Introducing Block Patterns
Welcome to Soulish femme! My name is Glennavelle Manarang. To those of you who are here for the very first time. In today’s topic is about a woman with many sorrows. It’s very rare that you can find a person, especially a woman in this world, who has not suffered emotionally, mentally, and physically. And you might wonder where it all starts? Maybe if you don’t know your Bible, you thought that suffering as a woman is normal. And it is normal because it’s part of life. However, it all comes down to the disobedience of Adam and Eve in the garden. When God had judged the woman, she was told that during childbirth, she would suffer tremendously with birth pains as well as trying to rule over her husband.
And you wonder why, even to this day, we have the struggle of the power dynamics between the battle of the sexes. And the sad part about it is that we were not really told how to deal with our emotions as women and what to expect from a man when we grow up as a society. We were handed a manual as if it was something for us to just be taken as a rule book. And then when you somehow got married, you ended up with mostly toxic men. I am not generalizing all men are toxic.
However, with experience and by observation of people’s experiences too, whether my mom, my aunts, my other relatives who have encountered toxic behavior, maybe you have dated one. We were not taught to watch out for this kind of men. And it just dawned on me recently when I had a premonition or a revelation rather. No wonder why Jesus had profoundly or poigantly put the put it in prayer the our father who art in heaven prayer and I’m not going to recite the whole prayer and it said that lead us not into temptation but deliver us from every evil man because that’s exactly what Jesus is referring to that some men as we all know it are haters of women because they are from satanic they are from the seed of Satan they are sexist they are masochists who do not see value in women.
And you’ll be surprised today that other religion that still think that women are possession that they’re an object that they’re not equal partner. And we have done very poorly on creating men in this generation because we somehow as a women we just accepted that it’s okay to get bare minimum to get the uh disrespect emotionally battered or physically battered by men who have not yet matured in the head. And in this episode, I would like to talk to you that even if you’re in the midst of sorrow, as a woman, we really have to think that sometimes it is the only one that we can rely upon is God himself.
All the men that you need is Christ and Christ alone. And maybe sometimes God allows us to have this kind of pain or hunger that a man could never saturate or could never satisfy because he wants us to look up to him and to look out for someone stronger and better than our husbands can provide. And I think I would always like to go back to the Samaritan woman at the well where she was portrayed a woman that was hungry for a man that can love her, a man that could accept her, a man that can really see her worth and value. But sometimes God would allow her to have that emptiness because instead of relying on a man for love, validation and her value, she probably was putting too much of that effort and too much of that rely what is that called?
The kind of investment is to the wrong person. And that’s what we see all the time in a relationship. We invest so much with our emotion as a woman. We only expect the bare minimum from a man and we don’t demand too much and then we complain that we don’t get the treatment that we deserve. We get all of the 10 things to do. Take care of your household, take care of your children, be the housemaid, and then run around and do some grocery shopping and then they expect 50/50 to pay the bills. Because as a society, I don’t know where it start before the industrialization, perhaps it started I could be wrong in my history the globalization where today as a couple both have to participate in creating an income and generating income because both household could possibly not afford to just live on one paycheck and so this is what happens when we are not be careful.
And then on top of that, when men are not given responsibility and they have a lot of distractions, whether it’s gambling, alcoholism, playing video games, there is NFL, NBA that we’re competing with, instead of being involved with their children’s lives, they are very distracted. It’s like their husband on the paper, there are there are dads on on the paper, but when it comes to responsibility, they are not really showing up to the fullest potential.
So they’re like hanging on to this one life, trying to hang on to their bachelor days and being a husband and being a dad at the same time. Something has to give. But for women though, we’re expected to to just let go everything, sacrifice our lives on the line. We have to sometimes give up our career because we got married and we have children to take care of.
And on top of that, we’re running around with too much responsibilities.
As I said, because as a woman, it’s also part of our fault and it’s also part of the fallen nature of men that men were passive aggressive. It all started from the Adam and Eden garden where Adam just somehow did not want to take responsibility. He did not he did not want to defend the woman. He was just sitting there or maybe watching idly having this woman having a conversation with the serpent instead of protecting her and saying that’s not appropriate.
So we see this dynamics today of why women are suffering greatly and no one really wants to talk about this. This is somehow as if we’re trying to save the face of some toxic men or save a reputation for them as if they deserve a medal..
I’m sorry. I don’t care who you are, whether you have money or not. But if you are a prick and you do not really see a woman as valuable, you are part of the problem in our society. If you cannot step up as a man and you want to hang on to be a boy and you still need a mother, it is something for you to work on yourself because the majority of women today are only getting the bare minimum, half-sighted love.
