Introducing Block Patterns
Everyone, welcome back to another podcast. If you’re here for the very first time, I would like to welcome you to Soulish Femme. My name is Glennavelle. Today’s topic is about childhood traumas manifestation. We all know on this channel is about prospering body, spirit, and soul. There are three things that we’re composed of as a human being. We cannot neglect the body. We also cannot neglect the soul which composed of intellect and emotion.
Then of course the spirit which you cannot see. This is the eternity. This is the one that leaves your body when you die. Therefore, when we get married, this is specifically why relationship is very complicated. It is hard. Childhood trauma will eventually resurface when you are married to someone because you are going to be accountable for each other.
You mirror each other unbeknownst to you. That is the purpose. That’s why the Bible says two flesh becomes one because they reflect each other.
I think most people do not understand that marriage are two people coming together from different backgrounds, experiences, and then on top of that their traumas behind it. So, when you married someone who has actually have been maybe the youngest of all, he was a spoiled brat. He was the golden child. And then on top of that, men usually marry hoping and thinking that as a wife, you are the extension of his mother.
Because let’s face it, all the lives we have been catered to by our mother. We have been taken care of by our parents. And so we thought that when we become an adult, especially when we’re married, we expect that our husband or our spouse are going to treat us like a child.
However, remember what Corinthians says, when I was a child, I talked like a child. I thought like a child. I reason like a child.
However, there’s a point in our lives, especially when you become a husband or a woman who is married to your husband and you have children, you put away childish things. I am not here to divide the two sexes because I think this has been an ongoing problem for many many generations, the battle of the sexes because it did not start with us. It started from the garden of Eden between Adam and Eve. We are the fruit of Adam and Eve.
And therefore today, as we all know it, the constant battle of spouses and husbands and wives is constantly being attacked. This is a spiritual warfare more than anything. We do not wrestle against blood and flesh. And so Satan is relentless in breaking apart families, marriages, and children against their parents because that’s exactly what Jesus said. The thief comes in to steal, to kill, destroy. He divides, and he conquers.
Because if he can just make everybody fight, then he has not lifted a finger. He’s just using each other to be on each other’s throats. That’s why Paul said, “Do not devour each other. You have to have peace because if you don’t have harmony, that’s exactly why Satan used a conflict to be on each other’s throats.” So the reason why that as a woman when you are married to someone who have not dealt with his childhood trauma.
Maybe he had a mother wound issue and it’s going to manifest. Even as a woman, if you have a mother wound issue, that’s also going to manifest: neglect, abandonment, rejection, and betrayal. This will come to the surface unbeknownst to you; it will just manifest on its own. That is why I will be your bigger sister or mother to tell you that you cannot run from your pain. You cannot hide any longer and just tuck it under a rug, hoping and wishing that someday it’s not going to manifest.
And so we think that as a wife we have to be their mother. There’s a difference between mothering your husband and being your partner. Jesus said well, actually God said that you are equally created in the image of God. When God created Adam and Eve, he said, “Both of you are created in My image”. A woman is not inferior to a man.
She is not superior to a man. There are equal partners given different roles to play. A man was supposed to protect and provide. And the woman was to receive and to nurture. That’s why, in our nature as women, we nurture our children. It is in our nature that we take care of everybody else around us.
But this is why we were not taught how to become husbands and we were not taught how to become wives. And therefore, there’s divorce rates in Christianity that are rampant because no one dares to ask questions of why it is that for so many of us, we grow up thinking that we know exactly what we’re doing. How can you possibly become a husband or a wife when nobody prepared you or taught you? This is about learning from each other.
And then when they grow up, they think that it’s acceptable behavior because none of their family was willing enough to correct the child. Honesty is very crucial when you want to make a person grow. You cannot have peace when you cannot speak your truth in love. That’s why even though as a woman we don’t want to ruffle feathers. We want to keep the peace. We don’t want to prick our husband’s ego. But then again you realize yourself that I am not your mother. I am not here to pacify your ego. I am not here to stroke your insecurity. I am your partner. I am your equal partner given to you by God so that you’re going to be challenged to mend up, step up, and just act the way that you are supposed to do.
In Ephesians 5:25, it says, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Therefore, you must be surprised that your husband cannot love you, it is because there’s a lack in himself. He cannot love himself. He has not yet developed a love for himself. Now, I’m not saying that you must be a narcissistic prick because we all know some men are narcissist. But this is a deeper kind of love. This love is sacrificial. This love is not selfish. It does not ego. It doesn’t drive by ego. me, myself and I. That is not the kind of love that it talks about here. When you say something about love, love is what? Patient, kind. It does not demand its own way. Love does not boast. Love excels all things. It expels all fear. Love is actually the force of the will. It is the will. It’s not emotion.
