Transcript:
Hello everyone, welcome back to another podcast, episode# 72. Welcome to Soulish Real Talk with Glennavelle Manarang. Today’s episode is perhaps a segue way of what I have discussed on episode #71 about the harsh truth about men. And I would like to just preface this saying that we were born not vindictive, resentful or have anger issues. Apparently, when you grow up, life will test you.
You will experience heartache, betrayal, whatever circumstances that you’ll be facing in life. And that’s exactly why some men or women become bitter, angry, resentful, vindictive, and all the negative aspects of life. Therefore, in today’s topic is titled recovering from your childhood trauma. I really think that every person who is a narcissist, which is a common theme that is loosely being used today, it’s everywhere.
Narcissism, narcissistic. These are people that have been wounded and they become so embroiled with anger that they do not understand how to cope with it. They become disconnected from their heart, from their mind and from their mouth. That when you listen to these people, they are very dissociative personality. I am not a psychologist whatsoever.
Based on my research and listening to other people’s messaging when it comes to narcissism, they haven’t really point out the obvious. I think in my own observation that they have missed the point that you don’t turn up to be a prideful prick or you become an egoistic person because a child doesn’t really have that kind of vindictiveness.
Ways In Recovering From Childhood Trauma
This is why, as I always like to say, you and I must be the first person that will break your generational curse and the generational pattern so that when we do have children, when I have a child, my child is not going to continue the lineage of abuse and really learning the dynamics of how to treat people well, how to respect women well and children too.
1. Admit, Acknowledge & Confession
So number one thing that I can say recovering from childhood abuse is there is a power of admitting it. Confession with your mouth gives it the ability to admit to yourself that I have been through abuse. I was abused and I am going to confess it. There is power in our testimony. Remember what Jesus said, the truth will set you free because it is the only way for you to get free from your bondage is to speak up, admit, and confess. Of course, many people are going to suppress the truth because of shame and guilt. Maybe because they don’t want people to know that they have been through abusive relationship.
I also was suppressing the information for 10 years. I wallowed it. I swallowed it. I kept it hidden hoping that I will just be better. And then eventually it led to outbursts of anger. It led to impulsive erratic behavior that I did not understand what was happening to me until God said before you are going to be free from your anger, you must confront the issue that you must admit that you were sexually abused that you have been violated that you did not have a voice in that matter. you had an abortion and you also went to another psychologically been abusive with another relationship for seven years with this man.
So we know that some people are going to perpetually send forth demons in your life to really test you. We think that God is not going to spare you from this problem or trials. He allowed this to happen in your life because maybe this is a test of your character. I surely do not want things to happen in people. But for many of us who have been through abuse and verbally either physically, mentally, we know the impact it has on you. It will take an impact psychologically and for some people will not recover from it unfortunately. And for so many of us who do not want to quit and who just deal with this problem head on and we’re able to become resilient and more powerful than we used to.
So it says also that in Galatians 2:20, it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me. And the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the son of God. So if you really know to recover from your childhood is that knowing your identity that you are not your past. You are not what broke you. You are not defined by the things that had happened to you. It is no longer you that actually going to live your life to the fullest. When I became a Christian way back in 2008, if I have my year right in my memory, that was my life of transformation.
As I said, I was a religious heathen. I went to church every Sunday, dressed up being religious. And then Friday, Saturday, I would go back to my ways of partying, smoking, alcoholic, dancing, whatever the world was doing. Apparently, when you are been saved by the grace of God, the person that is living inside of you is no longer you.
Although you are never going to be perfect, there’s always going to be a war between your flesh and your spirit, there’s always going to be a battle between doing the old self, which is the lustful ways of the world, the pride of life, the ice, the pride, the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and then of course what Jesus said, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
There’s always going to be that war between the flesh and the spirit. However, we hope that the more and more you obey God’s guidance and leading of his spirit, the stronger it becomes. As the saying goes, there are two wolves that lives inside of you. The good one and the bad one, the light and the darkness. And whoever you feed the most, that bad one is going to come out eventually.
The more and more become the more and more you become so angry at something you are fueling that anger. That’s why many people are radically or erratically responding with belligerent actions because they have been programming themselves to be triggered by people and that’s that is their automatic response. Vice versa, if you are programming yourself to be calm, deliberate, and composed, it also becomes stronger.
It is like a muscle that you’re building. And I know this because I used to be so overly reactive person way back in my day. Everything triggers me. Everything bothers me.
But because God was teaching me that sometimes it’s not worth fighting every battle. It takes so much of your time. It takes so much of your energy that it will make you exhausted and get so overwhelmed and that’s why your nervous system is hijacked, jacked up and you wonder why you’re too stressed. Another thing that says recovering from your childhood trauma, this is my note way back.
