Episode #32 -A Blueprint for Keeping Your House in Order

Transcript

Hi everyone! Welcome back to another podcast. My name is Glenavelle Manarang. Welcome to Soulish Femme-Real Talk. In today’s episode is titled, “A Blueprint for Keeping Your House in Order.” Don’t you not wish that somebody could just handed you a blueprint of how to create a life of what life is all about? When I say house in order, it’s about priorities in life. So maybe one of these days I’m going to turn it into a PowerPoint presentation. In the meantime, I will just talk it on my podcast. First of all, these are the categories that I have created. House and order from environment, relationships, finances, food and health, education, business, hobbies/activities, style and fashion. These are what you call blueprint for having your life as your priority.

#1. Relationships

Number one, relationships. Relationships involve dealing with challenges by learning to accept people as they are. I know that sometimes our challenges usually originates from the people that we live with, that we married with, our children, our relatives, our friendships. It’s a relationship composed of so many people involved and relationships can be either destructive or constructive, healthy or unhealthy.

Unfortunately, not everybody has a healthy relationship because we are broken people and we have baggages that we carry into our marriages perhaps and sometimes we also encounter narcissistic people in our lives that we have misunderstanding and conflict. Relationships involved open communication which is necessary. Without communicating properly and without being able to talk about what you feel and how you feel, usually it doesn’t build a rapport or relationship that is worthy of keeping. When you cannot communicate with someone openly, which means to say you cannot trust the person because you are not willing to share a part of you.

But if you’re willing to open up yourself, there is actually the other person who’s willing to also open up about themselves. It’s about learning what matters to them. When people are given the space to speak up and to given the voice to share how they feel, I think most people are going to be able to share whatever they’re going through. And then learning to listen to understand is another part of having a healthy relationship. Learning to understand is to be able to empathize with people and to understand about their pain and suffering of their triggers and past wounds. Giving space and time to think for the other person is another way to build a healthy relationship.

When you give them the space, especially when the two of you are not in the good mood or maybe the other person has a bad day at work or maybe you are being triggered and you have some kind of conflict. I think giving them space and time to process what what was said or what was done is allowing the person to reflect and allowing the person to think through of the things that he could have changed or have done better. Another way to build a healthy relationship is observing people and learning to let them be, which is very hard. When you know the pattern of people and you observe them based on their past behavior, based on their triggers, now you have a better understanding of what to avoid and how to say things and how to deal with them in the future because you have observed them.

If every human being is capable of understanding patterns and learning to really observe because you want to understand people maybe we are going to have a better relationship and letting go of people not tolerating disrespect I’m not saying when you let them be is that you allowing or enabling them or allowing them to step on you and be a doormat that is not what I’m suggesting here when I’m saying letting people be is that let them make mistakes. Let them do things that probably you were you are not necessarily are willing to do. There are certain things in our lives that we want people to do what we do.

Maybe like for instance chopping some kind of a legumes or lettuce and we do it a certain way or putting away the dishes. a trivial matter that really sometimes doesn’t mean anything in the future. But somehow we we kind of get sucked into this this is how I do it so this has to be my way and yours is not the right way and we get into this controlling that we get frustrated when people don’t do exactly what we expect them to do and just allowing people to let them be. maybe guiding them and giving them direction perhaps instead of trying to control which is very hard as a mother when you’re trying to teach your child how to clean their room and how to become a better adult someday and you tend to control them.

Of course, children has to be told and has to be guided. But when they become an adult, hopefully they can just instantly do this on their own without me constantly telling them. And of course with healthy relationship comes with a healthy boundary. Without boundaries you are just going to be taken advantage which is the very hardest lesson I have to learn. People are going to think that you are an easily person to be manipulated or you cannot say no when it’s necessary. Boundaries doesn’t mean that you’re going to push people away. But boundaries are learning how to say no and when to say no and knowing your standards without compromising. Healthy boundaries is learning to teach people on how you want to how you want to be treated.

