Episode #28 – Motivational Quotes

Transcript

Hi everyone, welcome back to another podcast. My name is Glennavelle Manarang. Welcome to Soulish Femme. In today’s topic is about life quotes. It’s something I have pinned from Pinterest. So with no further ado, I’m going to go through this quote. Some of it have names and some of it do not. So I’m going to read it out loud and I will share my thoughts on it.

Unfortunately, we thought that drama is somewhat acceptable because it’s a norm in our life and we thrive in it. But the moment you remove yourself from the people that created the drama, you realize that silence and self-respect and distancing yourself from those people are actually much better. It is soothing to your soul. It is actually calming to your nervous system and it gives you peace of mind. And that’s why sometimes when we are in the midst of chaos, we think that why am I always anxious? It’s because perhaps sometimes the people that you surround with are anxious people. By removing yourself if you can from these kinds of individuals who create too much drama then you realize that it is true that silence is golden.

#2. “Before you judge me, step into my shoes and walk the life I’m living. If you make it as far as I have. Maybe then you will understand how strong I really am.”

And the second quote that says, “Before you judge me, step into my shoes and walk the life I’m living. If you make it as far as I have. Maybe then you will understand how strong I really am.” So I really don’t know who wrote this. It’s a pin that I have found from Pinterest again. So yes, judging people is very easy and we judge people by its cover whether we like it or not. We have assumptions about people. And the moment you judge people, you have this idea in your head. Your perception is either tainted or not tainted because sometimes our perception of people are false until you have managed to live with them and learn about them or hang out with them.

Then you can finally understand who they are. Many people who doesn’t know you, they actually have this assumption in their head of who you are. So that’s why they judge you based on your appearance, based on how you carry yourself. Perhaps for some people you appear intimidating in the way that you move, in the way that you walk into a room, in the way that you speak. They don’t realize that you have been through so much in life. That’s why you are the way that you are today. So before you judge someone, make sure that you have walked into their shoes and live their life the way that maybe if they have been traumatized before and you can just say to yourself, “This person is very aloof of awkward and she’s a standoff. She put a wall maybe because she has been through a lot of betrayals in her life and she has been hurt by people that’s supposed to love her.”

And that’s why sometimes unless you have walked in their shoes, you could never fully grasp of why a person suddenly have a boundary and a wall that is so high that you cannot penetrate. That’s why before you are going to have an assumptions about people and judge them of why they are that they are and how they appear to be very intimidating. Maybe you should get to know them first and understand their story before you just jump into a conclusion. Because sometimes people make a mistakes of jumping into conclusion without having the insight first of all of why that person turned it to be that way.

#3. “How I hold my head up so high after all I have been through. I said it’s because no matter what I am a survivor not a victim.”

And thirdly the quote that says someone once asked me, “How I hold my head up so high after all I have been through. I said it’s because no matter what I am a survivor not a victim.” So this is by it says Patricia Buckley. So, Patricia Buckley that she could put her head held up high because she is not a victim and she’s a survivor. A survivor is what you want to be called and not a victim. Yes, you were victimized by people. You were hurt by people, betrayed by people. But after you have survived all of those struggles and you did not quit on yourself and you still dust off your feet, you got up and built a new life for you. You have rebuilt your character. You have rebuilt your version of who you are now after the abuse. Then there’s really nothing that is more powerful than that.

I really think that people who have rise above the occasion and able to use their betrayals as a stepping stone and their pain as a triumphant victories then that is something that I can say that these kind of people are very strong to a point where no matter what happens in their life no matter what life throws at them they still refuse to become a victim. victim people will always going to stay constantly blaming people. They’re going to stay in that status quo. They’re always going to stay being a stagnant. They’re not going to change their life. They’re not going to move up to a higher place. They’re always going to justify that this is it. This is my life and because I have been done wrong by people.

So there therefore I cannot really dust off my feet or try something new because my mom or my dad or somebody abused me or you know I have been mistreated by people or whatever kind of victimization statement that they’re going to try to tell themselves and at that kind of place when you are going to stay with that place of victimhood mentality woe is me then you’re never going to really try different things. You’re not going to force yourself to do something new. You’re not going to take a risk because you have allowed this victimization to inundate your brain and to convince yourself that this is it. You know, my mom and my dad were probably was not the greatest example.

