Transcript:
I’m Glennavelle Manarang. To those of you who are tuning in for the first time welcome to Soulish Femme. So, I would like to give you an update about the word that I’ve chosen this year. If you have recall, go back to my playlist I talk about the choice of word today which I have realized it has helped me to make better decisions which is the word centeredness. And to refresh your memory, it is emotionally stable and secure or I would say being grounded or rooted.
And of course, I’m not saying that my life is perfect, that I have it all figured out, that I’m very grounded. Apparently, life is going to throw you many obstacles. It’s going to give you a lot of challenges along the way. And the question is, have I ever been grounded? Not all the time but most of the time I think I could say I have been better emotionally, mentally it is because of the small habits.
As I said, the small incremental habits that we do on a daily basis, it actually adds up.
It will give you a longevity whether or not you’re going to be emotionally centered. Let’s face it, people are going to test you, provoke you, poke you, because we all know, as I always like to talk about on my channel, we live in an imperfect world with imperfect people.
Alongside with that are toxic, narcissistic people who have not grown up in the head, who are still immature in their little puny brain. So, therefore as a person who usually before that I grow up and realizing that there’s a lot of stimulus around us, a lot of noise and a lot of distractions, a lot of constant getting our attention, and therefore we somehow lose sight of being centered.
TIt is a choice that we make. It is not because we expect people to behave differently as much as we want them to behave the way that we would like for them to behave to grow up to become an adult. But again, we cannot control other people. They’re going to do whatever it is that they want to do in life.
And so at the end of the day, it is still our choice to remain centered in a world full of noise, full of chaos. Because that’s what the world does. The world is always chaotic. You look around the news, it’s always the same old, same old. Nothing but bad news. Nothing. But it’s always been doom and gloom.
And it’s always about woe is me. You live with people who are always playing the victim, the same saga, the same drama. They always complain about the same old crappy feelings or the same old pattern. And the problem is, they can’t really do anything about it because they refuse to do something about it. We all know that people who love to complain too much are victimhood mindset. They don’t want to change their circumstance.
Therefore, they just want your sympathy. And as much as you want to really get provoked because you said to yourself, what is wrong with you? Reciting and rehearsing the same problem, it doesn’t solve anything. So there are the there are ways that you can do to remain centered. That’s what I always like to say is that it is your choice. You cannot be bogged down or swayed just because the world is not perfect and it’s not behaving the way that you preferred.
There are things exercises I’m being redundant here because I think people need to be reminded of what it takes to be centered in a chaotic world. Being a stoic, I know you’ve heard about stoicism and being stoic. I’m not saying that you should completely behave, to be stoic, to be indifferent, because being indifferent is actually being numb or insensitive to the people around you. Yes, it’s good to be stoic sometimes, not to care too much about people, but let’s face it, you are not a robot.
You do have emotions and it’s okay to acknowledge them that you feel a certain way getting frustrated, angry because these are emotions that you must feel and not drown out and pretend like everything is okay even though you know everything is not okay. Lying to yourself is actually not the way to be centered. You need to tackle the truth. The truth will set you free. If something bothers you, you need to address it.
You need to be transparent about it. Because if you wallow in these thoughts and you keep saying everything is okay and you’re not going to discuss the situation, maybe you have a problem with your husband, maybe you have an issue with anyone in your life and you’re just going to say, “I am just going to let it go.” Guess what? You’re not going to be able to let it go. It’s going to make you be frustrated and you’re going to just internalize and next thing you know you’re going to blow up because you have been trying to pretend like everything is okay. It doesn’t bother me.
Might as well if you want to be centered, address your emotion. Do not tuck it under a rug.
You need to be transparent that yes, I’m feeling this way. I’m being frustrated. I know people is gonna take it as confrontational when you talk to someone. They think you’re always arguing, but because you want to address an issue because it’s important to you. I cannot sleep when something bothers me. I cannot sleep when I cannot say something what’s on my mind.
