Transcription:
Hi everyone, welcome back to another podcast. If you’re here for the very first time, welcome to Soulish Femme. My name is Glennavelle Manarang. To those of you tuning in for the first time, welcome to Real talk with me. Today’s topic is about life principles I wish someone had taught me earlier on or early on.
We all know that life is about experiences. I cannot really give you a set of stone formula per se because you got to experience your own life. However, when you become older and you observe about life and the patterns of other people and also with yourself, you’ll understand that there are things that you should take it with a grain of salt or literally apply it into your own life. Any teachings and advice that I have been given on my podcast are basically based on my observation, experiences, and what I have learned along the way.
Without further ado, number one is do not live the life for other people. Find your purpose that aligns with your calling. Majority of us live our life based on people’s standards and based on their approval. Unfortunately, for many of us, we came from a family that usually gave you some kind of a lecture of why you should follow a certain rule. I’m not saying that you should disrespect your family. However, there’s a time when you are going to just decide for yourself whatever is best for you.
As I always like to say, this is your life. This is not other people’s life. So, if you’re just going to live your life according to people’s plan for you, you are going to miss out on your greatest potential, whichever you are here, why God has put you on this earth. And then of course, do not compete with other people, only with your own growth.
Competition is really a waste of your time. We think that by competing with other people, we’re actually trying to prove that we’re better than them. That is a waste of your energy, waste of your time as well. Because what’s the point of competing with the person next to you? They are not like you. There’s only one you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, uniquely different from the rest of the crowd.
According to Confucius, he said, “The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential. These are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.”
It is your potential, and only you can unlock that personal excellence through your habits, through repetition of the things that you do on a daily basis. These are the things that you are not going to compromise. Even if the world are going to do something else shortcut and giving you a magic formula that one day you’re going to be successful without working hard, without putting the effort that is actually further from the truth.
In order for you to have that kind of life that you want, you have to plow. You have to plant a seed. And whatever you plant today, you will harvest the consequences of tomorrow. If you think that whatever you plant today, it does not have ramifications of tomorrow’s choices that you’re doing today, it does. Results usually are consequences will not going to affect you overnight. Eventually, it’s going to affect you in the long term, in the long run.
1. Cultivate authenticity
In the same way, when you want to live a life, the life principles I wish someone had taught me earlier on is to cultivate authenticity in a world full of knockoffs or performative clowns. The attention seekers, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You go to the store, you go to the market, men and women alike. Well, mostly women. They like to just the attention for themselves, and they actually are so want you to pay attention to them.
Actually, you’re not born with class. You’re not born with etiquette. It is something you learn. It is something that you cultivate over time. I am not saying that I’m better than anyone else, but there’s a time to play. There’s a time to get serious. There’s a time to be goofy and there is a place to do that. And somehow we live in a world who loves to just the attention and they want you to applaud them.
These are people who have not yet matured in the head as the Bible is clear. When we were a child, we talked like a child. We spoke like a child. We thought like a child. We act like a child. However, there’s a point in our life that once we pass maybe 30s, we must think like an adult and speak like adults and reason like an adult.
And this is something that we all know that many people grow up in the body. They’re pruning, decaying, but they’re not mature in the head. They are not the role model. They’re actually still stuck in their pubescence. They’re either in your family members, your friendships, or your colleagues. As I said, you’ll be surprised that there are many people walking like a man-child in this generation and they cannot possibly understand where you’re coming from because they are not in the same alignment as you.
Life Principles I Learned
So, it’s not really your fault. They are just not in the same stages as you. Maybe you’re in stage seven and they’re actually in the stage two. And that’s not really your fault because we are not really taught how to cultivate authenticity, because we always like to applaud people who fake it until they make it, and who perform.
2. What is true wealth?
And then of course know the difference between true wealth and just pretending to be wealthy. We have to know the difference between true wealth and pretending to be wealthy. As I have spoken about what wealth is entails or what does wealth entails, it doesn’t mean that you need to have $5 million in the bank or you must be a millionaire or a billionaire. To be wealthy is about literacy. It is your ticket to a life well-lived. I have done the last podcast about a life worth living for. It’s truly just not pretending to be someone that you’re not.