They are always doing everything trying to manage everything at home while their husbands are still want to be a bachelor. This is because we have allowed this to go on for a longest time and women are not speaking up and not really voicing that says this kind of behavior is unacceptable.
As I said, if you don’t want the responsibility of being a husband and being a dad, why did you get married?
Why would you say I do and commit to someone especially having children? Because it takes a lot of people to raise a child. As the saying goes, it takes the whole village before to raise a child, which is the truth. And today, for some reason, some men do not want to take the responsibility. They only want the woman get pregnant. And yet, when it comes to shove, they don’t want to take responsibility. As I said, because we have not demanded from a man to step up. We have not demanded for this boy to let go.
According to the Bible, when a man gets married, he leaves his mom and dad. It may not be physical leaving, but when it comes to your priority, when it comes to your allegiance, when a husband or a man gets married, he leaves his mom and dad and clings to the wife.
But what do we see today is that some boy in the head, a grown man in the body have not yet matured, hanging on to their bachelor days. They do not want to let go of their video games. They don’t want to let go of their addictions. They don’t want to let go of them being selfish because we have tolerated it as a society. But if a woman does that, if somehow a woman decided to be focused on her career, she is labeled as selfish.
She is labeled as a woman that only are after about what she wants and what she needs. We somehow ostracize that kind of a person. And on top of that, if a woman decides to be at home and she wants to take care of her household and be a full-time mother to her children and to be a full-time wife, she is also labeled as someone that she gives up on her career that somehow she has so many potential and why would she just not get back to work and follow her dreams?
And this is why as a woman sometimes with Mary sorrows we do not know where to put ourselves. It doesn’t matter which spectrum we put ourselves as a woman whether we want to be at home to our children and to be a full-time wife. We will hear negative comments from people. We were going to get unsolicited advice from family members that we didn’t ask. We will get a lot of mixed messaging. If somehow you decided to be a career woman pursuing a dream and be a business babe and your children is being watched by a nanny or some one of your closest friends and we also get to hear from that kind of negativity and the kind of criticisms from people. But when it comes to a man though nobody tells us anything about them.
Nobody even bothers saying why does this man is still selfish and he chooses to become irresponsible as a dad or a husband. Well, the woman is doing A B C D X Y and Z, but the husband is only providing and he comes home to work and flop in front of television for 5 hours and sitting there idly with his video games. Somehow it’s crickets. No one is really appalled by this behavior. Somehow it is acceptable for a man to do such thing because as a collective society we have somehow tolerated this kind of nonsense. And Malachi says in 4:13 it says or Mi Machi I think arise and thresh daughter of Zion for I will make your horn iron. I will make your hooves bronze. You shall beat pieces many peoples. So there’s a time that as a woman we really have to arise and put our trust in God and to really pray for this kind of men in our lives to wake up and to grow up and to step up. Wake them up to make them grow up and to step up the responsibility.
There are a lot of boys today in this society because of the deterioration of values the fatherlessness in our society. There are many more many more single mothers who are raising their own children and their fathers are absent like my father was absent. My dad was absent growing up and I think that’s also part of the dilemma that we’re facing today in our society. We have a lot of boys that do not want to take responsibility who have not counted the cost. That’s why Jesus said before you build something you must count the cost. If you do not like to be a husband, if you don’t want to take the responsibility of really taking care of your family and your children and your wife, then you must not sign up because in this life it will cost you something.
Secondly, the reason why people especially women have many sorrows because we have emotional dysfunctional men who cannot regulate. And also it’s part of our society’s problem because we were not taught how to communicate directly. And we told men to be quiet, sit in the corner, you’re not supposed to be vulnerable or share your emotion. And then when they grow up they shut down. They run they avoid and they don’t know how to articulate and they don’t know how to express their emotions because for the longest time the society had expected them to be quiet. And that’s why when you get married to someone like that avoidant cannot regulate their emotions healthfully you get the brunt.
You get the toxic behavior where there’s yelling and screaming and you cannot really talk to a person like that. That’s why the Bible is clear. Talking to a fool is like talking to a wall. You are just wasting your breath and you’re not going anywhere because at that point when you are dealing with an immature person, he is not capable of listening and he is not going to understand what you’re saying. So many women who have encountered a cheater who is a liar. That’s why many of us have really been tired, exhausting, exhausted and depleted of energy because this is the kind of marriages that probably we’ve dealt with. You know men who lie to your face with a straight face like a poker player who is not going to blink even though you know that he had done something wrong behind your back. But yet because what Jesus said, these are men that their father is Satan who loves to lie.
