “I don’t have a husband.” Because the sixth husband that she was currently living with was not her husband. Perhaps she was a mistress. We really don’t know.
There was a omission. It was not given fully the picture of was she a mistress or did she ended up living with a man instead of having a vowed in front of everybody because she got tired of having five different marriages and everything failed? Because it’s exactly what we think about a man. First of all, a man that is created by God made a sin. He fell into sin. The first sin that Adam committed was what? Passive aggressive. He became a follower instead of being a leader. And we see this dynamic everywhere we go. And I’m not going to shy away from sharing to you that as a woman, it is actually not personal.
Of course, we try so hard to understand why does my husband doesn’t love me or why does my partner doesn’t really give me his affection and attention. It’s because it started from the fallen Eden where a man decided to just sit idly and possibly going to observe. Instead of defending the woman, he decided not to participate. Instead of saying, “Woman, you must not talk to the serpent.” Because God said to me, “Thou shalt not eat the fruit of good and evil.” But what did the man do? Participated into the action of the forbidden fruit. When God said, “Thou shalt not eat,” he actually ate it because the woman said, “Here you go. Take a bite.” Because I already took the bite, so it’s your turn.
So, that’s why as a woman first of all you must know your identity not based on your husband not based on your partner.
I do love men and this is my job is to pray about godly men to step up to man up to take an authority of a godly authority not the kind of hierarchal that is dysfunctional that is very what do you call it toxic because we’ve seen this dynamics where some men use the Bible to make a woman as an object or possession because God said you are equally created in his image.
A woman is not superior nor inferior. Vice versa, a man is not inferior or superior. They are weaker link.
The woman is created as a weaker vessel. A man is the stronger vessel which is when it comes to the strength of a man. A man is a lot stronger the way he is built. That’s why men create automobiles and bridges and they usually work at the construction while women take care of the household and children.
We’re nurturers where actually the receiver end because that’s exactly the dynamics. However, we have different roles but we are equally created in the image of God. God wants partnership.
More Harsh Truths About Men
2. Invest in yourself
So the second point is that as a woman as much as you can before you get married you invest in yourself educating yourself and having to really deal with your emotion that by the time you are married to the person your life is not dependent upon him because here’s the sad truth ladies men love to chase they love to hunt you that is their DNA they like to challenge themselves This is why it’s very exciting for them in the very beginning. They will woo you. They will seduce you. They will court you because they exactly want you in their bed or perhaps spend time with you or maybe put a ring on your finger. However, when the chase is over, the man becomes bored and they go back to their own world and they either going to commit to you or they’re going to keep constantly chasing and chasing another woman.
This is why some men that have not yet matured in the head, they are never going to commit. If a man in your life who has been there for you for 5 years and he keeps saying, “This is not the time yet. I don’t think I’m ready.” That is a red flag. When a man has been dating with you for five at least to seven years and he still cannot commit, that means he’s not interested.
Do you know that a man is very easy? They know exactly the very first one month or two or one year of spending time with you. Whether you are a wife material or not, they know. Men are simple, but then they’re not that stupid. They think that they’re women think that men are so confused that they need our guidance. Men will know instantly whether they want to spend their lifetime with you.
And if you try to convince a man to love you, like you, adore you, and spend time with you, you’re wasting your breath. Because then when a man is not fully invested in you, you’re just constantly going to chase him. You’re constantly going to beg him and my friend that is exhausting. You don’t want to be constantly chasing begging because you’re the prize. A woman is supposed to be wooed a court. Remember the movie in the old movies when you see fairy tales? What does a woman do?
She waits for her prince charming to arrive. She actually is busy doing something with her life. She was doing her makeup, beautifying herself, trying to self-improve herself because her energy is feminine. She’s not chasing. When you’re constantly chasing, you are functioning in your masculine energy. You are not functioning in your feminine divinity. And when you’re not functioning in your feminine divinity, you’re like a man. And a man who is also a man do not want to be with a man. So if you’re a man or a husband is very masculine and he likes to woo and chase you and he likes to initiate because that’s who he is. But if you constantly do that, if you’re constantly instigating, you’re constantly initiating, you’re constantly trying to tell him what to do, what else is the man going to do? Nothing. So he’s just going to sit idly because you took control anyway. So I’m going to just let the lady do what she wants because she got it figured out.
3. Step back
That’s why women sometimes you need to step back as a woman. Sometimes you need to be less available. I am not saying that you should not be available to your husband’s need as long as you take care of him, his food, his clothes, you do the laundry, you iron, and you give him the love and affection that he needs. But you also need to have time for yourself. You also need to have time for self-reflection or maybe go out by yourself without your husband or maybe do some nail care or hair care or go to a spa without your husband.
