Transcript:
Hi everyone, welcome back to another podcast. Today’s topic is titled Out of My Control or Your Control. As much as we would like to remain the same, it is not realistic. Granted, life is always changing and we are evolving constantly, hopefully. The hardest part of growing older is the acceptance that we will grow older. With time and its season, we will have to surrender and let go as nature and gravity is going to pull us down to sagging and to more wrinkles on our faces.
Although there are people that are very addicted to having facial done that they can make themselves look younger instead of aging gracefully. However, it is not truly realistic. Not only that I have to deal with this changing of our behavior as well as our style as we grow old.
Things That Are Out of Our Control:
It is truly about acceptance. I know that each one of us when we talk about acceptance it is difficult especially when we do not look like the person 5 years or 10 years ago. It is something that is out of our control.
1. Aging or Growing Old
It is something that it is naturally we hope that we can freeze time and that we can have the same faces when we were in our 15 years old or younger. Now you’re in your 40s, perhaps or 50s. especially for women that we cannot really accept the fact that we have to experience lethargic. Or less drive, less energy and we do not look like when we were in our 20s as well as well as our body. There’s a grieving phase that I think that we have to really consider as you grow older. Grieving is a process where you just have to let go of the past. Shedding the past and allowing this newer version of yourself. You cannot really just stay stagnant. I think in every age, every time you celebrate your birthday, it is this idea of allowing this age to become a version that is not yet familiar. I just turned 43 many months ago in July. And for me, I still feel as though I’m in my 20s.
It starts with: I think it’s all about the mindset. When you think about aging, as they as they say, it’s really just a number because it comes down to what you feel on the inside and how you feel and how you project yourself. It’s how you deliver perhaps your energy and how you embody something. I think age gracefully is something to do with your mindset and how you even dress yourself in a way that it’s not too old. Although I love fashion that is gravitating towards class and timelessness and elegance, but to each has its own really. Some people love colorful things, flamboyant. Some people that are still in their that are already in their 70s are still wanting to dress up like a teenager. That for me is something that you express how you feel on the inside. It’s something to do with the reflection of your soul.
Out of control is something that we cannot control the variables that the only thing that we can truly control is ourselves. It’s within our grasp.
2. Fixing Other People.
Something To Think About: That’s why I always like to talk about as much as we would like other people to be better, it is not really our job to fix them. It’s not our job to be their counselor if they’re not willing to help themselves. The very frustrating thing especially when you are a control freak and you came from a control freak environment like your family, perhaps that you would like people to go with the same level as you, hopefully. You wish the person that you’re married or the people that you live with are going to celebrate your milestone and really hope that you are in the right path. But that is actually further from the truth.
Why: Most of us we are actually dragging people because not everybody has the same mindset as you. Not everybody has the same personality as you. Not everybody has the same experience as you. That’s why the only variable thing that we can control is really ourselves. However, it’s easier said than done because you will be frustrated with people when you see them lagging and you see them not really doing what’s best for them. You know that by looking at their choices and looking at their lifestyle, you’ve been telling them the same thing. Perhaps, hopefully based on your examples, by not nagging them, that they will be inspired. But some people are slow.
We just have to consider the fact that there are people truly are a slow learner or maybe they don’t want they don’t want to learn that they’re just okay being stagnant, that they’re just okay being complacent. This is why it’s so clear that a man without a vision, he will perish. And you see this to so many people, they’re become lethargic, and unmotivated. They’re living like practically dead people. They’re they have no visions in life. They have no dreams. This is why they’re robbing themselves of the greatest opportunity in life. I’m not saying that you always have to be constantly hustling and grinding because I always like to talk about you have to really be elegantly slow pacing and simultaneously working towards the goal that you hope for.
3. Regulating Others Emotional Dysfunction
Hard Truth: However, you cannot be stuck. You cannot be staying the same old same old and you are not growing mentally. You’re not growing emotionally when it comes to your emotional regulation. Because if you’re not really emotionally regulating yourself and you’re still reacting the way that you did when you were 5 years old, you are probably have some kind of problem mentally. You probably are not willing to work in yourself because inner work and inner healing takes a lot of effort. It takes a lot of determination. It takes a lot of self-reflection. I truly believe that people who are not willing to work on their emotions or they’re or willing to admit that they’re lacking in some things or in areas of their life that needs improvement.