Essential Keys To Consider:
Love is not a feeling
According to CS Lewis, love is an act of the will. It is not based on my feelings today. Because if love is based on feelings, everyone on this planet would be divorced by now. Isn’t it sad that Indian people, they don’t even read the Bible and they’re not even Christians and fear the God that we serve, which is Jesus Christ. They don’t really believe in divorce. But here we are, Christians have more divorce rates than them. Isn’t it ironic? We claim to love Jesus and love God. That’s exactly what Jesus said. They love me with their mouth, but their heart is not in it. There are there are actually Christians who just like to talk. But when it comes to doing the word of God, we are lacking in it.
Marriage is covenant
That’s why Jesus said to those who love me, they do my word. But apparently because the church has not yet been talking and discussing how important marriage is. Because if marriage is not important, Satan would not attack it. He would not even bother attacking marriages. Why is it that every single time marriages is being attacked? Because Satan knows the importance of solidarity, the importance of the marriage between a husband and wife. Because the children who doesn’t have family, the generational curse will continue on forever and ever. That’s why many children are messed up. They cannot trust people. They have a lack of trust in themselves and other people because of the break of marriage.
The greatest commandment
And that’s why the devil is relentless of pursuing and breaking family apart. And how many fatherlessness have ruined the childrens of lives and we are not even talking about this because of course no one is willing to talk about the elephant in the room. And therefore today I would like to shed some light of why it’s important to understand that as a husband you must know how to love yourself first. First of all you cannot love yourself without loving God. The two greatest commandment is vertically aligned and horizontally aligned. Jesus said the two greatest commandments are sum up with these two things. To love God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might and to love yourself as you love your neighbor.
Therefore, if you think that you can love yourself and without loving God first, you can’t. Because how can you possibly know the depth and the height and the width of the love of God when you have not yet experienced it? Because you thought that loving the world is just superficial. You look around you, you thought that buying more stuff, accumulating more things at pursuing dreams and goals, that is love. Or people are giving you some kind of a lie to your face because you just want to be pleased or you want to be stroked by your ego. That is not love.
The truth will set you free
When people cannot speak to you in truth and you’re so afraid of understanding why they need to say those things, you’re going to be stagnant. If you cannot accept the truth because you are complacent or you’re afraid of accepting reality that you have been doing it wrong and you are not teachable, you’re actually have an ego problem. And we all know that the father of all lies, he is a prideful prick. Satan was prideful and that was his downfall. That’s why God said, “I resist the proud. I give grace to the humble.” And so many men all they knew was that having a mother they have grown up and they still apply and they still carry that with them when they become a husband. That’s why it says that you have to leave your mom and dad and be a united to his wife. It continues on. It says that we are members of his body.
Two flesh becomes one
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. And this is what the dynamic that when you are integrated with each other, when you have in contact with your husband and you become married to him, you have all this childhood manifestation will come out. And this is the time when a wife wants to decide whether to stay or to go because we think that it’s hard and we want to fix our husband. And the tendency of our our side as a woman is that we want to fix our husband. That if we don’t somehow see results or we are frustrated because he has not changed it, we try to manipulate the situation. We try to get so frustrated.
That is actually where God told me to let go and let him be the God of this person’s life. As a woman, your job is to do your job as a wife, whatever that may be, to cook, to clean, to take care of your children and your husband, and to have a life outside your marriage. I don’t know why some women usually think that I am now married. I am going to just revolve my life around my husband and my children and I’m going to forsake my passions and my goals for the sake of being married or being a wife. And then the moment that they have no longer their children in their home, they are they are lost, they are depressed, they don’t know what to do with themselves, they are so lost touch of their own identity that over time it really creates a lot of depression in women.
Disease is a manifestation
And this is why we are seeing women that cannot speak the truth in love have arthritis, multiple scerosis, they have breast cancer, ovarian cancer. These are the triggers of your body because you have no boundaries. You cannot say no. You have been taking care of everybody around you except yourself because for some reason society has conditioned us to think that as a woman you have to carry the load. You have to do everything show up for everybody and then put yourself aside. Even Jesus even though he was a god full god he rested. He went outside. He actually retreated on the mountaintops to rest. So you as a woman, as a wife, it’s not your job to always take care of everyone around you, cater to their needs, and if you are not taking care of yourself, who takes care of you when you get sick? Nobody really does take care of you when you get sick. Because most people are selfish. They’re self-centered.