I don’t even know which year it is that God has been downloading to me and how to recover from childhood self is that forgive yourself and the one that hurt you. We know forgiveness is the hardest thing to do.
But remember when Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how many times must I forgive people who offended me?” Now I’m not saying that forgiveness means reconciliation because you need to ask God God’s discernment and wisdom.
When God has not prompted you to reconnect with that person and reconciled with that person who have hurt you and he’s going to do the same thing, that is not wise.
Be Wise
You must ask God to give you clarity whether you must invite these people back into your life. You can forgive them 70* 7. When Jesus said you must forgive people 70* 7. It is about letting go and letting God take care of those people who have hurt you.
Bless them and do not curse. Pray for those who persecute you. If they’re hungry, thirsty, if they live with you. This is why healthy boundaries. If you choose to live with this person or people and they’re still in your life who have hurt you, betrayed you, and you still allow them in your life.
Cont. Ways On Healing Childhood Trauma
2. Set Healthy Boundary
You must place healthy boundaries. However, there are people that perhaps God said, “No, it’s time for you to cut the cord and let it go and move on.” Then you must just wish them the best. Love them from afar. And that’s exactly what happened to Jesus when he hung on the cross. He said, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they’re doing.” Therefore, sometimes we also have to wish people the best and forgive them for they do not know what they’re doing because most of them are blind and most of them have been used by the tactics of the devil.
Remember what Paul said, our enemy is the principalities of this world, the dark forces that we cannot see. He’s invisible that we cannot really see him per se, but he’s always been manufacturing chaos, conflict, and division. He divides and he conquers. That’s why the devil is always behind the scene trying to create conflict with people. And last, I’m not sure if it’s the last, but next point that I would like to make is that you also need to, if I can read my notes, learn to recover from your childhood is truly knowing that God is the only one that can heal you.
3. God is The Greatest Healer
Attaching with a vine, vertically aligned with God, and then horizontally align with yourself and with people. As I always like to say, if you are not attached with the vine, you are not vertically aligned with your creator, how can you possibly know who you are? If you don’t know that God created you fearfully and wonderfully made in the eyes of God.
So, in order for you to really understand who you are, you must read the Bible and understand the word of God. Because here’s the thing about childhood trauma. You are going to be messed up in the head. You will be broken down. You don’t know who you are. You will have disassociation. There are three different people that going to come up. The first one was the person before they broke you. Innocent, gullible, naive. The second one is during the trauma. That’s exactly how they break you psychologically. They will strip you out of your innocence and then you become angry. You’re still in the midst of chaos.
4. Integrating Old with the New-Self
And then thirdly, you’re trying to fix yourself, trying to integrate the old self and the new self that is trying to make you aware. Think of yourself as in the wilderness. I really think that this is a profound analogy that I can give you. In the wilderness is the same thing when Pharaoh was under the authority of the Israelites for 400 years. They have been in bondage. So think of yourself as in bondage, imprisoned by the constant chaos, conflict, trauma, bond, chaotic lifestyle. If you live in an in a family that is chaotic, always drama. There’s always chaos.
You’re always going to have this fight or flight mode. So in the same way with the Israelites, God had to take them out. take them out from the enslavement under Pharaoh into the wilderness. And the wilderness is the illustration that is testing us. That is where the face where God is trying to heal you, trying to strip you off of your identity that does not align with who God sees you to be.
Many people in the wilderness did not make it to the promised land. Many people in the wilderness actually died. This is where the analogy is. I know for so many of us, we would like to be healed and be set free and have a breakthrough because we want God to fix our problem.
But God cannot do it without your participation.
Even Moses in the wilderness and the old generation with Moses’ time, they didn’t make it to the promised land because they had one problem. Actually, plenty of them, maybe three. One, they were complainers. They were complaining that they had the same food over and over again. So, if you want to be better, do not complain. heal and ask God to guide you and be grateful. Even if you had a hard life, even if you had a very bad childhood and people have done you wrong, complaining does not fix your problem.
Secondly, they were bowing down to an idol. So when Moses went to the mountaintop and left them on their own, they ended up bowing to the wrong God. You cannot be fully healed and have a breakthrough in your life when you have so many gods in your life.
An idol is an abomination in the eyes of God. God said, “I am a jealous God. I will not going to compete with your other idols because I want to be the first in your life.” That’s why Jesus said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and all his righteousness and everything shall be added onto you.”