You don’t need to constantly be with your husband because you need to have a life of your own. The problem with many women today because I don’t know who started this nonsense. I don’t know the kind of memo that was sent because I never received it that for some reason we have been told by society that the moment you become a wife slash a mother your life is supposed to revolve around your children and your husband and that’s it. I don’t see that in the Bible.
That’s why Jesus said to the woman, you are always thirsty because you think that the water from the well, it is the analogy of life. The water from the well is going to make you thirsty. Meaning to say, you are constantly trying to be available for everybody, always trying to help everybody, trying to make your life revolved around men, when in fact they don’t even care about you. Most of the time they’re selfish.
Men’s nature are selfish. As I said, they like to hunt. They like to challenge. And then they go back to their old caveman mentality that says I am just going to go back to my doing video games and watching football for 5 hours but I don’t have time for a woman because that’s exactly how men are think because why most of these men are not yet awaken they are still Adam fell asleep.
So you need to be the second Adam who becomes Jesus. Jesus said that a man is blind because he is discerned. He has not yet woken up, enlightened, and therefore he’s asleep. A man that is asleep, they are passive aggressive. They don’t initiate. They don’t have leadership skills. They are immature in their emotions. They cannot talk emotionally with you. So, if you’re trying so hard to change a man, you are just wasting your time and on your breath, which is my next point.
4. You cannot change a man
As a woman, you cannot change a man. The harshest truth and reality is you cannot change a man. Whether you bent over backwards or bent out of hell or out of shape by trying to convince yourself that I must change the man if I will do this to him. You can’t because man has his own brain. He has his own choice. God has given us all the gift of free will and the autonomy to choose, think and decide for ourselves. So this is why Paul said to the woman, you must learn to be quiet and be chaste with your action. nagging, controlling, manipulating these tactics does not work only for due time, only for a few times, but eventually it’s going to make you upset. It’s going to make you pessimistic. It’s going to make you drive yourself crazy.
So, my suggestion for you, invest in yourself as a woman. As I said, I’m not saying that you have to be selfish, but you must learn to have a life outside of your marriage. You must have a life outside of your relationship. You must have a life outside of what your husband is doing. Just because your husband loves sport, it doesn’t mean you have to. I do love sports. I do love basketball. If he watches basketball, that’s our time together that we watch sometimes and football.
But sometimes if I’m not in the mood to watch, I’ll just do things on my own. I read a book. I color. I do a podcast. I do blog. I organize. I clean.
Design your life.
Do something with your time instead of getting frustrated because your husband is not paying attention to you. And that is why some women are being so exhausted trying to maneuver and trying to convince their husband to love me, look at me.
And another point that I would like for you to make, the harsh reality about men is that they are boring.
Men usually are boring. They just do the same thing over and over again. It is the kind of a rock that you cannot bend. They’re unbendable. It’s predictable for them. And this is why women, we do things like redecorating, repainting our kitchen, renovating because we are so bored. We like to always multitask or do something for no apparent reason. That’s how God wired us
Our brain is wired differently than men. Men’s brain is practically one-sided. I’m watching and that’s it. I am eating and that’s it. Or I can watch and eat at the same time. But for women though, when we get bored, that’s exactly how we either build something or we ruin things. What the Bible says, a woman has the capacity to build her house or she can actually destroy her own house.
That’s how powerful a woman is. And if you know this power that you have the ability to rebuild or build your house, that’s why women go through changing their curtains and changing their furniture. We actually are so keen to the nitty-gritty of what’s happening in our kitchen and we don’t have a toilet paper. Men they don’t because men are not wired that way because majority of men as I said selfish, self-centered and still unawaken and therefore as a woman, as a wife we need to fight and pray and intercede for our husbands because there is a battle happening right now in the world.
Whether you see it or not a man is always getting used by Satan to possess a woman to either usurp a woman’s authority and they become very dysfunctional. Satan was a man. He was Lucifer. He hated women and that’s why he used Adam to possibly just stand there without defending a woman. And that is why we have problems today. The Mars between Venus, men are from Mars, women are from Venus. We have different functionalities and men opt out from responsibilities and they become feminite. They become more womanly and women are becoming more manly, boss babes, control freaks and no wonder why a man is not doing anything. They do not want to participate. They don’t want to talk to you.
And of course, we have to really understand that as a woman, you cannot mother your own husband.
It’s very hard because as a woman it is our nature to nurture. Our husband and our children. So when we realize that when you become a mother to your husband, you are actually becoming like the mother instead of being the wife and allowing him to just think for himself and give him space. So there are times that when my husband and I are going to have a fight, an argument and he doesn’t want to speak to me. I just let it be.