However, there is a boundaries that we must draw as a woman that sometimes we have to step back and let the freaking ship fall apart and let the freaking house just destroy itself. when people are not stepping up and contribute and see or appreciate what you have been doing. Because sometimes the more and more you are available for people, the more and more you give your time, your energy, your effort and somehow they don’t really appreciate and they’re naggers or they are complainers and they are bitter and they’re actually resentful.
You cannot pour from an empty cup
Sometimes you just have to disappear and live your life because you cannot always be respected just because you’re easily accessible and available. We thought as a woman that the more and more I show up and the more and more I give surely they’re going to love me more and respect me more. Apparently human is not designed that way. The more and more you give and you show up, the more and more less valuable you become because it is given.
You give it freely. The things that you don’t give freely, it’s only limited time, only scarcity. There is more value. There is more appreciation because you know what? You know exactly that you’re the person that you cannot be taking advantage of anymore because that’s the time when you know that this is actually getting too much. And when you get to the point that you have always felt like you’ve always given it’s one-sided love. No matter what you do, it’s never enough. It’s because we as a woman, we’re conditioned that I must be always with my husband. I must always be, you know, taking care of his needs. As I said, you are not his mother. You are his wife.
If your husband wants to be a husband and ask to step up and he wants to be the husband, he should lead because that’s supposed to be his role is to lead the relationship in a healthy way. However, we all know that some men they use that role to manipulate women or to control women in a wicked way. They become they become controller and abuser. And this is why we also have to say no this is actually unacceptable. So we all know that when we become a wife, we also have a job, not just in a home or to keep our home clean and tidy and organized, but also we bring peace and harmony.
Set your standard
But it all comes down to really knowing what you’re about, your standard, your boundaries, especially when you live with your in-laws. Because marriage is already complicated. You married two people together. As I said earlier, we come from different backgrounds, your experiences on top of that. You have baggages that you have to deal with. And then you have children on top of that. And then you have to live with your in-laws that you cannot get along with sometimes because they bring havoc to your relationship more than peace.
And especially when you are married to a person who is a golden child who was not trained to becoming a man, you’re going to suffer as a woman. Especially when you have in-laws sometimes that’s that’s in your business who doesn’t have respect of your boundaries. And that is why sometimes as a woman we always suffer internally. We always suffer and we don’t really speak about it because society has somehow deemed that you should not speak bad about your in-laws or your your son your husband’s parents. It’s not that you’re disrespecting them but sometimes it is never it’s never really ideal to live with in-laws. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t support these people or being with them if they don’t have nowhere else to go. But the problem is when the in-laws and your husband priority is convoluted.
And that’s why the Bible is clear. The husband must cling to the wife. It’s not about physical. It is about priorities and emotional. I’m not suggesting that you should neglect your parents. What I’m suggesting is when you actually going to take sides instead of neutral, instead of being the husband over your wife, you have not yet let go of being a boy. You are still clinging to your old ways, your identity of being a boy instead of being a husband and being a father and you have a different family. And that’s why the dynamics is now convoluted. It creates chaos. It creates conflict. And as I said, this is a lot of problem in a women. They don’t know where to put themselves. They don’t know where to stand.
Set a healthy boundary
And majority of women, they feel as though they’re isolated. They’re alone. Nobody understands them. But this is common more than you think. I think many women who suffers in secret, in silence because they have no voice to speak out, especially when they’re single-handedly being disrespected in the family and their voice is not being heard. And that is why you must set boundaries. You must sometimes step back, step away, and live your life and show these people that you are not their object. You are not their possession. You are not their maid. You have a life of your own. If they don’t see that, it’s actually their loss, not their own. Because sometimes we have to teach people how we want to be treated.
Because we think that the more and more we are there for people, the more and more we give our time and energy, the more and more they will also care for us. And the relationship is reciprocity. Respect is mutual. They cannot expect you to respect them when they have no respect of your boundaries. They cannot expect you to respect your time when they have no respect of your time either. This is why when you have relationship with this, it is complicated. In the Bible it says in all you’re getting get wisdom get understanding. To understand people fully you have to have insight of who these people are.
Who are these people that you’re dealing with? Majority of people that we’re dealing with have a lot of issues. They have baggage that they have been bringing into their from their past into this. This is why sometimes when you have understanding that people really are complicated. People are messy. People are not perfect. We don’t live in a perfect world. We live in an imperfect world, a fallen world where imperfect people are.