Glennavelle
You must understand that God is a God who does not want to compete with your other God. That is the second sin that we have to also eradicate in order for you to go to the promised land. So God will test your alliances and your allegiance to him. If he is going to heal you, he will expose every addiction. He will expose every idol that is lurking in your life. For me, my addictions were shopaholic, materialism, watching porn that I was exposed to with my ex and doing things, gossiping, bad mouthing people, and pity party.
I had so many bad attitude, addictions, behavior that God said, in order for you to be better and to go to the promised land and have a breakthrough, you must strip off and relinquish all of that at the altar. And that’s why Jesus said, “Deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow me.” It’s relinquishing of your rights. It’s about giving up your vices and all your addictions.
I know it’s easier said than done. It takes a lot of effort. It takes a lot of surrendering, obedience, humility. That’s is why many people are stuck in the wilderness. And you wonder why many people are never healed. No wonder why many people are never get that breakthrough in their life. and they pray the same prayer hoping that God is going to fix them up. When you are going to the church and you’re praying the same prayer and you are still doing the same bad choices and living the lifestyle that is contrary to God, he’s not going to bless you and it’s not he can’t help you.
Understand which season you are in:
So that’s why many people died in the wilderness because of their idols, because of their complaining and then they were ungrateful and they keep looking back at the past and they say when we were in Egypt we were eating good food and they were comparing their past and they were stuck to their mindset of victimhood mindset.
So you must understand it is a lot easier to be fixated on the things that already happened to you, but you lose track of the future. You lose track of the sight of where you’re going. That’s why Paul said, “I must forget about the past and not look back. Forgetting what lies behind me and moving forward to what lies ahead.”
And majority of people who have been through abuse, I know we get into this cycle of woe is me. I’m a victim of my circumstance. I want people to pity party me and I want to just get this attention because something bad happened to me. But God would always want us to fix on the future. He wants us to not be caught up in this mental mentality of victimhood mindset being enslaved. That’s the reason why God wants to take you in the wilderness.
Sometimes he will detour you because he’s testing you. He’s testing your obedience. He’s testing whether you are willing to walk and move forward and go to the promised land. And so Caleb and Joshua and his new generation were able to get to the promised land of Jericho where there was flowing of milk and honey. They had a breakthrough because they had a different mindset. They were not thinking like the same people as Moses were thinking. They were very optimistic. They had faith because when Caleb and some other guy who spied in Jericho and they said two groups of spies, the one group of spies said it is impossible.
We cannot go there. The people are very strong. Their their stature is big and I feel like we are not able to defeat this people. However, you know the fear. And then the second group, Caleb and the other person, I forgot the name. He said, “Yes, they might be big and they might appear like giant and their food is bigger than ours. However, we do have a stronger and mightier on our side, which is God. And he is capable and willing to get us through this.”
So, do you see the different mindset of two groups of spies? The one was pessimistic and no hope and no faith. The second one was optimistic, very hopeful and he had faith like David who was able to cut the head of Goliath that says I come I did not come with javelin and spear but I come with the name of the Lord and I’m going to cut your head right now and give it to the carcasses.
So, it is about having faith to get to the promised land because if you are constantly trying to look and feel sorry for yourself, I know I said it’s easier said than done. It’s going to be always this. You’re going to fall off. You’re going to get back again before you can finally have a breakthrough. The devil will test you. The devil will put something in your face and and remind you of your past. The devil is going to tempt you that says, “Remember the time that you used to love doing this? Don’t you not miss hanging out with these people?
Do you not remember that you were so much fun? So, there will be a struggle and there will there’s always going to be a battle because we do not wrestle against blood and flesh. Our warfare are the things that we cannot see. However, we have to put on the hell the whole armor of God.” In Ephesians, it says you must stand firm and be immovable. You must put on the belt of your truth, the breastplate of your righteousness, your shoes of peace, your shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit. We must be able to quench the fire of the devil.
Because when you are trying to get to the promised land the way that the Israelites did, there will be temptation. There will be attack. There will be war. And you think to yourself, is it going to end? How long can I possibly go through the promised land and have my breakthrough? It’s not always linear. It’s not always easy. But it’s worth the fight. It is so worth it that by the time you know that you have achieved and matured in God and when God has taught you about his ways and you know God’s standard at the back of your hand, then you’ll know that God is actually impressed with you.
This is why Jesus said, “Be prayerful. Be vigilant.” Because you do have an adversary. He roams along around like a lion waiting for someone to devour. So one thing to do is you have to be prayer up. You have to have your faith and then you always have to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, discernment and wisdom so that you can get to the promised land.
So recovering from an abusive childhood that you probably had like me, it takes a lot of faith and it’s actually humility.