So therefore, I’m going to follow their footsteps instead of breaking the cycle of that and really just creating a new version of yourself by not allowing these people to make you feel as though after they abuse and that’s it. They’re just not going to try anymore because you’re going to let them win. Whoever abused you, I’m pretty sure they have already moved on with their life and they have not really thought about what they have done to you. Unfortunately, the people that have been victimized and abused by people that are narcissistic in our lives, we constantly have to try to understand why was this done to me.

But there’s a point in your life that you have to move past that and stop pondering about what people did because eventually you’re just going to waste your time. That’s why I’m always proponent of creating a new version of yourself, trying to build new visions and have goals because without a vision, a man will perish.

#4. “The calmer you are, the clearer you think. Let your decisions come from a place of peace, not from reaction.”

And of course, the next quote that I would like to share is about. Let’s see what I have here. “The calmer you are, the clearer you think. Let your decisions come from a place of peace, not from reaction.” The calmer you are. Of course, when you’re calm, you can think clearly and you can make decisions not from reaction. That’s why there’s a phrase or it’s a moto in life that if you are going to make decisions, make sure you’re not too excited, you’re not emotionally jacked up, you’re not emotionally heightened, and you have to be in a place of homeostasis. Because if you are too happy and you make decisions, then most of the time that is actually not the best decision. If you’re too sad and you’re depressed or you’re too upset, remember when you’re fighting with someone, then you just want to pack your bag and you leave and you’re not thinking clearly and you’re going to regret that that decision.

And when you have calm down, then you’re going to actually say to yourself or ask yourself the question, what did I do? What why did I even do this? So this actually is about developing emotional intelligence that I have produced the last podcast that I did how to develop emotional intelligence. I really think being calm, it takes a lot of practice. It’s about self-awareness. It is about knowing your triggers. You cannot be calm if your nervous system has not been fixed. I really think that a person who has been traumatized for so many years and you have not dealt with that triggers and your nervous system is all over the place. I know because I used to be a person who was easily triggered. I was always reactive. I did not know how to respond. I was very emotionally charged.

And it got to the point where it’s getting so exhausted that you you tell yourself that this is not what I want to become. this is not who I want to become. That every time somebody says something or somebody, you know, pisses me off, I’m just going to be reactive. Overly reactive, it’s like you’re giving out so much of your energy to a point where you wonder to yourself that I’m exhausted. Why am I so exhausted all the time? Because every stimulus that you see or every conversations that you hear or people telling you something, you always overreact. As I said, it takes a lot of self-control and self-disipline and self-awareness. Because if you’re not sure of why you’re being triggered, it’s because you have not taken the time to really understand why are this specific statement that people say that makes me upset. Why do I take it personally? Because remember, it’s not about you, it’s about them. It’s how they project something to you based on their perception about themselves.

So majority of us think that we take it personally and we in we internalize the statement or whatever the person is saying because we we think it’s about us when in fact it’s a reflection of who they are. But the calmer you are and the clearer you become. Then you can say to yourself this is not about me it’s about the other person. When you see people that are mean and they’re cruel and they say something without thinking clearly and you’re pissed off and you’re just going to, you know, try to retaliate and you’re going to say something back at them. Then it’s going to create tension. Instead, you cannot be a fool in in front of a fool.

I have discovered that you cannot really talk to a fool because you become a fool yourself. And if you have been here on my channel many times, you understand me that in order for you to really become the bigger person in the room, there’s a time to just ignore it and be quiet about it and just pretend like they don’t exist. You can shut it down by just not adding fuel to the fire because I think that it’s the mature way of dealing with people that are toxic especially.

#5. “Sometimes it’s as simple as saying I deserve to be happy. So I’m going to make space for what makes me happy.”