And we know the distinction that there are men like that today who cannot tell the truth and they play the mind games with you. And if you ask them the question, they will deny it until the day they die. And that’s exactly the surest way to hell is lying through your teeth every single time. And so this is the kind of suffering that some women are facing right now. Not only a cheater husband but also a husband who cannot communicate with you properly. And then if they cannot manipulate you emotionally, they will also will physically abuse you. So this is why for so many women who are in domestic violence, they cannot escape the kind of abuse because sometimes they are trapped by finances.
And one of the reasons why I think women are trapped because they can’t go anywhere because they have no money. Maybe because they have been working less because they cannot afford to work long hours because they have to watch their children and yet they do not get the financial help from their husband or they cannot work fully because they have five kids or four kids that they have to take care of or some kind of things that they have to deal with. So we can see why as a woman we really have to understand that it is a spiritual warfare. That’s why Jesus always talk about we know them by their fruit. That this individuals, husbands, men are being used as a pawn by Satan.
This battle is nothing new. This battle has been happening for many many many centuries since the beginning of time. And we know that some men are the minions of Satan. And when you see that your mother probably were hurt by men or by your grandmothers that were cheated by your grandfather. I remember the time when my grandmother, she used to tell me this is my dad’s side. I asked her, “How was your marriage with my grandfather before when he was alive?” And she used to say he was a drunkard. Not only he was a drunkard, he was also a womanizer. And you know what she said? In those days they were a martyr. In those days, as I said, we just allowed this bad uh habit or bad attitude to go on. And she replied to me saying, “It’s okay as long as he comes home to me and the money comes to me.” What a ludicrous statement.
We just somehow no wonder why the generational curse of pain goes on and goes on and because we allow this kind of toxic behavior because in those days of course many women do not have a choice and when she had children to take care of seven kids at that time and she was thinking to herself if I’m going to leave this man and he’s the one who’s providing for the family and what am I going to do? So she was trapped in finances and she can’t go on and move on. Thankfully today we have lawyers and we have alimony and we have the kind of legal things that we can do so that when your kids are underage your husband cannot run he has to provide for your children otherwise they’re going to go to jail. But in those days, the same thing with my mother who had to raise four children who did not have a support from my dad, not a penny from him until we were grown up.
And she had to really take care of four kids by herself on her own. She was a dad and a mom at the same time trying to navigate and how to provide for her kids with the help of maybe some of the family members that we had. But most of the time she was the only one who was struggling financially. And I felt the kind of pain that my mother had to go through. She had to be very resourceful on how to feed four children because my dad was an irresponsible man who could care less about her four kids whether they we eat or not. And this is why it is hard to see that even to this day we see the same dynamics.
Maybe your husband is responsible and yet he is he’s good at providing but sometimes he is not always present. He is absent mentally emotionally not available or your husband is alcoholic or he is a gambler or maybe he’s womanizer. We could never have it both. Right? It’s it seems as though you ask this question as a woman. Why can I can I not have it all? Why can I not have my cake and eat it too? Why is it so hard to find a good man today in this generation? Why is it so hard to find a man who will provide? Who is going to be there for emotionally, mentally, who is not avoidant, who has healed from his pain, and who doesn’t who does not react like a toddler.
Why cannot have it all? Because, as I said, there’s only a few good men left today. Either they’re dead, as I said, maybe they’re old as 80 years old and gay and married. And we have left with mostly boys in the head, a toddler in their feelings, who lies constantly, who play manipulative games with you, and yet they are still not matured in the head. They’re like a man boy. They are the kind of a man that has not yet developed fully in their brain. And for such a long time I tried to understand how men functions and what men thinks and how they think. And it just dawned on me that men really is a very slow pace when it comes for their maturity. They are very slow.
I think because for some men we have decided for them as a society as a collective society that it’s just okay for them to show up like that. And so we don’t expect too much. We don’t we don’t challenge them enough. We don’t expect them to step up and to really deal with our issues. We somehow think that it’s okay and yet we complain when we when they don’t show up. The same thing with my my grandmother said, “It’s okay. It’s okay that he’s like that. I will tolerate it. I will enable it.” And that’s why the abuse as I said the generational pain continues on because no one dared to step up and no one dared to speak about it of why it is unacceptable on why it is egregious to be treated that way as a wife just because your husband comes home and he gives you the money and yet behind your back he’s been cheating a countless countless times and he is a drunkard. That is some kind of ludicrous which is Jesus would say you know them by their fruit. These men have not yet grown up. These men have no self-respect. They only love themselves.
