Episode #79 – How To Subliminally Grow Mature?

Transcript:

Everyone, welcome back to another podcast. Welcome to Soulish Femme. My name is Glennavelle Maranang. To those of you who are here for the very first time, welcome. And today’s topic is titled the subliminal ways to help us grow mature. Without further ado, let’s talk about our emotional intelligence.

According to Daniel Goldman, he said, “What really matters for success, character, happiness, and lifelong achievements is a definite set of emotional skills, your EQ, not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests.”

I think that just going to school, memorizing certain facts, history, adding, multiplication, subtraction, these are fine and dandy and our society and our education system have find a way to measure from each other whether you are the smartest kid in the class, whether you have straight A’s, or you have A’s and B’s. And this is exactly how we are determined whether we are actually going to be successful in life. However, as I have grown older, I realized that there is far greater valuable than IQ according to this quote.

However, with EQ it is something we can develop. It is something we can learn like communication skills.

And I couldn’t agree more because it doesn’t matter if you are the smartest kid in the classroom, a book smart, but if you do not know how to manage your emotion and you do not know how to regulate your emotion without throwing a tantrum like a toddler, you are going to be perceived as immature. Even if you are a bookworm, even if you think that you are intelligent and people should give you a reward for being the most smart kid in the class, but if you are the person who just cannot articulate or who cannot agree to disagree or who cannot really argue with someone, especially with adults, and you don’t know how to voice your opinion without belittling people, without gaslighting people, without insulting people.

It just shows that you actually have not fully developed your EQ. I think EQ is a skill like everything else in life. Unfortunately, with IQ, it is something that you are born with. If it’s not something that you can learn because if some people are smarter, let’s just face it, some people are really genius and some kids are gifted like the rest of us. the prodigy daughters or son they are gifted from God and they are special kids right now that they’re very intelligent in some other areas. However, with EQ it is something we can develop. It is something we can learn like communication skills.

So this is important for us to understand that it is not only about cognitive abilities, not just about memorizing facts and learning how to do physics or algebra, but it’s also something to do with understanding other people.

Ways To Subliminally Grow Mature

Emotional intelligence is understanding other people’s emotion. It is about sympathizing how they feel and being aware of yourself and other people of what triggers them and what triggers you. It is the reciprocity of learning each other and respecting boundaries as well.

Study Your Thoughts

And of course, to subliminally help us to grow mature in 2026 is study your thoughts.
Our thoughts govern our behavior. Our thoughts also govern the words that we speak. According to Jesus, the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. It is all interconnected with each other. If you have been thinking bad thoughts and you have been ruminating on the past, it is actually going to show forth in your life. If you are worried constantly, if you’re always fearful about what’s going to happen in the future, most likely you’re going to be debilitated of making crucial decisions in your life.

 Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."

Whatever you think in your heart, whatever you ponder about yourself, whatever your subconscious mind has believed for a long time about who you are. I talk so much about identity here. I talk so much about what you say to yourself, which is another point that I would like to make is that not only you need to study your thoughts and interrogate them, you also have to practice positive affirmations.

Proverbs 13:23, "A man shall eat well by the fruit of his mouth. He who guards his mouth preserves his life."

We eat well by the fruit of our mouth/our words. The same thing with our thoughts, they are alive. Our thoughts, we send something good, positive thoughts to people. They probably would feel it through prayer. We think possibly about people. We do not wish people harm or any death. That’s why Jesus said, “You bless those who curse you. You do not retaliate evil for evil, but you overcome evil with good.” Our thoughts actually can be also discerned by God. Even if we may not articulate what we say, but God can understand and know exactly what we’re thinking. The same thing with our words.

Words are powerful.

I have done a previous podcast a few days ago about our communication style. How to communicate in a godly manner where we think that words are just pure words that they have no meaning that they are not something that we can speak about ourselves. Because even if you tell yourself that it’s just words, it’s not going to matter. I think words according to Proverbs that says that it is a fruit. It is something that you’re going to eat eventually.

It is something that you’re going to harvest eventually. If you are going to plant bad seeds, for example, to your children, if you keep telling your children that you are going to be a loser when you grow up, no one is going to take you seriously. You are such a dumb child. You are never going to mount up to anything. No one is going to love you or care for you. You are actually cursing and you are prophesying a bad outcome for your children because it says here you will eat the fruit of his mouth.

You are going to instead of uplift and encourage your children, you’re actually sending more problem. You are not giving them this voice that is going to help them grow. Because the moment you plant that seed of discouragement and the moment you plant that seed because words are seeds. It is something you plant in somebody else’s soil in their heart. And if you’re not planting good seeds into other people’s lives or even into your own self, eventually no wonder why some people feel insecure, lack of self confidence because they have probably learned it from people.