You should not suppress your emotion because over time when you suppress your emotion, you become volatile. Being centered is because you are willing to address the issue at hand. You are not going to just brush it off, deny and run away from it. You need to be an adult. You need to be transparent. You need to be honest that this is what’s bothering me.
Glennavelle
And if I cannot find a solution, what else can I do? And so if you have a problem with someone, might as well tell them about it of how you feel instead of pretending like we’re good together. You know, nothing is nothing is going on, but you know that something bothers you. This is why I said if you want to be centered in this life, you need to have boundaries and you need to learn how to say no. You need to have limitations.
You need to have your own standard. And that’s why I have decided to of course clean up your environment. Your environment is really dictates how you behave in your life. It really helps you that if your environment is free of clutter, free of mess, you can think clearly. you can actually have a peace of mind and heart. Springtime is the best way to clean around your areas.
- Get rid of stuff you no longer need.
- Give it away. Toss it in the garbage because it really just tells you that you have enough room and enough choices that you can make without having this kind of feeling that you become crippled. Too many choices. I don’t know what to wear.
- As a woman, we always have this crippling idea like I have nothing to wear. Even though you have so many dresses get tucked into the back of your closet that you have not worn and still have tags on, but because you refuse to let them go because you thought to yourself, maybe I’m going to need it on a special occasion.
Maybe I’m going to need it on a special day. We all face it. We all know that special moment is only Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, and New Year’s Eve. That’s it. You’re not going to wear that any other time. So, why must you keep this beautiful dress for a special occasion? What if you’re never going to make it tomorrow? What if you’re dead tonight? God forbid. That’s why sometimes we think that being centered is just hoarding things, accumulating stuff that we don’t actually need.
It is all about elimination. It’s about intentionality. Keep what serves you. really understand if you bring something an object into your environment ask yourself the question do I really need it because if you don’t need it just don’t bring it to your space especially when you have a small space and you don’t have enough room to stuff things around because as I said we are visual people we like ourselves to be surrounded with beautiful things including myself this is why I have planted myself into spring preserve.
Essential things to consider:
I visited the Spring Preserve with my son because I want to be surrounded with nature. Nature has allowed me to be reminded that beauty is not only with rushing. It’s not about always hastiness. It’s not about being impulsive. They’re rooted. Nature somehow they go through cycle. We go through fall. We go through winter, spring, and then summertime.
1. Nature cannot be rush
They don’t rush. They just flourish according to the season. This is why when you are surrounded with butterflies and flowers, you cannot force them to migrate or to incubate. You cannot force the plant to grow according to your wish. They’re going to grow because it depends on the cycle of the season.
We lack centeredness because we like to rush things. It’s about quantity over quality. We think that if I get to this point, I will be happier. My life will be better because it’s not going to be better. Why must you wait to be happy tomorrow? Why must you wait to have this feeling of joy when in fact you can feel actually is a state of mind.
2. Bloom wherever you are at
You can be happy now of where you’re at. You can be as flourishing today and thriving and be content and be grateful of what you have and count your blessings instead of always saying to yourself, I’m going to be happy if I make this much money. I am going to be more pleasant if I’ll be if I’m going to achieve this dreams.
We all know that no matter how much money you have in the bank, if you’re really not a happy person today, money is not going to make you happy tomorrow either. Money is a tool. It is something of exchange value. I give you the money and then you give me services or products. That’s all there is to it.
3. Happiness must start with you
But you cannot really be centered when you are just depending upon something that makes you happy. You cannot just be centered when your happiness or your joy or your peace is contingent upon the behavior of people around you that your life is going to be ruined.
As I said, toxic people are going to ruin your day, right? We just had this day a few days ago where someone in my life decided to just blow up again, lose the temper. And if I would have to depend my emotion upon that person, my day will be useless, unproductive, and ruined because this person completely just decided to get triggered again, getting angry because of what you said.