#2. Finance/Money

And of course, let’s talk about finances/money. When it comes to keeping your house in order, keeping a budget if possible, which is majority of people, they don’t know what budgeting is. And I am not a guru on or an expert on money. But when I was living on my own, this was one of the key things that I have learned for me to really live within my means because I was not making a lot of money and I was living paycheck to paycheck. So keeping a budget by knowing the income and your expenses variables and your fixed expenses is crucial so that you know exactly how much money you’re willing to spend and how much money you can cut back on and learning to cook meals and refrain waste.

Another thing about finances and money is that you learn how to improvise the leftover. And one of the things I’ve also learned when I was living on my own because I couldn’t afford to keep eating out at McDonald’s or grabbing Taco Bell or Wendy’s fast food that’s actually not good for your body in the long run. But learning how to cook a big pot of meal and reheating it until it’s gone and it’s over because you realize that food is actually something that you have to enjoy at the same time. You have to honor because if you’re wasteful, you’re just surprised at how many people are actually starving right now and they don’t have enough food and then here you are just wasting them away.

And of course, only buy items that are necessary. When we’re buying an item, sometimes we get so sucked into the want instead of the need. When we buy something, you ask yourself the question, do I really need it or do I want it? Necessary means the basic necessities of life. The basic essentials such as maybe your clothing. These are maybe hygiene part of your miscellaneous item that you need. You cannot live without toilet paper, paper towel, toothpaste, soap, lotions, whatever it is for us women. So necessary buying is not about compulsory buying. You have to really know when to buy it and look for sales and look for an item that you need.

Do you need more clothes in your closet? Do you need more shoes? Do you need more bags? How many clothes and shoes do you possibly need? So, if you keep on purchasing mindlessly because you just want it because you don’t really need it. This is why we splurge on things that we should not splurge in. And then a part of money and finances is be generous and be smart about giving to a charity. You cannot be blindly just giving away your money to a charity for a good cause without searching if that company or if that charity is in fact a person or a company that is usually going to use the money wisely or not take it or maybe rob it from you.

So we cannot just give blindly or support a charity for not knowing exactly the background of that company. First of all, you have to be wise enough and search about the company whether or not the money that you’re giving to is really going to that person or that the people that needs it the most. And being generous also is a spiritual matter. When Jesus said it’s better to give than to receive, not out of compulsion, not out of mandatory, but it’s coming from the heart. When you give something to someone, you don’t have to broadcast it to get applause from people. When you give to someone, your left hand doesn’t have to know what the right hand is doing. It’s supposed to be between you and God.

Is between coming from your heart without expecting back in return. Because if you are going to do something for people and you’re going to expect something in return, that is actually coming from not a genuine giving. It’s something that you’re just performing because you want people to congratulate you or to applause you or whatever it might be. Then when it comes to finances, we have to save if possible. I’m not really a saver. I tried my best. But because of the things that we see in this world, this is why majority of us do not how to save and invest.

We are not taught this in school. 98 percenters according to the book that I’ve just read from uh Dani is that she talks about 98 percenters like most of us we usually are spenders we don’t usually save we don’t invest we don’t think like the twoenters which are the millionaires and the billionaires how they know about money how they invest their money and while they’re sleeping they know exactly how the money is working for them but for us we actually have to work to get the money in return. And when we are going to lose our health and we lose our job, then we are actually coming to a halt. Then our life is going to be on hold because then how else can we possibly live or pay our bills.

But unlike the 2 percenters, they have found a way to make the money work for them while they’re on vacation or while they’re falling asleep because they study about money. They are knowledgeable about finances. they actually read about it and they are good at knowing and finding out the answers to the problems that they have. So we have to really learn that money is an important tool. It’s a exchange of value between services and products. You’re willing to pay me with my services. I’m willing to give you the money that you deserve.

#3. Environment

Then of course your environment or your space is keeping your house in order. A blueprint for life is your environment and the space that you live in matters. It could be decoration, the painting, frames, color, design, whatever kind of color that you prefer. A painting that probably you like to put on your wall that is inviting, that is coming every time you look at it. a piece of frame, maybe a family pictures of you, a portrait of your family on from vacation that reminds you every time that family matter and family’s vacation time when you had a laughter, when you have bad days, it reminds you that your decoration is also either cozy by the time you come home from a long day of work.