Perhaps, communication is one of them like myself. We all have struggle with communication skills and how we deliver our message because it is something that we are not taught in school.
But if you’re not really communicating properly when you are in your 40s right now, there is something’s wrong with you. If you cannot even defend yourself or even explain a small information without getting out of whack, without getting too emotional, if you don’t even know how to articulate yourself to someone when somebody asks you a question and you don’t even know how to explain without blowing up, you are still immature and you have not yet developed an emotional capacity so that you can fully make yourself understandable.
So, when you are in your 40s or in your 50s and you’re still talking and explaining yourself like a toddler and when somebody asks you a question and you get triggered, it really reflects something about what’s going on the inside. Maybe you are too overwhelmed with life. Maybe it is something that you don’t want to address your, as I would like to say, childhood wounds your trauma in the past because as I always like to emphasize trauma triggers they have a source they will have an original triggers where did it come from origin source of why did you react that way?
#4. Being Liked By Others
Maybe out of our control is also something that we cannot really control so much about if people really like us or not. That is not our out of our that’s something that it’s out of our control. Some people will like you and some people will not like you and that’s fine. Some people will congratulate you. Some people will tear you apart. Some people will help you grow and support you to your leveling up and your glowing up. that some people wish that you just stay where you’re at because growth is uncomfortable for some people.
They would rather want to see you the same old same old because why? It is familiar. They are they rather want you to be stagnant and do the same thing because you’re comfortable. It’s familiar to them. They’re not threatened by your growth. And the moment people resist you when they see that you’re growing, it’s because they are insecure of what they see that they wish that they could do the same thing like you.
But instead of really being honest with themselves and being humble enough to say if she can do it, why can I not do it? If she’s able to manage to improve her life or improve her choices or improve how she manages her time, why can I can why can and I do the same because majority people are still in denial or perhaps they are unwilling to get out of their comfort zone because as I said complacency is much better.
It’s comfortable. It’s like wearing the same old robe that it’s already been torn apart and the robe has to go and you keep on hanging on to the same robe. Maybe you were 16 years old and your 40s and you’re still wearing the same robe that it doesn’t fit you anymore but because of the comfort level that’s why you resist of letting it go. So when it comes to growth and it’s something that we cannot control is by focusing so much about what people think or what people say about your growth or your changes or your development, people will become uneasy.
But familiarity breeds contempt.
The more you stay stagnant with yourself and you know that you have already outgrown a place or outgrown a person or outgrown a relationship, even if you want people to be in your same level and they’re not willing to walk with you or walk side by side with the same goal as you, it’s okay.
You can still live life with them if you choose to. But you can also do the things that you want to do to achieve the things that you want to attain in this life. You don’t have to wait for people’s permission.
You don’t have to wait around for people saying yes I will support you then you can go ahead and do that because as I always like to say the only time that is guaranteed today is now. You only have today. You might be waiting for people’s approval forever. And they may not come. You might be waiting for your mom to say I’m so proud of you.
Your idea is wonderful. Your parents might think you’re crazy for doing something that is so unconventional that is not the same as what they did before
And this is why these are the things that it is not your control. Opinions of people, validation from people, and the approval of people.
The things that you wish people could celebrate you even though back in their head they don’t really want to see you succeed. But you can’t really do anything about it.
As the Bible was always clear, mind your own business. Whatever you find your heart to do and whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your might, with all your soul, with all your strength.
1 Thessalonians 4:11-12
It is not to do with what people whether they like what you’re doing or not. You’re not going to be everybody’s cup of tea. Not everybody will really help you see your potential. Some people’s job is to just really make you feel insecure that you can just stay the way that you were. And hopefully that the moment you realize that you are actually becoming better because you want to feel better. You want to make choices that is better to make your future better.