When I looked at my own insecurity, when I had to interrogate my life of why I felt insecure about myself because as a child, as I said, I was highly criticized. I was brought up into this perfectionist environment that I could not make mistakes, that I always have to be going to excel in everything.

But I realized that much of my life was performance. I didn’t realize that it was actually not because a person loved me or someone in my life loved me but the only reason why they loved me because I could perform and they can perform they can ask you to perform but there was not a lot of encouragement instead of saying I know you’ve got this I know you have it in you but instead if you fail or you make mistakes they will humiliate you or they even going to criticize you for being stupid.

So I realized that when we grow up in that kind of toxic environment who never give us any encouragement or some kind of words that will dis will encourage us even instead of discourage us. It is very hard to break those pattern. This is why it’s important to as I said watch what you say and then of course never assume rather observe patterns and learn other people’s behavior.

For you to grow up, you cannot just take people as a face value. We think that people are going to just change or say just because they apologize, you think that they’re going to change their behavior. But people have patterns. I understand that when you have been broken and wounded by people in your life, patterns are very hard to break. It is very hard to relearn and unlearn certain behavior because it is been embedded in our DNA.

It has been something that we have been doing repeatedly. And so in order for us to just take people as the face value because we think that people are going to change. But if there’s a certain pattern that keeps on appearing and recurring time and time again, there’s a place that you just have to meet people where they’re at and never expect them to change if they’re not willing to change. Just because people are friendly in your face and they’re smiling in front of you, it doesn’t mean they like you.

It doesn’t mean they are for you. Satan is cunning.

Devils are conniving. We live in a world where people have two faiths. We live in the world where people say one thing and do the other. We live in a world where we think that people will always have the best interest at hearts. And as it turns out over time they will show you their true callers. That’s why never assume. You can never say that just because this person say I love you but with their actions constantly disrespect you, crossing your boundaries, lying to you, playing mind games with you.

This is what you call actions are far better than words because people will eventually going to expose themselves based on their repeated action. Even if you keep telling them your behavior is not tolerable to me. I don’t like how you’re acting or I don’t like how you’re treating me. But they keep saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. But without the change, it means nothing. So you have to accept people for who they are. Do not try to fix them because people are not ready yet. Some people are not really willing to mature in their life. Sometimes they rather want to be in their pubescence and get stuck there until the day they die. And so it’s not really your job to force people to be someone that they’re not. And of course to subliminally let us grow up into 2026. That’s a lot of 2026.

Know your standards. One of the things about learning people’s behavior and learning the patterns of people around you.

Instead of focusing so much about what you cannot control like other people’s behavior and choices now at least you can control yourself. And this is exactly why if you know your standard you start working on your self-development.

You work on your growth because now you are not consuming so much of your time with frustration trying to bend people and changing their behavior.

It is very hard for most of us who are a control freak. We like to control people hoping that they are going to be in the same trajectory as us. But that’s just not reality. Some people are lagging, some people are behind and some people are actually slow learner.

So, according to Roy T. Bennett, “Maturity is when you stop complaining and making excuses in your life. You realize everything that happens in life is a result of the previous choice you’ve made and start making new choices to change your life.”

So it is so true. If you want to grow up, you have to really stop making excuses. First of all, you cannot keep having the same problem, expecting different results and you’re not doing anything.

If it doesn’t work because maybe your strategy is outdated or maybe the strategy is something is missing in the puzzle and also complaining can only deteriorate your values. People that complain too much because they want to excuse themselves. They justify their behavior. They will give you so and so of why I cannot do it. They probably blame it on their age, blame it on where they live, blame it on their past.

Because in this world, we know that the only thing for you to achieve something is to take action. Complaining about it, making excuses about your life is not going to push the needle further. It is going to impede your growth and you don’t want to hang out with those kinds of people.
Glennavelle

And this is why when we talk about the Israelites, face your demons is the last point that I have is that when we talk about the Israelites, I talked about it a few days ago about the wilderness. When they were not in the wilderness, supposedly it was only 2 weeks. The trip was about two weeks for them to cross over from the wilderness into the promised land of Jericho. However, as I said, not everyone made it to the promised land because they were complaining.

There are two kinds of people. The one people the group of people a was that they were in old mentality. They were complaining. They were stuck to the old mindset. I think this is the analogy of us that many people are stuck in the wilderness was not able to move further and when they were complaining God sent a serpent.

This is why I said you have to face your demons. I think the serpent in the wilderness representing demons that we have to deal with in our lives. It could be the spirit of pride in us. It is the spirit of jealousy, the spirit of anger, the spirit of bitterness, the spirit of unforgiveness.

Here are three takeaways:

Growth Mindset

Demons are spirit. Okay. So demons is something that is going to either propel us or it’s going to stunt our growth. So God when he saw that the people of the Israelites in the wilderness, some of them were complaining instead of being grateful. God put the serpent. It was the time that God was punishing them and waking them up saying you cannot go forward in life if you constantly complaining.