And so if you really want to be centered, you cannot go by the people’s emotions. If per if a person in your life has somehow you have a debate or an argument and he decided to cancel the plan and you want to go then go without with or without the person. This is why sometimes we think like my life is over because we made a plan. We’re supposed to go to the mall. we’re supposed to go to this trip and we supposed to eat at this restaurant, but the person decided to just bail out on me because of his emotional triggers and he couldn’t control his emotions and the whole day is ruined. He cannot let it go. He just can’t. We need to have sometimes be like a goldfish. Just let it go. You’ve lost your short memory. Short-term memory.
It’s like whatever. I don’t care whether you want to wallow in self-pity or not. I will live my life. I used to think before that my feelings were dependent upon other people. I used to think that if this person is going to go to a place where I was going to go, my life will be better and my day will be so much wonderful.
And I realized that you cannot force people. You cannot make people go to a place when they’re not willing to go. You cannot make them happy. Just because you’re happy, it doesn’t mean that they’re actually going to be happy. There are miserable people in this life because maybe they’re too stressed out. They’re dealing with health issues.
But instead of helping themselves, they are not willing to help themselves because we all know that many people like to just sit idly and do nothing and talk with the same thing over and over again. It is what you call insanity, right? We expect a different result, but yet we don’t want to do anything differently. We just complain with the same things over and over again. And so being centered in this life is all about curating the life that you want. It is about being a designer.
Learning about what your standard is, what is acceptable, what do I not tolerate or do I do I like this or do I really want to be involved with this situation anymore? If not, you just have to limit your self from these people. As I said, you need to just allow yourself to be outside. Be comfortable being by yourself. Going to a restaurant by yourself, who cares? Going to a coffee shop by yourself, watching a movie by yourself, walking in the park, shopping by yourself, it’s not going to kill you.
I have decided a long time ago, I might as well be myself instead of surrounded with people that are always going to be complaining, always going to drag you down and drama. And that’s why sometimes I prefer to shop by myself because I don’t have to worry about people’s time. I don’t have to wait for them. I can just go in, get something I want, get out, pay it, and then if I don’t get anything, I’ll just don’t have to worry about people’s time or emotions like, “Are you okay? Do you mind waiting for me in the, you know, while I take this dress in the dressing room? Can you wait for me trying this on?” I don’t want to inconvenience people.
This is why you must be your own best friend. And I really think today many people are uncomfortable being by themselves because we have been perceived that you’re such a loner. You must not have friends. You must be so pathetically, you know, isolated from people because you’re antisocial.
Whatever the kind of label we hear from people, just because you like being alone, it doesn’t mean you’re antisocial. You’re being selective. You’re being selective. You’re being intentional of you of who you allow in your in your circle.
As I said, might as well have being surrounded with mind likeminded people. The people that encourages you, the people that root that are rooting for you, that are happy. These are the kind of people that you want to be surrounded yourself with. You know exactly the kind of people that drags you down.
The people that are belittling you, questioning about your dreams, these are the kind of people that are pigeon-minded. They have no visions. They want to bring people down. These people are miserable. Because if you really are not miserable, you don’t have the time to criticize or to shut people down. You’re just insecure.
We all know this about some people in our lives that when they’re insecure, they’re not happy. They want to bring you down. They want to be just like a crab mentality. you know, we’re just going to be in the same level. They hate it when they see you succeed. They don’t like it when you’re outshining them. And therefore, it seems as though we could never grow and be like an eagle.
And that is why sometimes your environment matters. The people that you surround yourself with matters, the the books that you read, the things that you watch, these little things that you do can influence truly in how you feel about yourself. The clothes that you wear is also important to feel centered. We think that what you look inside well of course I would say the beauty from inside out. What is the inside is going to reflect on the outside. Whatever you actually dress because we are all visuals as I said that already earlier.
But if you don’t look good in the mirror, do not be surprised that you’re gonna feel lousy. If you cannot even brush your teeth, brush your hair, or take a shower, and really care about your appearance.
Why do you think that you’re going to feel lethargic and apathetic in life? Because what you see in the mirror is going to reflect to you how you feel. You are what you wear. Because as I said you are a walking billboard. You are a branded person as even though regardless whether you are going to admit it or not the kind of clothes that you wear and how you are going to exude yourself in the world.
