Transcript:
Today’s topic is how to navigate your emotions or regulate your emotions when you are being triggered. Because as we know people will trigger you and it just happened recently in my life that some people probably intentionally or subconsciously will play a game of provocation. And yes, I was trying to make sure to explain myself. So number one, with no further ado, let’s get to the point is do not stoop down to their level as much as you can.
Here’s the thing.
No matter how much you explain to a person who is manipulative and who tries to play a mind game, they will not understand you. A fool will not have comprehension because their job is to get a reaction from you.
1. Don’t Over-Explain
Reasons: Apparently, when you are tired and you are actually not aware that they’re actually doing it because they’re going to throw you off the loop, when you just woke up in the morning, you didn’t have your coffee yet and they’re going to do something to actually perhaps question your reality. Here you are trying so hard to defend your case, but in this matter, they’re going to just want something out of you.
2. Do Not Stoop On Their Level
Features: And secondly of course is ne next thing to do not stoop down to their level is also learning to not let them ruin your day. So when a person that is toxic in your life patronizing you mind games learn to move as quickly as you can. If the person somehow already ruined your day because of what they have done and they are going to just say you also ruined my day. rejection and making you are they’re blaming you for the things that they’re actually doing to themselves. So, if they’re just going to let your day be ruined, don’t do that. You have to still keep on moving. You have to be quick as much as you can to do something that you have to do in that day intended for you to do.
So if for instance you guys are going out to dinner or breakfast and this person suddenly says I have already changed my mind because you ruined my day now I’m not in the mood to eat. So you can actually have the choice to do things without that person and move on to do something for yourself because it’s important that you have your own autonomy and your own time for yourself that your happiness and that your choices are not contingent upon that person’s bad mood. Because here you are.
If you’re going to just allow this person to ruin your day because he already said or she already said, “You have ruined my day because you have already, you know, made this so a big of a deal.” When in fact, that person started the whole thing anyway. But they’re going to be in denial because, as I said, people that are manipulative, narcissistic, they’re actually going to blame you for their bad choices and their bad behavior because that’s exactly what they want. They want to justify their choices or bad behavior and they’re going to blame it on to you. So what you have to do if they ruined your day, do not allow that person to actually ruin your day. You have to do things on your own.
3. Invest in Yourself
Thirdly is that you have to learn to go back to yourself. Maybe you need to take a nap and go to a retreat and have boundaries and just perhaps that’s a time for you to read a book or journal to reflect to think about the next time you are probably more aware of another tactic that this person is going to throw in your face. And you have to really learn the patterns. As I said, narcissistic people have patterns. Sometimes they have to go through this phase of very nice and everybody’s happy and eventually their true colors is going to show up again. I know it’s exhausting but now at least you are able to not be so involved to their emotional turmoil because it is not about you. It’s actually about them. They are dealing with some kind of in denial phase trauma. As I said narcissistic people was not born narcissist. They are either were wounded as a child.
They have abandonment issue. They have neglect issue. They have mother wounds issue, father wounds issue. Just like myself, I also was that kind of a person. I like to create drama. I like to create chaos because I was longing for someone’s attention. However, when nobody told you that, you’re going to end up sabotaging your relationship. And instead of opening up yourself into this constructive way of communication, you’re going to end up creating drama and chaos because you’re actually trying to ask for a person for their attention, but actually you’re not doing it the right way. You’re actually doing it in a way that you’re going to push people more.
A journey to a better life is discovering yourself.
You also have to understand that maybe at that time you were also off balance because you didn’t have enough sleep that day and taking a nap helps to regulate your emotions. When you are sleep deprived like most women are especially for mothers, we are usually sleep deprived when we have been trying to feed our infants, change their diapers.
And it really was something that I had to get back on track to when my son was still a baby. And now my sleep has been really off whacked because I had to wake up every 2 hours to feed my son because I was breastfeeding my son and changed diapers. On top of that, he was also dealing with eczema and I had to soo soothe him at night time and put creams all over him when he was scratching all over his body.