And last but not the least is of course recovering from your childhood experiences is getting to the root cause of it and do not hide from it and do not run from your demons because it’s just going to haunt you for the rest of your life. This is why people have many crutches. They will numb their pain and they will go to the greatest length of trying to avoid it instead of being honest about it or confessing or admitting that they have an issue. They actually coward. Cowardness has no place in God. Everything in the Bible would tell you, “Be bold in the Lord. Be strong and courageous. Have I not commanded you to be strong in the Lord?
And make sure that you’re not going to hide from your pain.” Isn’t it funny how grownup men also women, they can dress up their pain with makeup? For us women, we can dress up our pain covering with makeup, alcoholism, drug addiction, perhaps shopaholic. And then we don’t know that underneath all of that facade and masquerade, a wounded child is still screaming and trying to get your attention. The same thing with men.
Why do you think so many people have addictions like alcoholism, drug addictions with men too: Womanizing, promiscuity, playing Dota or playing video games is one of them. Gambling is because it is our way of trying to numb our pain. It is our way of saying to ourselves that I don’t want to really look at the demons or the skeleton that has been hiding in my closet.
So, I’m just going to pretend like it’s not there. I am just going to numb my pain or hide the fact that I was abused, that I had a very bad childhood because it’s a lot easier to hide and not confront your triggers and not confront your trauma. It’s a lot easier to pretend like it’s not there.
However, you are going to be haunted by that until the day you die, until you in until you’re dead. And so I think the analogy of the wilderness is something to do with our trauma, recovering from our trauma that is going to go through those phases. God is going to take you from the wilderness into the promised land. But you must be able to fight.
You must be able to face your battle and you must be able to be resilient, immovable, and be steadfast because there will be war because Satan doesn’t want you to have a breakthrough. The devil wants you to stay stagnant, complacent, and constantly live in your victimhood mindset. And it is a part of the matrix system. The world does not want you to wake up. That’s why Paul said, “Awake, O sleeper. Do not be asleep.
Today is the day of salvation. You must be able to wake up from your sleep.” And many people are sleeping. Many people are still convincing themselves they’re actually doing the right thing even though they’re not. They thought they’re actually pleasing God and even though their lifestyle is contradicting to what the word God said. And you don’t want to be a religious heathen going to church every Sunday and dressing up your wounds pretending like you are so holier than thou but behind closed doors and no one can see you.
You’re actually are not well with God. You are not connected with the vine. You’re actually living a double life. That’s why Paul said you cannot have drinking the cup of Satan and drinking the cup of God. You cannot serve mammon and god at the same time. Jesus even said the same thing. You cannot have two masters in this life. You cannot serve God and serve mammon which is money.
So you have to really know that if you want to be healed, you have to do the hard work. You have to go to the dark room. You have to interrogate those thoughts. You have to be uncomfortable with your self and ask yourself the question the same thing as I always like to say. Where did this come from? Why do I react this way? Why am I being triggered? What is the root cause of my anger? Why am I being a prick? Why am I egoistic? Why do I do things the way that I do? How do I how do I change my habits? What can I do to have a breakthrough in life? If you are not strong enough or courageous enough to look at those questions, you are going to be going the same thing like as insanity as Albert Einstein used to say, “We expect a different result but we do the same thing over and over again and we complain with the same thing over and over again.”
I know it’s easier said than done. It takes a lot of changing your belief system, the way the dialogue that’s happening in your mind, shifting from negative thoughts into positive thoughts. That’s why Philippians 4:8, it says, “Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable, and think about things that are excellent, and worthy of praise.”
And I haven’t really seen the movie Wizard of Oz, but somebody on YouTube that I have watched, I forgot the name of her channel, but she really also gave an analogy that the lion, the scarecrow, and the tin can man, they represent three personas in one person. And I think she pointed out it profoundly relevant that it is true because for so many of us when we have been through psychological breakdown and we’ve been abused we will have to go through this associative personality disorder whatever you want to call it.
And so we have to really be mindful that you are not your past that God can do miracles and impossible things in your life. That he is still a God of healing. that Jesus said, “By my stripes you are healed. By his wounds you have been healed.” And Jesus said, “I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly.” And he said also that he has borne our griefs and our sorrow that he actually taken the cross for us on our behalf so that we don’t have to carry this burden on our own. And that is why I want you to recover, heal, and get your breakthrough in 2026. And that is my prayer for you today. I hope that you’re blessed with this message. Be bold, be brave, and be courageous. And always be alert and vigilant. Be prayerful in the spirit because we do have an enemy.
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