And then the the other one is “Sometimes it’s as simple as saying I deserve to be happy. So I’m going to make space for what makes me happy.” This is by Hanti a friend art by Irene Lancor. So it says that you have to just say to yourself that being happy is a space that you create and therefore you’re going to do something that makes you happy. And because happiness as I have done another podcast previous (The pursuit of happiness) days that is in your control. Happiness is a state of mind. It is a choice. Happiness is something that you create something that you do habitually. Small hobbies or either activities that can contribute to your happiness. You cannot wait for people to make you happy. Happiness is within your reach.

However, you cannot depend your happiness on your husband or on your children or when people behave accordingly to what you like because that is not happiness. Happiness is what makes you happy in a day. For instance, if you love to go walk outside in nature and you know see you see birds chirping and it really lights up your mood. Maybe drinking a cup of coffee in the morning or sipping your tea in the afternoon with a slice of cake that you enjoy. Happiness really is something that can invoke an emotion inside your soul that even though it’s a very small activity. It makes you calm or it makes you at peace with yourself.

Perhaps if you’re happy with journaling and sometimes you love to paint or dance or sing and these little activities that can really help you be happy. It’s a blissful moment that sometimes we think is actually insignificant. But when the more and more you do it, it really releases this happy dopamine in our brain. And that’s why the happy endorphins or maybe planting or gardening something that makes you happy. As I said, happiness is something that you cannot buy. Happiness is a a long lasting effect of the small increment actions that you have done in the past that over time it will accumulate and it makes you happy.

#6. “One of the biggest flexes is loving yourself the way you wish they did. Be your own upgrade.”

And the next one is, “One of the biggest flexes is loving yourself the way you wish they did. Be your own upgrade.” at MT_Queening. And this is by Power of positivity. Yes, so we think that we have to wait for people to love us. And she said that the biggest flexes is to love ourselves and be our own upgrade. Because as I said, we cannot allow people to wait for them to make us happy or to love us. As the golden rule says, do unto others if you want others do unto you. And apparently we are waiting for people to love us and to do the first move and to make us happy and to be more considerate of us. When in fact we have to do the action first. I really think that if people can just stop the thinking of I have to wait for this person to do something for me special and then I can just respond. When in fact it’s always talk about if you want people to treat you with kindness you must first of all treat yourself with kindness. If you want people to respect you, first of all, you must respect yourself. If you want people to love you, then first of all, you must learn to love yourself because whatever you project into the world and however you carry into the world, you are going to be a reflection of who you are, regardless of how you feel.

So people are waiting for someone to make them respect themselves. If someone can give it to them. You cannot give from an empty place. As I said, you have to fill up your own vessel. You must be able to fill up your own cup. And then you have something to give out to people. People who are waiting around for other people to fill up their cup. You are just waiting for nothing. It is a wishful thinking. And you’re not taking control of your own life. If you are going to wait for people to make you happy or loved or valuable, you are just going to be wishing and you’re going to be disappointed because guess what? People are not going to do that for you.

So, you must be your own upgrade. According to this quote, you must have your own way of really loving yourself, which I just said the last point that I said happiness is in your control. Upgrading your life is also within your control. Trying to embody the kind of a woman that you want to become. By realizing the things that you tolerate and the things that you do not tolerate. The things that are non-negotiables and the things are negotiables. When we were younger, we don’t realize the things that we are and the standards that we have for ourselves. Later on, the more and more you learn about yourself and the more and more you spend time with yourself, then you can realize that these are my standards.

As I said, do not be afraid to sit down in silence or write about it and really ask yourself the questions, what are my standards? Who am I apart from my friends or apart from my family? Because sometimes we are bombarded with so many influences based on our culture, based on our upbringing, based on the standard of our family. But the moment you remove yourself from those people and you take the time to ask yourself the question without them, “Who am I as a person?, because I removed myself from my family. I realized I’m not like them. I do not have the same mindset as them. I do not have the same principle as them. Some perhaps that contributed to the person that I am today. The way that they have brought me with discipline and work ethic. My grandfather was a man who was a hardworking man and I’ve learned that from him.