So, this is why sometimes as a woman when you do have a chance to sleep or take a nap even for 30 minutes in the afternoon, it really helps you get back to your energy level.
We have been so depleted of energy because we are so much time to cater other people and we don’t have time to cater for ourselves and we have to really be aware that as a woman we need to give a little bit of allowance for ourselves we should not be apologetic about that when we need time for ourselves.
It is not something that we should shy away from because without us without you as a mother no one is going to be able to do the job for you at home. And of course, when it comes to regulating yourself, it’s important to also step away from the place that triggers you.
Sometimes I also like to drive to a park where I can just sit in my car and think and watch the birds fly or kids playing at the park or watch by the mountaintop.
Ways To Regulate Your Emotions:
You know, it is a time again for reflection. anything that can make you stay grounded and make you sane in an insane world where people are going to trigger you. So, it’s important that you also have to drive away and make sure as a woman that you are going to refrain from over-shopping or browsing through the internet because you’re upset or you’re sad. That is a time that you also have to really check in with yourself:
1. Don’t Shop When You Are Too Emotional
Because the tendency as a woman when we’re upset or sad or depressed is we’re going to shop and we’re going to end up making more problems and making bad decisions because we’re impulsive. We’re going to end up going to shop at Target or Tar Walmart or Amazon or go to a mall because we’re upset and sad. We probably are going to end up buying clothes that we don’t need or shoes that we don’t need or too much makeup that we don’t need because that is very easy. And if you’re not careful, you’re going to end up having this shopaholic mentality that says, “Well, I’m so upset, so let me just soothe myself by creating more problem.
Disadvantage: When you are actually in debt already and you cannot afford to constantly being in debt and you’re in the midst of ups being upset or you are mad at someone and you’re going to not have self-control is going to get you in trouble because once you are done with your phase of emotionally hijacked because as I said your amygdala has been hijacked at that point you’re not going to be able to think critically. Your prefrontal cortex is already done. It’s going to be either I am going to just splurge something because I’m upset and my emotions are driving at the front seat. It’s not your critical thoughts. It’s not your analytical thinking. And so what’s going to happen if when you’re upset, you’re going to most likely buy something that you don’t need. I know because I have been there many times before when somebody pisses me off or when I’m upset or I’m being triggered. My tendency was to shop.
2. Control Your Impulse
And even though I didn’t have a lot of money back then, back in college, I would maximize my credit card because I was very upset and I was not happy with this person. I allowed this person to dictate how I felt that moment. And instead of controlling my impulses and allowing my thoughts to govern my emotions, I did it the other way around. I let my emotions govern my thoughts. That’s why it’s important in the Bible that says guard your heart with all diligence for out of it comes the is of life. So if you are not guarding your heart the person or the spirit is going to that’s going to govern you is your impulsivity. It is your being hasty of making decisions and then after you have calmed down, you’re going to say to yourself, I am the dumbest person in the world and why did I even allow this person to trigger me? And you’re just going to end up returning the items because you have calmed down.
Alternative: Instead, as I said, there are plenty of ways that are free that you can do without splurging your money.
Maybe you can go to a library or Barnes & Nobles and you don’t have to buy books and just read something or maybe you should just treat yourself of a cup of coffee that that will not cost you an arm and a leg. But do not get into this defensive mode of buying something that you know that it’s going to hurt your financial needs in the process. And another thing that I also believe that can help us is prayer. Prayer is the ultimate foundation to help us regulate our emotion. And if I will not going to just not add that there because it is important that when we pray and we ask God to really help us with our problems. He gives us clarity. He gives us the wisdom and the wherewithal to know how to process our emotions. When Jesus said in Matthew 8:28 somewhere, was it 6:28? Come to me all of you. All of you means all inclusive. It’s not like it’s only for a few people or for the group of people. He said all of you who are weary and heavy laden and I’ll give you rest for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
3. God’s Character
So when you give it to someone that is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, he knows exactly what you’re going through. He can understand better than you can of what is it that you’re doing wrong. Maybe it’s a time for you to draw near to God and tell him, “This is what I’m going through. This is how I feel about this person.