Does it bring peace or does it chaotic coziness and inviting less clutter? Organized and tidy as much as you’d like. You learn to how to be organized and remove clutter and learn to remove the things that you no longer need. Give it away perhaps and donate it to someone who really needs it. And then of course add your personality and style when it comes to your environment. Maybe you should add flowers and plants and a collection of books that you prefer enjoyed reading. Maybe you are into gaming.

My family loves to have Uno days and we play cards and also checkers and books that I have collected along the way that I sometimes go back and forth and read them over and over again. Of course, ambiance is part of your environment. I’ve already talked about bringing flowers scented candles that can invoke a beautiful peaceful serenity emotions out of you overall the aesthetic of your environment. A cluttered space is a cluttered mind. So be careful that your environment does not create more stress into your daily life.

#4. Food/Health

And then of course let’s talk about food and health. You are what you eat is what you probably heard this before. It is actually true. Whatever you feed your body, it becomes who you are. If you keep eating junk food, of course, it’s going to show up in your belly, in your buttocks. I know because I love junk food, too. I like eating out. But over time, when you don’t take care of your body really, you’re going to pay for the price. You’re going to be lethargic, less motivated, no more energy, and your fog brain is no good. You cannot concentrate.

However, when you eat good food, it’s actually beneficial to you. you can think better and you have more energy. That’s why listen to your body’s needs. If your body wants for you to just eat nourishing food and move your body, then do it. It doesn’t have to be one hour at the gym or 1 hour stretching. It has just to be five minutes here and there. They all add up. I don’t usually like to have rigorous exercise. It’s never been my forte. I always like to do incrementally. And some days I would incorporate dancing.

Some other days I would like to stretch, yoga, pilateses and other times I would like to do strength training or walk maybe a few minutes outside depending on the weather of course and drink water daily. It’s important that you have to have enough fluids. Eight glasses of water a day is usually what the doctor’s recommendation because our body is composed about 70% of our body is mostly water. And if you think about it, if you don’t drink enough water, then this is why many people have migraines and headaches and they have foggy because they don’t drink enough water.

And when water is not enough, you are going to be dehydrated and you’re not going to be able to think clearly and you’re not going to be able to have a nice skin. I think one of the reasons why people can look older than they really are because they do not drink enough fluids and they don’t have the plumness of their face or their skin and their skin looks like it’s pruned and it’s too much uh wrinkle because it’s dehydrated. So another thing is you have to sleep more and learn to avoid stress.

One of the things that you must do is at least getting at least 8 hours of sleep a day. For me, it’s very bad cuz I usually do not sleep that long. I keep waking up every I don’t know 3 hours maybe because of my son when he was still a baby. I had to wake up every two hours to feed him and also when he had eczema I had to also take care of him when he was scratching all the time. And I think my sleep system or my sleep my body clock has been messed up ever since that I cannot have at least 7 hours straight. I keep on waking up every night. So avoid stress. Maybe taking a nap in the afternoon if necessary if you have the time and read books that are relaxing for you. Listen to soothing music.

#5. Education/Business

And then of course without further ado another thing that I would like to talk about and investing in your growth which are includes education and your business. When when you invest in your growth you’re willing to invest by clearly defining what you want to achieve and establish a timeline with specific milestones.

Consistency is key. So commit to taking action every day towards your goals. I got this from the Canva. Keep track of your progress and hold yourself accountable for completing each step. Stay focused on your why and remind yourself of the benefits of reaching your goals. So let’s say for instance you want to be able to read a book or for your growth for education maybe you have to a lot 15 to 20 minutes of your time in a day in the morning or maybe at night time before you go to sleep for reading that book that you have been wanting. It all it all comes down to your priorities.

People would tell me maybe sometimes they would say, “I have no time to read a book. I’m too busy.” Maybe you should swap reading a book instead of scrolling mindlessly on your cell phone because you’ll be surprised that if you swap it out and just put away your phone somewhere and start reading a book, then maybe you’re much better. And of course, it says that you have to clearly define what you want to achieve. Establish a timeline with specific milestone.

