Transcript:
Welcome back to another podcast. Welcome to Glennavelle Manarang’s podcast, Soulish Femme. Today’s topic is about anger issues. First of all, let’s define what is anger. Anger according to the definition is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. So anger is a feeling. It is not a permanent being which means it is a fleeting sensation. Causes of anger are determined based on trauma, betrayal, injustice. There’s a right kind of anger that we have to be addressing the issue. I was younger, when I was younger rather, I used to have impulses of anger, especially when in my teenage years, and I didn’t understand why I had outbursts of anger.
It is based on patterns and based on imitation. When you grow up in a environment where your mom perhaps or your dad are easily triggered and very impatient with you, you’re most likely going to adapt that behavior. I know how hard it is to unlearn a lot of bad patterns in our lives and this is where generational curses continues on. Unless you are that person who is willing to address the issue because when you grow up with a mom who is not good at communication and she is very short with you and she doesn’t really take the time to be patient with you. I also address this issue about my own life when I catch myself being triggered.
So the difference between right anger and bad anger is that when it becomes a bad habit.
So think of yourself that when you are habitually angry and overly reactive over the smallest things, it becomes who you are. It becomes a pattern. And it becomes this ongoing cycle of an anger. On the other hand, if you also learn to pause, breathe and count and just ask yourself the question of how you should address the issue, it also becomes a part of you.
So think of our brain as a an app. You have this capacity to put an app in your head with calm person.
Glennavelle
They will try to get reaction from you. And as I become older and wiser, when I learn the patterns of narcissist, they have not really changed. They’re all the same. They will try to gaslight you because they will make sure to humiliate you and it will cause you some anger issues.
Ways to Regulate Your Emotion:
1. Silence
When you know that sometimes there are there are moments in our lives that we must be quiet and silent in front of a fool. Silence is the key to not escalate things. Silence is a golden rule to really make yourself come down and you’re you’re not going to stoop down to their level. When people are trying to provoke you, it’s because of their own immaturity. It’s because of their ignorance. They don’t really have a good place in a way to have peace. And so anger is very complicated issue. The Bible talks about it in Ecclesiastes 7:89 that the person who is patient is better than the proud in spirit.
The Hard Truth: Patience is very hard to develop because majority of us do not have patience. It is a skill. It is the fruit of the spirit of God. You only develop patience under challenges. Unfortunately, you cannot have patient when everything is going well in your life. The only thing that you are being hone into this spirit of patience is when you are going to stay come under duress. How do you respond when you do not get your way?
How do you react when a person says something to you when it’s not true and you are being triggered? And this is why I always like to say triggers are unresolved issues that you have not dealt with. That’s why you’re being triggered. Why do you get triggered when some somebody tells you about your face or your self even though it’s not true or even if it’s true, why do you get triggered? It’s because you are not really sure that your worth is not based upon their opinion that you have not really convinced yourself that your value is not contingent upon what they think or what they say about you. So it’s important that the triggers are the root causes of your issues from your childhood perhaps or maybe you have developed this false sense of identity from people around you.
2. Self-Awareness
Features: Another thing that I would like for you to understand that anger indignation that is right is actually acceptable as long as you are going to not do this over and over again. So when you are becoming a person that you’re aware and you’re angry towards the person who have done you wrong, it is rightfully so that you do have the right to feel angry for a moment. I’m not saying that you should keep carrying this anger with you wherever you go. Another reason why you’re angry is because you have bitterness and resentment and you are carrying that bitterness as a poison in your heart and it will lead to anger. So anger is the result of bitterness. It is the result of resentment. It is the result of the accumulation of unforgiving spirit. And the more and more you ponder about the past and the more and more you say to yourself, I I can’t stand this person. I hate this person so much. I wish them bad things to happen to them. And you are actually planting a seed of poison in your heart that it doesn’t kill the other person. It only kills you because it will turn into anger issues. it will turn into this prideful spirit and you will pay the price.
Verse to ponder: And that’s why Ecclesiastes says, “Do not hasten to be angry, for anger rest in the bosom of fools.”
Let that marinate for a second. Do not be hastened or do not be quick in anger because it will become this idea in your head that it’s okay to be angry impulsively because foolishness equals impulsive people. When you are quick to be angry, you are not really thinking. You are being governed by your emotion. That’s why it also talks about in proverbs to guard your heart with all diligence for out of it comes the issues of life and I think I talk about this on my podcast many times that our heart when you are not dealing with your heart so when the when you talk about the heart I would like to reiterate that the heart is the inner man it is not the pumping of the blood it is your soul so many of us think that the heart is the physical that is making our blood flow it’s actually talking about the issues of your heart.