I let him think about it or digest of what just happened. I used to always want to nag and says, “Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about it.” And I realized that talking so much about the same issue and you don’t have a solution, it’s insanity.
Albert Einstein used to say, “You want a different result, but you keep doing the same thing over and over again. It’s insanity.” So as a woman, as much as we can, stop mothering your husband because your husband is not your child. Your husband is an independent man who has his own mind and his own opinion about himself or yourself.
This is why it is a very hard thing for women not to mother their husbands because as I said it is in our nature to nurture. It is our nature to take care of our husband’s needs. And did you eat? How come you’re not calling me? Are you okay? What are you thinking? Is everything well? I mean, I’m pretty sure as a woman, if you heard me say this, it is very profoundly normal for us women to care for a husbands. But sometimes when you’re not careful, your husband thinks, “Why do you care so much about what I feel?”
I think most of the time I have nothing to think because men don’t usually think like women. Women, we think thousand thoughts per day. But men maybe they only think about, I don’t know, two things. What to eat? I’m hungry. And if I’m hungry, I get something to eat. That’s it. A man is simple. If I am thirsty, I get something to drink.
Here are is another harsh truth about men:
Give them a specific order.
And then next, of course, is that a harsh truth about men is that you need to give them a specific order and you need to tell them exactly how you feel. It’s very direct to the point. They don’t play the games of like, well, this is exactly how I feel. I want you to guess how I feel. When a man asks you a question, how are you feeling? You say it. It is, I’m feeling pissed off right now. I don’t like what you said. I don’t like how you treated me. Plain and simple, men are not riddle solvers.
They don’t know how to navigate with guessing game. They cannot read your mind. So if you want to tell your husband directly, like if I’m mad at my husband, I will tell him. I don’t like what you said here. I do not understand why you have to be mad at this point. Because as I said, men are simple, simple as a rock. They are not riddles to be solved. And I know it takes a lot of deliberate self-awareness and observation about human nature because as I said as a woman we need to really try to understand that we are not gods and there are not gods either.
We are still trying to figure out how this relationship between a man and a woman dynamic is different. Their love languages mostly for men are either physical touch and affirmation. Men love to be touched because that’s exactly how God wants to have is this nurturing like the mother and then affirmation of like I love you. You are so wonderful which is the very hard for me to do.
My job is not to affirm people. My strength is quality time. I think my love language as most women do is quality time. It doesn’t matter whether you give me a diamond or a necklace from Zales. As long as you give me at least a quality time without your cell phone, without interruption that I have don’t have to compete with your freaking football or basketball game. I am going to adore and love you. But some men do not understand that that’s the love language of women and also acts of service.
Usually women loves to see their husband throwing the garbage away without you telling them to do that or cooking in the kitchen or saying I’ll get this. I’ll help you with the kids. That is another language of a woman. But some men do not understand that. That’s what I said. Men is wired differently and women are also wired differently. And because of these dynamics that we see that are so different from each other, it doesn’t mean that we have to hate each other. We can coexist. We can live to disagree. We can agree to disagree about our opinion. And we have to have an open communication with our husbands and tell them exactly how you feel without sugar coating it. And that’s exactly how I think people are going to learn to understand about their partner, about their husband because you have an open communication.
Even if you are getting frustrated, you may not agree on so many levels. My husband and I do not always agree on so many levels. We have political views differently. We view things differently. He has different perspective in life. He has a different kind of opinions about things. We may not always agree on what we see in life. It is fine to have disagreement. It is okay to have different opinions because that’s part of life. I actually want a person to tell me honestly of how he feels and how we think about things. Not that not just to agree on me because at that point when you see or hear people’s different perspective, your eyes will be opened and you’re going to think, “Wow, I didn’t realize that you see things that way or you view the world differently because our view and our perspective in life is different because of our upbringing. It’s because of the education system that we were in.
It is based on our experiences in life and what we are attuned to the world around us. And so do not expect for your husband to always agree on your differences or your opinion and you’re going to say you hurt my feelings because you’re supposed to agree on what I say every time. That is full of baloney. You cannot expect your husband to constantly agree on the things that you don’t see eye to eye. He might be a Republican and you’re Democrat or he might be a Democrat and you’re Republican. He might be, I don’t know, he loves Lakers and you probably are more He fans. I don’t care. But it’s just one of those delusional thing that we think that a woman has to be always uh agreed upon by her husband because if he’s if he doesn’t agree with you, God forbid your hurt is going to be your feelings are going to be hurt.