So if you want to achieve something, maybe losing weight is that also that you can probably have a clear vision being consistent. Uh how are you going to do it? Maybe prepare your clothes the night before and putting aside 20 minutes of your time before you go to sleep. Maybe you know in the morning if you’re a morning person, just 15 minutes of stretching. Little things do matter and it it adds up. And then let’s talk about fashion. when it talks to keeping your house in order, your signature style. Create a style that suits you, not the other way around. Do not copy people’s style. Just because it looks good on them, it doesn’t mean it is going to look good on you.

Your clothes are more than just something that you wear. Your clothes are your personality. Your clothes is your branding. Your clothes is your signature style. It It makes you who you are. And of course, when it comes to fashion and style, buy quality brands versus quantity. When I was a lot younger, of course, I was just buying clothes for the sake of buying. However, it actually will cost you more money when you keep buying things that are poorly made and they’re actually going to fade away after 10 washes because you think that quantity is better than quality.

When in fact quality is far valuable than quantity because over time you are going to save more money when you are going to invest on the key pieces of clothing that is going to be able to stand for the test of time. Choose things invest in pieces with timelessness, classiness and elegant styles and do not get sucked into trends. Do not get me wrong there are trends that are stylish. There are trends that are wonderful. However, some trends I would not even bother paying attention to them.

That’s why they call trend. They come and they go. They’re here today and gone tomorrow. But when you invest with timeless, classy, elegant styles, they will going to stand throughout the test of time. They will not change. It is always the same you know uh whatever 70s 80s 90s they will always going to be impeccable no matter the generation no matter the changes of the culture might be less is always more. Do not be extravagantly flamboyant and be careful of choosing too many colors that you look like a rainbow when you’re walking outside.

And when you say about less is more with makeup with your the way you put your makeup on, your clothing style, you learn how to really just mix and match the key elements of your style. As I said, you got to learn how to do it as a woman, your body type, what best what are the colors that are best suited for you, what are the kind of clothing that is suitable for your body type because everybody has a different kinds of body. Give anything you are no longer wearing.

As I said, you have to be able to understand that clutter, too much clothing in your closet, sometimes it gives you confusion of what to wear and you end up saying to yourself, I have nothing to wear. When in fact, you do have something to wear. You just don’t know how to curate them. You have to be able to curate your wardrobe according to your personality, your lifestyle, and whatever suits you. And dress according to your color palette and your body type. I already talked about this, but I just want to emphasize the importance of learning your color that suits your body, your skin tone, and your body type.

You cannot just copy everybody’s style just because they look good on the model or they look good on a mannequin and when you try it on, it doesn’t look good on you. I know this because my mother, I do love her effort for giving me certain clothing. She loves to give me clothes. However, there are things that my mother gives me. There are piece of clothing and styles and colors that doesn’t fit me. They’re either too big or the style it doesn’t suit me or the color is off. So, you have to be able to understand your own desire of what looks good on you.

When you can dress your body, the body is actually just I mean if you can dress yourself with a clothing that you really good look good in, it doesn’t matter if it’s not that expensive, you feel much better about yourself. You feel confident because if you’re just going to dress because people dressing you up and they don’t know exactly what you want and what you are about, then you’re just going to say, “This actually feels off. It doesn’t look like who I am. This is not my personality.” And this is why I love um what’s his name? Ilisab and Ralph Lauren, some of the you know wonderful designer because they know how to dress a woman’s body.

They know exactly what looks good for a woman especially I’m petite and at the same time I’m also voluptuous. I have uh broad shoulders and I have also a broad hips but my waist is cinched and so that’s exactly why sometimes it’s very hard to dress yourself but if you know exactly how to work the dress make the work how you can make the dress work for you instead of the other way around you’re going to feel much better about yourself and then of course this is my last point keeping your house in order includes your hobbies slash activities so ask yourself the question what are the hobbies that help you and ignite you.