3. Uncover Root Cause of Trauma
Facts:This is where your trauma comes from. This is where your unhealed wounds. Why do you are why do you do the way that you do or why do you react the way that you do or why do you speak the way that you do? It’s because of the root causes of trauma that you have not yet dealt with. Maybe you have hidden from it for a long time or shove it under the rug. So these are important that you have to address the issues of why are you angry? I look back in my life and I thought to myself, I was angry for no apparent reason. Not that I was picking a fight for people, but sometimes I have the tendency to overreact or to get overly reactive because of what the person said. And it’s really nothing to do with the other person. It’s because of I said it’s probably the accumulation of frustrations. It is also because of your habit that you’ve been doing it for a longest time. It is something that you have to unlearn the pattern or is it because you have copied the behavior from your parents.
Reasons: Maybe one of your parents are very volatile and unable to control his or her emotion. And over time as a child you thought that’s the best way to control. And when you are grown up and you realize that it is not the healthiest way to address the issue by impulsive or by overreacting because if you are going to do that your high blood pressure is going to go off the roof and of course you cannot really heal with your anger when your environment is chaotic.
4. Your Environment Matters
Maybe one of your parents are very volatile and unable to control his or her emotion. And over time as a child you thought that’s the best way to control. And when you are grown up and you realize that it is not the healthiest way to address the issue by impulsive or by overreacting because if you are going to do that your high blood pressure is going to go off the roof and of course you cannot really heal with your anger when your environment is chaotic
The Reason Why: So environment is another problem. The root causes of our anger is because maybe your environment is full of toxic people and maybe your environment is chaotic and it is so much chaos because of you have accumulated a lot of clutter and a clutter space is a clutter mind. How do you possibly have a peaceful mind and a serenity when your environment is not even conducive to your living space? You’re not even allowed to breathe or to have calmness when you enter the room is because of too much stuff laying around and you have so much pile of junk that you have not yet used or you have not used at all.
And this is why sometimes we think that that our environment is not also causes of our emotional distress because remember what the definition is. It is based on what is the definition of anger? It is the displeasure or hostility. It is annoyance. So of course when you walk into a room and there’s pile of junk around you, you become annoyed or displeasure because it is a sore eye. It doesn’t it doesn’t look right when you have so much things that are laying around and you have not yet tidy up around the rooms. I really think that also we are not aware that our environment play an integral part of our well-being.
5. Lack of Sleep or Overly-Stimulation
Facts: Another thing the anger causes of anger is that we are lacking of sleep or maybe we are too restless, overly stimulated by the world when you’re constantly watching the news and programming your mind with negativity. You always feed your brain with toxic information. No wonder why you are always angry. I think I’ve already shared this before on my podcast that there was a time, it was during COVID 19 when everybody was locked down and there’s nothing else to do that my husband said something to me that I didn’t even realize that was affecting me. He pointed out to me that I was being acting weird, that I was getting too easily triggered, and I I was of course in denial. I said to him, “What are you talking about?”
Listening to advice matter: And he said something to me, “Maybe it’s because you’ve been watching too much news. It was this doom and gloom of people had so many opinions about vaccination and people are dying left and right and you have this constant fear that maybe one of your family members are going to die too because of COVID 19.” I mean, there was so much distraction that was happening at the same time.
Story Telling: And so I was always angry at my husband and he would say to me that you should stop watching political news or bad news because it’s affecting how you react. And I actually took that advice and I decided to stop watching the news for a while and I realized that he was right because after not watching the news for a few days I calm my nerves down. So it’s important that when you are being triggered or you are being hostile towards someone majority of that the reason of that is because it comes from somewhere. It could be as I said watching too much violence or producing I mean or entertaining things that are not good for your body. If you are a person who are easily get into get charged up like me, if you usually get too worked up when you see something, that’s why I cannot see gory stuff. I cannot watch anything that will affect me mentally because I’m very sensitive. If you are that type of a person like myself, you have to be careful of what you watch really because it affects us in many levels.
Especially as an introvert, whatever you want to call it, empath people, we are very highly sensitive. And if you are not careful, you absorbed every single nuances around you. I didn’t understand myself then until I’ve been I’ve been searching about myself and I’ve listened to people saying if you are highly sensitive person, introvert, empaths, you are most likely going to absorb energy. And that’s why because that’s how God created you to be. And this is why you cannot just go to a certain place. You cannot just interact with certain people or you cannot watch certain things or listen to certain things because it will affect your mood. When I listen to a specific music, I don’t know what it is, but for instance, if I listen to a sad music, I ended up being sad. If I listen to something that is upbeat music, I end up being upbeat or energized. This is why it’s important that even music has an impact in you psychologically.