People are going to portray you whether you can be a person to be trusted with a person who takes yourself seriously or a person who could care less about the looks.
We live in a society that we have somehow think that dressing up is too bougie or just what you think you’re better than anyone else. You think that you’re going to just have this standard. No.
We have somehow decided a long time ago, mostly women, that to devalue ourselves by wearing things that are not supposed to be worn outside. It has been decided perhaps by people without our vote. As I always like to say, the world is your runway. It is it it is what you deliver in the world. If you look good, you feel good. I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I feel down and I don’t feel like getting up sometimes and I don’t feel like just doing things, I have to take a shower. I have to tell myself, you need to take a shower, you know, and then put a little bit of makeup and put the best outfit.
For some reason, my mood is elevated. For some reason, I feel this sudden urge that I want to create something that I want to go outside because you feel good and what you wear. You don’t have to have Prada, Louis Vuitton, or have a branded names on your in your closet to feel beautiful. You can just buy clothes from a thrift store or Ross or TJ Maxx or Marshalls. The things that are less expensive that you can afford, but also at the same time, they look beautiful.
You feel good in it. You feel confident. It doesn’t really take millions of dollars for you to care about how you look. Why must you play dead when you’re not dead? Because life, as I said, is too precious to just lay around not caring.
And I will tell you that every time I wear a dress, every time I step into the world and I would go to the casinos and I would dress up this beautiful dress that is not really that expensive, you somehow carry yourself differently. You show up differently. You will walk differently as if you own the damn place and you don’t care about what people say.
And this is why you’re depressed. And this is why you feel as though you’re just going to give up and quit and gain the weight because we all know when we’re depressed, we overeat. We overindulge. We don’t want to move our body. It’s just how it is.
A body not in motion will remain not in motion. If a body truly is very cultivated, if you’re always curious and you want to care about yourself by educating yourself, doing something creative, coloring, get a coloring book, crocheting, gardening, yoga, pilates, I don’t know, walk in nature. It’s going to help you to really be centered. We all live in a world with chaos. There’s a lot of, as I said, many people that are stressed today, very overwhelmed because of the news, because of the unending drama saga. There’s a problem at home, there’s a problem at work, there’s a problem in your finances, there’s a problem in your health, and then on top of that, the world is also chaotic.
So, what else do you have left? Is that you must cho choose to be centered. And this is why journaling, singing, dancing, whatever it takes for you to feel centered to really bring your nervous system into this equilibrium, it’s going to help you. As I said, many people truly are haven’t healed from their trauma. We’re all carried our childhood trauma.
That’s why we’re always angry, get triggered easily, anything irritates us because we have been conditioned to be on the survival mode. We’ve always been conditioned to do this thing and the next thing and then this next thing and then we are just like on a rat race chasing a tail that never ends. Is the cycle of the hustle culture that says you must achieve more, be more, do more. Yes, I am all for that. I am a person as you all know me. I like to get things done. I also have ambition but at the same time I like to play hard and I like to work hard. I need to just bring balance. I sometimes detox from my cell phone.
And I think the another issue that I see is that we’re constantly in our cell phone that our cell phone truly is that it’s frying our brain. It’s giving us more anxiety especially of the things that we watch and we consume. We have to be careful as I said of what we watch and we consume.
There are times that we need to detox from our cell phone, detox from social media and really just do something better with your time. Because if you truly think about it, me people today are more disconnected than ever. We are more disconnected.
We don’t know how to communicate anymore. We cannot discuss things that are complicated without getting angry or furious because we cannot disagree about politics or any kind of ideas without being on each other’s throat. And it’s actually scary when you think about it. Centeredness is somehow making you feel grounded despite of all the things that are happening around you. Be still and know that I am God. I love that verse and it keeps reminding me every time I get overwhelmed.
Sometimes whenever I’m overwhelmed with my problems in my own life, my marriages, my health issues, financial issues, dealing with my son that’s becoming a teenager now and then plus of that you live with your in-laws and you deal with other people’s problem. Sometimes it’s very hard not to lose your mind when you have all of these things that is really just pressing down on you.