But regardless of that, there’s also some of the things that I am different from my family in the way I see things and the way that I perceive things. And that’s some sometimes you can understand that better when you remove yourself from the equation. If you’re always going to hang out with the same people, they flock together. They have the same mindset and you are going to just act and think and be the way that they are. But the moment you remove yourself from this group that you’re so used to, then you are you can finally figure out that actually I am not like them or maybe I have a different kind of opinion when it comes to other situation.

#7. Never forget you are a limited edition. There’s no one like you.”

And then of course it says that another quote that I would like to say is “Never forget you are a limited edition. There’s no one like you.” So do not compare yourself. You are not everybody else. You are uniquely created. You have your own DNA. You have your own fingerprints. We all have different kinds of challenges that God has put us in into this place. We have different kinds of talents that God has innately given us. So you are not like your mom. You are not like your sister or your cousin or your best friend. You are just different from them. You cannot compare your life to their life because the moment you compare yourself to other people’s life or whatever that they have. You’re going to end up being jealous. So stay in your lane, mind your business, and quietly pursue the things that you’d like to pursue in this life.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have inspirations from people. You can take inspirations from people and just take it as a grain of salt. But at the same time, stop comparing yourself by other women. You know, their achievements in life and how they live their life because you’re missing out on the bigger picture, which is the person who’s looking back at you in the mirror.

And this one that says is “Feel free to tell everyone that I’m the monster in your story, but please don’t forget to mention in which chapter you created me.” Oh, this one speaks so much for me, especially to those people who have been through with narcissistic relationship. I really think that when people have been betrayed and they turn into a monster because of betrayal. I had this light bulb moment when I was asking God, what are the common denominator of these five people in my life that I have a hard time relating with? There’s some kind of hesitation. Every time I come in contact with these individuals. There is a hesitation. It is not really genuine with these people. They are not really in touch with themselves. They have disassociated their physical body from their soul. And you know what God revealed to me? Pay close attention. What are these five people that they have something in common? You know what it was? Betrayal.

These five people in my life that I somehow could not pinpoint before of why every time I come in contact with them there’s a hesitation they mean well but they are not fully connected with you in a deeper level. Do you know what I’m talking about when you really deal with a certain individual when they’re off there’s something is off with them but you cannot really point out what it is until God showed me it’s because they have been betrayed. Each one of them they have been betrayed in the past they have been cheated on and they have been you know betrayed and that’s why they became this narcissistic and so God revealed to me that a person did not choose to become a monster or narcissistic over time. They have become that way because of what life had thrown at them. Because of what people have done to them that then the second relationship that they had they become so closed off and they put so high wall that now they turn into this cold monstrous -narcissistic that they they told themselves that no one is going to treat me that way anymore.

So what happens is that they become so uh no uh awkward or aloof from you because I think I might be an empath. I can feel people right away their energy their vibration. I don’t know, maybe it’s my superpower, but I felt as though when a person is truly been betrayed in the past, and they come into the relationship and they’re not completely healed. They’re going to project that pain in you. That’s why for so many people who come into a marriage and they have a relationship from a toxic relationship and they’re going to bring that baggage into the relationship. It is going to manifest. The next person who’s going to be involved with that person who has not yet been healed, you’re going to take the grunt. You’re going to take the brunt. You’re going to take the uh the remnant of the pain of whatever that person have been through because it’s true because as I said it’s not by choice that you become a narcissist or overtime or being a monster. It’s because someone made you that way.

The same thing with me. I was very toxic also before I was dealing with my own emotional turmoil. before I really went back to the triggers and locate why I was very impatient, always angry, and easily triggered. And then I realized it’s because of the people from my past. I was sexually abused. I was mentally, verbally, and psychologically abused. Therefore, I became so toxic. It’s not because it’s by choice. is because what people has done to me that I internally turned into this rage and I had outbursts of anger because it was my body responding saying whatever was done to me was uncalled for. It was unjustly unfair and therefore I just reacted that way. Unfortunately my husband had to take the brunt and you know my child sometimes too when I’m angry but I really have to remind myself that it’s actually not them. It’s not their fault that was done to me.