#6. Hobbies

So, what does hobbies activities consist of? It consists of reading a book. If you like reading a book, this is probably one of the hobbies you should do every time. I used to be an avid reader. Now because of schedule distractions, I sometimes find myself having a hard time reading a book. But they’re actually good for you to help you expand your vocabulary. It helps you become wiser and also it stimulates your brain. When you read a lot, you actually learn a lot. Incorporate dancing into your routine. If you like dancing, I love dancing. Movement to the rhythm of music. It ignites something inside of you.

It invokes a feminine aura energy. If you are not into dancing, maybe you should start one. You don’t even have to have the grace of a ballerina. You don’t even have to know the steps. You’re just moving your body and listening to the rhythm of the music. I dance in my kitchen. I dance in my bedroom. I dance in my living room if I have to dance because sometimes when you’re too stressed out, you’re carrying so much baggage on your shoulders. Especially for women, we carry a lot of stress. And dancing helps to loosen you up. And then walk in nature.

One of the activities perhaps that that can calm your nerves down. It can make you a mellow person. Maybe enjoying working at the park. When I am upset, when I am triggered, sometimes when there is going on in my place, I usually go to the park. I just sit there and watch the children play or gaze at this mountain top in front of me or listen to the birds chirping. You’ll be surprised what nature can shift your mood and it can actually change the way you feel in that moment. And then when it comes to activities and hobbies, tap into your childlike spirit.

Maybe you should start coloring. I have coloring book that I purchased many years ago that I still love to this day. I would color paint. I would brush. And I would just sometimes if you’re into drawing or sculpture or whatever it is that is going to help you ignite your childlike spirit. I think we have lose the idea that once we become an adult then we should just forsake being a child. That’s why Jesus said you must be a childlike spirit. And C.S. Lewis even said it further. God wants us to become to have a mind like a mind spirit which is be mature but then he wants us to keep our childlike spirit playful curious and they are always inventive.

There’s no dull moment when you children because when I was a kid I remembered I would go outside and play with the mud and I would actually play with worms I know it’s disgusting or I would just gaze face at this tree, there’s a caterpillar walking and I’m just observing how the caterpillar uh the cocoon and one of the days I would just go back and see if the cocoon has been broken and turned into a butterfly. That’s why childlike spirit is something that you explore. You don’t stop creating. You don’t stop inventing. You don’t stop tapping into the spirit of a childlike spirit is about being really exploration.

It’s all about exploring about the world around you, being curious about how the world works. And then journaling is one of the things that I also enjoy doing is therapeutic. When I free write my thoughts down, it releases every tension that I’ve been carrying. Maybe I have to assess what happened the day before or what made me feel that way or why was I triggered or maybe I can learn from the mistakes that I have written down. So, journaling is something that is only for you, for your eyes only. Hopefully, it’s something to do with emotional regulation. You can dump and free write whatever you want to feel like writing it down because it releases your tension. It gives you more clarity of how you’re feeling that day. And singing your heart out.

Another way for you to keep your house in order is singing your heart out. When I’m also sad and depressed and stressed or happy, I usually express it through singing. When words are not enough, when there’s no way for you to say how you feel, sometimes music has its way of translating how you feel through singing a song or singing a music. God usually gives me a music in every season and that’s why I just keep on listening to the same music over and over again.

#7. Activity

And last but not the least of course is pray your troubles away is another thing that you can incorporate to your activities that is going to help you become a better version of yourself. Keep the faith and prayer is one of the tools that I have been able to keep my house in order. Without prayer without God’s connection I probably would not be here today. And that’s why important you’re vertically aligned with your creator and you just have to trust him and let go of your worries by letting him take care of it and relying upon him by his wisdom and direction.

And you’ll be surprised that when you pray your problem is not going to go away. Sometimes it’s becomes lighter. The burden is bearable. And prayer is a gateway to heaven. It is a communication between us and God that he will tell you that you are not alone. I’m here listening to you. It is like antenna to the cable. Without the antenna, well, I don’t know if people are still using antenna today, but without plugging your TV to the outlet, you are not going to be connected and you cannot see anything on the television set. The same thing with God. When we’re not praying, we’re not connected to the creator. When we’re not actually having a communication with him, then we’re not really connected to our maker.