Note worthy: That’s what I said about wealth. If you are happy with your relationship, if you have a home, if you can eat three times a day, and if you’re actually content of the life that you have, you’re truly wealthy. You don’t need to have tons of money. You don’t have to be opulent to feel wealthy.
3. Learning/Literacy
Quote: And then literacy is about is a bridge from mystery to hope. It is a tool for daily life in modern society. It is a bulwark against poverty and a building block of development. Literacy is a platform for democratization and a vehicle for the promotion of cultural and national identity for everyone everywhere.
-Kofi Annan
Note worthy: Literacy is along with education in general. It is a basic human right. Literacy is finally the road to human progress and means through which every man, woman, and child can realize his or her full potential. This is by Kofi Annan. So to be literate is to be knowledgeable. And even the Bible backed it up.
In everything you’re getting, get wisdom, get understanding. And I think for many people, we actually looked up to people who just seem to look the part. You know, we look at the social media today and we think that they have a perfect life and ours is not. Just because people are living in the mansion, we deem them to be happier than us. And so we actually have very little understanding of what really goes on behind closed doors.
4. Mind Your Business
And also we are too consumed living other people’s lives because we cannot mind our own business which is my next point. Mind your business. Stop being a busy body. Because to be able to live a life that’s worth fulfilling is that you mind your business. You stay in your lane. You understand what kind of life you would like to live. Not by default but by design. You understand that your potential is within your reach. It is actually you can create the life that you want.
Take Note: No one can create it for you. No one can take your vitamins for you. No one can read a book for you. No one can actually make you do the things that you want to do. None of that really matters because if you’re just going to wait around for someone to knock at your door and cheer you on and says, “Here I am to save your day.” No one is going to do that because most people are busy with their lives.
And according to Thessalonians 4:11, it says, "And to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands just as we told you."
It is an ambition to lead a quiet life in a world full of noise, distraction, in a world full of competition. And then we look at our lives. Why we are not moving the needle and why we are so unhappy still despite of the accumulation of things because we think that the more you have it equates to happiness. The more you own it equates to wealth. I am not an extreme minimalist. I am not saying that you should not buy things that you need versus the things that you want.
There is a big difference between need and want. Let’s just differentiate the two.
Wanting something is that different from needing something. If you really want something, it’s because maybe your friend bought it first and you want it so badly and you got to have it. And I know for sure that we have been bombarded with advertisement today, especially with social media that says you need more clothes and you need more shoes and you need more makeup and there are so many things that is competing with our attention today making us believe that these stuff are going to make us happy and fulfilled
But then if you don’t stop for a while and ask yourself the question, after I bought this thing does it really make me happy? Because guess what? After you purchase the makeup, next week you’re going to end up buying a new pair of shoes. And then after you bought the pair of shoes, following day you want to buy new clothes. It is an endless chase of a void.
Glennavelle
It is something that you’re trying to fill the gap in your heart. It is the chasm. They’ve been trying so hard to say maybe if I could just buy another shoes, I will be happier. And I think it’s because we have been conditioned to think this way. And if we’re not careful, we’re gonna get sucked into this kind of conundrum that we all are facing in the 21st century.
Over-shopping is also a form of numbing
This is why if you think that you cannot afford it, then maybe you should just opt out from looking at the internet or browsing or maybe opt out from people that are going to most likely want you to purchase. I am not trying to shame an influential people here, the influencers, because that’s your job. But if you cannot afford it and you’re actually accumulating debt, then probably it’s about time for you.
It’s a wakeup call that says you should not follow these people because if these people are not helping you to become wealthy and free from debt, then maybe you should not follow these people. They’re going to drag you to becoming a debt person, indebted.
So you have to be careful in these days who you listen to, who you follow, the role models that you look up to because you’ll be surprised that little bit of influence and the more and more you watch these people, next thing you know, you’re going to grab your credit cards and then you’re going to purchase something from Amazon that you actually do not need.
Do not wait for the perfect moment.