I don’t know how it is, but maybe they should do a study about this that music is not just music. It will affect your mood in psychologically, mentally, physically or emotionally. This is why whatever you ponder, whatever you read, whatever you watch, whatever you listen to, it will affect your body. So that’s why when you are anger issues, you need to understand first of all where where it’s come from, where it’s coming from, the root causes of it. Address the issue. Do not pretend like it’s not there. And then of course, you have to talk about it with someone that you can trust. And additionally, if you have an anger issues, you also have to understand that it’s a temporary state of mind. It is not permanent. This two shall pass. This stimulus, the stimuli, this sensation of feeling will pass. And you have to learn to manage by breathing, by talking to yourself. Sometimes the saying everything will be okay.
Other Tools To Help You Regulate Your Emotion
And visualization also helped me a lot. Sometimes when I’m very overwhelmed by things, I like to just sit and visualize. I am in the mountaintop or I am at the beach where I can be focused or really help me calm down. So there are exercises that you can do. Journaling is one of them. As I said, walk in nature, listening, breathing, you know what to do with those things. Many people are not really comfortable sitting with their pain. They don’t like to sit for 20 minutes and listen to their thoughts. And I think these were some of the tools that I have helped me a lot before by sitting for 20 minutes and listen to your thoughts and writing them down on a piece of a notebook and really interrogating what you’re thinking about.
These are also helpful tools. I just done a video today that you have to understand your belief system. What are the wrong beliefs? I talk about the money. I talk about relationships. I talk about confidence. So if you’re not really aware of yourself, if you don’t know where the triggers are coming from, you are going to most likely do the same thing over and over again, which is insanity. You’re expecting a different result. But if you are not even addressing the issue and you are not opening the the skeleton out of your closet, then it’s going to just be staring right in front of your face. So when you want to grow and if you want to mature and if you want to level up, you need to address your issues. You need to understand that your triggers, your trauma, your problems are not going to go away unless you address them. Address the elephant in the room. The sooner you address the elephant in the room, the better you will become at addressing your issues.
This is why many people never grow up and never understand why they do things or why they habitually say the things because they’re not willing to cut that cord and say enough is enough. I am not going to do this anymore. I am not going to pass this detrimental or chaotic or dysfunctional behavior towards my son or my daughters. Because we must learn to understand that if you want to heal your generational curse, if you want to stop the generational cycle of your family that was dysfunctional, you must be the first one to address the issue.
A journey commenced, starting cheerfully under a clear sky, and a tranquil sea.
And you must be bold enough to say I will be the first person who is going to say this behavior and this pattern is not acceptable and I am not going to constantly do the same thing what my mother did or what my dad did.
I am going to change the trajectory of my future by not creating the same problem as my parents did. And so it’s important that you have to be honest for honesty is the only thing for you to be set free. As Jesus said, the truth will set you free and there’s no other way.
And if you are living in denial and constantly trying to pretend like you don’t have an issue, that’s why you are just going to not grow up because growth is hard. And if you’re willing to grow up in your mind, in your body, in your soul, you have to do the hard stuff. You cannot just say, “I will pretend like it’s going to go away.” And many people are living in denial because some of them are cowards.
And unfortunately, that’s how they want to live. And you don’t want to be one of those people. You don’t want to be a coward people.
Work on Yourself
With deep inner-work, you will feel empowered to focus on what truly matters – Glennavelle
- You don’t want to a person to just pretend like nothing is wrong with you even though you know when you cannot commit to someone when you cannot really address that you have an issue with pride and another reason why and I’m going to leave with this side is that anger is also because of your pride when you don’t get what you wanted when you’re entitled spoiled brat you are going to be angry towards a person because you expect people to do things things for you right away or you expect people to bend backwards for you when you have not even done it for other people.
- We know that we are we see this today that there are so many entitled people who are prideful and they’re becoming angry or hostile towards you because they have not matured in the head. And we have to really be aware that these people really needs probably some kind of time to reflect on their behavior. It is not something about you per se but it’s because they have not yet healed or they have not realized that their behavior is affecting other people. So pride is also the cause of anger.
- As I said, there’s also that’s the kind of prideful anger that you don’t want to tolerate. So if a person in your life is demanding something from you and they’re actually reactive and they’re very angry towards you because you don’t acquiesce to their request and you do not reply to their demands and now all of a sudden they are giving you this viciousness and they’re making you they’re blaming you because of their provocation. It’s really not something to do with you. It’s something to do about them. So, we see that there’s a lot of immature people in the world. We see that there are people that are entitled and there’s really nothing you can do about it only to pray for these people and not stoop down to their level.
In Conclusion:
Hopefully that you are going to place healthy boundaries because we know that we live with those people in our lives and some friends too and strangers outside there that we hope and pray that by being aware and take accountability and willing to change then we can have a better world to live. So these are just my talk about anger issues and how to deal with them and the root causes of them. And if you happen to like this video, you know exactly what to do. I will see you on my next podcast. As always, leave me a comment and I appreciate if you do so.
Catch Up On Your Reading
Your message has been sent