So I have to really tell myself that it’s unfair that I will be that way to these people because they’re not part of the problem. They were not there when the abuse happened. They did not abuse me. However, it it is actually your automatic response because when you are not dealing with your nervous system and you’re automatically being triggered, it’s because as I said, it’s the remnant. It is what you’ve been doing in the past until you were going to correct that and adjust and how you handle the situation because you will remind yourself that I’m not going to carry this toxicity or this baggage in this relationship because it’s actually it’s not their fault. It is not really they were not there when I was being abused. It was not my husband who abused me. It was this other people in my life before he came along.

But as I said, unfortunately, the people the next person that you’re going to encounter with are the ones who are usually going to take that I don’t know the version of you that is not really whole yet. That’s why it’s important that you have to really take care of your body, your heart, and your soul. That’s why my channel is also about prospering in body, spirit, and soul because you cannot separate your physical body from your soul. And if you’re not healing, you’re either going to destroy things. So if you’re not rebuilding your life. You’re going to destroy either you’re you are going to rebuild your life of what whatever happened to you in the past or you’re going to continue this abusive pattern. And that’s why inner healing is very important. And you cannot really just say, well, I’m just going to wait until the day is going to happen.

So going back to those five people, it’s because they’re not healed. And that is why I feel off with them because they are aloof and they’re awkward because they are running from their pain. They could not be honest with themselves. And I feel as though my spirit can really tell that these people are still hanging on to their bitterness and resentment. And when you know that these people are still not healed because they turn into their addiction. they have either shopaholic substance abuse or some kind of another addiction that they hang on to because instead of dealing with their pain many people that have been betrayed before in the past or have been hurt they will going to run away and try to tell themselves that I’m going to just make sure to forget about this by making myself busy.

As I said for many years I was doing the same thing for 10 years I was very busy. I I didn’t want to look at my pain. I was running from my pain. I was running from my demons. So, I was very busy in school. I was overworking all the time. I would hang out with my friends. I would not want to be alone with my own thoughts because it was very scary. And so, if you really want to be healed, you have to be able to be brave enough to sit down one day and really just let yourself be vulnerable and be raw and be honest with yourself that these things really happened to you. You cannot really heal from a place of running. You cannot be a runner for the rest of your life. There’s a point in your life that you just really have to sit down and look within yourself of what really happened to you and really just cry about it or journal.

As I said, I have done so many exercises in the past. You know, looking yourself in the mirror and saying, “I love you. I’m sorry for tolerating the abuse for so many years.” That too was a very powerful exercise that I did. Journaling, writing myself a letter you know, my younger self saying, I apologize for tolerating the abuse or not defending you. So, there are so many things you can do or going to God and praying about it and really just releasing all your burden. And another thing also was that trying to imagine your head that you were going to release this unforgiveness to this person even if you’re not going to tell that person I’m sorry or I forgive you for whatever you have done. So you can just do this exercises that can release you of that toxic and of that poison that you have been carrying for the rest of your life because it’s actually not killing the other person who have abused you. It’s actually killing you slowly and that’s why you have a lot of stress.

#8. “Silence doesn’t always mean you have nothing to say. It may mean you realize that no matter what you say, it won’t change anything.”

And last but not the least, this is going to be my last quote that says, “Silence doesn’t always mean you have nothing to say. It may mean you realize that no matter what you say, it won’t change anything.” Yes, it’s true. I have also realized that we think that the more and more we talk and we try to convince people to change to be someone that you want them to become or behave. It’s not going to do anything. That is why especially with our husbands or spouses or the people of their life. We cannot influence them by constantly nagging and constantly manipulating. That is why in the Bible it says you have to be silent as a woman and just do the action instead. Somewhere in Peter that says that be chaste and with your behavior hopefully your husband is going to be able to be influenced by your actions and not by speech. Of course, as a woman, we love to nag. We love to talk too much.

But sometimes talking too much and proving our point to our husband is not really going to do the job. Sometimes silence is going to be much better than talking incessantly. And I have been taught with this principle that especially when you’re being triggered or you have disagreement with your husband is a principle that God has been teaching me for so many years saying it’s remain be quiet. Just remain silent.