And then it says that do not wait for the perfect moment. Just start before you’re ready. Another lesson that I wish I have learned earlier on in life is that I was a perfectionist. I was waiting for the ghost signal. I was waiting for the perfect moment to start my YouTube channel. Although I wanted to start a YouTube channel, it took me a long time because of I was stuck in the paralysis analysis. I was hoping that I would look the part, my hair was right, that I lose the 10 pounds. But you cannot wait for tomorrow because as I said, today is the only guaranteed we have. That’s it. You’re never going to be promised of tomorrow. You’ll never know what’s going to happen.
As I actually said about the last podcast I did that my one of my closest friends in the Philippines who passed away at the age of 45 and I wished I have reached out to her and asked her if she was able to live her life or fulfilled her dreams because as I said 45 years old is too young. And we always we always think that maybe tomorrow by next year I am just going to follow the desires of my heart. What if that tomorrow never comes?
What if you’ll never going to get there?
And I think I’ve heard this quote that says do you know that the richest people that live in this world is in the cemetery. It is actually true. visit the cemetery and there are many people who died who never written their books who have never had a chance to follow their dreams and they never had a chance to create the music or actually fulfil the purpose that they have been given on this earth by God.
Continuation on Life Principles
And that is so true because how many people die with regret wishing and hoping that if they could just had the courage to follow their dreams and never allowed the voices to make them reconsider their choices. Then probably they would have lived a fulfilled life.
Renew your belief system
And of course the thing that I would like for you to think about is renew your belief system and interrogate every thought. Not every thought is from you. As I always like to say, your belief system or your subconscious mind that was embedded by you, influenced by you from your culture, from your parents, from your education system. This is why your belief system it is this kind of not a full conversation not a full picture of who you are as a person.
Simplified Storytelling
I used to believe so many lies growing up. I used to internalize a lot of negative dialogue believing that that’s actually facts when in fact it’s actually lies. We all know that this world is composed of negativity. negative people, pessimistic people, people that are jealous, toxic.
- You become who you surround yourself with: And if you are surrounded by toxic people, of course, you’re going to hear negative dialogue. They’re going to bring you down, and they’re going to just try to make you believe that you’re not worthy, that they make you feel as though your existence do not matter. If you do not try to question those belief system, most likely you’re going to internalize those dialogue in your heart and you would think to yourself that what they’re saying is actually right when in fact those are not facts.
- Everyone has intrinsic value: That is why every one of us has intrinsic value regardless of the color of your skin, regardless of your status in life, regardless of where you come from. God said you are fearfully and wonderfully made because you are created in the image of God. the fact that you are created in the image of God, the bearer of the creator, which means to say you are valuable despite of what people say. It doesn’t matter if you come from a wealthy family, but because you exist and you live and you breathe and you have the being of God, then you have an intrinsic value. You have an innate value that God has given you.
- Heal from your trauma: And last but not the least is about heal from your trauma. We all know that shortcut is not the way to go. If you want to heal from your trauma, you just have to sit with your pain. There’s no other way is to go through it. Do not run, numb, and hide from it because that, my friend, is going to just come back in full circle and you’re just going to be haunted by your past. And as they probably have heard me many times on my podcast that there’s a lot of exercises I have done in the past. I went to counseling. I talked to myself in the mirror. I do journaling. I also talked to God. I also had a dark night of the soul wrestling with God in my closet. You also have to really understand why you feel the way that you do.
Where does anger come from?
Your anger issues. All of these things have some kind of root cause.
There is an origin. There’s an original cause of why you’re angry for no apparent reason. As I said, anger is the result of a pain that was inflicted to you by other people. You did not wake up one day and be angry and be outburst of wrath for no apparent reason. Anger is because you have felt violated that people have done you wrong. And so it’s natural for you to feel angry.
1. The reason why you are angry.
But because if you don’t try to understand why you feel angry, it’s because bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, spirit. That is the reason why because there’s person in your life or people that have done you wrong and you have not released that bitterness or resentment out of your chest. So people usually they’re angry because you have been hurt by people, mistreated by people and that is the reason why you are feeling angry.
However, the only person that is going to suffer is actually you. That’s why you have you have to heal from your trauma.
Quote: And this is from the lifeispositive.com healing trauma quotes. It says first step you take every step you take rather no matter how small is progress.