This is not nothing to do with other people’s validation. This is nothing to do with what they think of what you’re doing is right. It is something to do with you because this is your life, anyway. To each has its own goals. You and I have different functionalities and different purposes that we are put on this earth. This microphone is for speaking so that it will have volume and I can talk that will be amplified. Your bed is for sleeping. Your utensils are for eating.
So, if these objects have purposes and functionalities, you and I have the same calling. What are you here for? What is your purpose? Have you even figured that out yet? Maybe not. Maybe you’re in the healing category that you could be a doctor, a therapist, nurse, or something to do with an herbal medicine. I don’t know. Maybe you are good with teaching, motivating people, encouraging people or being a teacher and teaching elementary, high school or professor.
Maybe you are also good at giving at service. It is something that you naturally do. A giver is someone who doesn’t expect something in return. A giver with a giver heart. She just gives naturally because it is in her nature. That’s how God created her to be. So it is something that is not really your control. It is naturally is given to you by God. But if people do not see your gift and if people do not recognize your purpose in life, it’s actually not on you, but it’s on them. Your job is to hone in whatever your purpose, whatever your goal is, whatever what God had given you in this life.
That is your job to make sure to allocate your time of honing that skill and giving that to people. The same thing with musicians and artists. The same thing with the gift of a gab speaking, broadcasting, journalism. This is also to do with teaching and motivating people. It is something to do with what do you naturally gravitate towards? It’s something that is not really out of your control.
Why is it that most of the time you like to paint or why is it that you like to sing? Why is it that you like to talk? Maybe because that’s where God wants you to be. Why is it that you like to tinker around and to invent things? Maybe you’re into engineering or architect. I’m not sure.
So, these are the things that even if people might say and and tell you that this is not where you’re supposed to do and this is not exactly where you’re supposed to be going but if you have the gift of it and if something that you truly love to do within your soul and it resonates with you then you must follow that even if people might consider the fact that you are going to the wrong path.
It’s okay that sometimes when you’re trying to figure things out you’re not going to arrive yet. It is always a journey. It’s not a destination. It is trial and error. You’ll never know whether this is for you if you haven’t tried it. How are you supposed to know if you’re if you’re good at something?
If you are going to just prevent yourself from doing something, when people say it is impossible, when people will question whether it’s something conducive to your future or you’re not qualified. The only reason for you to figure out whether you’re qualified or not is just do it. You have to start before you’re ready. I think it’s Marie whatever her name is that say that on her book figureable.
So this is something that you really have to find a way that there are variables in life that is not out of control. It is not something that we can control even our own life. It is not actually ours. We just have to live by faith and not by sight. But you have to make the best of it every single day that you wake up every day and that God has given you life and breath which means he’s not done with you yet.
And this is why time is a commodity. It is not our control that we don’t really know when is our time is up on this earth but we do have 24 hours in a day and what we do with the time that we’re given is up to us. Whether we are going to squander it to the things that are not going to help us improve in our life, whether we’re going to use our time wisely by creating a life that we want to see in the future.
Even if we’re not guaranteed to to wake up tomorrow, at least you are giving the best that you can that you show up today for yourself and to your family and that’s all that matters because we cannot really lose time. Once you lose time, you cannot it is not a renumerable resource. It’s something that once it’s gone, it’s gone. It’s not something that you can take it back.
So, we have to understand that the things that out of our control are people, but we can actually choose how to deal with people. Time. We don’t know when is our last time on this earth, but we have a choice to make use of our time wisely to make sure that we’re not going to be busy over things that are not going to help us for a betterment of our future. We cannot also control people’s opinion whether they like it, they like us or not.
But we can also control how we feel about ourselves and how we respond to people’s opinion. We cannot control what people think of us. We cannot control their validation. We cannot control whether they like it like us or not. We cannot also control of what will happen in the future because the future is still unseen. It is unpredictable. We don’t have we’re not clairvoyant per se.
We don’t have the gift of seeing the future. Although sometimes God will give us the vision in the future, but it’s not always truly a specific time frame. There are many people in the Bible that are given visions and dreams, but they did not come into fruition until later on in the future.