Give me clarity. Give me directions and how I can proceed and how I can be able to understand my relationship with this person and moving forward. How I can better myself of understanding about this person.” And most likely when you’re humble enough to ask God for guidance, he will give you direction. He will give you discernment and understanding and how to deal with a person. And this is where God showed me before that you cannot engage with a fool. When a person is unwilling to listen and he doesn’t have the capacity to understand you because a foolish person doesn’t have any maturity in them. And that’s how God revealed to me in Timothy that avoid division, avoid conflict as much as possible. pursue peace with everybody. And you have to be able to be a peacemaker because without peace of God in you, there’s just going to be confusion and conflict.
These are some of things that you must consider in regulating your emotions:
And Satan, the foe of the ancient foe, is the number one instigator of chaos. The enemy loves for you and I to constantly be in being triggered. It is a bait of the enemy. And if we are not careful, Satan uses people around us. He usually use the closest people around us that can trigger us because it’s a bait. He wants us to be tripped up. He wants us to be upset over small things. And that is the sad part. And of course, last but not least is if you can vent to someone.
Sometimes I feel bad for my son because he is my sounding board. And you need to be able to express how you feel and not suppress it. maybe to a a friend who can listen without judgment, a counselor or a priest or a pastor or to your mom or to your sister. As long as that person is reliable, it’s not going to spread your story around or gossip about you behind your back because as much as I don’t like to share my story, I usually keep things to myself. The reason why is because I have learned the hard way that when you share a story to people, it spread like lightning and they’re just going to gossip about you.
And that’s why majority of us, we have to also make sure that the very person you’re going to share your story or vent to that person, is that person going to keep your story intact or is that person going to spread it and just talk behind your back? That’s why if you have no one in your life that is reliable, you must probably just keep a journal and write it down just for your own self and maybe just talk to God about it and say to God that I’m going to just release it to you if you cannot find any reliable friend or family members that you can vent to because suppressing your emotion is going to end up to an explosion eventually.
Trust me when I say that because when I was younger, I was not allowed to voice my myself. I was not allowed to voice my emotions and eventually it lead to explosion, explosive anger. It led to outburst of wrath and that is something that you must not do as an adult because you’re an adult now. You should at least able to regulate your emotions. And if you are not expressing your emotion, then that is somehow it’s going to explode one way or another. It’s going to erupt. It’s going to manifest. That’s why you’re snappy sometimes. That’s why you are just going to uh vent something or not vent something.
What’s the word I’m looking for? You’re just going to be easily triggered or you are just going to be easily aggravated over a small things because of it is the accumulation the accumulation of anger and suppression of anger that you have been subdued or hidden for yourself for a longest time because I used to do that too. My anger issues before was the accumulation of suppression because as a child I was told to be quiet, go to your room, your emotions or your feelings do not matter. So if you are going to just keep on suppressing, suppressing, suppressing and overtime, you don’t know how to really communicate effectively, you don’t know how to voice yourself in a way without being so explosive and overly reactive. and I’m getting better now than I used to, but it’s still a work in progress in my part.
So, I think these are just some of the ways that you can do. If I have forgotten some of the important ways you can regulate your emotions, maybe you should leave them a comment below and tell me about it. But for now, these are the tools and ways you can incorporate into your life. If you think this is helpful for you personally, then feel free to like, share, subscribe, and hopefully I will see you on my next podcast. And if you are ready to delve or embark into your healing journey, check the link below. My course is now launched through Udemy, healing through traumatic experiences. This is a very short course that you can learn from me based on what I have been applied into my life and how I was able to recover from sexual abuse, emotional, mental and physical abuse. With that said, have a wonderful day ahead of you and may you have a wonderful week and be bold, be brave, and be courageous. I’ll see you on my next podcast.
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