2. One step at a time.
Yes, that’s what healing is all about. It takes small incremental action. It’s not about this humongous action. It is about step by step little by little putting your foot one one after the other. It is not about as I said you do not be healed in one day. It is progression. It’s never about perfection.
And then it says healing is messy. Keep going. Yes, sometimes you feel as though you’re progressing two steps ahead and then you’re going to digress three steps backwards. And that’s actually normal because at least you are not running from the pain. We think that healing is supposed to be one year duration, three years, and then you’ll be feel better.
3. Healing is messy.
No. As I said before, there are going to be three different people going to show up in your life. One, the past before the abuse happened, and then the person during the abuse, the ones that are broken and wounded, she’s going to show up to. And thirdly, the person who’s trying to put all the pieces together. So, yes, healing is messy. It is never perfect. It’s not something that people would expect you to have it all figured out.
This is why I don’t like about the health care system or any kind of psychological system or psychology system or whatever you want to call it because they think that if you can just medicate you, you’re going to feel better. You cannot medicate a broken soul. Yes, physically you can help the person alleviate depression. However, it is just within the soul.
Renew your mind
It is about the mind. The renewing of the mind as the Bible clear is clear. Renew your mind daily. You don’t believe what you always have to believe. The lies that is embedded in your head from the lies of the devil.
And then it says that you can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time. You can simultaneously working towards the person who you become the embodiment of a new version of yourself because it is a fragmentation of your old self. So healing is trying to put your pieces together from your past and trying to patch it up. So it’s like trying to put a mosaic. Do you know Italians have this ability that they don’t throw away broken glasses? What do they do with it? They actually put it together.
They pieces that together and they make a mosaic out of it and it becomes this beautiful masterpiece. The same thing with your past and your life right now in the present moment. People think that you must look the same the way that you were when before you got broken or wounded. No, actually not. There’s going to be a lot of versions of you that’s going to come out. As I said, this is exactly why people who have no understanding of how healing works are just convoluted and delusional because they think that we can just fix you up, medicate you, and that’s it.
Healing is a journey
And then go on your way and we’re expect you to be perfect tomorrow and we’re going to expect you to be happy in 5 years. You cannot put an expiration date on a healing journey. There’s no timeline. It’s up to you how you’re going to heal. It’s actually based on individual. Some people are slow in progression and some people are fast learner. It depends on how fast you heal depending on what kind of trauma you have endured. Everyone have different traumas.
And so you cannot expect an individual who heal about the sexual abuse and being mentally, verbally, and physically abused by people that they’re going to be healed maybe in 3 years. It doesn’t work like that. It just doesn’t. It takes time. It probably takes years. It takes a lot of trying to understand what happened to me. As I said, when the abuse happened, it doesn’t click because you’re still during the abuse. You are still trying to fight to survive. You’re in this fight-or-flight survival mechanism.
Flash backs will occur
After you have escaped from the abuse, that’s when everything click. That’s when the nightmare of your memory starts happening. You’re going to start remembering the bad things that happened and then your body is trying to survive and ask yourself, there’s a disconnection between your mind and your body because that’s what happens when you are escaping from the abuse. This is why it takes years for people to be healed.
It doesn’t take only one medication. It takes understanding, empathy, and sympathizing with the pain. Because as I said, one thing is the body, your nervous system is always going to be heightened, especially when you just escape from that abuse.
And then of course your mind is trying to understand what just happened. Did it really happen? And when people don’t understand that at the face of your healing, there’s going to be denial. This is why it took me 10 years before before someone before I could tell a soul about what happened to me. 10 years is a long time because I was in denial. I keep suppressing the truth because it was so hurtful to really say it out loud. This is why Jesus said the truth will set you free. That is the reason why many people running, hiding and trying to pretend like it didn’t happen because of what? Shame and guilt. On top of that, you feel guilty. You feel shameful.
It was not your fault
And then you’re you thought to yourself, maybe I was the reason why I was abused. You I brought this to myself. That’s why healing from trauma is complicated. And people who does not understand this think that they can just come in and prescribe you with medication and everything is okay. It doesn’t work like that. As I said, you need more sympathy, empathize with people, understanding, especially with sexual abuse.