That’s why Timothy wrote about this that in the latter days men will be lovers of themselves. They only love themselves. They only love their ego. They don’t love anybody else but what they want, what they need at the moment. They’re takers. Most men are takers. and then lovers of money. And so we see this dynamics play out too. I think Timothy in the Timothy Paul wrote about it warning women that do not be gullible, do not be naive that some men are going to sip through this household beguiling women, cunning women. They use their charm, they use their looks, and actually they’re just takers. They want you to be their mothers. They want you to be their cook. They want you to be their maid. They want you to be their chauffeur. They want you to be their housemaid and also their babysitter to your children. And they also want you to provide for the household 50/50. Because these are the kind of men, as I always like to say, who cannot stand a woman yet they come from a woman’s birth canal. Without women, they would not be here. So there are two kinds of men in this generation. The one is the first Adam passive aggressive and the second one is Jesus Christ who is unselfish who is responsible who carried the cross.
That’s why Jesus said if you want to be my disciples you have to deny yourself pick up your cross and follow me. And I’m sorry as a man you have to pick up your cross and follow Christ. You have to deny your selfishness. You have to die to yourself. You have to die your to your ego because you cannot have your ego and have your family at the same time and take care of your wife and your children. Your ego which is pride it is the problem. And that’s why Satan was thrown out of heaven because of his pride because he wants to be equal with God. And I think majority of men struggled with pride and ego. They cannot let go of their selfishness, their self-centeredness, and their proclivity to only focus on what they want, of what they need. And they never really take the time to to to ask themselves the question, if I was a woman, what would I feel like? What would it feel like to be a woman?
What would it feel like to be taken advantage and taken for granted? What would what would it feel like to be a woman? to be lied to constantly and to be cheated on constantly and to be left her to take care of my kids but because some men will never going to stop and ask for a second and put their their shoes in a woman’s shoe for one one day and there was a song that says if I were a boy you know if you listen to that song if I were a boy it really it shows you that if I were a boy I would treat a woman right and I think because as I said for so long now we have allowed and tolerated this kind of behavior to go on and on and that’s why we get just the kind of mediocrity from this kind of relationship right we we get the kind of treatment that is mediocre the kind of effort that is mediocre.
Then we complain as a woman because we do not demand so it’s time for us to arise threshold and start speaking up as I said, “As a woman, we have to ask what we want because most men are not mind readaders. We have to tell them how we feel, even if they’re going to be upset about it. And because some men are good at lying and denying the things, but we have to know that some behavior is unacceptable.”
And really, we could no longer just look on the other way and pretend like what he’s doing is appropriate or acceptable for that matter. You cannot call someone a sir just because it is a title to be given lightly. A sir is someone that is honorable as someone to show forth. Just because you own a gun or just because you own a pistol, it doesn’t make you a man. It doesn’t matter if you go to the gym and build 10 pounds and you build a muscle. If you do not know how to manage your emotion, you cannot communicate properly without yelling and screaming and raising your voice and throwing a tantrum like a toddler. You are still a boy dressed up. You still have a boy issues within you and a lot of issues of men that they don’t want to deal with. That’s why it’s easier for a man to run, hide, numb their pain by addictions, you know, alcoholism, whatever they want to numb their pain because it’s a lot easier.
Facing the truth is hard. That’s why Jesus said the truth will set you free. And most men are runners. Most men are avoidant. Most men are coward when it comes to dealing with their issues. And most men are going to just pretend it’s not there. And this is why we are told in the Bible that guard your heart with all diligence because it comes out of it is the issues of life. And many of us have many issues including myself. And we’re all emotional people. And this is why we have to really understand that what are triggers? Why do we react that way? Why do we snap all of a sudden? Why did I get so out of tangent? Because it’s there is a source of that. And you cannot blame someone for your behavior because that stems from you.
When a person says you are the problem and you make me feel this way, no one can make you feel that way without your consent. No one can make you feel upset without you being upset because no one can control your emotion. You have the choice. Everything comes down to your choices and you cannot blame other people. And so of course another sign that a man is avoidant because he cannot take any accountability. He points the finger and he says you are the problem. You are the reason why I am the way that I am. And you see this bully, right? The kind of men that are bullied. They only roar so loudly. But when it comes to shove, they have no substance underneath. They are not very strong people. They’re only obnoxious.
They like to perform. They’re like clowns. They want to be respected. They want to be treated like a king, but then they act like a clown. They like to perform and that’s why narcissistic covert narcissistic people are so good at this. On the outside they look as though they are the most sweet individual. They are so kind and very loving but on the inside when no one’s looking you will see the ugly side of them. You will see the side of them that is not so pretty. So this is why a woman with many sorrowos we need a lot of loving for ourselves self-care look after yourself mentally emotionally physically that’s why I said as a mom as a wife sometimes you have to step out of your house sometimes you have to take care of yourself sometimes you just need time for yourself and really reflect and ask God to guide you and to help you I have been through so much in my life and it wasn’t for God as I said I wouldn’t be here because there are so many toxic men in the world today and we
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