If you’re constantly trying to feel sorry for yourself and play the victim because that was the different mindset of the group A. The group B were hopeful. The group B where Joshua had to lead them. The new generation their mindset were hopeful. They were positive camp. They saw that even if they were about to cross to the promised land that people were a lot bigger and things were different. They put their trust in God. They did not put their trust in their circumstance or the problems that they were facing currently.

So this is why it has shifted the mindset of the second generation because they probably saw that the old generation had this funky mentality. They were always moaning and groaning. Everything is dark. Everything is bad. There’s really nothing good that’s going to come out of it. And so perhaps they learned from their ancestors or from the people before them because the people that were left behind were the people that were a lot older. Even Moses never made it to the promised land. Mind you, God’s plan was supposed to cross over for two weeks, but it took them about 40 years. Think about that, 40 years.

And how many of us have the same problem? We just go around and around and around in the mountaintop for about maybe 15 to 20 years because we refuse to dust our feet off and we refuse to face our demons. We refuse to take accountability. We refuse to make any changes and this is why we complain with the same problem. As I said, listen to the people around you. When you talk to them, they will tell you the same old same old story. They will tell you about the past. They will talk about the problems that they’re facing. Maybe it already happened five months ago, but they’re going to bring it up because we really love to rehearse or rehearse the same old story. I think it’s part of our human nature. When we have nothing else to say, we resort to our old problem.

We are going to talk with the same old problem that probably has been fixed already. but because we somehow want to address it again or I don’t know this is why sometimes now that I’m older as much as I like to talk to people but I only give it a few minutes because if you are not going to be aware you’re going to end up talking or gossiping about other people and you’re just wasting your time.

So today my conversation goes like hi hello how are you everything is okay? Yes, everything is fine. How’s work? everything’s good at work. As long as you’re healthy, happy, and safe, I’m good. And I don’t have to know so much about your drama or as long as it’s not something that is significant or it’s not about life and death, I am concerned, of course. What I’m saying is if we have nothing else to discuss and we’re just going to end up discussing with the same problem or the same story like already happened many years ago because I catch myself before that if I was always on the phone either with my mom or with my sisters or with my friend, we always gravitate talking with the same problem.

We either talk about the problem that already happened like 5 years ago or we’re going to talk about people who have, you know, hurt us or disappointed us. So this why sometimes I really think that the more we speak it is truly a trap from Satan that he gets us distracted from the things that are very important such as creating something with your hands or pursuing your goal or starting a new hobby. This is why sometimes when you are not alert or on guard with your time or you’re not vigilant of your time management, you are going to just waste so much of your time blabbing and talking and you end up just wasting your breath.

And so, and I would like to share this with you that I wrote in my journal many years ago. I said, “Run, hide, and numbing our pain are some of the tools we use as a coping mechanism. Why is it easier to do this rather than facing the truth? Is it because it’s unbearable to feel or even admit our own suffering? Perhaps we have been conditioned as a society to pretend, hide, run, and numb our pain, hoping it will go away. But that’s far from the truth. Because the only obvious way we can be free is to admit, acknowledge, and confess. The truth will set you free.

Telling the truth is hard and it is never easy to own up whatever it is you’ve done or have done has been done to you. But it is the only way and there is nothing more you can do to move forward but to face your inner demons. When I was mad, disappointed and afraid as a little girl or as a teenage girl. I tend to go to my room, lock myself in, hide and wallow in self-pity. Much of my anger issues have been pent up over time by my unwillingness to face until I learned to suppress them and ultimately I exploded into an outburst of anger. There was too much I wanted to say the desire of wanting to be heard but I was not allowed to do so. I was never allowed to share my opinion that I became too angry and I resented life.

So this is why there’s a price that has to be paid. When you are not facing your demons, you are going to stunt your growth. And that’s why I have titled this episode that subliminal subliminal ways to help you grow maturely is one of the things is you have to face your trauma and you have to face your own demons and you cannot run from it because it’s just going to haunt you. You have to really understand that you are much better off when you are truthful about your own pain.

As I said, you have to go to the dark room in the dark soul of the night. the dark soul of the night where I had to shed many many tears. In the dark soul of the night is where I had to talk with God and pleaded with him to give me the wisdom and the strength to go on with my life. If you have not known my story, I have written a book in 2019 where I discuss about all of the things that I’ve struggled way back in my teenage years. And these are painful memories that I have still always going to be part of my life until the day I die. However, I cannot be a victim and I refuse to play the victim because being a victim is actually not desirable and it’s not admirable either.

So you cannot you have to take your pick and understand that yes growth is hard and healing is a process but over time the more and more you are willing to face it and willing to move forward and grow [music] the sooner you’ll become better. So you don’t want to get stuck in the same rut. So you don’t want to get stuck with the same mentality until the day you.