Sexual abuse is not just going to create a lot of disassociation in your body, but in your mind. And that’s why for so many people who have come out from a sexual abuse, it has this triggering memories, triggering events, even the smell of a certain person, especially with a person has been sexually molested. And so we have to really understand that healing is something that most people run away from, coward, and fear.
So when we are not brave enough or courageous enough to face our trauma, that’s why many people medicate, numb, run, and never would take out the skeleton out of their closet. They’re just going to sweep it under the rug because that’s easier. And that’s why we have a lot of addictions today. A lot of people that don’t want to face their demons and their pain because it’s a lot easier to just run, hide, and medicate.
And last but not the least, it says, “Courage isn’t loud.
Sometimes it is a whisper that says try again tomorrow. And that is all there is to it. If you are trying to heal from your trauma, if you think that you have lost it today, you had a meltdown, it’s okay. Cry, scream, holler, but try again tomorrow because you’re going to have a lot of bad days sometimes more than good days.
And I wish that more people would be more understanding about the pain of people that have suffered tremendously because we all know that we qualify people just to go to school, get a PhD degree and a master’s degree. But if you yourself never truly had experience of sexual abuse, have never been in to walk in people’s shoes, you’re never going to understand.
You can sympathize, you can listen to them and says, “I’m sorry about what have happened to you. I’m sorry of what they did to you.” But without really walking in people’s shoes and never really have understanding of what it feels like to survive from that kind of abusive relationship, you can say I’m sorry all you want, but that’s just a shallow thing.
And that is why for many people the best thing is just medicate it or put a prescription or just label it with something. So it is not really it’s not really fixing the true cost. And that is why we think that you have been abused, then we’re just going to label you as bipolar or schizophrenic, which is absurd. As I said, many people only want to leverage on your pain, but they don’t want to cure you.
Your pain is not a leverage for gain
They don’t really want to help you because we all know that some companies only want your pain so that they can make money out of you. It is about their greed. It is about making a profit of your pain. This is why it doesn’t matter how many times you go to a counselor and talk about your pain, but if you yourself are not willing to be helped and if you yourself are not willing to get up and start a life that you need to start with today, it’s pointless. That’s why Jesus said, “Pick up your mat and start walking.”
There’s a time that we need to stop rehearsing about our past. Yes, you can grieve, you can cry, you can feel sad and mourn about what happened to you. It is understandable because that’s a human nature because of what they did to you is unacceptable and it’s you’re going to live that pain for the rest of your life. However, there’s also a time that you should not allow the people that have done you wrong to make you stay where you’re at. You need to be a fighter. You have to be a feisty person that says, “I’m not going to give up no matter what happens.” This is the lesson of every people that don’t understand. You need to endure. You need to fight back.
It is not what happened to you that matters
Which is living the life that you wanted to live despite of what happened to you, despite of what people did to you. That’s why Jesus said that you have to have I mean not I think it’s in the verse that says be bold like a lion for not for God has not given us a spirit of fear, timidity, but of power, love, and a sound mind in Timothy rather Paul wrote this in Timothy that says God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity power of love and a sound mind and I think that is the reason why you can restart again and recreate the life that the devil had meant to harm you.
But God is going to turn it around for good and we could we do have two choices what do you do with your story after you have been victimized and abused And you can stay stuck and you can feel sorry for yourself or you can actually use that story to inspire other people and to show them that there is possible that there is a healing is possible. It’s a choice that you make.
Yes, I’m not I am not going to say that the pain didn’t happen or it’s easier for me to say that you know just move on. As I said, you have to take the time to understand your own healing. You have to acknowledge the fact that maybe I am not completely healed today, but it doesn’t matter as long as you’re not giving up on yourself. I think that’s all that matters.
Just don’t give up. Keep on pursuing the dreams and keep on going. Keep on walking by faith and not by sight. And I guarantee you if you don’t give up on yourself, you are going to feel much better eventually. So that is all that I would like for you to think about. These are the lessons, the principles rather that I wish someone have taught me earlier on. I pray that you get your healing and that you be bold, be brave, be courageous and keep your faith. Until next time.