Learning stillness
And that’s why sometimes when you have issues in a family, maybe you have fallen off or fallen out in your relationship, in your marriage, conflict with your in-laws, conflict with your husband, conflict with your children, you just have to let it be. That’s why Jesus said, “Be still and know that I am God.” You have to sometimes be quiet, step away, step back. And this too shall pass. It always does. It’s like a storm. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it’s sunny, sometimes it’s hail storm, sometimes it’s windy, and then it’s just going to die down. It’s going to come down eventually because we all been conditioned that it’s a lot easier to quit, give up, pack up your bag, and leave. And then the other side is a lot greener.
That is what society has been teaching us. Yes, I’m not suggesting that if you are being beaten up to the pulp or you are being physically abused by your husband that you must stay in the relationship. I am not saying that you should do that. If that’s the case, you should at least remove yourself from that kind of environment. I will not condone physical abuse. On the other hand, if you this is just about talk and you guys talking with each other and it’s about you know berating each other and then both of you have this really passion you can still resolve that kind of issue. But when it comes to other things though that is affair when having an affair with this infidelity involved you should not condone that kind of behavior.
Marital affairs
When there’s infidelity involved, when a person has been tried that he is cheating on you left and right that is not salvage. You cannot save that marriage anymore I think because the trust has been ruined and you cannot really have a foundation that based on lies and the trust how can you possibly build a life with a person who is constantly cheating on you and having in infidelity you cannot that’s why the marriage has already have been a rift. You cannot put a glass that has been broken.
And when you have found out that your husband has cheated on you and there’s an affair, there’s no more love. There’s no more trust. There’s only anger and resentful resentment that’s going to brew eventually. And you don’t want to be in that kind of relationship when there’s infidelity involved or physical abuse involved. These are the things that some women are told that you have to be a martyr.
You have to stay in the marriage because it is tradition. Who cares about tradition when you are your life is at risk when you are not really living a peaceful life and you cannot speak your truth in love. Even though the Bible is clear, it says open rebuke is better than a secret love. I rather want to tell you the truth because I want you to grow up. I want you to step up to man up instead of cajoling and caressing your ego. instead of stroking your insecurity. I’m not going to do that because as I said, I am not your effing mother. I am not here to sugarcoat things. I’m here to make you understand that you are better than this. That you are capable of doing this because men love challenges.
When you don’t challenge a man, they’re going to stay stagnant. They’re not willing to grow up and man up. They’re just going to be like a little boy and next thing you know, they’re never going to have the greatest potential. And we all know in history men that achieve a lot of great things because they have a great women backing them up. These women were strong women. These women were straightforward. They were not afraid to rattle their ego. They’re not afraid to to shake the status quo. And we need more women who can speak the truth and love to their husband to guide them to wake them up because they’re still asleep as a boy. That’s why we two have two Adams.
The first vs the second Adam
The one Adam is asleep. He was the Adam who was just watching oddly. The the serpent was talking to Eve. Instead of protecting the woman, he just watched it all went down from there. And then the second Adam is Jesus awake. And Jesus was resurrected from the dead. He he actually bore our griefs and sorrow. He carried the cross. Tell me the kind of a man that you should choose from. I think Jesus was so manly that he was able to carry a cross that is so heavy on his shoulder for how many many miles from the cal from the point where he was flogged and he was beaten up and stricken and then he went all the way to the calvary to finish the race. That is a manly man and he was able to def to defend women.
He was not a masochist. He was not a sexist. He was a w a man who actually was able to protect women. He loved women dearly as much as he also loved men in a way that is healthy. He guided disciples the farm the fisherman’s and he was able to make disciples of them. And this is where the divide is. If many men would just wake up and be more like Jesus and exactly know exactly why they’re here in the first place is to protect to provide and to actually protect me women and children. we will have a better lives. But because we have a lot of toxic men in our generation, we have a lot of asleep men who have not yet grown up in the head.
Conclusion
And this is where the divide is, because they thought that when you become married to your wife, they were the extension of your mother. In fact, she’s not the extension of your mother. She is your wife. Your ezer kenegdo. She is equally your helper. You both contribute something. You complement each other. that if you work together in harmony, you will create a better lives for yourself.
But many men do not understand this because as I said, the church have failed. Nobody taught us how the two people should come together as a one in flesh. And so we see divorces and we see a lot of conflict and we think the best way is to file for a divorce. But guess what? They’re getting richer. Alimony, child support.