So what else are you going to do?
You need to be able to really take care of yourself. Take a nap in the afternoon and go outside and drive around town so that you can just free yourself from the shackles of worry because we’re reminded be anxious for nothing. Do not worry about anything.
Be anxious which means to say you need to be to need to embody the word be if you conjugate this in English is being right be is are was let’s just give you a synopsis or a a lecture of how to conjugate the word be in English it is a verb be is to being so if you conjugate that be nothing be anxious you should not be anxious for nothing at All we are constantly reminded by Jesus, do not worry about your life.
And sometimes, I know because of our problems, because of the insurmountable responsibilities and chaos that we’re surrounded with, sometimes it’s rather hard to remain peaceful and serene and happy and joyful when all around you are full of chaos and drama and problems. And you ask yourself the question, how am I not losing my mind when I’m surrounded with this too much pressure because really it’s your choice.
You need to take care of yourself. You need to really understand that okay, I cannot control the world. I cannot control the people around me. I cannot control the bad situation. But there’s one thing that I can control that is I can ask God to help me to give me the strength. I can actually pray about it. I don’t need to be a victim of my circumstance. I need to be grateful. I need to count my blessings. It’s really come down to your perspective and how you see your life and your situation. It’s all truly about you are you do have a choice to either okay even though my life is not perfect, I can still live my life. I can live my life the way that I want to.
I can visit this local coffee shop, you know. I can actually go just window shopping, walking around the mall just to get out of this toxic environment and to change my surroundings. Those little action will you’ll be surprised and it’s going to make you feel better about yourself. The day that I went to spring preserve and I visited this beautiful huh you should go beautiful space where the roses were blooming, different kinds of birds flying and there were kinds of butterflies. My mood was truly lifted up. I felt like I was a kid again.
I was reminded what Jesus said. You need to be have a childlike spirit.
A childlike spirit. Always playful. Always curious about the world around you. Always wondering of how in the world is such a beautiful place yet many people are trying to ruin it. Well, they’re trying to destroy the world that we’re given. when God said everything that I have made is good. And so when I was walking around in this pathway where flowers were just beautifully coming in bloom and I was like happy my mood that day. I felt this rejuvenated, invigorated and I feel the calmness in my spirit because I really think that sometimes because of the industrialization, too much commercialization of our world today that we have lost touch at nature.
We’re connected to it. We come from a dust. Therefore, when we go to nature, we feel the sense of centeredness. We feel the calmness of our nervous system. And I was very giddy by the time I left. I was had a smile on my face. My son probably could feel it that I was not miserable that day. Because we truly think that the more we do and the more we give and the more we are available for people that somehow we are going to just be loved more or taken care of more. But I always like to say that’s not always the case. A lot of people are unappreciative of what you do.
A lot of people are blind to what just to do and therefore we think like if I’m going to just show up for more or do more surely they’re going to make me feel better about myself. You have to really pour a cup first to yourself and then you can pour something back. These are the greatest commandment that we are told to love God with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your soul and to love your neighbor as you love yourself. So yourself is part of the equation. However, you cannot love yourself if you don’t love you cannot love other people rather. If you do not love yourself, there’s there’s nothing to pour out. If you cannot love other people, it’s because there’s something is inside of you that’s missing.
And that’s why you are not happy to be around with. You’re miserable. You’re negative.
You’re pessimistic. Because why?
You are unhappy about your life because you think that the solution and the people are supposed to fix you and that people are supposed to pour out in you that you cannot really expect that from people because people are selfish to begin with. And so as much as you want to help people to be fixed and to be centered like you and to really make the best decisions and the right choices in their life, you cannot force people to be happy. You cannot force people to be at the same level as you because guess what?
Some people refuse to do the work. Some people want to be stuck and be complacent for the rest of their life. And actually, that is not your job. If they’re miserable, let them be miserable. If they’re unhappy with their lives, let them be. At the end of the day, live your life to the fullest because life is too short.