That is childish and it’s time for a woman to say, “Okay, you have your opinion, I have my opinion.” and we can discuss it as possible and we may not agree on many levels but at the end of the day we’re going to meet halfway and compromise anyway and just leave it as that because I know that there are certain battles in life that is not worth fighting for and that is one of the things that you have to learn as a woman not every battle is worth fighting for not every little nuances is worth picking and saying, “Oh my gosh, why didn’t you not do this?” Or maybe sometimes your husband is leaving socks everywhere and he’s not picking after himself or he thinks you’re a maid and he’s not really cleaning up for yourself.
Sometimes as a woman, we like to nag and keep on berating him. But other times, I ask myself the question, do I want to be right all the time? Do I want to nag and correct him all the time? Or I just want to have peace of mind? Because as I said in my last episode, if you’re constantly micromanaging people, I live with my in-laws too temporarily. They’re here for on vacation and to visit and my son and I have to deal with my husband and it becomes too much sometimes.
And if you’re constantly driving yourself crazy to a point of navigating everybody of their actions and their choices because some people are inconsiderate or some people do not really understand of what your standard is and they’re going to trigger you and you’re constantly trying to navigate and control everybody, you’re going to drive yourself crazy. If you somehow see something in the counter that they have left behind, just do it. Just pick it up without opening your mouth, without nagging about it. I know it’s hard as a woman.
Sometimes if your husband maybe once in a while he leaves his socks on the floor, just pick it up and put it in the laundry. I know it’s not that hard sometimes, but we like to say, “Why did you do this on purpose? Did you do this intentionally?” As I said, we learn, we must learn to choose our battle as a woman. Because I know that we live with people who are still maybe immature and inconsiderate, but as a bigger version and the bigger person in the room, we must have to learn not to complain as much as we can.
And we just have to say, God, give me the strength and give me understanding of what I have to do in this day. And the last point that I would like for you to think about as the verse, this is the verse that has I have been pondering lately, I asked God a few days ago, what is the perfect verse for me to meditate today? I cannot give you the right verse. I think it’s in psalm, but it goes along with this line. Forsake foolishness and live. Go in the way of understanding. I think it’s worth repeating. Forsake foolishness.
So ask yourself the question, forsaking foolishness is what are the foolish things that I’m doing in my life that is not contributing to my happiness, that is not contributing to my growth. Forsake foolishness and live. Many people are not living wisely because they’re foolish. They’re ignorant and they’re childish. But when you ponder upon this verse that God has been giving me, forsake foolishness and live and go in the way of understanding.
So as a bigger version and a bigger person in the room, you must learn to understand people because patience is going to run out. Instead of patience, you know that patience is a very hard thing to develop. Instead of patience, you learn to understand people. Understanding people is sympathetically aware of where they’re coming from, of how they feel, what they think. I know some people that are dysfunctional are going to trigger you, gaslight you, do something to get out of their way, to bent you out of shape. And that’s okay.
Let them be who they are because if that’s exactly who they are, it tells them the character that they have. And so when you are trying so hard to navigate everybody, you’re going to drive yourself crazy. So instead, forsake your foolishness. Learn to understand people. Do not take it personally. I know it’s easier said than done, but that’s exactly the gauge of knowing whether you have matured in the head. Because if you’re constantly fighting and trying so hard to get provoked and triggered, you are not better than them.
You are just like them. I know it takes a lot of practice. It takes a lot of discipline. And it takes a lot of self-awareness to say I will not going to go there. I am not going to be worked out. That is why as I said heal your trauma, your triggers, your nervous system. Learn to breathe. Learn to meditate, journal, pray, walk in the park, do whatever it takes for you to get out of your inertia to get out of that kind of constricted emotional baggage that you’ve been carrying. I don’t know, scream in the lake or something that nobody can hear you or listen or do something that are able for you to alleviate whatever baggage that you have been carrying from one relationship to another. Because as I said, no one is going to help you do that. You have to do the job. You have to do the work.
And that’s why Jesus said it comes within you. The healing is within you. The kingdom of God is within you. It is actually learning to look within which is in lamentations that I said it is good to let him sit alone and sit quietly. sitting alone in your thoughts, investigating your thoughts and trying to understand why do I say things and why do I do things and what makes me feel this way? Because people cannot make you feel or think and do things without your permission. As Illinois Roosevelt used to say, no one cannot make you feel inferior without your consent. Therefore, if you constantly trying to say that this is a man’s fault and it’s actually their fault and you’re not going to take accountability, you are just a victim of your circumstance. And as this podcast is, we are not a victim of our circumstances.