So, we have variables in this life that we have no control of. The only control that we have is how we think, what we say to ourselves, how we manage our time, how we deal with difficult people, how we live our lives, minding our business, striving to do what’s best for our health, our mental health, our emotional well-being, what we eat, what we drink, where we go, what we watch, what we listen to.
So these are the things that we have control of per se but the rest we don’t have control of and also how we manage our money and these are the things that you must be aware that you have to be in peace with that. I think silence sometimes is the most powerful tool that you can influence people because I rather want to walk the talk and talk the walk and not just talking because people talk too much today trying to prove something and then they have nothing to show for it.
Sometimes it’s better to just do and keep doing working with your hands and let that be the driving force of why people are inspired because they can see results. Some people they just like to talk without the result and that is for me is hypocrisy. You cannot tell me something and yet you yourself are not even practicing what you preach.
I want you to be able to practice what you preach and to show me the way not just talking about it and making empty promises and there’s nothing to show for it. Because at that point when people are only talking you don’t have integrity. People are not going to rely on you and you think that by talking so much and giving so much of your opinion is going to drive people to be motivated when in fact words sometimes are cheap and when you talk too much people sometimes do not see value in them.
I think the greatest leaders are the ones who are doing much more stuff, who are creating stuff instead of talking. I think the most influential people in the room sometimes who are speaking less and they’re very deliberate on what they say. It’s not so much about how much you say but truly if you make an impact on what people if how you make people and also if you are a person who truly take the action and not just with words because sometimes action speaks louder than words more than words. You can talk too much. You can promise so much.
Action speak louder than words.
But when it comes to delivering things, you are short of it. And people are always disappointed or people are not going to believe that you’re going to deliver something what you have promised. And at that point, people are going to just drown you out and will reject or not even bother anymore because they know that you are such a liar.
And lying people are hypocrisy. They just like promises.
And that’s why Jesus would say you know them by their fruit. Watch what they do. Watch what they live. How are these people living? It’s the fruit. It will manifest in what their character is. If these people promise something and if they said they will do something and they do it, which means these people are reliable.
On the other hand, the people that keep saying to you that they’re going to change or do something better and they haven’t changed or done the work. You must stay away from these people. put boundaries and truly understand that not a lot of people are willing to do the hard work. They just want to talk and talk until the cows come home as I would like to say.
But we don’t want to be in that part of the equation. We want to be the person who is willing to do the work. Who will say something and deliver it not just talking because talk is cheap. Not just saying something and not meaning it.
You have to mean what you say and say what you mean. I know it takes a lot of practice. It takes a lot a lot of self-awareness that when you say something, you must deliver it and you must make a commitment because that makes you a reliable person and people will respect you because respect is earned by showing up time after time, day after day. Respect is earned through telling the truth.
But if your actions and your words do not align with each other, that’s why people do not trust you and people do not respect you. Because respect and trust, they go hand in hand. You cannot expect people to trust you and respect you when you are lying constantly out of your teeth and when you’re constantly have this contradicting between your words and your actions.
Actions and words, they must align with each other because if they do not align with each other, then you actually must check with your conscience. Something is off with your conscience and whatever it is that is going on between your mouth and your teeth.
Maybe because you just been believing the fact that you’ve been telling the truth the whole time, but you were actually been habitually lying to yourself. It is a matter of habit. It is a matter of what you’ve been doing constantly. And it’s a time for you to just say, you know what, as a child, I’ve been such a pathological liar. This is my habit. I was in involved with people in my life that was always lying. And so that’s why it becomes who I am. But it doesn’t have to be. So you really have to understand that there are things in life that it’s in your control.
Conclusion
Abuse is also something that you must not tolerate. Disrespect is also something that you must not tolerate. I know sometimes you cannot control people how they treat you. But you have a choice to put boundaries and to set healthy boundaries and say no this is not acceptable in my world.
TSo that is all that I would like for you to think about that there are things that are out of your control and there are things that is within your control and that is something that you can choose to change and it starts with you. I hope that you’re blessed with this message. Until next time, be bold, be brave and be courageous and keep your faith. Have a wonderful day ahead of you.
